Stenlake the Monkey Boy just sent me a text to inform me that Poker Stars is having a $370 World Series of Poker Main Event satellite tournament on the 20th of June, 2010. Is he new or something? Poker Stars probably has ten satellites to the main event every day. Actually let me hold on a second before ridiculing him. I’ll go check out the Poker Stars website and see what’s really going on. Hold on one second.
Well it turns out that Sean is kind of correct in a sense. June 20th is in fact the LAST day to qualify for the Main Event via satellite and for the $370 dollars you can in fact directly buy in to the last Mega Satellite Tournament. There are 200 packages to the Main Even guaranteed but in all likelyhood there will be many more seats then that actually won. Its a pretty cool package too and includes spending cash, accomodations at the Palms Resort and Casino where I stayed with Briar on our wedding night, and more, including huge bonuses for anyone who qualifies through Poker Stars that actually wins the tournament, as well as your choice of prostitutes to enjoy during your stay, tickets to see Wayne Newton perform live in Henderson, Nevada, and a complimentary Poker Stars hat and bumper sticker. All in all, a compelling adventure for sure.
Forget for a moment that our chances of being in the top 200 of that tournament are Slim to None. It would be great to win. Forget also for a moment that I don’t have a Poker Stars account anymore, in fact, I play on Poker Stars using a fraudulent account with Sean Stenlakes name. You see, when I first started learning how to play poker a few years back I went a little bit cookoo and sort of wrote about ten electronic checks that sort of bounced. Ever since then I’ve had trouble getting Poker Stars to see my side of the story. Being a degenerate, tilted out of my mind, donkey boy poker player at the time is not an excuse they want to hear.
Sean Stenlake, you’re a good kid. Thanks for the heads up on that tournament. I truly wish I could play in it. Alas, I cannot. So I will continue rafting down the meat river alone forever.