So fans of Mandich, I’m here to tell you a little story about a girl that I know. Her name is April. I like her. She’s nice. I call her Apewull. Cuz I am a demented kid living in the sixth grade in my head and stuff. So April is my new girlfriend which is pretty amazing so far to be honest. She’s really pretty. And although she gives off this tough mystique, really she’s a big softy. Secretly I know she has a crush on me. Someday I hope to make it to first base with this girl. Kissing her on the lips….wow that would be my dream come true. She doesn’t smoke yucky cigarettes and she always smells fresh and clean. Plus it doesn’t hurt that she has something in common with the Urban Legend, Me. Yeah…she was born on the most sacred of all days apart from the little lad Jesus’ birthday. What day is that you may sycophants may be asking? Well I know Kitty Lee knows. Its July 27th. Yeah….me and April were born on the same fucking day can you imagine that? Although….she was born exactly 11 years after me which is pretty tantalizingly rad actually. Its kinda bad ass really.
No but really I am really stoked at the moment. I sorta been chasing this girl since the beginning of the year sorta thing. It seems pretty big time in a way. We even changed our Facebook statuses from Single to Its Complicated to In a Relationship. I have actually never done anything like that except one time when I was so pissed off at my ex wife and I said I was widowed. That certainly caused some controversy let me tell you.
So I’m typing this right now and realizing that I can’t even remember the last time I posted anything on this amazing website of mine. So much shit has been going on in my life it’s actually ridiculous. For instance…I got my Facebook account disabled for two days due to misconduct. It all started back on my birthday when on a dare, I made my profile pic an actual pic of me in my birthday suit hhahahahahahahaha with my junk hanging out in all its glory and everything. That was so rad. I left it posted as my profile pic for two hours from 11pm to 1am. Then I took it down. Well apparently I didn’t exactly clear all the evidence of my transgression from my profile because the pic was still easily viewable in my wall photos. This was inadvertent on my part of course yeah right. About a month later I got sort of a strange email from Facebook informing me that some objectionable images had been removed and to consider myself warned.
***Word To The People With Brains***do not gamble at San Manuel Casino unless you are playing poker. They are fucking the worst casino in all the land. Lowest payouts, biggest ripoffs, piece of shit service just a bunch of assholes. Well after one particularly heinous night, it was bad timing when driving home, to hear my cell phone alert me that I had gotten a notification from Facebook.
I illegally (while driving about 86 mph) checked the email on my Palm Pixie piece of shit tiny ass phone. Again, I was already pissed off as fuck. To my horror it was an email via Facebook from San Manuel Casino inviting me to be part of their 5,000 “Friends”. I read the email with rising anger especially since it was really all dedicated to gay bingo. As soon as I got home, I sadistically accepted the friend request and proceeded to write the most profane and utterly terrible comment on the same wall where cherubic grandmother and grandfather types were waxing eloquently about the pork stuffed rib loin they ate in San Manuel’s lovely fucking Bingo Hall.
I guess in retrospect it was a mistake. Ummmmm just a little. I wrote the truth that they were horrible decrepit frauds, that their casino was a piece of shit set in the shittiest land in San Bernardino and that they could as a whole by and large fuck off.
I don’t think it went over all that well. Two hours later, when I awoke out of my tension filled delirium caused by the ravaging I had taken at the hands of that shitstorm casino the night before, and tried to comment on my friends wall, Facebook refused to refresh itself. I tried turning off Firefox and relogging back in. That’s when I was hit with “Your Account Has Been Permanently Disabled By Facebook Nazi Party for Misconduct”. I couldn’t access anything. They gave me no further information nothing. It was so fucked.
San Manuel was ruining my entire life now. Not content to rob me of what little financial paltriness I had managed to scrape together, now they were trying to cut me off from my friends, family and art career network. I was fucking so bummed. Seriously. I wrote Facebook a letter saying what the fuck and out of the blue two days later they reactivated my account and sent me an email saying “sorry for the inconvenience”. I swear to God.
Weird shit. Well that’s all the time I have for you today so I’ll continue this neverending psychobabble next time. But remind me to tell you about Kizzy and the Woodchux, Pechanga Pala, Landon’s new house and Ian McCall’s fight in Hawaii.
Oh yea thanks for all the responses to the article I posted about Billy Wedgeworth’s suicide. I was blown away by the number of hits and comments and stuff.