I Gave All My Money To A Nigerian Email Scam


**PLEASE NOTE:  EVERYTHING BEFORE THE PICTURE IS THE LETTER I RECEIVED IN AN EMAIL, YOU’VE SEEN A HUNDRED VARIATIONS OF IT I’M SURE.  EVERYTHING AFTER THE PICTURE IS MY RESPONSE**

 

ÅΠζμΩηŸ

 

Good Day,

I am DR.HASSAN DAVID, A Staff of BOA Bank in Burkina Faso West Africa. If it may interest you, I have a Business transaction, and I want you to please indicate your interest to receive the transfer of US$11.6 Million Dollars).

Compliments of the day with your entire family, It’s just my urgent need for foreign partner that made me to contact you for this transaction for assistance. I am a banker by profession in west Africa and currently holding the post of Director Auditing and Accounting unit of the bank.

I have the opportunity of transferring the left over funds ($11.6 million) of one of our bank clients who died in crash since seven years ago and none of his family member or relation has come for the claim, and now the bank is planning how to confiscate the fund since no one has come for the claim. Please I need your honest and humanity to execute this transaction under your kind control for the benefit of our both families.

Hence, I am inviting you for the deal I will offer you 40% of the amount mentioned above and if you are sure you are capable to handle this transaction and you are ready to assist me to execute this business, further details of the transfer will be forwarded to you as soon as i receive your return mail,have a great day..

PERCENTAGE RATIO: Note that 40% being ( $4,000,000.00 ) will be your share in respect of your assistance and account provide for the transfer, 50% ( $5,000,000.00 ) will be my share being the pioneer of the business while the rest 10% ( $1,000,000.00 ) will be used for expenses and to install a joint company in your country which will bear our names in particular and whatever profit made out from this company will be used in helping the less privileges, motherless babies home and charity organization in the world.

If you are willing to do the transaction with me, get back to me with the following below:

1. PERSONAL MOBILE NO…………….
2. YOUR OCCUPATION……………….
3. YOUR PRIVATE EMAIL ADDRESS……..
4. YOUR AGE……………………..
5. YOUR FULL NAMES……………….

Contact me for more details if you are interested, so we can proceed. We have only a week to execute the transfer as soon as you reply and show your interest.  For more clarification reply me back and please note that the claims is 100% risk free..

Thanks for your co-operation,

DR.HASSAN DAVID.
00226 75 37 24 35.

This shirt is lying cuz Anthony Mandich ain't that stupid.

Greetings and mutterings to you Dr. Hassan David,

Compliments of the day to you fellow foreign partner from West Africa.  Be it known that beaming with pleasure describes my flatulence upon receiving your hearty letter with 100% risk free promise of losing the equivalent of one golden calf for the dire emergency that benefits the family of your martial relations of the canine variety.  Happenstance and circumstance have collided my nebulous, chubby and curiously handsome pal! Of course you are  stupider then the soil encrusted in your mother’s teeth.

Assistance of what you require is fortunately the most urgent scandal of the day, blessings to your bountiful God, the God of fecal holiness.  As we don’t matter of factly share the same divine spirit of extreme wind which bellows from the backside, it is contagious to think that we may perhaps be strange bovine bedfellows come what may, may i come upon your smiling Nigerian face with the horses penis which is shared between your dessicated ancestors and spread through the current population of the bank in which you claim to work with such fierce falsehoods that one can only conclude the i.q. level of such a pragmatic prognosticator such as your esteemed self, sweaty and cognizant of offal that you are, is incredibly low.  Perhaps we may meet to break bread and wind and continue the farcical fairytale only your finest idiot savant would ever take seriously in fact.

If you share in the extreme ridicule that is being sent your way via my scantily covered American posterior which will be delivered via first class sewage from my family to your den of jackals please accept this token of my undying gratitude for not being as idiotic as you.

I congratulate you with your  extremely dastardly yet incredibly asisine plot to defraud the sinister yet frugal bank in which you claim to have provenance.  Such is a baffling claim!  A shame!  One that we cannot name! As your countenance is too great a burden in its joyful rapture of incredibly donkeyesque serenity it fills me with the emotion of contempt to consider you still alive if you happen to be in such a state by Wednesday of next week.

As they say in the land beside the West Nile, “Anything that benefits a humble creature who chews the dung of the vultures who chew the dung of the jackal should always be eradicated so that pest has neither the means or the ways, to graduate to “pestilence.””

That being said it appears that either you have contracted testicular cancer  or else you have a pair of the biggest balls I’ve ever seen especially in conjunction with the earthworm otherwise known as your penis or in laymans terms the Dirctor of Auditing and Annointing of Male Scrotums for tongue dirty pleasure. Thank you so muchly efficiently the opposite of this in terms of gratitude for weak kneed child like incandescence.  It is my hope that this reply to your generous offer of nothing tangible cloaked with the stupidest letter ever written finds you happy as the worms which inhabit a donkeys anus and your mothers eyes when they learn that enough shit exists for them to eat another day in such a happily parasitic way.

May God Bless you with a broken neck and may the future of your beautiful family be erased from the tree of man as a pleasurable (for everyone but you of course) down payment on the immense karmic bill you accumulated in your slack jawed rat like existence!

I’m hoping we can continue this wise exchange of networking virus laden jibber jabber at a time and place that  I’m miraculously doing my best to never have to honor.  If this is of interest to you in your quest to be a bottom feeding catfish scum, I applaud you and wish only to expedite your journey to the inner reaches of the earth, my majestic fiend, to that fabled land of legend, I refer positively to the dung laden room reserved for you and your ball gazing family in a little plantation known as hell.

Thanks Again!

A friend and Companion (never for you)

7 thoughts on “I Gave All My Money To A Nigerian Email Scam

    1. Wow even though your email address points very strongly to you being some sort of spam bot, the content of your message actually makes a hell of a lot of sense. I’m intrigued to be sure. Are you a real person?

      Like

      1. Yes I am a real Person, Man sandwich. We know each other. I just Play a spam-bot on the Interwebs cause I’m somewhat of a sophisticated smart-ass of many hats, but not an ass-hat. This mysterious guest that I represent under public anonymity can be identified through its synonym-ity.

        Like

If you have something to say please comment...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s