i know you don’t want to believe this but i‘m not suffering in the slightest
it’s easy to write me off as drug addled
and to send me your dramatic texts about not sleeping for a week because you are so worried about me. and fair enough, i suppose i deserve that but regardless, i am not the same person. i am different. and different for the better by far. i’m on the road to a better place 100% for sure.
an open mind, a friendly attitude, the knowledge that i can persevere under impossible circumstances, somehow hold on, and in the end come out alive and fully intact mentally and physically
….these are nothing but states of mind. but thoughts control your world. period. yes i think i am different then everyone else and yes i think i am special and that i am destined to make a direct, positive impact on the world
by doing something amazing and unique to me. sounds stupid. whatever. i realize fully that every single person in n.a. and a.a. would scoff 100% at that statement. in fact, my guess is that the more militant n.a. nazi types would be using profanity laced, high decibel, somewhat frenzied speech to make it clear just how pathetic, self-deluded, idiotic, and dishonest i am to even have the nerve to pretend to be different in any way.
narcissistic maybe. different? never.
and they will eat this next sentence up like a wino eats trash.
ha ha ha. i can hear the “oh my fucking god”s and “this pathetic prick”s
and the “who does this fucking creep think he is charlotte?”s now. i’ve read material on quite a few crystal meth abuse oriented websites and it’s like a pattern. on the blog portion where people write in to share their experience, strength and hope in the form of letters, it never fails. as soon as a person writes in and freely admits to still using meth and tries to say anything whatsoever other then “i am a hopeless, hell bound addict
, please help me before i destroy everything i come in contact with”, the bloodthirsty, incredibly hypocritical, judgmental, bible & big book thumping, cliché laden zealots jump all over him/her like a pack of wolves.
it’s terrifying actually. lol. i remember this one letter this guy wrote and he admitted using meth almost daily for two years. he wrote an incredible, cogent and well reasoned thesis basically, on his experience with crystal. to be fair, he definitely did not advocate drug use, admitted freely that it ruins many lives and in general did not write even one sentence that could have been perceived as inflammatory, boastful, or slightly mocking the community he was addressing; namely recovering addicts and maybe the codependent types from their immediate family/friends.
now charlotte, you know i am a decent writer and i’m telling you like it is. it was a good, solid 2-3 page document, written with a humble approach
. he simply explained his personal views and his actual journey. this guy got massacred. he was ridiculed to the point that it was stupid. they just refused to read anything he had written once they saw the part about still using. once that was out there, nothing, and i mean absolutely nothing he had to say had any credibility in the judgmental eyes of the people who responded to him with hatred and scorn.
it turned me off to the idea of organized treatment in a similar way that i am turned off by the idea of organized religion. any approach that has “one size fits ALL” and refuses to give credence to individuality makes me want to vomit. i have no idea why but this bible verse from the book of romans “professing to be wise they became fools” comes to mind.. but of course you know me and i’m a bit of a scoffer in general. so when i saw the way that they picked this guy apart, i was over it before i even finished reading the first barb filled response.
the guy was basically asking for advice and said that he gets benefits from using and that thus far in his life, the benefits (delusional or not) that he still receives, compensate for, and, in fact, still overshadow whatever negative consequences he has had to face. and like i said, i read his letter in detail a couple times, and what he was saying, i could totally see as being truthful and realistic
. he actually asked what the others thought, if they could give him some direction, asked if he needs to quit or at least slow his roll, asked if he was an addict (he didn’t believe that he was—fully, anyhow) etc. basically a guy wanting to tell his side of the story. clearly he wasn’t at the point where he could totally relate with addicts who had hit the bottom and were totally fucking out of control.
he wasn’t out robbing, cheating and manipulating everyone and everything to stay high
. that’s not to say he wouldn’t end up there nor was he claiming a miracle approach to using that allowed him to be different then everyone else, special or unique. he made sense though, you know what i mean? that’s what really got them all so fucking pissed because he did give some guidelines that he used for staying one step ahead of the drug
overtaking his life. things like drinking water, not using everyday, going to sleep everyday, staying in his social scene, family scene, being employed, exercising, having varied interests and activities, eating plenty of healthy food, taking care of his teeth and hygiene, stuff like that. and he was asking for some more similar guidelines and just the point of view of some people who knew better etc. well, his point of view did not sit well with anybody. they tore him a new asshole
and quickly dismissed him as an untrustworthy, pathological liar, and a deluded addict who was out of step with reality and doomed. not one positive word, no encouragement, no welcoming explanations on why his approach, though sincere, was still misguided….nothing. the guy probably went out and hung himself after reading the barrage of personal attack laden hate mail that he received in the way of responses.
this from a bunch of addicts who obviously had forgotten what its like to be one themselves
. he admitted he was still using you see and he gave common sense principles that worked to delay him reaching that level of hopeless addict and he was ridiculed hugely for doing that.? speaking for myself i was pissed off because of how damaging i think their attitudes would be to someone who was wavering. not that i was wavering ha ha ha fuck that shit but IF i would have been and i saw that i wouldn’t be wavering EVER and i know a lot of kids feel the same way. its like if you don’t conform to their dogma that your life is so hopeless and unmanageable that you can’t live without “keep coming back it works if you work it” then you should be cast out and ridiculed. a big reason people use drugs in the first place is that whole rebellious, anti authority thing, not wanting to be a square and all that. reacting like the guy was satan made me feel even more rebellious. i was like “if this is what you get when you get clean then i wanna stay dirty baby”.
exclusion because you are different………. how is that approach pragmatic
? the only reason they attacked is because of the fatal mistake the guy made when writing his letter. he gave an ALTERNATIVE option that didn’t revolve around the principles of narcotics anonymous and EVEN worse didn’t force a person to abstain completely if they chose not to. and that’s what i hate about twelve step programs in general. again, you know me, and the whole “it’s my way or the highway” doesn’t sit well with me and in fact makes me do the opposite most of the time. i’m not the only one. believe me i know that they reacted so strongly because they didn’t want anyone who had already decided that their shitty lives had become unmanageable
to change that decision because of this dude’s words and come to the conclusion that maybe they could
possibly go back to using and control it
. delusional thinking for sure and not a good idea by any means. however, the bully tactics employed by those who responded to this guy did way more harm then good. you could tell they felt super threatened by this seemingly harmless guy and his calm and reasonable approach to the situation.
i truly hope you never take the zealots approach to your treatment and recovery. far better to be flexible in every area of your life and use the knowledge you have gained in rehab and in meetings etc to form a living, breathing, powerful, and INCLUSIVE set of guidelines for sustained recovery from addiction. to give you a perfect example i’ll just say this, the responses i read all reminded me of my hypocritical brother, a guy who gets fucking wasted, pisses on peoples couches, does shit loads of cocaine
and then deigns to give me advice on me and my fucked up life to a point where you just want to vomit at the hypocrisy. enough said.
hysteria in any form
either from an addict or the cured set, is ugly and scary. please don’t harden yourself ever, to the realities faced by people who are out in the world with nobody to share their lives with, unhappily existing in a vacuum without an iota of faith that their life has a chance of becoming fulfilled and happy. sure that fucking marine drill sergeant approach may bring some hardcore addicts in for treatment. long term though, intolerant ranting type name calling and angry tirades will push away the people who really probably have the best chances of success. i’m referring to people who are considered as “functioning addicts”. lol, i’m too much of a coward
to send my letter into the website so i am addressing my complaints with your community in a more personal way, one on one with my ex wife lol..you should make it your mission to come up with some groundbreaking way of solving my issues. that would be awesome and it would help a lot of people because i’m positive that many people out in the world would agree with my point of view number one and number two belong to that “functioning addict” group, and still possess enough individuality and strength to veto any treatment option that is going to talk down to or ridicule them.
only fucked up, rogue, third world piece of shit
, hellhole countries with despotic tyrannic leaders rule their people by eliminating the brave souls who dare to voice a contrary opinion. ever hear of the khmer rouge? google it. charlotte you need to bring n.a. out of the dark ages, they are using methods of governing their people that are also used in iran, china, north korea, haiti, africa, i think you are amazing enough to actually pull n.a. out of the twentieth century and into the modern world. anyway i remain yours,