me and a girlfriend just got home from a night in temecula, calfiornia. it was a pretty good night considering that i started today off with $1.74 in assorted change. i wasn’t really expecting to come across any substantial sums of money being that it was sunday and i was fucking beat to shit. when i left saturday night i distinctly remember leaving 7 $1 dollar bills in my room along with the aforementioned $1.74. however when i arrived home from saturday night (on sunday morning), the dastardly greenbacks were no place to be found. out of smokes…out of hope? never! things do have a way of working out even for a silly kid like me.
i have (actually had) this supposedly antique copper gunpowder horn that i salvaged from the pile of trash located on the grounds of so cal sandbags that used to be the essence of a man named james morris’ existence. the whole james morris story is not going to be told here and now. i just don’t have the time to get into that fascinating bit o’ folklore. its a tale for another day. for now suffice to say that my dear friend stephanie kelly was in charge of sorting through a huge pile of trash/valuables that was covered by a plastic tarp located next to a metal container which was adjacent to the welding station at so cal sandbags corona headquarters. for several days a few weeks back i helped her sort through this moutain of rat shit infested, rain soaked treasure. one of the items that i retrieved and which she graciously allowed me to keep was this gunpowder horn i’m talking about.
anyhow, long story short, after a bit of investigation on the internet for prices of comparable items, i listed the thing on craiglist for $78. a couple weeks after listing it i received a call from an asian fellow with an american accent named gary karaga who expressed interest in purchasing the item but only for $50. i hemmed and hawed but eventually agreed. my reason for agreeing was manyfold. first of all nobody else had even made an inquiry into the thing since i listed it. second of all i am in dire straights financially with a forced move immnient (on may 1st, 2011). third of all i have no place to move to and too much stuff to take to “no place” as it is; therefore now is not the time to be getting sentimental about junk.
i guess my long story short promise isn’t coming true but fuck that anyways. its my computer and my brain and nobody is forcing anyone to read this shit so leave me be. i can type as much as i want.
gary and i initially agreed to meet at the shell station on second and hamner in norco on monday morning at 10 a.m. (as in five and one half hours from right now). i was neither pleased nor displeased by the arrangement. in truth i didn’t really care much. during the week i have a plethora of legal ways to obtain money for my hedonistic pleasures so the promise of 50 measly bucks on a monday didn’t exactly get my juices flowing, or my pecker hard or anything like that. still though, it was a solid and sure thing in my opinion. gary didn’t seem like the type to flake and broke dirtbags can’t be choosers so i didn’t hate the whole idea either.
still though, it was sunday and i didn’t have any smokes, let alone intoxicants of any nature such as chocolate donuts and chocolate milk one of my survival staples. i was thinking to myself how nice it would have been to find that $7 missing dollars actually. that would have been just what the doctor ordered to cure my cravings for ciggies, donuts and artificially flavored milk. i wasn’t even thinking about the $50 from gary karaga as it was not a deal that was even on the radar for sunday. he had explicitly stated monday and that was that. in fact at the time we made the arrangement, on saturday, when he asked me if i would be willing to take $50 for it i had already tried the “one time only offer good for tonight agreement tactic”. if that makes no sense and it shouldn’t unless your name is rene prospero aka stickdog let me quickly break that down in english. he asked about the 50 bucks and would i accept it. this was on saturday. i said yes. but only if he picked it up tonight (saturday). i tried to play hardball but totally half assed. in fact i caved immediately when he said he couldn’t do it until monday but that he would for sure pick it up on monday if i was willing to accept the $50.
which of course i was. i mean fuck me running people, i need cash in a bad way. the reason behind me explaining this is so you can see what a pleasant and lovely shock it was when on sunday at 9 am or so, i got another call from gary telling me that he was going to be passing by norco in 15 minutes and he wanted to pick up the gunpowder horn now if that was okay with me. halleluiah! thank you God for that one. i was pretty excited about the fact that i was about to get some smokes and whatnot and of course it was okay with me. in anticipation i grabbed one of the $2 off a pack of smokes coupons sean stenlake my fine feathered friend had given to me upon his receipt of same from camel. it was natural that he handed them over to me seeing that he doesn’t pollute his temple with things like tobacco. i hadn’t used any of them yet but it seemed like a perfect time. you see i realized that $50 was just barely enough to make my sunday into an alright day with the possibilities for even more depending on whether fortune was smiling on me.
i was tired but i had a ritalyn i got from someplace a while back. that was one issue handled. i had enough gas to get where i needed to go providing that i was wise with the small amount of money that i would have at my disposal. i’m sure you can see where this is all leading since the first sentence of this story has me arriving at home at 4:04 a.m. on monday morning from temecula after having a good night. anybody that knows anything about me knows that temecula is home to pechanga casino and that i was planning on getting some cheap smokes, some cheap food, no gas and making my way to the good old casino to see if i could turn $50 (minus expenses) into something tangible, something you can sink your teeth into.
i’m getting ahead of myself really. first i had to get my head out of la la land and into the drivers seat of my large automobile, powderhorn in hand, to go meet the buyer mr. karaga, and collect the cash. a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush right? and i needed that fucking bird in my hands asap. i cruised down to shell where gary and his pretty companion were already parked up in their clean, black, mini cooper waiting for me. i pulled up next to his car, handed him the goods, exchanged pleasantries, collected the cash, shook hands and bid him adieu. my next step after ascertaining that shell would not accept manufacturers coupons for cigarettes was to cross hamner to the freeway side and march into 7-11 where the very pleasant clerk (cindy?) got me my smokes took my $2.93 and wished me well.
so far so good. i stopped by the now legendary jack in the box by my house. some of you may be familiar with this jack in the box as i have already described certain events relating to this eatery in detail not long ago. i grabbed something called a cheeseburger deluxe which cost me less then $2 and which i actually paid for with that change (the $1.74 that wasn’t missing like the still unfound $7 from saturday). what a delightful and tasty little sandwich that was by the way. a bargain at $1.49 plus tax (at participating locations) to be sure!
jesus i just glanced at the time and realized i’ve been writing this for an hour and that my neck is starting to ache so i’m not going to get into the details of my evening at pechanga except to say that i was accompanied by a pretty girl who i had only hours earlier savagely made love to. we had an excellent evening, night, and early morning. i won over $200 in cash from the crafty folk at pechanga and managed to escape with it all and also managed to make it back home safely which is where i find myself now. all in all a good day, a blessing from God in all asspects and then to top it all off, i received an email from stickdog, otherwise known as rene prospero which i’ll quote and end this story with. it kind of filled out my day and made me feel like i was on the right track in this journey otherwise known as life. so here you go, share his words with me and i’ll talk to you guys later on okay:
tony u r the man…your art is the only art i get…i have loved it since day one…i ceartinly hope u can sell some so u can afford to continue..i wish i had held on to any of the shit from heathers garage…at least i have the angels jersey that u did, that is the only piece i have…i am truly your biggest fan because all other “art” i see pales in comparason… i need to obtain some pieces!!!your website/blog is sick also i think people are biggining to understand your witty humor that i ve loved for so long…u fuckin rip man!!! rene