Just kidding. I’m watching the ESPN’s coverage of the World Series of Poker Main Event on youtube.com right now and that’s what the first comment on the video says. He’s talking about the fact that Norman Chad, the clown prince of poker announcers, is no longer working the telecast. If you watch the poker on ESPN, you will know who I’m talking about. He’s the dude that makes all the jokes and talks about his ex wives and other miscellaneous jibber jabber constantly. Personally I love Norman Chad. He’s a fucking crack up. He always gives Phil Hellmuth shit, he’s a total smart ass. But whatever…who cares right.To be honest, if you are reading this post, its a good bet that you are at your office job, bored off your ass, maybe thinking about checking out a couple pics of hot naked chicks and sneaking off to the Men’s Lavatory. In order to get the proper stimulation, its necessary for you to go to google.com of course and type in one of a million familiar phrases such as “hot ass”, “sexy blond bimbo”, “busty milkers”, “nasty catholic school tramps”, “tits and ass”, “suck it”….something along those lines. Any combination of many of those words could quite possible lead you to my blog. Especially if you do your searches in “safe mode”. I think I’ve gotten somewhere in the neighborhood of 3,000 hits from “hottest ass”, in safe mode on google. I haven’t checked in a while but the last time I did that exact same search, this site was the eighth link shown. You click on the link and its one of my posts, “Fuck This, Fuck That”, and it has an amazing photo of two incredible girls in Catholic School Uniforms. The blond one, on top, has the sexiest, most edible looking ass, I’ve ever actually seen.I would marry the girl on top, just from this pic. Is that sick or what? I really don’t mind how you got here. It would be nice if you came back. That’s a bit much to ask though, and I’m aware of that. Dudes that are looking to rub one out during their lunch break from the law firm, accounting office, car dealership, real estate development corp, advertising agency, cheese factory, machine shop, hardware wholesaler, oil company, home builder, tile shop, subway sandwich franchise, hotel, casino, gas station, smoke shop, liquor store, pharmaceutical company, internet marketing corp, skate shop, mcdonalds franchise, tobacco company, movie studio, used tire store, 7-11 franchise, jack in the box franchise, dentist office, i.r.s. office, police station, airline, school board, men’s wearhouse, l.a. fitness, or verizon wireless retail outlet that they work at are generally not looking to read any words a smart ass nobody like myself would put together.In fact, I’m pretty sure the majority of the people who end up here, feel cheated in some way, and leave mildly annoyed. I can’t say I blame them. If I didn’t know me, I wouldn’t be clamoring to read me. I’d be like, “fuck man. I came here to see some hot bitches not read War and Peace, who really gives a fuck what you think about anything. Just bring on the ass!”In this day and age of information overload, finding a loyal group of readers doesn’t seem to be an easy task for GOOD writers, with GOOD stories to tell. If I’m honest, I’ll admit I’m neither. Who cares about that even though? Does that really even need to be said? I mean seriously now. I’m dropping the ball here big time. I’m still jet lagged from my trip to the Cayman Islands. My internal body clock is already all fucked up to begin with and now its worse. I’m just gonna go. Sorry about this post. Its a true piece of shit.
Oh one thing …is anyone else totally shocked at how fucked up of a company Full Tilt Poker turned out to be? I can’t even believe that shit. They must have squandered so incredibly much money, the numbers must be boggling. I say this because, the company made incredible amounts of cash every single second of every single day, thousands of times a second. It was common to see 70,000 players seated at cash games and tournaments at any given time. The rake they must have been pulling in has to be pretty insane. Some of you don’t know what I’m even talking about. A quick rundown: after Black Friday came a few months back, when the US govt put the clamp down on Full Tilt, Pokerstars and Ultimate Bet, all of the players who live in the USA were suddenly standing around not being able to play poker or get the money that they had deposited with the sites out. We’re talking billions of dollars. At first it was understandable and everyone was pissed at the Southern Justice Center’s attorneys for being a bunch of dicks and shutting us out of playing poker AND our cash.
It was soon made clear though that the Hoover Boys gave the okay for the sites to refund us all of our cash. Four months later we are finding out that Full Tilt, in particular, one of the best and most popular sites BY FAR, didn’t have sufficient cash reserves on hand to pay all of the US players back at once. That’s total BULLSHIT. Here’s why. The online poker sites, just like the landbased casinos, do not directly gamble against the players at the table. Its not like blackjack or roulette or slots where you are pitted against the casino and thus have a slim shot in hell’s chance of being ahead in any kind of sustainable way, ever. Poker players compete against other players. The house deals the fucking cards and hosts the game and thats it. They get paid a “rake” for doing that. That means every hand that is dealt, the house gets a small percentage of the pot as its share for providing the tables, dealer, floor men, chips etc etc etc. Its a fucking lot of money trust me. A lot of money. Especially with an online poker room, give me a break. They were making a killing beyond words. Just think about 20,000 hands a minute being played 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. It doesn’t matter what the weather is like. Nothing matters. They provide a virtual rendition of a poker table. Its fucking software. They already own it. So it stands to reason that the more players they got to play real money games on their site, the better off they were.
Seems like the sky was the limit. If you can deal with 50,000 players at one time, well then you tell me how much more taxing it would be for them to deal with 5,000,000 at one time. Not that much harder. Trust me Full Tilt was blowing up so hard. Given those probable vast sums of revenue being generated in a liquid format every second of every day, its hard for me to understand why they felt the need to go into the “trust funds”, which are the players individual poker bankroll accounts. Those are off limits period. Its no different to taxes actually. Think about as if you were working for some jackass and he was taking 200 bucks a week out of your paycheck for IRS Federal Deductions right? Those are your monies, that you worked and earned, and they should be sent straight to the IRS, on your behalf, to be used against your tax obligation at the end of the year. In the perfect world the dude sends in your cash no problem, gives you your W2 at the end of the year, you take it to your bald, beer bellied, CPA dude, who charges you a 150 bucks to file your 1040 for you. If you sent in too much at the end of the year you get a tax refund check. I’m sure everyone knows what I’m talking about here duh.
Now, what if you get those taxes withheld from your paycheck, but your boss is a broke ass who can barely afford to pay the electricity and stuff, so he routinely dips into those monies he “withheld” from your paycheck that should have been earmarked to go to the IRS. You would probably not be surprised if I told you that is a hugely common thing to happen. Companies in trouble can barely make the payroll to begin with. They’re thinking, “thank God we didn’t have to pay Sally her full amount, we would have never made it.” The payroll is 8 grand say, and your dipshit boss somehow scrapes up 5,600, just barely enough to cover the net checks. Well, that other 2,400 bucks has been paid too, whether they had the cash on hand or not. You can imagine what happens from there. Shit starts to snowball big time. All of a sudden the quarter is over, and for 12 straight weeks, the money that was supposed to be sitting in that special IRS only account at the bank to pay the quarterly payroll taxes is nowhere to be found. It can’t be found because it never existed. Your dipshit boss never had that money, in actual cash, ever. But the government doesn’t look at it like that. The government looks at that as the employer is stealing the fucking worker’s money.
Not a good thing to be doing, if you are the employer. You can go to prison for that shit. In the IRS’s view, you stole that money. You stole it from your employees because now they cannot take care of their own tax obligations. That’s fucked up man. It is.
Well, Full Tilt, in this case is doing exactly the same thing. They don’t have the cash to refund the players. They should have never touched those funds. Its called commingling and basically those deposits should be in special trust accounts that have nothing to do with the operating checking account of the business. Obviously Full Tilt got caught with their hand in the cookie jar big time. I’m sure it happens all the time with all kinds of companies actually. The major difference is that Full Tilt didn’t think they were going to be shut down like that, so they were using the money in the players accounts for all sorts of corporate expenses, probably mainly sponsorship deals and perks to all of their sponsored players and whatnot. When they got shut down their revenues went from millions a day to zero cents a day from USA players. Now everyone is fucked. Personally, my account will never get paid back to me and same with all sorts of dudes. I heard yesterday that the UK just banned Full Tilt as well, because of this improper trust fund usage. Its a pretty terrible thing all the way around. I do have sympathy for Full Tilt, they were just trying to blow up….big time. Then they got nailed to the cross at the worst possible time and now its over.
Sad shit. Hey sorry about this terrible blog post today. I’ll try harder next time okay. Congratulations once again to Ian McCall, for taking the Flyweight championship with a guillotine choke in the third round of his match against Darrell Montague at Tachi Palace Fights 10. Then the next day the guy went out and married his pregnant girlfriend. Good for him.
Peace out fools