Sydney, Australia: My Hellish Adventures in Paradise


Sydney, Australia is a bad ass city.  I love it there.  I arrived in Sydney one Thursday morning in 2005 I think.  I actually couldn’t even tell you the true year or month right now.  I’m not even sure about the day to be honest with you.  That sounds fucked up but it doesn’t really matter okay.  Don’t worry, I remember all of the other important details.  I had a girlfriend named Ariana at the time.

I have to point out that Ariana was a hot little bitch.  She was so fucking sexy.  She didn’t wear makeup and she didn’t need to.  She had these insane green-blue eyes, thick long black hair, the most beautiful face, lovely swollen C cup breasts and the tastiest ass I swear to God.  Too bad I couldn’t get me a piece of that right now….

Anyway, back to my story….

Ariana and I arrived in Sydney together.  There are some very interesting adventures that preceded our arrival in Sydney but I will have to insist on saving that part of my adventure for some other time.

When we got to Sydney we didn’t have any money whatsoever, except for three 1$ coins.  We didn’t have a mobile phone or any credit cards.   The gas (petrol) tank of our piece of fucking shit car was on empty.  I had a skateboard but Ariana didn’t because we had to sell hers for gas money to some pawn shop a few hours before arriving in Sydney  When we left Byron Bay to drive to Sydney we somehow foolishly thought we would make it with the petrol and little money we had on us.  We were horribly wrong.  Like I said though, fuck that, we won’t get into all of that right now.

Ariana had this friend named Jason who was a bartender at a place on Elizabeth Street in the city called Bar Europa.  When we got to Sydney we stopped at a pay phone and called Jason up.  The plan was for Jason to hook us up with bar tending jobs at his work and maybe loan us a bit of cash to get into a room or something.  Ariana spoke to Jason and he graciously invited us over and was very welcoming and cool as fuck.  He lived in this old hotel on College Avenue, very close to Hyde Park and right in the heart of all the nutty shit that went on in the crazy city of Sydney.  We were broke as fuck and pretty much at the end of our ropes when we got to Sydney let me tell you.  Jason was the coolest fucking dude I swear to God.  He arranged it with Brendan the dude who owned Bar Europa for us to come in and work that same night.

I am a kick ass bartender.  The ladies always loved me and I make excellent cocktails in quick fashion.  Same goes for Ariana.  I actually met Ariana when a couple of friends and myself purchased a bar in Melbourne, a couple years earlier.  Ariana was a bartender at the bar that we bought so suffice to say she could tend bar like a mother fucker.  Plus she was such a hot little piece of ass with this innocent and charming way about her that she was always a favorite of the horny bastards that make their way into the bars of the world.

We had met up with Jason sometime around 10 in the morning or so when he was just getting up.  Like I said, he lived in this rad fucking hotel near Hyde Park, on the14th floor or something.  It was such a kick ass pad that he had.  We had a beer or two and Ariana and him caught up on old times.  They had worked together at some fancy restaurant bar in Wellington, New Zealand and had been friends for years.  Jason gave us a couple hundred bucks for a room and we were so tired from the drive from Byron Bay that we bailed and went and slept the day away, waking up around 5pm and going to work at Bar Europa.

That first week or so in Sydney we lived in this divey hotel type place that cost like 40 a day or so to stay there.  It had cable tv and all of that but it was really small.  Beggars can’t be choosers though and I really was down to just work and fuck my girlfriend and didn’t really think about much more then that for a bit.

The owner of Bar Europa loved us both but couldn’t guarantee both of us full time work.  Ariana was hired full time, hot little eye candy that she was, and I got like two shifts a week.  Friday nights and Tuesday nights.  So obviously I had to find another job or we were going to just be broke forever.  When we first got to Sydney we weren’t really getting high very much at all.  Getting drugs is really hard in countries like Australia and New Zealand if you don’t know people.  In Melbourne, where I used to live, I had a pretty decent little network of people I could turn to, but in Sydney I was high and dry for quite a while.  So, instead of staying up all night painting and skating and just getting nuts gambling and shit, for the first month or so that we lived in Sydney I laid low and worked and made out with my girlfriend and got drunk and stuff.

We got sick of that dark and dingy little room that we were staying in and somehow got hooked up with this backpacker place in Bondi Beach that we went and stayed in.  It was so fucking rad.  I actually ended up living in Sydney for over a year and never moved out of that place.  It was called Tama house and it was on Kenneth Street in Tamarama, literally 500 yards away from the beach in Bondi.  Next time I post, I will tell you about finally hooking up with drug connections hahaha, gambling, Redfern, and more okay.  I think traffic has died down enough for me to get the fuck out of here and get my weekend started. 

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