Surfing in the Sea of Shorts

My friend Josh Erlenmeyer went out of his way to send me seven special texts today to show me how much he cares and loves the man meat.

A          E        S          S        H        O        L     —those were his texts.  Do you think he is trying to tell me something?  Apart from his atrocious spelling, I can glean that he thinks I’m an asshole.  Fair enough.  I want to say something dirty like you are what you eat.  So I will.  You are what you eat.  As long as its clean, female and lovely to look at, chances are I would put my tongue in if invited.  So thanks Josh.

If I were to take the time and energy needed to reply back to Mr. Erlenmeyer it would be:

P      E        N       I       S .  But I don’t have the time to fuck around with lightweight insults with Josh today.  I’m too busy you see.  I’m too busy watching ESPN’s coverage of the 2011 World Series Of Poker Main Event Final Table and working on some 2010 financial statements in support of a client getting audited by the Internal Revenue Service.

So, I went and visited my friend Stephanie Kelly on Sunday.  It was pouring rain, I had just gotten in an altercation with a big fat piece of shit rent a cop dick head security dude at San Manuel and I wasn’t in the greatest of moods.  Stephanie just had a face lift on Thursday so she was looking pretty much like she’d been attacked and beaten to within an inch of her life.  It was crazy actually.  I took some great photos.

You know what that’s all I have for now.  I’ve been super busy preparing for this audit on December 8th.  I also have to write a Freshman Anthropology term paper for the sushi chef from across the street by Thursday.  I’m getting paid $150 for a four page paper on “Comparative Standards of Beauty”.  It shouldn’t be a real problem for me.  After all, when I first got home from New Zealand in 2008 I took an RN class online for this chick Dava at RCC.  She paid me $500 and I had to take all of the tests, write the paper etc.  I got only a B in that class but its not too bad considering it was an Intermediate RN class and I’m not a male nurse.

The WSOP Final Table for 2011 wasn’t overly dramatic.  This kid Pius Heinz started the day in 7th (out of nine) place and he pretty much just ruled it all day long.  Ben Lamb is a killer and bided his time, picked his spots and made it through to tonights Final Three.  Heinz made it through as well and with the overwhelming chip lead.  Stazko who started the final table off with the chip lead made it as well but with only like 22 million.  I give the nod to Ben Lamb to make it all the way through even facing a large chip deficit going into play tonight.  Heinz is a little too spewy in my opinion and will possibly end up donking off a shit load of chips to Lamb and or Stazko.  We shall see.  I can’t wait.  Totally jealous of those fuckers actually.




  1. Dude this s*** is amazing I’ve never seen such a fat ass f***** rider in my f****** life you are the bomb dude don’t ever change your f****** wayS



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