More crazy shit from /b/ that they didn’t archive so I did.
TT, stupid shit you did when you were younger.
>Be in 7th grade
>Make cancer joke
>Kid’s mom just died of cancer, had no idea
>”Anon, what the fuck is your problem, you asshole?”
>”Sorry, I didn’t know!”
>Kid leaves class, crying
>Look like a total douche
Can’t remember any other specific situations atm, but I did WAY faggier things when I was younger, I was such a faggot, words cannot describe. I grew out of it, but I cringe thinking back on it.
>be in 7th grade
>homeroom teacher starts talking about a graveyard full of dead soldiers
>laugh my ass off
>teacher singles me out
>feel terrible for the rest of my life
Protip for coping with these memories: you’re the only one who has them.
Nobody else will remember those things at all.
>Be in 7th grade
>Become an evangelical Christian
Not even making that shit up.
>last day of school
>theme day, so we dress as vikings
>go to beach to get drunk with friends
>decide it would be cool to burn our books on a bonfire
>no fire control
>blaze begins and lots of black smoke
>run for it
>town council fags roll up in a van to show some guy how good the beaches are
>sees Nordic invasion fleet burning the coastline
>they pull out cameras
>run for our lives, fearing a $6000 fine and criminal record
>running as a pack, go down street
>they chase us in 4×4’s
>bearded dude says “what are you doing!”
>fool got out of his car, we run away again into the bushes
>cars shoot past as we hide like Jews from the gestapo
>Viking raid successful
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>tied a skateboard to a car
>vroom vroom motherfucker
Nothing feels worse than being like 10- and having a friends parent yell at you, fucking ptsd for weeks i swear
>couldn’t shit without getting butt naked
>would sneeze upward and let it hit me cause it felt cooling.
I was a disgusting 17 year old
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>see planes twin towers hit on tv
>later in the day, see old 5th grade teacher
>walk up to her
>”Help Ms. Anon, don’t let the terrorists get me!”
>she probably didn’t
>hardcore bed humping (I didn’t know it was sexual at the time)
>dad got awkward every time he saw me doing it, told me to stop
I still do it to this day
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>tried out for a sport
> never played said sport (can’t even remember what sport it was)
>Didn’t make the team
>Parents wanted me to go to different high school anyways
>Tried out for the team, like a dumbfuck
>Didn’t make it
>Mfw all the kids who made that sport laughed at me
Except my mom caught me, and I told her it helped me make dreams.
I have no idea what I meant, I remember saying it but not what I meant by it
Thanks for laughing at my one time beta-ness
Actually made friends with half of them, but it was really awkward when they talked about try outs.
Every year there are less and less pictures like this, and I get more and more disappointed with /b/
pictures like what
>smoke weed get munchies
>friend has ice cream
>eat that shit
>he comes out “dafuck, thats my ice cream
>He steals spoon
>begin to cry
>get new spoon, cry and continue eating vanilla ice cream
Pictures that look awesome with birthday hats
>be like 4
>go to wendys with my mom
>see fucking snorlax in line
>say mommy why is that man so fat
> say it really loud
>everyone looks at me
>think nothing of it since I’m fucking four
>get my damn burger and leave
There’s so much shit I did as a kid that made me cringe now that I think about it, but I can’t think of a god damn thing now.
fewer and fewer*
>sister is 5
>as joke we took pictures of eachother naked
>parents have no idea
>get pictures developed at costco
>policeman confronts them for CP
So sad that you are fucked up because your parents couldn’t deal with human sexuality. I hope I never do this.
This is too true for too many people
there isnt a birthday hat with that picture
oh god my sides!
>In 4th grade.
>Reading some book about the holocaust.
>Look up the word “swastika” in the dictionary, confused by its meaning.
>Some alternate definition said something about good luck.
>Convinced that the swastika was a good luck charm.
>Draws swastikas all over my papers for the next few days.
>Teacher gets pissed.
>Parents flip shit.
>Principle suspends me.
> Be 18
> Acquaintance at school offers me some candy.
> Jokingly say “isn’t poisoned is it”?
> Gives fake low chuckle, says no.
> Found out he was out previous 10 days for ingesting rat poison.
> Felt bad.
File: 1349228342787.jpg-(16 KB, 250×188, pic (16).jpg)
97% of people fall instantly asleep after visiting this website
A weird phemomenon that even scientisst don’t have a proper explanation for. pic(398).jpg
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>be 10th grade
>hack into high school’s domain controller
>set up domain account called chucknorris1
>IT staffdon’t know shit
>edit logon script for students and faculty from home
>add line to set tubgirl as the desktop background for all computers in school
>walk into comp sci class next morning
>tubgirl on every fucking monitor in the school; where there was a computer, there was tubgirl
>IT guy and principal furious
>bitch IT guy can’t figure out what happened
>shit stays there for an entire week
>mfw school IT is fucking dumb
i fucking died of laughter at
>sees nordic invasion fleet burning the coastline
i fucking lol’d way too hard
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>Be in 9th Grade in Computer Applications Class
>Using Proxy to be on /b/ during School
>Find Loli Thread
>Start Looking at Loli Thread
>Few minutes later, teacher notices me not doing much typing
>Comes to inspect what I’m doing
>OHSHIT OHSHIT OHSHIT
>Minimize Thread because I didn’t want to close it lose it
>Teacher grabs my Mouse
>Freak the fuck out and turn off computer
>She assumes I was on Myspace (Because that was the cool thing at the time)
well done anon
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>cycling along with someone i barely knew
>hobo strolling along with his shopping cart
>i tell the kid next to me it’s his dad
>kid says his dad died a few years ago
>”i’m not joking”
other time in biology class, kid’s messing around with the skeleton that’s always standing in the corner
>tell kid behind me his dad is getting raped
>guy next to kid eyes go wide, hands in front of mouth
>kid runs out the room crying
>”his dad died 2 weeks ago”
What you were referring to was a Buddhist symbol for Peace if I remember correctly.
It looks very similar to a Swastika, except it is facing the opposite direction and is not angled like the Swastika usually is.
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>be in 4th grade
>buy a metal capgun from corner store
>shoot that fucker errday, enjoy the sound it makes
>have brilliant idea to bring it to school one day
>shoot it in class, everyone goes apeshit, teacher ducks
>no-one found out it was me
>come lunch time, go to playground and put hoodie over head and face
>get another brilliant idea to act like I was robbing some asian kid
>asian kid freaks out, yells rape
>hall-monitors run to me and tell me to drop it
>drop capgun inside sleeve with hands up (played too much GTA at the time)
>tell them it was a joke and it wasn’t real
>get sent to principals office, name is “Mr.Pink” or someshit
>get suspended for two weeks
>dad picks me up, talks to principal and walks me home
>on the way home he looks down at me giving me this disappointed expression and says “Too bad we couldn’t get your gun back, huh sport?”
>mfw my dad’s fucking awesome and I didn’t get in trouble
Hmm i know exactly what you mean, i used to do something like that when i was real young. Well not humping, but i’d lay face down with my eyes closed on the floor or bed while listening to music and imagine stories based on the type of music. Sounds like you meant that by make dreams
Made a comment about a girl’s mustache. Truth is I didn’t mean to be an asshole, I kinda thought it was cool she could grow one, but this was in like 1st or 2nd grade.
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>running around in the backyard
>playing naked in the kiddy swimmingpool
>dog comes along
>my cocks all hard for some reason
>shove it in to my dogs face hoping he will lick it
>dogs all confused
>look to my right
>neighbour looking at me right in the eyes
i will never forget the look on her face
i was 5, at the statue of liberty, a year after the towers went down, so you couldn’t go in, pigeons EVERYWHERE, so theres pigeon shit everywhere, run around, dad chases me, trip, have bird shit all up and down me.
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>joking around with student in biology
>calling each other bad names for fun
>”haha anon youre such a poopy head!”
>”haha friend youre such a weenie!”
>”haha anon youre such a silly head!”
>”haha friend youre such a nigger!”
>class goes quiet
>mfw teacher was black
>mfw friend was black
I failed that class. Hard.
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>Be in kindergarten
>On the playground
>Fat bitch in my territory
>Trying to slide on my slide
>Hit her in the face
>Teacher yells at me and I have to sit in a chair for the rest of recess
>mfw I never told my mom
>young teacher sits on stool in front of class
>i stare hungrily into the cotton v betwixt her skirt
>legs slam shut
>look at teacher’s face
>horror and disgust
cool story bro
you know kehan?
I lol’ed and shared.
Cool story bro
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>really good fap dream
>dad staring at you in open doorway
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8th grade english class
>teacher telling us about how boys should be wearing deodorant at this age
>someone obviously smells terrible
>discussion about why we should etc (female teacher)
>I pipe up
>”But miss, I don’t have pubic hair yet”
>meant to say underarm hair
>Teacher goes quiet, whole class starts laughing.
>didn’t end up hitting puberty until 10th grade
>get my damn burger and leave
HONEY BADGER DON’T GIVE A FUCK
>be in 5th grade
>playing kickball,everyone does
> I get my turn, some fat chick pokes me
>bad kick, someone catches,I’m out
>say nothing to girl, plotting
>grab a ball, hide it, go away
>as recess ends, I call fat bitch
>set ball Down, kick directly into face
>hits glasses, she goes down
>run like hell
>never got caught, she was scared to tell
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cool story bro
> We watching a movie
>sitin indian style on the floor
> Girl keeps poking me
> Im like “stop”
> she pokes me again
> i grab her finger and break it
> I get in trouble
Another stupid thing
> In kindergarten again
> Go into bathroom, start pissin on toilet paper roll
> principle announces that some is urinating on the TP rolls
> i do it again, look out of stall to the exit
> some fkin girl janitor is peeking in
> Im like “uh oh”
> Walk out, janitor catches me, i offer her a million dollars not to tell
> janitor turns me in
>be 6th grade
>only went to school 25 times all year roughly played WOW all day everyday instead of that bullshit
>when i was there desk partner drew dicks on my desk
>blamed the skipping on him
>they passed me
>kid home schooled for 4 years
>developed tourettes somehow.
shit when i was in 9th grade i cussed like a sailor.
So just a little off topic question here, are your janitors like legit mentaly delayed? Because all three schools I’ve gone to they are all, as teachers call them, “special.” asking anyone here, been meaning to ask this.
yah, i did something similar, except i ripped all the lines out
>Be in 7th grade
>Call kid a bastard
>Kid never knew his dad
>Didn’t even know what a bastard was, at the time
>Kid tries to fight me
>I whoop his ass
>Get suspended and look like a total douche
well, in elementary school we had 1 janitor who couldn’t talk, he would just sound like he was trying to talk but it came out like
but besides that none of the school janitors ive seen are mentally delayed.
> be in kindergarten
> had a nanny at the time
> since it was kindergarten all teachers were women
> after breakfast teacher asks me to bring my cup into the washing room
> I ask if there was no ‘woman’ around who would do that for me (by woman I actually meant my nanny)
> parents get called for private meeting about their parenting qualities
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42 year old fatherfag here.
Total loser in highschool. Virginfag until college. Went after hottest chick in my grade though, and repeatedly made an ass of myself. Singing telegram, check. Passing down the entire class a tube of clearasil because she had a single pimple while I was a smelly zit ridden dork, across the entire class (pass this tube to anonchick please), and then asking her if she got it. Never went on a “date”, didn’t go to the prom.
Happy ending is that I went to a good college, got experience, got a degree in Computer Science and Applied Math, married, and have two boys, both at or below 10. I go to /b/ for laughs and the genius, but I love this thread because some dads forget what it was like to be 8 or so, and being dad-poor when I was a kid, I really dig the honest point of view.
AMA if you give a fuck.
>back yard pissing
>UPS man walks around
>think well already saw it
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>be in 2nd grade
>had IBS (iritable bowel syndrome)
>was constapated in class
>hadnt shit in like a month
>touching my dick made the cramps go away
>didnt know what jerking off was
>called it pee-pee tickle
>sitting in computer lab
>start shakeing my legs back and forth
>both hands frozen above keyboard
>casually put one hand it my pocket and start touching my wang
>busted in my pants
>started laughing cuz it tickled
>typed for about 5 minutes
>do it again
> prairie dogging so bad
> get up
>start farting as i walk out of class
>”anon where you going”
>run to bathroom
>take the fattest shit in the toilet
>clogged it so bad
>mfw the janitor had to deal with that
>i have to piss
>”no, wait until the noon bell rings”
>”I HAVE TO GO NOW”
>piss on floor
>”who the fuck made this mess” next day
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>be in primary 6
>girl in back of class starts making a heavy breathing sound
>reminded me of the classic orgasm scene from when harry met sally
>utter the immortal line “I’ll have what she’s having!”
>no one laughs
>girl gets taken to hospital as it was a serious asthma attack and she nearly died
I still look back and laugh at my awesome wit…fuck everyone else, they’re humourless faggots.
>be in 9th grade
>still have ibs (its gotten way better, im 17 in 12th grade)
>lunch before my math class
>spend entire 40 minute lunch in the crapper
>take the fattest shit about a foot long (not even kidding)
>go to math class
>kid sitting next to me asks teacher if he can go to the bathroom
>kid comes in
>”anon, someone took the fattest shit in the toilet, its reaching out of the bowl”
>laugh along like its funny
>i think he knows it was me cuz i went to elementary with him
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>smoke 8.5 grams of spice hash (we used to smoke anything we could get)
>tripping balls (first time smoking soic/hash/out of bong
>eat a full jar of pickle relish
>eat half a rotted hot dog
>mfw i wake up with salmonella
>Be in 7th grade
>Ass hole kid calls me a faggot
>Tell on him like a faggot.
>Teacher got the wrong kid with the same name.
>Tried telling them they got the wrong kid
>Thought i was lieing
>Fast foward to 10th grade
>Turns out that kid was gay and i forced him to get out of the closet.
>Feel terrible for the rest of my life.
I’m a senior in high school this year, thinking about going into CS in college, but I have no programming experience… how was it for you?
>Couple years ago
>Friends mom hung herself
>Speaking to friend
>Sister being a bitch
>Tell her my sister makes me want to hang myself
>Friend tells me her mom killed herself
>Ruin relationship with amazing friend
>Still hate myself for it
You post some really shitty stories, anon.
>be at school w/ my dad
>end of school year, he’s just packing up
>”come on anon, we have to go to another room”
>”k, stay here. kids been stealing stuff out of classes, if you leave close the door, it’ll automatically lock”
>k, got it
>10 min later, gotta piss BAD
>don’t want shit getting stolen
>don’t want to be locked out and away from computer
>piss in garbage can
>janitor comes by, looks in garbage
>get a dirty look
>doesn’t change the bag
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>Be in early elementary school
>Sep. 11th 2001
>Thought World Trade Center was World Train Center
>Teacher watching news on TV
>”Whats the big deal? It’s just abunch of trains”
>Get in trouble and get sent to office
>be in 3rd grade
>have to take epic piss
>class mexican grabs bathroom pass before I can
>mexican is gone for like 20 minutes
>face curling up, tears in eyes, squirming violently
>unload piss in seat
>OH GOD WHY
>act like nothing is happening
>scoot to the front of the seat after piss is over
>puddle behind me
>cute girl sees,screams
>say it’s only water
>tells me to prove it
>make straw out of pen
>get on my knees near seat
>look into her eyes
>maintain poker face while drinking piss puddle
>worth it to save my reputation
>Be like 10
>playing police an thives
>me and girl vs other kid and his sister
>we catch them fuckers
>against a wall
>she softly kicks the girl
>I grab the kids head and smash it agains the wall with my 10 yo strenght
>wall had like small rocks
>kid starts bleeding
>hide in bush for 1 hour waiting for him to go back to his house
>feel bad all day
>be in kindergarden
>really need to piss but teacher tells me i dont
>MISS I REALLY NEED TO WEE
>NO YOU DONT YOU ONLY JUST HAD YOUR BREAK
>piss all over my seat and on the floor
>ANON! WHAT ARE YOU DOING YOU SHOULD OF TOLD ME YOU NEEDED TO USE THE BATHROOM
>be in grade one
>want to go into this sitting area but grade two kid said i am too young for it
>no im not just move
>no i cant let you
>hit her lunch box out of her hand and push her out of the way to get though
>she starts crying
>teacher aproaches me
>ANON! good on you for sticking up for your self next time just dont push
>calls up mum that afternoon telling her how proud she is of what i did
doesn’t matter your a faggot neckbeard.
damn that’s the worst of luck
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97% of people fall instantly asleep after visiting this website
A weird phemomenon that even scientisst don’t have a proper explanation for. pic(610).jpg
Actually, up until the Nazi’s began using the ‘right’ facing swastika, Buddhists, Hindu’s and other East Asian groups used both left and right facing swastikas, as symbols for luck, peace, good/evil, and so on.
After the Nazi’s used the right facing one, mst Hindu and Buddhist cultures outside of east Asia dropped the right facing one, but in east Asia it is still used.
Furthermore, other groups also used it, including the Ancient Celts, Egyptians, North American Natives, and many more.
Lastly, and this may have changed, but a central European Navy used the right facing swastika, even after the Nazi regime used it.
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>be in 4th grade
>be playing 4 square as it was the shit back in the day
>some bitch says that I’m out
>tell her she is really wrong
>have chalk in my pocket because i drew the 4 square court
>go back and write on the pavement “you all suck your asses”
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>discovered a chan site in the 6th grade so I had a plethora of weird fetishes already
>teacher is gone a lot of the time due to medical issues so we have a substitute a lot
>one of the substitutes is very pregnant
>massive erection everytime she taught
Thinking back on it I’m about 50% sure she noticed. I have no regrets.
iu know it’s not ops creation, but thats funny as fuck of a pic.
>be 15 on summer break
>brother be 8
>no one is home except us
>we decide to play “husband and wife”
>i put make up on and girly clothes
>we go into their room and I suck his 8 year old dick
>did this everyday until I moved out for college
>were both still straight as fuck
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mfw this thread
>straight as fuck
if you put a penis in your mouth, your not straight. Sorry
>be in school
>hot girl in front of me
>She drops her pencil
>She bends over to pick it up
>She’s not wearing panties
>Turns around and looks at me
>”Like what you see?”
>Whole class goes “Ooooooooh”
>Palms get sweaty
>knees weak, arms are heavy
>it’s falling out of my pockets already
copypasta and very obvious
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Programming is just learning, I find most computer games a bit like computer science. DayZ, for example, requires you do ARMA bootcamp. Other games require you to acclimate to their interpretation. Math is harder. Math was true, is true when discovered, and will be true forever. Computer science is so out there and hard to analyze, that you can do some incredible shit just with imagination.
Can you do CS? Mr, you can do anything you fucking want.
You just have to want it. As I get older, it’s the want that becomes difficult to obtain. But I learned this much, do not stand still. The world is always moving and treats the idle harshly.
me and my friend were kickin each others desks. i pushed his and it knocked over our substitute teacher who was this 80 year old holocaust survivor. some faggot caught her and she was pissed. some ugly chick called me an idiot and i felt bad.
>showed 8 year old cousin my penis
>feels bad to this day
>wounder if she remembers
>police and thives
why don’t you stop being a faggot and call it cops and robbers like everyone else??
>be in 7th grade social studies class
>studying World War 2
>every time Hitlers name is mentioned, me and a few friends do NAZI salute and scream mein fuhrer
>after about 5 times of this teacher explodes in rage
>teacher leaves class in tears
>find out teacher is jewish
>0 fucks given
I spent a lot of time in the office.
because english is not my main languaje. I dont give a fuck about how you call it in your country
>I knew a lot more about computers at this age than my it teacher
>make a small program that opens up a full screen picture of a blue screen after some minutes
>picture changes into a black guy with really bad teeth
>the word nigger starts flashing in black and white all over the screen (the word wasnt a big deal in my country at the time but still wasnt appropriate)
>the program shuts down and deletes itself
>make a script that starts the program when my it teacher logs on the next time
>see said teacher in the school library the next morning
>oh shi- he’s having a presentation for the principal and a bunch of adults I had never seen
>program starts, see that everyone stops talking
>see how everyones eyes get wider and wider
>luckily I was never caught
>be in 5th grade
>get a new kid in our class from kentucky or whatever
>decide to fuck with him
>nobody is talking to him
>he’s just chillin by himself next to the door
>walk up to him and say hi
>he says hi back and looks happy that somebody is acknowledging him
>tell him I’ll brb
>no teachers around
>no cameras either because white school
>take the biggest shit of my life in the middle of the main hallway
>piss as well
>go back outside and find a teacher
>tell her new kid shit in the hallway
>”what are you talking about,anon?”
>say it again because apparently I didn’t make myself clear
>she runs into the school and comes back out, grabs the kid by his arm and takes him inside
>he was suspended for a week, but he moved the week after
I was such a little faggot
>man I love art
>older brother showed me WW2 stuff the day before
>didnt know what swastika was
>drew heaps on my page
>teacher didn’t give a fuck
>take it home
>give it to dad
>dad gets mad at me and says this means I hate myself
>cry because I didnt understand
>my dad is jewish
10/10 reply. would read again.
Because everybody had different names for the same game and he just happened to call it police and thieves?
Seriously, what did you call the game where one person wasn’t allowed on the playground equipment and had to tag the others? Mine was something about a lava monster or something.
My fucking sides
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> I was such a faggot
> Is such a faggot
Why do you lie to us, OP? You lying faggot.
The rest of the world calls it Lava Monster. Welcome to the club, I guess…
>bored with 2 friends
>we decide to draw random shit at the classroom tables during lunch time
>I drew a huge penis across all the table
>me and friends laugh at this act
>other students get horrorized at the huge cawk
>they start asking who did that
>Almost freaking out at the thought that my friends will ditch me.
>luckily they say nothing
>principal comes to the class
>we lose 1 fucking hour of class because principal won’t stop talking about how immoral that was and blah, blah, blah…
>sweating like a pig the whole time
>principal notices it
>”why are you sweating, anon?”
>”I-it’s just hot in here”
>random cumdumpster says “it was him!”
>teacher steps in and says: “anon would never do this. Right, anon?”
>principal still suspicious but leaves classroom
>”haha, that was close, anon” says one of my friends
>don’t do anything remotely dangerous again for the whole year
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>Be 16 year old lesbian
>facebook notification comes up
>sext girlfriend back
>mfw identically post to facebook
>be in 1st grade
>walk up to girl who i liked who had glasses
>ignorantly say ‘hey those glasses kind of make you look like you have four eyes’ not realizing that was an insult
>mfw she bursts into treats and runs to the girl’s bathroom to cry
>mfw i didn’t know she was bullied every day because of her glasses
>mfw one of her friends told a teacher and i was in big trouble
>mfw no face
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>had to shit really, really bad
>teacher: let’s go outside class
>i was terrified
> poo starts to prairie dog
> while outside I try to hold it in
> let a large rock hard shit out
> silently panic
>go to corner of garden
>I reached my hand down and grabbed it
> I dropped the slimy thing behind me with the best poker face of any person ever
> walk 2 or 3 feet away innocently and wipe hands thoroughly in grass
>”What is that??” Some dumb bitch screams
> mfw I hear that
> teacher dismisses it as mud
>nobody knows anything
Most relieved part of my life.
>look up porn on home computer
>start watching futa
>mom comes home
>exit out of page
>hours later mom is on computer
>”ANON COME IN HERE”
>futa page is up on screen
>grounded for 2 months
>mom gets therapist
>most fucking awkward guy in the world
File: 1349235428402.gif-(1.99 MB, 196×235, dancingblack.gif)
>fat and can’t jump high
>kids make fun of my air force shoes cause i couldnt jump high
>”Anon nice navy force 3’s”
>everyone laughs and i feel bad
>mfw i end up graduating at the top of my class in the Navy seals with over 300 confirmed kills
I used to have the same problem with shitting, was caught once in a public stall by brother and father shitting naked with a load of clothes laying around, as it was snowing and i had about 3 coats on.
I don’t know how old I was when this happened but I pretty little like 3rd grade.
>have friend from south africa
>he wasn’t murrican so no circumcision
>something happened with his dick and they had to chop part of it off
>it looked really fucked up
>I know how it looked because he thought it was funny and showed people
>in middle school
>in P.E. (physical ed)
>fucking hate p.e. because our coach just flirted with the girls all fucking period, then would get randomly pissed and make us do pushups
>its dodgeball day.
>normal game of bullshit, I play outfield so I can talk to other neckbeards
>last at bat for my team, i’m up
>kick the absolute shit out of the dodgeball
>hit some bitch directly in the nose
>she is knocked out cold
>i’m running as fast as my awkward legs will carry me
>get a fucking homerun because of it
>Be sophomore year
>Some kid (football player) senior, really popular died in a car crash the night before.
>didn’t have myspace so I didn’t know shit about it.
>go through hallwayy the next morning.
>hallway is dead quiet dafuq.jpg
>I yell “what’s the matter with everyone, did someone die or something?”
>cheerleaders all burst out crying giving me scolding looks.
File: 1349235615482.jpg-(27 KB, 350×204, spittakes-11-7-11-cropped(…).jpg)
>be in 4th grade
>night before school my sister makes a joke
>”Your epidermis is showing”
>My mom says it means skin
>I think its funny
>Next day at school
>Sitting at a table with 3 of my peers
>Look at fat black chick
>I say, “Your vagina is showing”
>Somehow mixed up the words but didnt know better
>She makes a big fuss
>I don’t know why
>Teacher tells me to say it again, I do
>She takes me out of class
>In principles office
>Still no idea why I’m in trouble
>They call my parents in
>Someone finally gets the confusion
>They explain what ‘vagina’ means
>Realize her vagina really was showing
>No tits or timestamp (for sufficient proof femininity of course)
Nigga, do you even 4chan?
tits or gtfo
>At concert with family
>Winter so everyone has coats on(Canada)
>Urge to fap
>Came in my coat during the concert
>Continued to enjoy the concert
> this was saturday
> with gf & her mom going to the mall
> they were listening to county
> i’m like this station should come with a shotgun so u can blow ur brains out
> gf txts me when im sitting next to her
> “my mom’s mom shot herself in the head”
> look at her mom
i think you mean kickball you stupid cunt.
At first I read therapist as “the rapist”
And my sides were nowhere to be found.
>someone called children services on my mom
>they shop up, “I’m sorry, but we have to talk to your son”
>only like 2 at the time
>great parent, not mistreated at all
>woman points to my crotch
>”If someone touches you there is that a good thing or a bad thing?”
>”That would be a good thing”
>mom and sister were terrified I was gonna get taken
>social worker just laughs it off
>mfw no face
indeed i did, kind sir.
oh god the newfaggotry
Not sure if will be understandable but..
>Be out with grandfather and brother for fishing
>We stay at a house my grandfather shared with some friends for fishing
>Meet two kids that lived nearby
>About the same age
>We quickly become friends
>At night I ask my grandpa if they could sleep over
>He’s playing cards with friends
>He says no
>I ask why
>He jokes that we will make ”change change” ( that a literal translation to a term in my country that means gay curiosity sex )
>I don’t know what he means
>Figure out he’s talking about having to bring a lot of clothes and stuff for sleep over
>Answers ” So what grandpa, we’ll do it ourselves, you guys don’t have to help ”
>He looks kinda shocked and his friends start staring at me
>I try to break the awkwardness with a joke
>” Unless you want to help”
>His friends start staring at him and start noticing the coversation
>He yells at me to just go and don’t embarass him anymore
>He never looked or treated me the same way, never knew why
Ohgodwhy.jpg my whole life.
>talking about chocolate milk with old friend on walk home
>girl already has a decent rack
>”yeah my dad tells me not to drink as much milk since it’s making these bigger” and squeezes her tits to show me
>tell her i think it’s fine and awkwardly try to divert conversation to beverages again
>”you know, random classmate kept looking at me because my shirt was too tight”
>tell her to wear looser shirts
>she wells up and starts crying, runs away
>mfw i realize she was trying to come onto me
>tfw she wouldn’t get close to me anymore
those were sad, sad years
>hiding behind a pile of rocks
>some older kids show up and sit somewhere near that pile
>grabs huge rock and throws it at a kids back
>run like hell
>gets home and pretend I’m not there
you should look in a mirror
the horror, the horror…
Oh fuck, around that age I did the same “pee-pee tickle” to stop from shitting my britches. That shit really worked.
Mongoloid, a first grader or kindergartener would be 18 by now.
File: 1349236846757.jpg-(234 KB, 960×1280, 1029010353.jpg)
>first time gettin in trouble at school
>be in 1st grade
>make up a song about to two retarded kids in my class doing it
>had to go to principals office and confess
>had to apologize to the retarded kids even tho they were tarded
I was in middle school, people were whispering during school about it, but I didnt pay attention
came home, late that night parents finally tell me about the towers
0 fucks given I’m a kid what do you expect
File: 1349237018359.jpg-(34 KB, 300×316, Timbits.jpg)
>be 4 years old
>Go to Tim Hortons with mom (donut/coffee shop for Amerifats and Eurofags, etc. We have them everywhere in Canada)
>See Timbits behind counter (donut holes, suck my dick)
>Decide to sneak away
>Walk behind counter
>Start eating the fuckers
>One after another
>My mom notices eventually, cashier is paralyzed with laughter
>Mom has to run around the counter to stop me because this girl is fucking frozen against the cash
>I see her, and start eating faster
>Fucking drags me back around to the front
>”I’m really sorry, I’ll pay you but I don’t know how many he ate”
>”That’s okay, it was so funny I’ll just deal with it” or something to that effect
>Free Timbits, motherfucker.
Alpha as fuck.
> 8th grade
> feel like jacking off
> start beating off under desk
> cant cum give up
> thank god i was not caught
File: 1349237179041.png-(99 KB, 249×349, 1347815837248.png)
>be in 3rd grade
>learn about WWII
>us kids decide to create a army over recess
>design medals, all of them swastika based
>one of my beast friends then was jewish
>”MOMMY LOOK WHAT I MADE”
my brother’s story:
>around 6th or 7th grade
>in computer class, typing or whatnot
>substitute teacher that looks like a total faggot
>draw shitty pixel-art of this substitute teacher with a shirt on that says “i love pron”
>set as desktop background at end of class
next week or so…
>was told that the picture was very offensive and could get in serious trouble
>asked him why it was offensive
>”you wrote ‘pron’ on his shirt, anon.”
>”prawn? whats so offensive about shrimp?”
>got away with it
about 10-12 years later
>meet some guy, tell him the story
>he was an IT guy for the school
>he already knows the story
>THAT WAS YOU!?
File: 1349237320178.jpg-(18 KB, 249×201, jew cow.jpg)
>One of my beast friends
>playing Nazi games
>send him home with a Swastika
Pretty sure Harper walked out on the Iranian government at UN while your pussy country won’t even make a statement until elections are done.
>My balls are huge
File: 1349237509688.png-(33 KB, 201×200, wtflaught2323223.png)
>At school friday
>Every friday each kid would get to bring a toy
>End of classes
>Everyone started playing and showing their toys to each other
>Playing with best friend with our boats
>A quiet kids right beside us has a shark
>Ask him to play with us
>He doesn’t answer
>Ask for the shark again
>He turns around and keep shaking his shark around
>Ask my friend to hold him
>Take his shark
>Hit him with it
>He starts crying and having some sort of convulsion
>He had Parkinson’s
>He starts running shaking all around to bathroom
>He couldn’t hold
>And as he left class ( Which had glass walls , so everybody saw it) he started shitting
>He was using loose underwear
>The shit started falling and dipping down his legs
>He runned faster while shaking
>Principals hears sounds
>He heads to his door
>The kid passes right in front of it throwing shit all over
>Principal slips on shit and almost falls
>Mfw all this
>defending police and thives
Its only gay if your penises touch.
>show up at party already drunk
>no beer. just whiskey.
>no hot girls
>drink… a lot.
>fat girl hits on me.
>a few minutes in, she makes a sex joke
>call her out on it
>she can’t go. she’s DD.
>I tell her she better hurry up then
>drunkenly figure fucking a girl a few minutes after meeting her sounds like a cool story
>go to my place
>start fucking her half up – whiskey dick plus she’s fat so I’m not attracted
>she leaves, feeling both unattractive and easy
>turns out she works at my company
>don’t really remember what she looks like
>awkwardly avoid all fat chicks at work
>balls are huge
>wages war with half the world
>not hiding under saftey net of powerful neighbor
Sounds like a pussy to me.
Related. In grade 1 me and a group of friends would always make fun of some older kid who’s mom died pretty recently. We were told off by a lot of people, but we kept doing it anyway.
>playing police and thieves with friend and some black kid
>black kid says he wanted to be a police
>tell him there aren’t black cops
>friend and I forcé him to be the thief
>we chase him across the park while he runs looking back pretending to shot at us
>got run over by a car
only gay if balls touch
>Be in 8th grade.
>Friend says he can walk like a nazi, fails horribly
>Show him how it’s done.
>Jewish teacher for English walks in.
>Tells me to never do it again
>Fails me because I fought a kid
>staying at friends house for sleepover/lan party
>friend’s mom bought new TV stereo
>finish hooking up new stereo
>go back into buddie’s room
>all my friends laughing and chuckling
>I’m like, “what’s so funny?”
>friend says nothing, one of my buddies farted
>sit down at compy 9000
>wallpaper is giant picture of my penis
All I could say to them was, “Yeah, ok, you got me.” I’ve never saved pictures of my junk on my computer for more than 24 hours ever since.
>be in 6th grade
>”vandalise” wikipedia page on school, insulting teacher
>did it numerous times
>teacher dies a few months later of bowel cancer
File: 1349238168663.jpg-(19 KB, 238×340, image.jpg)
Are you me?
File: 1349238217295.jpg-(52 KB, 597×392, 34847382901.jpg)
i was the worst kid….
10-11 snuck into our neighbors house and killed their daughters pet mouse she knew it was me and cried a bunch (she was like 17 at the time)
hid the travelers checks under the bed when we went to my dads country trinidad lied about it they had to get the scary black cops to talk to me to show them where it was
in 4th grade i got in trouble for bringing a penthouse magazine to school because my dumbfuck friend was showing everyone (stole that from the college kid neighbors) shit was so cash)
varous sexual encounters with my sister and her (hot) friend from the ages of 11-15
chased the cat around the yard with a golf club
thats all i can think of right now, i’ll let you know if i can think of any more…i was a real fucking evil kid
>be in 6th grade
>very happy and jittery in school -couldnt help it i was a kid who liked to learn-
> History teacher singles me out for tapping my feet one day
> Calls me a squirrel on crack and tells me to stop being annoying
> Whole class laughs at me
> Been depressed and hated school ever since
>my keyboard apparently hate jews
>Be in first grade
>Thought it would be funny to shit on floor
>Do it once
>Do it twice
>The third time the person who clean our shit up (literal shit at that point) got t all the classes to ask the kids to stop shitting on the floor.
>Next day every bathroom had shit in it.
>It wasn’t me
File: 1349238813434.gif-(1.15 MB, 260×146, 1344994232376.gif)
>brothers friend comes over
>hes super polite
>not enough chairs for everyone to sit at table
>wow so polite
>next day at school
>everyone is working
>stand up and resume working
>”anon please sit”
>no thats okay
>mfw i found out why it was polite to stand
In high school we have this janitor named Steve. I don’t know the other ones, but Steve gets really lonely and he would talk to us kids. My friend was friends with him, and whenever Steve would walk by he would stop and try to have a conversation, or follow said friend around.
Idk if Steve was delayed though. In elementary school our janitor was pretty chill though.
hahahah nasty lil fucker hahaha
Also, they used to think that Great Britain was pretty badass. Then they turned out to be giant pussies.
And now America can’t step up its shit.
>COME BACK NOV. 7
>EL OH EL
File: 1349239151533.jpg-(289 KB, 480×637, penis fruit.jpg)
I remember after me and friend played with a dead bird, my mom says it might have had lice
we take a bath naked in the shallow backyard plastic pool
kids down the street were apparently watching
neighbor family trying to prevent their kids from seeing us and being corrupted into doing stupid shit too
mfw I realize it was a really bad idea, and I forced my friend into it
File: 1349239174122.jpg-(21 KB, 400×267, oohkelelelele.jpg)
>Be in sixth grade
>Get first in-class boner
>Fap under desk
>Walking by same room previous hour
>Mfw a student is in there alone and she’s licking it.
>Mfw she was 9/10 easily.
File: 1349239257115.jpg-(17 KB, 344×198, piss.jpg)
Needs more childhood piss stories, especially accidents, bedwettings, etc.
File: 1349239278824.gif-(1.5 MB, 283×198, 1347326540470.gif)
Faggot neckbeard confimed. Good call anon.
I just started college with no programming experience as a cs major and literally 3 people per 40 person class has experience, you’ll be fine.
One time I greeted my uncle by waving my hands around like a nigger. He told me not to do that.
File: 1349239573287.jpg-(14 KB, 270×307, 1347684982194.jpg)
>Be in elementary school
>skinny nerd fag named Tyler was pissing me off
>I put him in a headlock and DDT’d that bitch
>As his head his the ground he flips
>Cries like a bitch
>MFW he never told on me
>be 10 or so
>Take tape and make handle,put “chinese writing” on stick
>pretend to be samurai and beat the shit out of trees.
This one made my day
The great thing is you can do that and still pass.
its called fucking grounders. and police and thieves??? fucking cops and robbers. no wonder you guys are stuck on /b/ you couldn’t even fit in when you were children.
Please share some someone.
File: 1349239834697.jpg-(33 KB, 674×489, 222154_427011310692194_15(…).jpg)
.>be in third grade
>learn what sex is from this crazy kid who was my only friend and later got kicked out of school for death threats
>become obsessed with sex
>picture having sex with like everyone I see (I have OCD.)
>be in psychiatrist’s office
>blurt out “I had a bad thought about having sex with you!”
>he laughs and says “I’m flattered, but no thanks.”
>feel insulted suddenly and ask why not
>he goes and gets my mom
>Get talk on the ride home about how I shouldn’t speak to older men like that and I could get an STD or get pregnant
>mfw I’m like fucking seven
Why can’t you accept that kids had different names for these games depending on location/school/whatever?
should have ended the story with
>and that’s the bottom line because stone cold said so!
>be in economics class
>going over homework
>never do homework
>ask someone next to me to copy their work
>homework was one question, a-e
>”Yo, Anon, I wanna see your d”
>referring to section d of question
>mfw everyone thinks i mean his penis
>mfw no face
>Be littlish kid. Don’t remember when.
>”ding dong ditch” some old man
>decide throwing some change from cupholder all over guy’s porch would be funny.
>ring doorbell,run etc.
>Old guy drives around looking for us all pissed even though we gave him like 2 bucks.
Like real girls
File: 1349240152066.png-(213 KB, 442×341, 1327075823430.png)
>end of year seven
>friend has pool party at a public pool for some reason
>be swimmin’ and chillin’
>see some woman
>say, “either she’s really fat or really pregnant’
>don’t realise I’ve said this out loud
>some guy presumably her boyfriend/husband walks past and says, “she’s pregnant you little fuck. Watch your mouth.”
File: 1349240160499.jpg-(35 KB, 257×265, 1328677194094.jpg)
>Be in 9th grade
>In class, everyone is doing work
>Really want to jack off
>My seat is right smack-dab in the middle of the room
>Hot chick sitting next to me
>Pretend to move my textbook onto my lap and continue reading
>Actually pressing it against my dick to get it hard
>Start applying and removing pressure to my penis to bring myself closer to orgasm
>Focus really hard on mental imagery and sneak discreet looks at the hot chick now and then
>Successfully bring myself to orgasm
>mfw I masturbated in the middle of class without anyone knowing
>Never did it again
I remember in 6th grade, I walked out of class to the bathroom, then proceeded to take a poo. Then, after wiping my ass I rubbed it on the sinks and sink handles and doorknobs out of sheer impulse. Went back to class and the teacher wondered why I was gone for so long, then I got in trouble and they asked if I took the physical turd out of the toilet and used that. I tried so hard not to laugh, I got suspended for that shit…
Didn’t happen to me, but was pretty funny.
>be 7th or 8th grade
>some sort of drama class
>group of 4, doing shitty ass plays
>me, best friend, 2 girls
>one part requires a horse riding motion
>best friend grabs garbage can
>starts riding, looks like hes fucking the garbage can
>teacher walks in
>best friend drops that garbage can like he just got caught masturbating
>teacher just looks at him and laughs
>me and 2 girls loling at how embarrassed he looks
>teacher probably told other teachers
>before he leaves, tells friend not to fuck anymore garbage cans
>only time drama was good
>mfw we still bug him about it into the 10th grade
File: 1349240225847.jpg-(91 KB, 360×333, 1330039197462.jpg)
>Be in 1st grade
>Waiting at bus stop to go to school
>See cute girl
>I’m behind her as she’s walking up the steps
>Say to her: “You know, you’ve got a really nice ass”
>She just stares at me
>I’m smiling like an asshole
>She starts smiling too
>Alpha as fuck
>Get on bus
>Look at bus advisory
>She no smiling
>I give her a wink as a gesture of kindness and to tell her I’m only kidding
>didn’t realize how wrong it was to wink in that situation, especially with a dumbass smile on your face
>Get sent to principle’s office
>Principle says “unacceptable behavior, blah, blah, blah”
>Sent home that day with a note to my parents telling them I told a girl she had a nice ass and that I flirted with the Bus Advisory
>Dad reads note
>Looks at me with a blank face
>about to piss myself from fear of discipline
>Dad bursts into laughter, high fives me, and tells me to never do it again
File: 1349240240277.png-(161 KB, 283×329, 1348204097518.png)
>got a go-kart a couple years before for christmas. put a fake little set of police lights on that fucker. bad-assery was had.
>my brother and I were home alone one day (he’s 17 at this time)
>we find some old building material at the back of our land.
>several large solid concrete blocks, some t-posts used for fencing, rotten boards.
>we stack these fucking concrete blocks 5 feet high.
>put the t-posts up as ramps.
>sit the rotten boards up at the top to smash through.
>i back my go-kart up about 1/4 a mile.
>mentally preparing for the awesomeness that will ensue.
>hit the gas.
>get up to at least 30mph or more.
>fucking fast for this little go kart
>hit the ramps….
>ramps slide out from under my cart at the last second
>hit the concrete blocks
>smash through the boards
>get 7-10 feet of pure air somehow
>land – no shock absorption at all on this bitch.
>”my fucking spine!” i yell.
>couldn’t walk straight for days
>still look back and laugh at how easily i could have been killed.
>mfw I landed and rolled out of the fucking death trap.
I’ve read this 6 times and I still don’t get this. Can you explain this please?
>Make troll school shooting threat thred on /b/
>”LOL wud be funneh if i post this on myspace!”
>Screencap op, post to myspace
>English class, reading Beowulf.
>School police knock on door, request me by name
>Teacher “Oh, Anon…”
>Frisk me against chalk board, cuff me and walk me out
>”What site is that again?”
>”Oh, Ebaums, sir. Ebaumsworld”
>Suspended 10 days, had to see school district shrink, those cops were cool as fuck
>The Dean was impressed with my attendance record, seeing how he was personally overseeing the truancy problem, he couldn’t understand how I hadnt gone to 3 classes all year
>Schedule was shooped, removed shitty classes. get outta school free card
Ah, hike school.
>molested by uncle only a few years older than me
>don’t even do anything to stop it
>never tell anyone about it
>22 years old, still never told a single person
on a side note, he molested both me AND my brother
neither of us did anything to stop it, and as far as i know, my brother never told anyone either
She provided entertainment, Tits or GTFO doesn’t apply.
be in 10th grade
go to the school bathrooms
had a condom in my pocket
fake blood pack in my back pack
popped out the condom and put fake blood all over it
leave it in the bathroom stall toilet
teacher comes in and sees it
starts throwing up
leaves the bathroom
never got cought
File: 1349240368013.png-(124 KB, 414×410, FunTimes.png)
I only jumped in this thread to show you this, OP.
i still take shits naked, we’re the only creatures on earth that don’t and it feel so much better
except when in public, that’s the exception
> be in 6th grade
> girl tells teacher she saw blood in the bathroom
> me the socially awkward guy tries to make a joke
> no fucking idea what a period is
> teacher asks do I know what it is
> she then continues to ask do I want to know (retorically like a bitch)
> still joking ; say yes
tits or gtfo
tits or gtfo whore.
File: 1349240706511.jpg-(35 KB, 370×507, 1348958180968.jpg)
>Archery in P.E
>Suck at sports
>super average kid
>Tryhard fag ive known since kindergarten ragging on me in line
>says wont hit shit
>get ready to aim
>hold it for around 15 seconds, everyone else held for around 5 or 6.
>faggot hits close to the outer rim
>smack his bullseye.
>not a word from that fag all season
>Be in year 1 or 2.
>Learning about dinosaurs
>Teacher asked if anyone knew this dinosaurs name
*pointed to pic of two dinosaurs butting their heads together.*
>Yell out Butt Heads!
>Teachers send me to principles office.
>Suspended for a week
Fucking cunty teacher.
moobs or gtfo
I know you have them. Please?
underage b& fag
File: 1349240821680.jpg-(28 KB, 555×445, 1326520759615.jpg)
>Be with friend in Target
>We get a football
>Play around with the football (you know kids)
>I throw the ball twords him
>He misses the catch (what a faggot)
>Ball bounces off the ground
>Hits and opens the emergency door
>Alarm going off worse than a bank
>I walk slowly into a different isle
>Friend runs out of the store
>See an unlimited amount of Security running around
>Security chases him
>I walk out casually
>Laugh because he got caught
you’ve broken the whore barrier, attention whoring & just whoring.
>be about 14
>Was at scout camp
>playing game, can’t remember what, but it was a lot of running around
>kid I know was being a dick, tripping people, shoving them over, then acting like it was an accident
>he tries it on me once, fails
>tries to wrap his shin around my leg to trip me again, almost fall, told him to fuck off
>he gets super defensive and screams at me, which gets people’s attention
>he kicks me in the junk.
>hurts like hell
>VIKING RAGE BURNS IN MY VEINS
>grab him by the neck and slam him into the ground
>punch him hard in the throat(was aiming for face, but rage missed)
>he got taken to the hospital with some pretty serious injuries
>heard he couldn’t walk right for like 2 months
>didn’t get in trouble because everyone saw him start it
>he never came back
They knew, dude. What were they supposed to say? You crossed so many fucking lines.
>mom just died of cancer
>dick knowingly makes fun of my dead mom
>call him asshole
>he denies it like a zionist jew
>felt bad rest of the year
What is a whore barrier? Is it like a hundred naked sluts all tangled together with their legs and shit all over each other forming a giant Great Wall of Sodom in order to protect the giant vibrator which they worship as a phallic symbol? I don’t care what it is, that’s what I’m picturing.
Show me where she was being an attention whore, because you obviously don’t know what the fuck attention whoring is, and you have no fucking clue how to use tits or gtfo or who it is to be directed at.
>Summer still has it’s surprises in Autumn
File: 1349241026424.png-(289 KB, 500×500, 1348960847799.png)
>be like five or seven
>be playing with younger brother on stairs
>he lays across my feet
>shove him off so i can get up
>he falls down stairs and hits closet
>run into grandma’s room
>hide behind curtain for two hours
>never got caught, parents thought his dumb ass fell
Kudos for proper grammar…
bear grils is that you?
File: 1349241086437.jpg-(36 KB, 457×462, areyouseriousbitch.jpg)
>7 years old, playing at a friends house in his backyard
>gotta poo but not that bad
>really into playing
>suddenly, prairie dogging
>play just a little.. bit… more..
>full sprint for bathroom
>as i am pulling up the toilet lid i lose it
>shit my pants while im staring into the toilet
>cuffs on my pants tight enough to hold mess
>flush toilet and run sink to fool friends mom
>tell her my stomach hurts and i wanna go home
>mom comes to pick me up
>i sit down in the passenger seat with shit filled pants
>before i can tell her what happened, kids knock on my window
>selling chocolate bars for fundraiser
>mom continues talking to them about chocolate bars
>chocolate this, chocolate that
>finally, she makes up her mind and they leave
>asks me whats wrong
>gets pissed at me that i sat in her car without saying anything
File: 1349241196190.jpg-(81 KB, 700×460, gayest post of the day.jpg)
>act your age
>be grade 2
>need to take shit like no tomorrow
>brown kid has been out at bathroom for over 20 minutes
>”MISS I NEED TO GO TO THE BATHROOM”
>”no anon you can wait til anon is back”
>brown kid finally comes back
>book it down hallway
>wild principal appears!
>”slow down anon…” and goes on to give me lecture about running in hallways
>finally make it to bathroom
>open toilet stall door
>stuff poop filled undies in pocket
>go back to class
>”whats that smell anon?”
>”my cat pooped on my only good pants today”
>cry to father once out of school
Somebody give this bastard a medal.
File: 1349241299250.gif-(429 KB, 464×260, 129969639840.gif)
>be 5 years old
>See the Plaine hit
>Everybody looks at it, not understanding it but notices the teachers face and don’t comment
>I am a fucking dumbass
>As the plaine hits I yell “Ooh! Wow! It is like an action movie!”
>Teacher looks at me with intense rage
> I notice the teachers anger
>”I need to get this on DVD!”
>My teacher sends me to the principles office.
chris is a faggot
> you have no fucking clue how to use tits or gtfo or who it is to be directed at
you ignorant fuck tits or gtfo is directed at any fucking ‘femanon’ you dickshit
If they did, they were good at hiding it for four years. And you know high school kids. At least one person would be talking behind my back about it, and the friends I had wouldn’t have been my friends had they knew.
File: 1349241399466.jpg-(31 KB, 520×320, nice man.jpg)
Thank you, Anon.
File: 1349241417368.jpg-(48 KB, 594×450, 1295900304426.jpg)
cool story bro
l0l do u H4cK???
File: 1349241496108.gif-(474 KB, 266×150, ZSn0p.gif)
>doing a interview for a phy with some 15 year old girl
>she was a 6/10 but Idc
>she started talking about skinnydipping and shit
>interview was outside where nobody was watching us
>starting talking about her opinion on sex (fucking smooth as shit, I was)
>told me she was raped by a friend of her brother while camping
>my raging boner fucking die like that
>fucking school is named wang
Lmao.. Made my night man..
Back when 9/11 happened too
>people were flipping shit at school, had no idea what was going on
>people are crying, on phone in class, teachers aren’t around, completely fucking confused
>be loner kid, don’t talk to people, whatever, sit back and play vidiya
>teacher comes in
>”If you want to go home and be with your families you can.”
>Instantly hop out of chair
>”hell yeah, this is the best day over.”
>Everyone glares at me, someone throws something
>just laugh and walk out
>Found out what happened when I got home
>laughed again and played more vidya
>be in first grade
>piss teacher off
>she’s easily pissed and fat
>slams door, nobody can leave
>have to shit
>hold it, fat bitch is scary
>shit my pants
>leave shitty underwear on sing in bathroom
>mfw everyone knew it was me
No, it’s not faggot. It’s only for the attention whores. It’s faggots like you that make femanons hesitate to tell their stories in fear of the endless TITS OR GTFO.
oh shit never laughed so hard you must be a nigger
File: 1349241639200.jpg-(30 KB, 452×339, 1345825552464.jpg)
>forgot, live in Canada, dunno why people were flipping their shit
you’re wrong. It’s for any fenanon that posts on here. Now tits or gtfo whore
Spending all my hard earned dope money on cocaine and I never ever even liked coke.
Still gets me a bit when I think of all hundreds of thousands a have wasted on that shit and got little to none out of it.
File: 1349241725233.jpg-(13 KB, 236×240, 1336694581158.jpg)
>you ignorant fuck tits or gtfo is directed at any fucking ‘femanon’ you dickshit
>directed at any fucking ‘femanon’ you dickshit
>directed at any fucking ‘femanon’
File: 1349241727581.gif-(92 KB, 160×160,MFW+when+I+see+the+WBC+pi(…).gif)
you’re a fucking idiot and are using it wrong, faggot
you are wrong.now go to sleep james.
>be grade 1
>grandma was principal of shitty school in small town
>go to bathroom and see note saying the stall wasnt working
>see 2 5th graders and grab the note and throw it into the stall and piss on it trying to impress them
>mfw they told on me
>mfw i have no face
>be a poor kid
>at lunch kids would always buy chocolate milk
>see that chocolate milk is in unlocked fridge in the gym
>me and my 2 other poor friends steal a few chocolate milks
>huge rush and end up stealing more
>ended up stealing whole fridge of milk
>mfw next day teachers put an announcment up for missing milk
File: 1349241803102.jpg-(550 KB, 850×559, 1343974543638.jpg)
Nice to overcome all that shit and get a front row seat. A long term motivator was the message of denial. I would not be denied.
File: 1349241818452.jpg-(14 KB, 500×314, swordofbaddass.jpg)
>be 3rd grade
>have tons of friends in neighborhood
>you weren’t cool if you didn’t have one of these lightsabers
>10+ of us go to park in our neighborhood
>run all the filthy 2nd and 1st grade peasants of the big play set with our bad ass sabers.
>park was so close most little kids went unsupervised so there were no parents to yell at us
>have huge free-for-all with a swords crafted by the gods
>sore losers sucker punch their victors
>everyone starts hitting each other harder
>soon, everyone is trying to kill each other
>i pick up on this and sit on a bench and watch the carnage
>mfw I see 10+ 3rd graders beating the shit out of each other with toy lightsabers
>mfw im a lightsaber
Wait what high school did you go to?
>be in kindergarten
>thirsty, hmm waterfountain
>but wait? theres girl at fountain
>punch her in face
>victoriously drink my water
>mom kicks my ass
>she bursts into treats
>bursts into treats
Your friend was a bespectacled piñata?
> gay buttsex with 2 friends at sleepover
>i honestly cant tell if it was a dream or real lfie because i think ive repressed it so much that i myself, think it never happened
All my janitors are old men with that mustache all janitors seem to have
Or a beard, one of the two
i was always taught that it was for anybody who implied that they have a cunt, or are not a male.
tits or gtfo is applicable to any circumstance or situation when any cumdumpster makes any kind of reference to her gender.
The moment they announce the fact that they are female, it MAKES them attention whores because there is no reason to announce that fact. Jesus fuck get a clue.
File: 1349242340555.jpg-(199 KB, 680×794, Rules_83c958_1240031.jpg)
yeah, i think rule 31 is pretty clear…theres no clause about attention whoring. if you read the rule, it clearly applies to any female posting anything, even if she doesn’t say she’s a female.
all cumdumpsters should know the rules and just shut up and do it. no whining “oh but i wasn’t trying to be an attention whore” it doesn’t matter, you should take pride in sharing your tits and being a contributing member of /b/
File: 1349242342585.jpg-(114 KB, 735×720, hitlerisamused.jpg)
lol On St. Patrick’s Day in 7th grade I drew and cut out a green swastika and taped it to my shirt. I figured “well the swastika means good luck soo”
English teacher was not exactly impressed..didn’t help most of the school thought I was a Nazi because I loved reading books about WWII and in particular Nazis
File: 1349242400189.png-(25 KB, 672×1042, pokerface.png)
>In 11th grade class
>feel awkward because I don’t know anyone
>Starting quarterback in front of me
>nobody else but me and him on this side of the room
>learning about some god damned American Government
>halfway through class my colon needs to release vespene gas
>loud as fuck
>everyone stares at quarterback who was sleeping
>he peaks his head up and looks at me
>put head down and go to sleep
>class goes on
File: 1349242417092.jpg-(33 KB, 360×240, 1348180267639.jpg)
So you’re like 15-16?
Come back next summer.
nah …..nigga you gay
>first job out of college
>boss was this hot asian chic
>had to stay overtime with boss in the office
>boss decided to dress more comfortably
>office layout is ‘L’ shaped with floor to ceiling glass windows with boss’ office on one side and mine next to it
>boss changes clothes and forgot (maybe intentionally) to close the blind thinking the window tinting and afternoon sunset would conceal her from my view
>get huge bonner and fap away while i watch her undress
>came buckets and office smells like jizz because the building air conditioning shuts off after regular office hours
>boss comes out of her office and checks on my work
>she smells the jizz and asks what it was
>tell her the janitor used a new kind of antibacterial spray on trash bin
DUDE!!! This is amazing. Fuck, how you been?
File: 1349242805281.gif-(164 KB, 425×417, 1344968032930.gif)
>be in 4th grade
>playing tag at a friends house
>decide to throw a rock at a tree
>big ass chunk of concrete
>friend walks in front as soon as i release
>hit friend in the head
>freak the fuck out
>he goes inside
>parents said he threw up
>they go to hospital
>i go home
>dont tell parents
>they find out
>flip shit and go to hospital
>my friend had a severed vital artery to his brain
>minor brain damage
>still feel fucking horrible about it
>Be 7 -maybe even younger.
>Family trip to some shit town
>Cool cousin comes to the trip with me and my brother
>Cousin is 14 and so is my brother, they both want to get rid of me but the need to babysit me.
>They say they want to take a walk
>Parents tell them they have to take me with them
>We walked for a while and get to this abandoned house
>House has a big pool and some games for little kids
>Cousin and brother gets their skateboards and use it on the pool
>I’m happy as fuck on the slides and little houses they have
>We do this every time we have a family trip (Maybe every fourth or five months)
>One day we’re on the house playing around
>We hear a car
>Cousin and brother starts to run away and yelled me to do it too.
>I ran and ran
>Got to house faster
>Cousin got caught
>House isn’t abandoned, its actually for family trips just like ours.
>Owners call the cops
>Cousin comes back home in police car crying
>We even appeared in the local tv news
>Cousin’s family and mine fight
>No more family trips again
>Cousin hates me
>Cousin hasn’t talked to me or my brother in 14 years
I somehow miss her
>be in 6th grade (11ish)
>go on school camping trip
>get to ride quad bikes around dirt racing track
>quad bikes really slow
>friend shows me how to rig them to make em go much faster
>i help every1 else rig theirs
>some girl crashes her rigged bike
>shes laying on ground leg cut open crying
>get yelled at by teacher
>be at same camping trip
>buddies and i bored one night in cabins
>see light suddenly outside window over tree tops
>we all think is ufo
>go outside to investigate
>realize it was just a truck with its high beams on nearby
>decide to steal girls knickers hanging outside their cabin rooms
>our faces when teacher is doing night watch and catches us
>we get banned from activities for a few days
File: 1349242901254.gif-(17 KB, 400×399, 1270044099396.gif)
Be in 8th Grade
>Canadafag so I’ve got french class
>Assignment to come up with things sharks eat in French
>Annoying ass girl keeps asking me to give her words
>Finally had enough so I open the dictionary and kind something stupid
>Tell her it’s french word for tuna
>At the end of class she hands in her paper
>Teacher starts listing the things she wrote down, comes to mine
>Yells out in angry confusion “Jews?!”
>MFW when I told that annoying bitch that sharks eat Jews in French
Not a single fuck was given.
>Always more aduilt than my friends
>They was talking about vaginas
>Come and explain shit to them
>Hated them ever since
Yet it turns they are virgins even those days
I’ve scored 2 years later and get better education
File: 1349243067039.jpg-(17 KB, 251×251, blitzkreig!.jpg)
I wish if I insulted someone they bursted into treats.
>be 7th grade
>out in recess chilling like a boss
>about to go in when big titty bitch confronts me over something that didn’t involve me
>try to grab her arm. Grab shirt instead
>ripped her fucking shirt in half
>big tits hanging everywhere
>Japanese bitch in our class sees and tells the principle
>get sent to principals office to apologize to her
>laughed when I got out of office
>almost got caught another time after she changes to more casual wear and leaves the office
>i start jerking and all of a sudden boss is back because she forgot something in her office
>had a hard time hiding my boner and couldnt handle the door with my right hand as it was lubed with my boss’ lotion that she keeps on the top drawer of her office desk
>she probably smelled the lotion but didnt say a thing
>after she left i finished fapping and went home
>i miss working for her because she loved to put her feet on top of the table while she works
>sometimes even when she is wearing a skirt
>i come by her desk and she doesnt even put her leg down knowing full well that i can see her panties
>never did try to have sex since i was afraid of loosing my job if i miscalculate her intentions
yeah im so beta. sad.jpg
Holy shit, someone is using the birthday guy that I drew balls on, I’m so happy. Did you get it from the sticky, or the original thread?
File: 1349243221855.jpg-(23 KB, 200×200, 1343735631127.jpg)
File: 1349243370290.jpg-(8 KB, 239×286, squatting02.jpg)
i never ever sit on toilets to shit. i put both my feet on the seat and squat, I have always done this and always will. pic related
>ITT, stupid shit you did when you were younger.
>shit you did when you were younger.
>when you were younger.
>first job out of college
>yeah im so beta. sad.jpg
damn i feel bad for you man
I like this one.
File: 1349243684779.jpg-(28 KB, 331×319, 1272338450886.jpg)
move to india, faggot.
File: 1349243730693.jpg-(24 KB, 381×391, shocked.jpg)
>live in redneck household
>guns, guns everywhere
>shit-faced parents never locked them up
>sister and I out into garage to find something to do
>see arsenal of firearms displayed on shelves
>sister grabs a .308 rifle
>take sideXside from shelf
>both play in front yard (which was miles of desert)
>gametype select: hide and seek
>go hide and wait
>sister passes right by me
>head back to porch to play again
>huge ass lizard on rock nearby
“Let’s kill it”
>sister raises gun and makes obligatory shooting sounds
>Lizard fucking disappears
>father stubles outside promtly and snatches guns away
>get a well deserved ass whooping later
First chamber wasn’t loaded, but I’d cycled it over to the other which had a round of buckshot after I’d tagged my sister.
Im going to try this when i get home
File: 1349243812175.jpg-(11 KB, 264×197, yep..jpg)
My god kill yourself with these tidbits. (suck my dick) also doesn’t have to make sense I’m not a fag from Canada.
>4th of July
>standing on back of couch
>dive off back of couch
>land on the top of my head on the coffee table
>ow my fucking head
>mom asks what’s wrong
>i tell her
>calls me a dumb ass
had a headache like a mother fucker in the morning
>younger… not young.
Do you regret it?
so how old are you now then?
you still fap at work as a grown ass man?
you little fuck
Lol. That must is why? I yes. Haha
File: 1349244963867.jpg-(132 KB, 400×399, gro.jpg)
>would sneeze upward and let it hit me cause it felt cooling.
>be in 10th grade
>talking shit about some faggot
>friends and I laugh
>didn’t know his sister was in my class
>8/10 would bang
>was working my way in with her
>seals my fate
I still regret that shit.
>be 9 years old
>blackmailed my brother to let me play the playstation all day or else i’d take a picture of his ass and show it to everyone
jesus christ i was such a fucking faggot, i’d punch my self if i could go back in time
File: 1349245291246.png-(159 KB, 448×336, Laugh Mitchell 2.png)
>Be 7th grade
>friends mix milk and juice in the juice cups with bread or lettuce or whatever
>call it buttjuice
>keep it in an empty locker on first floor
>buttjuice locker starts to smell
>make map and plan to take it outside to the playground and bury it
>locker smelled a year later
>be 7th grade, in K-12 school with recess
>field/playground close to interstate
>across the street was a wall, over that was busy highway
>throw grapes, tomatoes, bananas, apples, trying to hit cars
>one day friend throws bowl of chili
>never hit anything
>Be 7th grade
>try to steal girls sneakers because how else do you flirt?
>crawl under like…a felted bleacher-type furniture piece in a laid-back classroom to take shoes
>dirty under here
>find 500 Pesos
>Didn’t need to take shoes
Tits or gtfo bitch
White knight faggot alert
File: 1349245387644.jpg-(51 KB, 297×411, hamboigahs.jpg)
>Be weird goth kid
>in gym class playing basketball
>hot girl walks up to me and asks me if I want to play with her
>though she was kidding and pelted her in the face with the basketball
>broke her nose
>Dad had to pay bills
>Got ass beat, and girl is still a bitch to me 10 years later.
STRONGBAD UP IN THIS BITCH.
File: 1349245619610.jpg-(71 KB, 713×534, redd.jpg)
haha awesome! wish i was there to capture the moment…
i remember a few random ones of other kids so im sure they have some of me
Seconded, I don’t understand it either.
>>wages war with half the world
haha wut wut?? WUT?
by half the world you mean a couple of shitty arab countries where people live in huts made of dirt still? USA is by far the most pussy country ever. Never have you once fought a REAL war, by REAL war i dont mean invading third world countries.
File: 1349245933334.jpg-(30 KB, 394×507, tom.jpg)
>be in 7th grade
>douche kid in 8th grade is on a computer in a the commons area
>see him laughing and typing furiously on the comp
>next day principal corners me and questions me about what kid was doing on the computer
>freeze in terror in fear of not being cool, just tell him idk what he was doing
>turns out he hacked the computers and deleted a bunch of shit and fucked up the entire whole schools servers (have no idea what he actually did, dont remember)
>supposedly caused $20,000 in damages
>he asks me to join his band
>mfw he becomes my best friend
>record 2 albums
>do gigs n stuff
>best years ever
Revolutionary war, War of 1812 French and Indian war, Spanish-American war, WW1, WW2, Korean war, and there were some other inconsequential wars in between that I’m leaving out.
>burst into treats
you’d cry too if you were suddenly a milky way.
Humans have squatted for most of human history—several hundred thousand years—we’ve squatted. Toilets have not been around for a very long time. The Vikings and shit all squatted and crapped in the woods you wouldn’t tell them to ‘go back to india’
Science. Lrn2du it.
underage b&. your girlfriend’s mom is driving you places gtfo
Revolutions happened many times in Europe even long before America was even discovered, only you us-fags call it “war”
You didnt do shit.
You didnt do shit.
Please stop taking credit for the work of Russia, damn.
Please all amerifags kill yourself, you have been brainwashed from the day you are born, the world is nothing like you have been told it is, or have ever been. You like in a zombie-state only to never question your government and think USA is the greatest country in the world. just kill urselfs please.
>Be in 9th grade
>Kid says mildly insulting
>Being a creative fuck, I say “yeah well your mom”
>His mom is dead and his dad is an alcoholic
>be taking some bs test in 2nd grade
>a million gallons of pee want to burst out of my wiener
>ask teacher if i can use the toilet
>she says no because she is a huge cunt
>open the flood gates
>what did that bitch expect
We call the Revolutionary war a war because we declared independence before heavy fighting started, every British action after that point was just them attempting to invade us. WW1, you’re right we didn’t do much.
WW2, you’re right if we are talking about the European front, but I regret to inform you of the existence of the other half of the world, where we were the only ones fighting, as a direct result that was decreased man power as well as resources, as opposed to Russia which could devote 100% of there resources to the war against Nazi Germany.
>throw brick at girl called rosie
>break her ankle
>she is moving house next day and i dont get in trouble at all
>we have stream running through garden
>some friends come over and we play in garden
>we are around stream and i pretend i’m falling in, doing the whole cartoon flailing arms going whoa whoa
>fall in like a dumbass
>have roller blades, love them, get pretty good for a 10 yo
>live on a hill and near a big hill
>have time of my life going up and down my hill
>attempt bigger hill with my little bro on his scooter
>going down hill, feel wind in my arms feel like the wind itself
>alot more hill left
>1/2 way down too fast and i realise there isnt an incline at the bottom of the hill to slow me, there is a crossroads.
>see lamp post
>i can grab that shit to stop myself
>smash headfirst into lamp post
>wake up few minutes later. head bleeding, being dragged back home by my bro, tears in his eyes cos he thought i was dead.
>go to hospital, mild concussion, dont be idiot speech from parents
>fucking love my brother, i’d take a bullet for him
not greentext, did not read
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>7th or 8th grade, dont remember
>out camping with the class
>teacher and some A grade students sleep in a big ass tent
>me and my friends go shit a big pile of crap infront of the tent
>make the tent collapse
>teacher and students crawl out, 1st thing they feel is our warm shit under their arms and legs
>steal worlds first nuke from germany
>drop nuke over japan
>take credit for creating the nuke
>act like we fought hard
>cry about pearl harbour buuuhuuu
>rly didnt do anything in ww2
>Doing Indoor cross country with benches and shit
> Run forward jump over bench majesticly
> Lose footing after landing
> Spin in fucking circles
> Straight into wall, everyone laughing
> Get back up, dizzy as fuck
> Walk into cone falls again
> Gets up again
> Realize I have my shorts on inside out
> Run out class everyone laughing
> I whistled for a cab
> and when it came near the
License plate said “fresh” and had a dice in the mirror
>If anything I could say that this cab was rare
>But I thought nah, forget it, yo homes to Bel-air!
We didn’t steal the first nuke, Nazi Germany was unable to finish development of the atomic bomb as British agents bombed an integral supply of heavy water, a substance which takes a long time to produce. We didn’t even still the concept, though the concept came from German scientists, those concepts were developed before the Nazi party had control of Germany, during peace time, Germany and America both just made logical deductions from that point and found the route to making an atomic bomb.
I think some amerifat is butthurt
sounds like you sympathize with the plight of the modern woman…..
> she probably deserved it the slut
you lost vietnam war.
These British agents were actually Norwegians. Norwegians sabotaged a ship containing some water they produced in the Norwegian mountains which stopped the production of the first nuclear bomb. Not England my good sir.
Worst try of justifing the theft of the a-bomb ive ever seen.
YOU STOLE THE NUKE, simple.
>Live in country, nothing to do but play outside and play nintendo
>Outside with big brother
>We (for some fucking retarded reason) are discussing whether or not we could live in a tree
>Me: “How would you go to the bathroom?”
>Him: “Just go off of a branch, retard.”
>”What about pooping?”
>”Shit off of a branch.”
>”No one would do that dude.”
>”I could do it.”
>”Well, I bet you couldn’t do it.”
>Time to get cocky
>”Yeah I could!”
>”Oh yeah? Do it from that tree.”
>Points at apple tree
>Me: “Ok, fine.”
>Climb up tree
>Shit off branch
>See abusive mother marching toward me from the house
>Pull pants up (shit still on ass)
>Jump off of branch
>Land on my feet in my own shit
>”WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING ANON?”
>Grabs arm, jerks me to tree
>”WHAT IS THAT?”
>She points to where the turd should have been
>It was stuck under my shoe
>She disregards it, yanks me inside
>Screams at me while I sit naked in the bathtub
>I tell her whole story
>She says: “If you want to live in a tree so bad, you can sleep in it.”
>Makes me climb up tree that night with a blanket
>Stood in tree with blanket
>Couldn’t sleep at all
>Counted cars to pass time
>Counted to around 15
>Sun started coming up
>Mom eventually came out and told me to get my ass inside
tl;dr shit out of tree because of brotherly competition and then slept in it as punishment due to crazy mom
File: 1349247421772.gif-(49 KB, 387×292, oh_snap.gif)
>Be in 3rd grade
>School project: Make a space ship
>Fucking UFO bitch!
>Glue two paper plates together, spraypaint that shit gold
>Put on little windows and shit
>Happy as fuck
>Walk into school the next day
>Bitchy chick walks up “Aliens aren’t real”
>”Yes they are”
>”Nuh uh. Have you ever seen one?”
>”No. But have you ever seen God?”
>Entire class hears
>I live in Bible-town, Indiana
>Repeatedly bullied by kids for being an atheist
>Teacher thinks I’m troubled
>Calls in Christian parents
>Tells them I told kids god isn’t real
>Parents be like “… Okay”
>Teacher be like “What?? That’s all you gonna say mothafucka??”
>”Yeah, we let our kids make their own decisions. And if you have a problem with that, we’ll just let the principal know we’re pulling him out”
>Teacher like “OH GOD OH GOD OH GOD”
>I still got bullied for about 3 years though
File: 1349247430060.png-(231 KB, 427×339, Double D.png)
>pretend to be samurai
>MFW Samurais are Japanese
Holy fuck I lost
>didn’t know mom killed herself
Yes but our goal was not to win the Vietnam war, look at the global playing field at that time, our end goal was winning the Cold war, the Vietnamese war as well as the Korean war can be thought of as just skirmishes in that regard.
I’m aware that they were Norwegian agents, but they were answering to orders from the British intelligence agency of that ere, thus there actions could arguably be attributed to the British, I also never claimed that this took place in England.
We started development of the atom bomb at the same time, we didn’t steal it. We did, however steal the rockets from them.
> be in 1st grade
> hang around on playground with male friends
> (be only female in friend-group)
> get dared to take off clothes
> take off clothes, stand on see-saw spread-eagle so the guys could see
> look at window of school-building
> ENTIRE CLASS LOOKING OUT AT ME
No you stole it, and the haunebu project aswell just like the rockets. amerifats havent developed anything on their own, just steal ideas and act all awesome about it
is your name cody?
File: 1349247707456.jpg-(83 KB, 900×557, 2019729-hamboigahs_everyw(…).jpg)
She does have herpes.
dare you to get nude and take pics, spread butthole pls
Einstein himself acted as chief adviser for the Manhattan project, I will admit to Americas stealing of a lot from Germany, but not the atom bomb, as development for the atom bomb started at roughly the same time for both nations.
stole a fire extinguisher from some dudes house, covered a car in fire extinguisher shit, ran, took my shirt off picked up a brick from some construction, ran up to an automatic light from outside a house and beat the shit out of it with teh brick, all on tape, house owner comes out, calls me a motherfucker and i pound his ass to the ground then run again and flying knee a car’s rearview mirror, sprint 3 blocks to a casino, lose 10 soles (peru currency) ask for drinks until it closes then stumble 14 blocks home, all in about an hour. was a retarded 17 year old
pics with time stamp if you please. need to confirm you are a female and not a trap.
not camwhore, sorry bro.
>Be a furfag
>Drew MS Paint furry porn
5 years later and I’m still ashamed.
>neighbor challenged me to a distance-spit contest
>decide to challenge him again today
>start collecting saliva from the beginning of the day
>I can barely contain it all at once
>We’re doing some shit project involving animals
>teacher asks me what animal i choose
>Saliva flowing fucking everywhere. on my clothes, on the carpet, on my desk, on the chair, fucking everywhere
>My teacher freaks out
>I tell her some bullshit disease as an excuse
>mfw nobody in my class saw it except my teacher
fair enough femanon fair enough
>google anime games
>come across gaiaonline
I don’t want to talk about it anymore. I’ve grown out of that faggy weabooish phase, but goddamn those memories still haunt me.
nothing never happened as much as this didn’t happen
File: 1349248005932.jpg-(23 KB, 248×320, 1349243495232.jpg)
>mfw when great success making this thread anti-american ww2 thread.
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>Be in 7th grade
>Watch video about WWII
>Cheer when Hiroshima is bombed
>Teacher makes me sit outside the class
Felt like a tool.
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maybe you should stop saying that shit
sadly at my school you can’t get away with shit, they use remote desktop to periodically check what you’re doing. I bring in my own laptop and use a wifi hotspot off my phone, fuck em’
>have this treehouse bookclub thing that you have to climb a ladder to get into
>if you were a good student they let you go in there and play
>i finally get to go there
>me and a couple of other people
>some fat bitch starts climbing the ladder
>she wasnt even allowed to play in the treehouse
>fuck that shit theres no room for that land whale
>just as shes about to climb in i push her off
>she goes plumetting down, could have sword i heard a sonic boom
>falls on her back so hard the books fall off the bookshelves
>cries and has to go to nurse
>dont get caught
>teacher just though she lost her grip
>enjoyed the rest of my time in the treehouse
Funniest shit so far.
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>Be 7, staying at my friends house
>His mom is a crack whore and left
>Made friend suck my dick
>He is gay now.
>Be 10, “dating” ugly girl
>Get made fun of on the bus because of it
>She tries to sit next to me one day
>Gave that bitch a kick in the nose, bitches love kick in the nose.
>Kids always chanted “Whitney got dumped by, _______”
>Be with my little brother at a friends house
>About 14 and 12
>His friend is 400 pounds and watching porn
>Got mad because I told him he couldn’t get any giney if he tried
>Sat on me
>Brother kicked his head like a soccer ball and we ran home, kid had to go to hospital for concusion.
>Be in 8th grade
>Middle of mass class
>Really strict teacher
>Needs to piss really bad
>Raises hand and tells her I need to pee
>”I really need to pee!!!”
>”YOU THINK THIS IS A FUCKING GAME?!”
>She says i have detention
>End up pissing my pants and failing math
the good ol’ days
so much this
>At chinese restaurant with my family
>This is the first time we’ve gone as a family
>Mother decided to read the placemat thing that says what you are by the year you were born
>All of my family goes on saying what they were, dragon, rat, etc.
>Now everyone else has and it’s my turn and I practically YELL.
>”I’M A COCK!”
>Family leaves in shame
>I dont remember it, but they wont let me forget.
I capped that. Thank you anon.
>We call the Revolutionary war a war because we declared independence before heavy fighting started, every British action after that point was just them attempting to invade us.
Terrible justification for calling it a war. That type of shit happens all the time, but every other country calls it a revolution. You can say it was a war, and therefore all those other revolutions were also wars, that would be a legitimate argument, but the argument you chose there was weak.
File: 1349248830605.png-(298 KB, 406×406, 1323838755004.png)
>in my class there’s really small kid with a horrible cases of little man’s disease is a total ass
>no one in class but me, someone who doesn’t matter and the little guy who was talking to the guy who doesn’t matter
>the little guy is holding his pen with his fingers over and under it
>said hand on a desk he’s leaning on
>neither of them looking
>fuck this little bitch
>slam my math textbook as hard as I can on his hand
>break his finger
>OH SHIT IM SORRY I DIDNT SEE YOUR HAND THERE
>no one ever suspects it was on purpose
>in 6th grade
>not feeling to well that whole day
>terrible stomach ache
>shit starts seeping out of my ass
>whole classroom smells like death
>teacher looking around trying to figure out why, kind find the source
>class lets out but i have Physical Education for my last period
>coach is there that day so they just make us walk around campus picking up trash
>more shit starts seeping out
>by now my stomach is rumbling so loudly people think there is an F18 flying overhead
>fuck it i cant make it im just gonna ditch and walk home
>start walking home, 20min walk
>oh god im not gonna make
>elementry school nearby is my only option
>school had let out a few minutes ago so it was crowded with kids, nobody noticed me walk in
>where the damn bathroom!?
>the toilets are designed to fit little kids, they look like little teacups
>by now my shit was squirting out like the Belagio Fountains
>in one switft motion i drop my pants and unleash my feces
>sounds like a gunshot
>ahhh i feel much better now
>look into the toilet…oh fuck
>its overflowing with shit looks like a mountain
>wipe my ass and run out
i can just imagine the janitor walking in and thinking “jesus christ! how did a 5yr old kid shit so much!”
>6 years ago
>See coworker has bubble thing forming on face.
>”What is that cancer shit on your face man?”
>Coworker: “It’s a cancerous growth. I’m going to need surgery to have it removed.”
>Pause. Everyone in room expects me to apologize.
>”Oh, well I guess I called it.”
>Awkward as fuck silence.
>Yes but our goal was not to win the Vietnam war
lol. Yup, countries join wars with the intention of losing all the time.
Just say you lost the battle but won the war, but don’t say you lost on purpose.
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>girls birth day party
>Stuff vineger and baking soda into my pockets
>Grab the cake from the table and run with foam spraying out of my pockets
>Jump off the diving board with the cake into the pool
>at cousins house
>hot aunt takes cousin to soccer practice
>stay at her house
>go through panty drawer.
>find hot looking shoe
>stick little dick in it
Dafuq 12 year old me.
i remember i was in 5th grade
whole class was supposed to be going on a field trip on a ferry across the bay to the city
my 5th grade teacher was a grimy bitch, ate pudding with a pencil, rubbed crotch on corner of desks, painted nasty ass toenails in class.
got mad at her a few days before field trip
called her a stupid cunt
sent to principal, wasn’t allowed to take trip
suspended for 3 days, mom pissed made me stay at aunt&uncles.
had to clean dog shit in backyard for punishment
scooped that shit like a professional
didn’t throw out, kept outside in brown bag.
brought brown bag to school when suspension ended
apologized to teacher, gave her brown bag gift.
the woman looked genuinely astounded, like i had an epiphany or some bullshit
opened bag, looked like she was about to puke
got suspended again
>half way through first year high school
>sick of this shit
>me and my friend start skipping classes a lot
>some bitch rats us out
>principal calls home, no one there, leaves message
>fucking sprint home after school
>a week later my friends mom tells my mom
Aaaah, wonderful. +100 internets to you
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> Be 14.
> In chemistry class.
> Doing experiment.
> Friend asks me to pass him an alkali.
> It slips from my hand.
> Mfw i dropped the base.
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>be like 13 or 14.
>let younger brother borrow xbox.
>older brother somehow misconstrues something I said to make it seem like I gave him permission to sell it.
>a few days later, I notice it’s missing.
>older brother tells me he sold it to a friend because my younger brother wanted some money to buy candy and yugioh cards.
>complain to parents about it, they make my brothers buy it back.
>literally never use it again.
Looking back on it now, I probably should have just let it go.
File: 1349249723461.jpg-(60 KB, 900×700, thefuck.jpg)
>chilling in garden
>kid is plaing in the kiddy swimmingpool
>check out what he’s doin
>stands up, hard cock
>shoves it in my face
>the fuck just happened
>mfw I was raped by a 10 year old
File: 1349249759012.jpg-(24 KB, 450×300, yolo.jpg)
LOL HOLY SHIT
File: 1349249819237.jpg-(70 KB, 750×421, 1306223608880.jpg)
>be in 8th grade
> maniacal and into deaths and shit
>ignores the fact that the teacher is talking about the Holocaust
>I distinctly hear “explosions”, “death”, and “war”
>somehow think we’re gonna watch an action movie
>”Awww yeah, that’s sweet.”
>ridiculed the whole rest of the day for being insensitive
your shit mother sounds like a cunt
>At Marshall’s with mum, shopping and shit
>Suddenly, mustache lady
>Mfw WTF is that
>Mum sees my look of shock and confusion
>MUM WHY DOES THAT LADY HAVE A MUSTACHE?
>Mustache beast glares
>MFW I’m four and I just wanna know why that fatass has a fucking caterpillar growing on her face
troll, parkinson’s affect after the age of 50
try harder faggot
>your a faggot
>Aunt and cousins take me shopping
>I fucking hate shopping
>Here anon, try this on!
>Go into fitting room
>Get completely naked
>Fling underwear over the top of my fitting room
>Run out of the fitting room
>Mfw I was streaking at age three in the middle of a crowded mall on a Saturday and gave no fucks
congratulations faggot, you molested and traumatized your brother.
>be not very old
>Girl in class’ dad just died in a traffic accident
>teacher makes us paint a picture for her
>dunno what to paint
>see people painting
>time is almost over
>panic, because i don’t wanna look like an idiot who wouldn’t paint anything for her
>paint the reaper
>hand it to the teacher
>she doesn’t look at it
>next week i had to change class, because the girl was devasteted by my drawing
>Years later, i randomly talk about it with some friends
>they all laugh and tells me what an idiot i am
>Then I suddenly get why the girl didn’t like my drawing
Stupid thing I did when I was younger: not fuck a 12yo when I was 14-15 and had the opportunity to.
doesn’t apply newfag.
doesn’t apply here newfag.
(continued in from “not fucking a 12yo” post)
She developed early and had the nicest tits yo.
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> 8th grade
> in park with friends
> nigger family right near us
> I use the word “nigger” too loudly
> they hear
> me and my friends forced to leave park
i still do this for lulz if im with a friend… the fat fucks deserve it for being so fucking fat and wasting so much space and food.
Greentext better work on this goddamn iPod.
>Be senior handegg player in highschool.
>Also a black belt in 3 different styles of martial arts.
( Never tell people you’re a black belt in 3 different styles of martial arts )
>Be on water break docking around.
>Other senior begs me to punch him with his helmet on.
>”HOLY SHIT DAT WAS CRAZY ANON”
>Be bashing each other in head all practice.
>Senior dares me too hit this little white freshman with Nigger dick while he isn’t looking.
>Jumps into the air with glorious superman punch
>Little freshman hits the ground, and we get him to his feet before coach sees.
>Other seniors says: “D00d, he doesn’t look right out of the eyes!”
>Lil freshman is baw’ing and tells our coach.
>After practice get called into coaches office and get verbally raped by the son of a bitch.
>Go home worrying if the kid’s going to make it
> Next day kid isn’t at school.
>Stomach in knot
> Shows up later and tells me the only thing he remembers is catching a ball and then waking up at his house.
>he claims I used some sort of mystical energy to go through his helmet
TL;DR, I killed a’ boy •in slingblade’s voice•
File: 1349251781458.jpg-(61 KB, 426×282, confused-face.jpg)
>in the car waiting for my mom while she goes inside tim hortons
>randomly get a boner
>people outside smoking/drinkin coffee and also waiting in cars
>mom comes out of timmies finally
>stick my head half out the window and yell “Mommy why is my penis really hard”
>mfw my mom and everyone around laughs at me
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i know what you mean… our IT guy is actually retarded in the sense that he is diagnosed with some weird fucking mixture of asbergers, downs and some other shit i cant remember…
>mfw this is college and our IT guy doesn’t even know how to spell.
He thought just the act of standing, not giving someone a seat, was polite.
this pasta again.
>be in kindergarten
>just watched Wes cravens new nightmare with my dad
>next day at school kids go out for recess
>i wait for them to come
>walk around saying “never sleep again”
> I did this for a couple weeks
I feel stupid
>greentext, can you even? You third world parasite.
GTFO doesn’t apply here you summery faggot.
Gawd damn newfag.
File: 1349253974140.jpg-(21 KB, 475×358, 1313175178466.jpg)
>girl invites me to see Gangs of New York in early high school
>why the fuck would she want to see that?
>doesn’t watch movie at all
>stares at me an applies lip gloss easily 20 times
>fucking retarded faggot
>5 years later realize I’m a fucking retarded faggot
>rest of high school is a continuation of that moment
>sad girl with few friends sitting alone at lunch
>half-inflate gallon zip-lock, push corner in and fill it with raisins
>slam top of back and send buckshot of raisins into her face and side at 1000 miles an hour to make the jack-asses I thought were my friends laugh
>she never looks up from her sandwich
>feel like absolute shit for the rest of time
>too ashamed to apologize 10 years later
your bro sounds cool as fuck
picked my nose and wiped it on people without them noticing, what a thrill
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haha, thats fucking disgusting
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Did this for you
>be in 7th grade
>mum just dieds of cancer
>fucking ass hole make cancer joke
File: 1349255472194.png-(56 KB, 805×795, arealanon.png)
Only I discovered this fine asshole of the internet in 7th grade. I feel like the /b/’s biggest fuckup. 19 now, been coming here since I was 2007.
>be in 8th grade
>purchase a bottle of coke from the canteene
>drink it till half the way down
>piss in it then fill it the rest of the way with water in the toilet (it still looked like coke but not at dark)
>sneak it back into the canteen
>watch a kid pick it up and buy it
>watched his facial expression
>had a dirty grin for the rest of the day
File: 1349256713331.png-(204 KB, 904×499, happy wheels.png)
uncontrollable laughter ensued.
>be like 7 or some shit
>see my dogs fucking in the back yard
>hump female after they’re done same way
>live next to fire station
>firefighters watching me laughing
>didn’t know why it was funny
>didn’t know what I was doing
Oh, to be young and innocent again, maybe not so innocent…
>be like 9ish
>be laying down for “nap time” at babysitter’s
>female friend also laying down same room
>crawl over to her quiet like
>see my reflection on something
>think I’m like a turtle on mario
>get to her she pulls panties down
>mess with her vagina no idea what we’re doing
>babysitter walks in, flips shit, and paddles me
>hardcore religious cunt
>steal diapers she had for babies as revenge
>wear one when I get home for fun
>my dad is like wtf are you doing
I was a fucking retarded little kid.
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> 15 years old
> at boarding school
> my friends and I would find it funny to run around in the dark and moon cars passing by
> here comes another one
> I pull down my pants, and my friend shouts don’t do it
> too late, I’m the only one mooning
> the car stops up, and we see a bunch of big guys in the car who are pissed as fuck
> we run all we can
> the others run ahead, I turn to the right to be more tactical
> the car follows me to the right and comes closer while I run for my life
> when they are like 3 meters behind me, I turn to the left, where there are a bunch of trash-containers. They’re 2 meters high and I jump up and hide in one of them
> hear them walking around, I’m shaking and scared as fuck, think I will soon get beaten up
> they drive away and didn’t find me
> I walk ack to the school and find my friends who thought I would’ve been dead or beaten up
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>i can just imagine the janitor walking in and thinking “jesus christ! how did a 5yr old kid shit so much!”
Fuckign this, I lost my shit
>be 8 years old
>good friends with neighbours two 9 year old girls
>play with them all the time
>ahhh the good old days
who would’ve known
It’s simple, butthurt cunt. TITS OR GTFO. Welcome to 4chan.
File: 1349261016156.png-(714 KB, 757×451, 1332783759995.png)
I have a similar experience
>be 9 years old, the day after 9/11
>no idea that anything out of the ordinary has just happened
>see an ambulance with open backdoors rush by(im danish, so it had no connection to 9/11)
> then see a flag halfway down the flagpole
>yell out loud “wow looks like som real action!” or some shit like that
>get dragged to the principals office.. still have no clue what I did wrong
>teachers and principal yelling in my face.. think they’re kidding
>send me home to think about it
>2 days pass by before I put 2 and 2 together
>feel somewhat bad.. mostly because ive been a favored student up to that point.. and luckily from that point on still, after the whole thing cooled down.. but still
>mfw my parents never found out
>Meal of the day is foot-long hotdog
>Sitting with friends
>Cover the hotdog in ketchup
>Girl walks by
>This girl ratted my best friend out for accidentally hitting a teacher’s car with a softball when we were playing during P.E.
>She made it sound like he did it maliciously
>He gets 10 days I.S.S.
>No good deed goes unpunished
>Grip ketchup-covered foot-long like a sword
>Walk right up to her
>Accost her with the hotdog and smack her repeatedly with it
>She starts screaming and crying as the ketchup flies everywhere
>At the end of it, I look like a maniac covered in blood (ketchup,) and she looks like my murder victim
>Assistant principal escorts me out of the lunch room
>Almost get expelled
>Get 10 days O.S.S.
>Get diagnosed with a potentially fatal heart illness the literal next day
>Parents too upset to be upset about my suspension, instead they coddle me
>Spend next 10 days playing Crash Bandicoot 2: Cortex Strikes Back
>Taught that bitch a lesson
>Fucked her best friend in high school, eventually married friend.
MFW she was the bridesmate for my wife at my wedding.