Everybody is busy with their own lives. Even your relatives and most cherished friends are pretty much so involved in their own trials and tribulations that they don’t have time for you and your problems. I don’t mean to sound negative. I’m simply making an observation based on my perception of what is happening in Anthony Mandich’s world. When people commit suicide its remarkable to listen to their family and friends beat their breasts and howl about how they had no idea that things were “that bad” and if they had seen the warning signs or if the dead boy or girl had only reached out to them then this tragedy could have been averted. Bull fucking shit. I’m sorry but bullshit. When someone is alive and doing the same stupid shit over and over and getting the same fucked up results the relatives and friends can only shake their head and basically just ignore the tragedy that is unfolding before their eyes.
I totally understand that. I totally understand why. Mom and Dad and brother and sister have been down this road with your fucked up ass for years now and no matter how many different fresh starts you get you always end up going back to the asinine shit that gets you in trouble to begin with so what the fuck can they do about it? Nothing that’s what. Mom and Dad have spent thousands of dollars trying to help you kid. You have sawdust for brains and you don’t listen to reason and you don’t change so the tragedy that ends with your death rests squarely on your shoulders don’t you get it?
Unfortunately, you have come to take Mom and Dad for granted and you don’t really appreciate the frustration that you have put them through over the years with your asinine lifestyle. They are sick to death of you and your careless approach to life. You can’t go on taking them for granted forever though. Not unless they are so severely co-dependent that propping you up to fail and flail has become ingrained as part of their way of life too. God, that is really sad. Your selfish and totally indefensible bullshit has had such a profoundly negative effect on everybody that cares about you that normalcy is now impossible for them too. Jesus.
You keep talking about needing a break but fuck son you have had so many more breaks than the average Joe that it boggles the mind. You are so good at dispensing the hypocritical advice to the younger generation (that you can’t seem to stop hanging out with and that’s a whole other story) but you can’t seem to follow any of it yourself. After years of this kind of bullshit you really have come to define the phrase “jack of all trades master of none” and it is sad to listen to you get on your pedestal and preach about all of the lofty ideals (lies lies lies) that you believe so strongly in but strangely haven’t seemed to help out you in your own life.
Shut the fuck up. That’s the best thing you can do. Nobody wants to hear your shit. Even if the message is fundamentally true and logical, having you as the spokesperson for it renders it useless and something to be avoided just because…you are such a moron and have no room to talk which everybody knows so why do you bother?
People used to talk about how smart and gifted and talented you are but not so much anymore. Why not? Do you need to ask or can you see that maybe because you have failed and flailed for your whole life, always looking for excuses to justify whatever shitstorm you have gotten yourself involved in, people who used to believe in you and your ability to rise above have given up hope and have become resigned to the fact that you are a piece of shit waste of time waste of talent big mouth asshole who should just shut your mouth and do something in this decade rather then trying to live off past glories that weren’t really that glorious to begin with.
Hmmmm….what do you think about that? Brutal huh? Not really. You have shown time after time that all you want to do is use the people that are close to you, the ones that you have swindled and conned into believing in you and believing that you have just had factors beyond your control stand in the way of you and the balanced happy life that you should be living. You talk them into genuine belief that you can’t judge a book by its cover and you are good at it. You have the gift of gab and the natural charm of the the snake oil salesman who died out in the 60’s….the 1860’s!
After awhile these gullible (genuinely nice and caring) fools become wise to the fact that what you sell as symbiosis is actually in fact much more one sided than they were led to believe. And one sided relationships like this have been defined in the scientific community. We have a name for the protagonists. They are called parasites. That hurts. I know that it hurts to think of yourself as a parasite but what else can you call what you do to everyone? I know that you never intended to just straight use people until they become smart enough to see that they are being used but the road to hell is fucking paved with good intentions and I’m not entirely sure that your intentions were ever “good” so that doesn’t bode well for you not going down as a piece of fucking shit loudmouth asshole cold blooded hellbound idiot.
The levels that you stoop to are amazing to behold. You continue to justify actions that the man on the street would never defend and don’t you remember how high and mighty you used to feel when your main evidence to show that you were right and your adversary (usually your girlfriend, parent, sibling, boss, or friend) was wrong was always wrapped up in the strong belief that if you two posed your opposing viewpoints to 100 “man on the street” types you would inevitably come out on top. Those days are gone. Your twisted reasons for acting the way you do and treating people the way you do would not be supported by anyone on the street and probably not that many people in prison or the mental hospitals or in street gangs etc.
What if the last break you are going to get is the clarity to see the fundamental truth that says you are a fucking wretched excuse for a human being and that you need to change literally everything about yourself and the way you think immediately or even faster ha ha ha just for you to have a chance to make meaningful amends to all of the poor souls living and dead that have had the misfortune to buy into your bullshit in one form or another and have suffered spiritually, financially or physically as a result of it.
Your best bet is to forget about your wants and desires forever. Just thrown them out. They are no good for you anyhow. They are twisted as shit anyways and in no way do they help you to become the good person that you could actually be if you weren’t such a fucking asshole. You are truly such a self centered narcissist that I’m thinking it is probably an impossible task but what choice do you have? Death, prison, skid row, mental insanity await if you continue on the path you can’t seem to get away from. No promises on what awaits you if you can change but wouldn’t you feel better if you at least took advantage of the opportunities that are still there for you to do the right thing and failed rather than continue fueling the fire that is slowly but surely replacing the person that God created and intended for you to be with a freakish evil clown, the kind you read about on the internet everyday and shudder at the insanity that is so clearly on display.
As negative as the preceding may sound, in actuality, it would not take much to see genuine, positive results in your immediate everyday existence. Its just a matter of changing what motivates you. Replace sex gambling drugs swindling hustling and selfishness with things that make sense like balance and healthy thinking and abstinence and sacrifice and saving and mentoring and trying. I don’t think its impossible at this point. Its not likely but its not impossible.
If any part of this rant sounds like any part of your reality then first of all I’m sorry, but second of all please do something about your fucked up life. Its on you and it always has been. People expect you to fuck up so you have nothing to lose. That’s fucking awesome because when you have nothing to lose it means you have plenty to gain. Show me some gains asshole. Justify your shitty existence. Right now.