Bitching and Moaning


sexyI am bored out of my gourd.  Tomorrow I won’t be bored because I will be searching for shelter and a friendly face for my daughter and I.  I just can’t be fucked doing anything right now I can’t find the motivation or the energy.  If it is not one thing its another and soon enough my time on this planet is going to be over and what a shitty last few years it has been.  Nothing but fizzled connections, psycho girls, insane highs and soul depleting lows.  God, I want my life to be about more than this.  I try to take comfort in the fact that I have taken on solo parental duties but really and truly I’m not doing the job I could be doing because I just don’t have the resources do it.  One thing has led to another to get me where I am right now and I’m so fucking sick of flailing away.  I sound like a broken record.  My last several posts have been so shitty but the way I’m feeling right now I don’t know if there is ever going to be a new amazing post or story.  I’ve got my bratty but sweet kid pestering the holy living goddamn fuck out of me in this room right now.   Dadddddeeeeeeeeeee, Dadas wanna go on rockabye.  A, S, D, brown back as she is picking at my hair and leaning against me always constantly never ending just climbing and touching and jumping and pulling  on me and patting me and right now she just said Dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada.  Yes its amazing but Jesus Christ I need a fucking break.  We are going right into the crapper because I can’t fucking escape.  I can’t leave the room.  I’ve been stuck with her for days upon days and I am starting to go a little bit nuts.  Pan Pan Pan Pan hold up my  nana my nana dada dada dada my pan pan pan.  You should just see the state of this room right now.  I admit defeat I cannot keep up with this fucking kid.  And here she comes again picking at my hair as I sit on the end of the bed typing this like she is a mamma bear or some shit and then another tight hug and offer for a kiss at least my six thousandth hug of the day while HBO keeps playing the fucking same episode of Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, the Leftovers, Unbroken which is a shitty fucking movie and some other stupid ass shit.  Its either that or never ending NCIS.  I can’t even take my daughter for a walk without a leash on because we are staying on PCH across the street from the beach and there are millions of cars and she has about as much common sense as a two year old.  And here goes the end of another whining pussy ass blog post.  Kill me now.

4 thoughts on “Bitching and Moaning

    1. I’m not going down that road. Things are getting better and nobody is suffering right now. It just gets a little bit hard to handle on my own all the time but let’s face it, I have nothing else better to do and I love my daughter so much and I feel like its me and her together as a team and believe me she is where she wants to be. She loves everybody. She is a very personable kid super nice and all that. She is not being sheltered from the world believe me. She loves everybody but at the end of the day she loves her dad and relies on her dad and I love that about her. She might be annoying sometimes but its the kind of annoyance that I cannot live without. She gives my life a purpose she really does.

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  1. My son was like that at 2 but he has Autism (we didn’t know for another 12 years) and it was so bad I actually had a nervous breakdown. That was what the ER doctor said anyway. You get past it eventually in most cases and you come out a much more empathetic human if you survive. I feel ya. Hang in there. Maybe she needs some dolls to groom and pet and such? Maybe you need some DVD’s or headphones? Two is tough and even tougher locked in one room. Fighting!

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