Red Card Blues

There is a certain casino in California where the pinnacle of the players club rankings is the Red Card.  Basically it breaks down like this.  When you walk in off of the streets, a newcomer to the casino and you go over to the Players Club sign up section and ask for a player card they will give you a silver card, provided that you have identification.  The card expires July 31st of the current year.  You have that long to work your way through the various levels and wherever you finish by July 31st is where you are going to be for the next six month period.  You get it?  If you manage to play through $50,000 then you will attain Gold Card status.  Gold card status is pretty good.  There are events for the gold card members like I got a cruise given to me and I got my choice of a bunch of appliances and shit like that and ended up settling on this phone charger called a Mophie.  Supposedly that was the most expensive item that day.  You will also get some free play per week maybe like $50 a week along with some EZ Dine money that they give you twice a month like $25  and maybe 4-6 free hotel rooms.  The hotel rooms are the shit.  Its totally free except for a $50 deposit per night which is cash.  Actually that works out good for you too though because if you are staying three days you have to put up $150 which is good in this sense….if you are a degenerate spend every last fucking dime gambler then at least when you check out you have $150 cash money which is a lot if you have been walking around aimlessly for the past day and a half without a penny to your name.  Anyways you are going to be at gold status forever if you are the majority of the guests that come through.  To make it to the next level which is Platinum you have to get past $200,000 total play through and that is a big chunk of change, too big for most people.  I was gold for ten days before I made it to Platinum and I was Platinum for 5 days before I made it to Red.  Anyways Platinum is a good level to be at and its where you really start seeing the benefits of using your card every time you play.  For instance it is fun to go up to the cashier when there is a huge line and go stand in the Red/Platinum line and listen to everybody in the normal line start bitching when the cage supervisor opens up a window just to take care of you.  Same thing at the hotel.

When you are checking in. I look like a bit of a crazy kid with tattoos, usually wearing sunglasses inside, bleach blonde hair sort of like a skater punker or something like that. So when I go to that platinum line even the clerks are looking pretty resentful and doubtful of whether I have done what is necessary to attain that status. Its kinda fun anyway. The buffet line is the longest line in the casino. On the weekends it is fucking insane as in 300-500 deep waiting for hours. Of course as a Platinum or Red card holder you just saunter over to the very front of the line much to the crowds chagrin. They get all upset about it too. Guys cussing at you, old ladies crying, children throwing things and biting their parents, I’ve even seen one older guy take out a shovel he had hidden in his trench coat and smack his wife in the back of the head killing her instantly…all because a young sassy kid like me went to the front of the line. It was crazy, there were all these people yelling Worldstar Worldstar and shit was just going off.

So yeah for the six days I was a platinum club player I certainly enjoyed it very much.

Red card status comes when you pass $350,000 in tier points which doesn’t take that long. Not as long as it may seem. At least for me it didn’t take long. A total of six days but I was on a roll like a big dog and pretty much high as fuck and awake for that whole week. When you are winning it is easy to do that playthrough because obviously you are playing with the casinos money so its not out of the ordinary to play $100 a spin several times in a row or even play on the $100 machine where it is $200 per spin just to play. I’ve won two jackpots on that machine both of them $2,000 so not really that much but I have a friend name Boberto that has won $96,000 and $32,000 and several other ones on that same machine. Once you have red card status the world is your oyster. They have really hot Asian girls waiting for you in your high roller sweets specifically for the purpose of giving you a tongue bath. The Asian tongue bath is a delightful experience and if you have never tried it, I recommend it. Red card status also gives you access to a secret casino within the casino where only red card players can go plus one guest. The mysteries that await you at Club Red Card are exciting and sexual in nature for the most part they also give away money to all who enter through its hallowed doors. A helluva place all while it lasted

Shitty Things You Did in Grade School (4chan)


4chan’s b/random board self destructs leaving no trace of the messages left on there after a relatively short period of time.  this thread was so fucking funny slash shocking that i just had to copy it so i could read it again.  you are blessed to be able to read these demented little stories

I’ll start

>be in 4th or so grade
>after school
>admin laptop lying around
>know password is admin
>put every single app on desktop
>teacher comes in
>”what are you doing, anon?”
>”working on powerpoint”
>no one ever found out


Anonymous (ID: Xmgg1lFK) 10/01/12(Mon)18:20:31 No.428249189

Replies: >>428249380>>428249797

>>428248779 (OP)
Steal money from the teachers and buy candy for it.
Piss on other peoples clothes.
Verbal bullying. (that shit hurts the person whom is subjected to it)
There was more but I cant remember.

>> could you elaborate on the clothes pissing?

Anonymous (ID: Xmgg1lFK) 10/01/12(Mon)18:27:57 No.428250193

Not much to tell really. Must have been in first grade. I think I lost a fight against this huge fucker, but being the petty little kid I was. I wasn’t let him going to walk away victoriously. So when he was in class. I pissed all over his sweater, jacket and shoes, then I ran away returned to my class. Nobody every found out it was me.


Anonymous (ID: L8g0PkS0) 10/01/12(Mon)18:22:29 No.428249423

Replies: >>428249498 >>428262958

there was some fun raising thing where kids would sell candy bars for a dollar. I used to make fake fives (really bad ones) and buy a candy bar with it.

Profit = 4 dollars and candy bar = fucking win


>sixth grade
>9/11 happens
>Best friend and i put on two of my boyscout uniforms.
>Go door to door collecting donations to help the families
>Did this all week
>Collect over three thousand dollars
>Holly fuck i’m the wealthiest man in the world.
>For the next month just a constant party of new video games, candy bars, slim jim and, energy drinks.


Anonymous (ID: YR7vQjVD) 10/01/12(Mon)18:32:08 No.428250750


Used a kid’s gym shirt as toilet paper one day.

Put it back in his locker, too.


Anonymous (ID: rEhoOE12) 10/01/12(Mon)18:32:37 No.428250809

>be 7
>Is in first grade
>Class is being introduced to restrooms.
>One boy in the stall in putting his face in the toilet
>He’s a browny
>I’m a cunt
>I urinate on his back and get his t-shirt full of piss.
>He cries.
>I laugh
>I get sent home with his shirt, which I was supposed to wash.
>Didn’t wash shirt
>All my prouds


Anonymous (ID: IkaDSgK6) 10/01/12(Mon)18:36:49No.428251335

kinda similar story to this
>be like 4th grade
>tell people I’m collecting money for some poor family
>made like $200
>fucked off with it and bought random shit.

Probably the worst thing i ever did.


Anonymous (ID: FY6a3TSK) 10/01/12(Mon)18:38:52 No.428251627

Replies: >>428264438

i once convinced a kid that eating seeds i found on the ground would get him to fly, but only if he jumped off tall things.

teacher stopped him from jumping off the building though. didn’t even get in trouble.


Anonymous (ID: IliUoaXO) 10/01/12(Mon)18:39:23 No.428251687

Replies: >>428259292 >>428261329 >>428262247>>428266090

>5th grade
>girl brings in 500$ in cash to class
>me and Mexican friend steal it
>class gets searched
>hide it in sock
>buy shit from those scholastic magazine they pass out in school the next week


Anonymous (ID: jfUYgIta) 10/01/12(Mon)18:40:15 No.428251815

Replies: >>428252195 >>428253360>>428255914

>be in 6th grade
>see hot girl lean over in class
>i see her ass
>she turns and sees me doing this
>she says “if you had one moment to seize everything you ever wanted would you take it?”
>weak arms are heavy
>mom’s spaghetti


Anonymous (ID: DNuLCaQN) 10/01/12(Mon)18:41:34 No.428251984

Replies: >>428257815

throw shit out school bus window at oncoming cars like yogurt, grapes, cheese sticks, and even a calculator once


Anonymous (ID: IdYl/ZQ3) 10/01/12(Mon)18:41:54No.428252035

File: 1349131314604.jpg-(40 KB, 336×330, 1319626532296.jpg)

spat on girls walking home from school
they didn’t do anything and I didn’t even know them


Anonymous (ID: WeYMgSiK) 10/01/12(Mon)18:43:38No.428252276

>be in 3rd grade
>last day of school
>asshole teacher left classroom during lunch
>door unlocked
>2 friends and I walk in casually
>flip over desks
>piss all over the teachers desk
>still not enough
>poop in her jacket
>smear shit all over the whiteboard
>throw papers everywhere
>walk out casually
>took a seat outside
>watched teacher come back
>freak out
>didn’t even know it was us


Anonymous (ID: LJtsl4Om) 10/01/12(Mon)18:44:41 No.428252410

Replies: >>428253071 >>428254176 >>428258634 >>428263010

>I was a little ninja thief.
>In 1st grade, I stole over 3 dozen erasers, several boxes of pencils, and a stack of construction paper.
>In 2nd, I stole about 2 dozen geography and history books from the library, which I burned after reading them.
>3rd, stole some Goosebumps books which were out of print to add to my own collection after figuring out how to remove the super sticky tape and labels without damaging the covers.
4th, Pokemon cards all up in this bitch. I used to befriend kids who had large card collections, hang out with them for a week, then started stealing their holographics. Never got caught, or even called out, but I think some figured it out eventually.
>5th, I stole nothing, but used to annoy a kid who cried easily (he would get so frustrated, and screech like a wounded pig after half an hour of making annoying, distracting sounds while looking right at him.)
>In 6th, I stole magazines from lockers. Also, had to steal back some games which a “friend” had stolen the previous weekend. Stupid fucker tried to act like they were his, when I had marked the inside of the slots with a Sharpie.
>7th, we started using those Bic mechanical pencils. I stole too many of these to count, along with many little containers of “lead”. Also, some bitch teacher’s bag of Jolly Ranchers.
>8th, I stole from stores. Probably $200 worth of candy, Red Bulls, and other little things.

I completely stopped during the summer between 8th and 9th grade.


Anonymous (ID: FY6a3TSK) 10/01/12(Mon)18:49:09 No.428253071

me and my friends found an underground compartment to the basketball court in our school. we found it connected to the “store random shit” part of the school, so we took everything of value and hid it under the basketball court. honestly i thought it was a dream, but everyone i know says it happened and the wall we painted with the paint and paint brushes we stole is still visable.


Anonymous (ID: gjUFvd0q) 10/01/12(Mon)18:51:20 No.428253360

File: 1349131880544.gif-(487 KB, 240×176,4121950+_901c3f8412e8fefe(…).gif)

fuck me 10/10 anon, 10/10


Anonymous (ID: K8cCFSRt) 10/01/12(Mon)18:52:39 No.428253534

File: 1349131959481.jpg-(47 KB, 350×392, 1344436564936.jpg)

its not elementary school.. but its middle school…

>id have science class every other day and the teacher was a downer.. he was always depressed and acted like he didnt care about anything (which he didnt)
>every class me and my friend would go to his computer (while he was in the hallway making sure kids werent late for class)
>we would open up like 10 google searches of porn


>same class
>wasnt feeling so i called in to go home “sick”
>after calling home i started doing a worksheet that had to be turned in
>took pb sandwhich i had, put it inside textbok i was using, slammed book, pd sandwhich everywhere like all over the desk, inside book on the cover lol
>walk out class and go home
>next class teacher says someone did this to textbook, everyone looks at me and laughs
>mfw no fucks were given


Anonymous (ID: Xmgg1lFK) 10/01/12(Mon)18:52:46 No.428253546


I dont get it. Would you be so kind as to explain?


Anonymous (ID: h6Utf1e2) 10/01/12(Mon)18:53:02 No.428253579

>be 4th grade
>girl catches ladybug and is letting it walk on the ground and showing her friends
>walk up with my friends
>squish it
>lol with my friends
>girl cries


Anonymous (ID: gjUFvd0q) 10/01/12(Mon)18:53:29No.428253635

lose yourself by eminem, last couple parts are the lyrics


Anonymous (ID: HQ5H8FGn) 10/01/12(Mon)18:54:35 No.428253779


File: 1349132075137.jpg-(128 KB, 639×427, poop plate.jpg)

>be 12
>live in cul de sac
>have group of friends
>”we own dis shit”
>be faggot neighbor kid who stinks
>time to fuck with him
>older friend poops on paper plate
>so much poop
>pic related
>smear the poop filled plate on their moms cars hubcap
>next day
>see dog licking poop off hubcap
>dog runs to them
>licks them


Anonymous (ID: zRftvrNL) 10/01/12(Mon)18:56:05 No.428253991

Set fire to my project and left it on my bitch art teacher’s desk, spread rumours about her, sent her to therapy.
>there’s only so many times you can be asked, ‘when’s it due?’ when you’re just a fat bitch


Anonymous (ID: zRftvrNL) 10/01/12(Mon)18:57:35 No.428254176

Replies: >>428255126

If your name is Matthew Rajun I’m gonna fucking kill you. All my Ancient Mews, promos and shinies, and upwards of 300 cards. CUNT


Anonymous (ID: Vb2AfVk1) 10/01/12(Mon)18:57:42No.428254185

File: 1349132262369.jpg-(77 KB, 256×320, 1341827277194.jpg)

>shitty spring-loaded paintball gun to school
>didn’t find a good opportunity to use it
>bus ride home
>see posh kids walking home from grammar school
>load gun
>point it out the window
>shoot kid in the head
>everyone on the bus laughs uncontrollably
>look back and he his lying on the floor
>still laughing now and this was 7 years ago


Anonymous (ID: zknKc53w) 10/01/12(Mon)18:59:11 No.428254395

In first grade I spit on a girl
In second I stole a big ass box of crayons from the school set, freaked out, and hid it in a girls backpack. When she found them she brought them to the teacher and the teacher thought she stole them. She got a referral.
Also my cumbox.


Anonymous (ID: G6+Lq6AW) 10/01/12(Mon)19:04:12 No.428255126

i know that feel … 200+ cards gone ….
thou i found out that the dudes that stole from me got some bad karma … 1 got ran over, one lost his and and the other 2 got HIV … apparently brothers shouldnt share needles, how bout that …


Anonymous (ID: ZlD8rEAJ) 10/01/12(Mon)19:07:18No.428255539

>Be in 5th grade
>Last day of school
>Call girl a slut
>Have no idea what it is
>Get in big trouble
>Insincerely apologize to slut
>Forgot all about it till now.


Anonymous (ID: PFwc33O0) 10/01/12(Mon)19:09:49 No.428255885


True story…
>7th grade in Australia
>go to really shitty school
>Have art teacher who is Spanish or arab (who cares was a cunt)
>get into random argument with her for no reason
>Stay behind after class anon
>everyone else leaves
>she bitches at me
>leave class mad
>slap own face just enough so its red
>Walk out shocked and tell principle that teacher slapped me
>Principle freaks out
>never see other teacher again


Anonymous (ID: UKLOTVtc) 10/01/12(Mon)19:10:06 No.428255914


I was thinking for a moment, no 6th grader would say that. 2/10


Anonymous (ID: 6dRehhi+) 10/01/12(Mon)19:10:17No.428255949

>Big fat ginger
>Half of entire asscrack out
>walk by
>shove pencil down asscrack
>lol till sides hurt


Anonymous (ID: kycTOBqQ) 10/01/12(Mon)19:11:52No.428256140

that is pretty win


Anonymous (ID: rnXp8vM2) 10/01/12(Mon)19:12:18No.428256192

Was seriously expecting an Ed, Edd, and Eddy joke…


Anonymous (ID: bA0w/Hpa) 10/01/12(Mon)19:14:19 No.428256470

not really elementary but second day of grade 7
>be in gym class
>teacher tells us to change for our second gym class, the first we just fucked around
>be in changeroom feeling really uncomfortable
>go take a shit in change room washroom
>finish but not toilet paper
>go outside with pants at ankles
>find a towel and proceed to wipe my ass clean
>go to gym class a bit late
>after class “anon did you use my towel?”
>deny, deny, deny
>never got caught to this day


Anonymous (ID: QZQI07z2) 10/01/12(Mon)19:14:23 No.428256476

Replies: >>428258083

Me and my friends didn’t like one of the older kids, so we
>stole his hat, put into a toilet
>all 4 of us pissed on it
>one of us shit on it
>I tried to flush it
>didn’t work.
>toilet got clogged and water started flooding out of it
>ran away.
We still laugh about it from time to time, I can’t remember if we got in trouble for it, I don’t think we did.


Anonymous (ID: aNyUv2CK) 10/01/12(Mon)19:14:25 No.428256482

Replies: >>428257324 >>428263308 >>428266814

File: 1349133265751.jpg-(15 KB, 432×216, Buster.jpg)

I don’t know if this is dickish but I used to masturbate in the middle of class. I’m talking daily for 3 or 4 years until I got into high school and decided it was time to actually try talk to girls.
Everytime I saw some girl’s panties or cleavage, I would get so hard and reach into my pocket and start wacking away.
I trained and learned how to make it not noticeable and still get that masturbate feel without jerking it as viciously as I do nowadays.
>mfw some douchebag walked up to me after class and said he knew what I was doing under the desk


Anonymous (ID: C3J2Wnmt) 10/01/12(Mon)19:15:42 No.428256651


File: 1349133342578.png-(131 KB, 492×358, 11111.png)

>be in 3rd grade
>fun thing to do was kick your shoe off into the air
>I wore steeltoe boots
>kid kicks his shoe off
>Im walking behind him
>kick my boot off as hard as possible
>flies into back of his head
>he falls on the ground crying
>mfw because I didnt like him
>i hide in play tires the rest of lunchbreak


Anonymous (ID: l7hKlVXo) 10/01/12(Mon)19:15:47 No.428256658

>huge green area where most of the kids were
>playing with snow
>me and buddies pretend to cover annoying 5th grader in snow
>actually beat him up
>every winter, always


Anonymous (ID: WAElyvTR) 10/01/12(Mon)19:16:13 No.428256704

File: 1349133373197.jpg-(14 KB, 250×188, pic (1192).jpg)

97% of people fall instantly asleep after visiting this website

A weird phemomenon that even scientisst don’t have a proper explanation for. pic(59).jpg


Anonymous (ID: RL+o5vlQ) 10/01/12(Mon)19:16:19 No.428256724

Replies: >>428270190>>428270416

>Be 8 year old femanon
>Ask friend to show me his penis
>He shows
>Hall monitor catches him


Anonymous (ID: sxzQIbxg) 10/01/12(Mon)19:16:28 No.428256737

Replies: >>428262872

I did the same thing with my friends for Hurricane Katrina. Probably the worst thing I’ve ever done and I honestly regret doing it (fucking bad karma lol). I am a little relieved to know other people did shit like that too.


Anonymous (ID: bmFeQfVu) 10/01/12(Mon)19:16:46No.428256786

> be sitting in the back of the class making animal noises
> teacher is getting pissed off
> Teacher yells at another kid, blaming him
> we keep making animal noises
> he gets sent out of class and gets detention
> 😀


Anonymous (ID: FI5zP8UU) 10/01/12(Mon)19:17:31 No.428256896


File: 1349133451013.png-(156 KB, 270×271, 1348413973827.png)

>In class
>just chillin trying to make a clay rhino
>kid goes to take a piss
>everyone is silent
>loudest fucking noise ever
>louder than Anne Frank
>girls start laughing, kid is crying
>few days later
>need to take a huge piss
>drank 2 juice boxes
>remembers the kid whiping his dick out and pissing a fountain
>fuck that
>takes a piss in the garbage can
>few days later…
>teacher takes all the boys out
>tells us someone has been taking a piss in the garbage can
>dont tell anyone
>no one knew it was me


Anonymous (ID: ib3rW7YZ) 10/01/12(Mon)19:18:33No.428257026

>>428248779 (OP)
Try to fit in


Anonymous (ID: 4wDf4ewu) 10/01/12(Mon)19:18:33No.428257027

>>428248779 (OP)
Stole Yu Go Oh cards all the fucking time
Stole money from class fundraiser
I used to lift up girls skirts and pull their panties down


Anonymous (ID: 8fzD2lVj) 10/01/12(Mon)19:19:30 No.428257136

Replies: >>428263128

>3rd grade
>have a fat stinky indian girl in class
>me n buddy kick her one day at recess and call her stinky creambuff
>cries her eyes out
>only get 2 days detention (detention was 30 minutes long)
>mfw that girl is hot as fuck nowadays but has HUGE problems with anorexia and bulimia. fucking lol


Anonymous (ID: ebRY11FL) 10/01/12(Mon)19:20:39No.428257293

>be like 8
>called fat bitch”a whale”
>told to apologize
>sorry for calling you a fat whale


Anonymous (ID: ZlD8rEAJ) 10/01/12(Mon)19:20:51 No.428257324


Teach us your secrets, Oh Wise One.


Anonymous (ID: FJqc32hO) 10/01/12(Mon)19:20:54 No.428257334


>Be 6th grade
>Running on track
>Asshole girls place fucking wad of gum on my arm
>they say they’re sorry
>I take gum
>pull out girls hair
>Shove the gum in her hair
>ask her if she likes it
>she cries
>runs off
>Her friend stands their speechless
>I keep running in victory


Anonymous (ID: 2N+nd4an) 10/01/12(Mon)19:22:14 No.428257508

>be in 4th grade, last day of school
>total faggot in my class, pissed me off all year and got me in trouble
>we had recess
>towards end of recess, I just completely kicked his ass
>choked him, kicked him in the head, everything
>walk back inside (everybody else was already inside, I was alone with kid
>5 minutes later, faggot kid comes in, sobbing
>tells on me
>Teacher: “did you do something to faggot’s neck?
>me: nope
>teacher: ok
>teacher hated him too
>never got in trouble


Anonymous (ID: WLi6grXx) 10/01/12(Mon)19:23:16 No.428257658


Shit, I used to do that in 3rd grade too, except we’d launch them off while we we on the swing set so it got like 30ft of air.


Anonymous (ID: mrclRP2n) 10/01/12(Mon)19:24:13 No.428257771

File: 1349133853017.jpg-(27 KB, 412×352, 1348250182900.jpg)

>be in class
>room has vent close to floor that sucks in air to recycle it through the air conditioner
>take of shoes after PE
>put dirty smelly feet (with 2 day old socks lol) in front of vent
>rancid smell gets cycled into room
>MFW when we had to leave the room and no one every knew what it was from


Anonymous (ID: v1F9dDqZ) 10/01/12(Mon)19:24:35 No.428257815

I’ve had my windshield cracked because of a little shit like you.


Anonymous (ID: FpUFUAtj) 10/01/12(Mon)19:24:44 No.428257838

> kid is pissing me off
> recess
> playground
> hey look what I have in my hand douchebag
> open up hand and throw sand in his face
> teachers thought he lied when he told on me and gave him detention


Anonymous (ID: 8E0oXhnE) 10/01/12(Mon)19:25:34 No.428257961

Replies: >>428262113

File: 1349133934358.gif-(1.11 MB, 320×240, 1344376767229.gif)

>be in kindargarden.
>playing with some dumb toy, might have been a train.
>other kid walks up
>this kid always takes the stuff i want to play with
>starts arguing/fighting over the dumb toy
>teacher comes over
>she’s some mid-thirties fat chick
>she asks us what happened, knowing i get in posessive fights all the time
>she takes the toy and gives it to him even though i had it first
>get super pissed, wind up spinning around and punching her so hard in the gut that she fell backwards and passed out

I was a fucking boss as a kid. Nearly got expelled for that.


Anonymous (ID: n4GLQC9M) 10/01/12(Mon)19:25:48 No.428257994

>me and my friend spit on a kid that lived with his grandparents
>pulled on a girls legs while she was playing on the jungle gym… her cousin is paralyzed because someone did that to her and she fell

thats about it i was a pretty nice kid mostly


Anonymous (ID: aNyUv2CK) 10/01/12(Mon)19:26:10 No.428258042

Replies: >>428264081

Trick is to wear jeans, angle your dick down and put your hand on top of it from inside your pocket and move it back and forth slowly without rousing suspicion,
put one of your feet on your opposite knee so you just look like you’re getting comfortable
little do they know know how comfortable you actually are


Anonymous (ID: 85QSJ2ma) 10/01/12(Mon)19:26:25 No.428258083

Replies: >>428261406

You stupid mother fucker. Someone took my hat in 6th grade and did this shit! Are you in New York?

mind fucking blown


Anonymous (ID: tM58KEW7) 10/01/12(Mon)19:27:04 No.428258167

Most I can ever remember doing was trying to spread my cold/flu whenever I got slightly sick. Breathing on drinking fountains, wiping my hands on doorknobs and other things that multiple people were going to touch.

Seemed pretty harmless back then, but looking back it was a really dick move.


Anonymous (ID: bA0w/Hpa) 10/01/12(Mon)19:29:17 No.428258447

>be in 5th grade
>pantsing people is the new thing, girls do it boys do it
>catch my good friend hanging from the monkey bars
>pants the shit out of him that even his boxers fall down
>exposed penis to everyone for a good 7 seconds
>he gets embarrassed as fuck and never talks to me again


Anonymous (ID: 9/YX3ZVi) 10/01/12(Mon)19:29:21 No.428258454

Replies: >>428263647>>428264197

>Energy Drinks



Anonymous (ID: hbmZGxfK) 10/01/12(Mon)19:29:45No.428258516

>>428248779 (OP)
>be kindergarten
>arts and crafts
>derping along on some handturkey
>kid next to me cuts my sweater with scissors
>take scissors stab kids hand
>safety scissors weren’t invented
>principle calls parents
>but he did it first!
>fuck you anon
>spit on kid when supposed to apologize
>removed from school


Anonymous (ID: XzVsrPzw) 10/01/12(Mon)19:30:22 No.428258596

File: 1349134222205.jpg-(29 KB, 500×286, 218179_503417443009693_16(…).jpg)

>Verbal Bully

I still hate myself for doing this. I’m sure I’ve hurt so many people and I regret it so much.


Anonymous (ID: LJtsl4Om) 10/01/12(Mon)19:30:38 No.428258634

Replies: >>428266263

I just pulled out some more memories of being a prick as a kid.

>Throughout elementary, there were grasshoppers everywhere during recess. I loved to catch them, then throw them at people. I also crushed them with big pieces of mulch inside of the playground tubes and on the bottoms of slides, so others would get guts on their clothes.

>Buying 1 lock every week for 2 months with my allowance in 3rd grade, so I could put them on lockers, and someone had to cut them off.

>Pissing into the toilet paper holder/enclosure (just imagine the pose that this took).

>Scribbling on walls and lockers with a big, industrial permanent marker.

>Leaving the sink on in the classroom restroom in 1st grade.

>Kicking school-owned balls onto the roof during the last minute of recess or gym. Taking someone else’s ball and doing this was hilarious.

>Writing a 3-page 2nd grade essay in mirror form, so everything was backwards.

>Stole money from mom and blamed my sister, who was caught doing it.

>Used dad’s soldering gun to remove components from sister’s PlayStation’s motherboard, then put it back together and acted like I had no idea why it wasn’t turning on.

>Sprinting across the street at night to piss on neighbor’s car, sometimes the house doorknob if I was brave enough.

>4th grade, 15 year old sister steals my Charizard card. Punch holes through her door and punch her in the side of her ribs before stealing it back. The hoebag bent the lower right corner. Have recurring dreams of her stealing and destroying my stuff for weeks.

I’m out of stories.


Anonymous (ID: mrclRP2n) 10/01/12(Mon)19:31:39 No.428258769

Replies: >>428259271

File: 1349134299358.jpg-(229 KB, 761×822, 1347597873961.jpg)

thought of a couple more

>tell asshole best friend to stand behind someone
>”pass” a ball to him
>nail person in head as hard as I can

>we all bullied some weird kid who wore briefs cuzz boxers were cool and other stuff were for fags
>be chaning in PE
>me and friends run in and pelt him with multiple dodge balls

>same kid
>doesnt like his stuff being touched
>sneak up and touch his back pack
>film him raging and lol our asses off

>same kid is playing DS in class
>teacher let him cuzz he was weird and had issues
>he’s in middle of epic long pokemon battle
>turn off his DS
>run outside while he chases me

i’ll try to think of more, i was a huge dick up until highschool


Anonymous (ID: qtiSp8J9) 10/01/12(Mon)19:31:56 No.428258793

I don’t understand. Was the toilet in the same room as your class?


Anonymous (ID: z+ST1Ggw) 10/01/12(Mon)19:32:22 No.428258843

File: 1349134342000.jpg-(72 KB, 450×373, 35452245345346346.jpg)

>this isn’t me being dickish but a kid cries so fuck it.
>be 7th grade
>my friend likes llamas
>add faggot we hate say’s he hates llamas
>I start jokingly calling him a “llama hater” at lunch
>suddenly he’s gone doesn’t even show up to class
>half an hour through class get called down
>have no fucking clue why
>walk into room see teacher and add kid with red teary eyes
>teacher accuses me of bullying him
>stick t my guns that it was a fucking joke (because it was a FUCKING JOKE)
>didn’t get into trouble
>mfw i made a kid cry by calling him a llama hater under 10 times


Anonymous (ID: w1LqYbVL) 10/01/12(Mon)19:32:50 No.428258895

>be with asian friend in like 1st grade
>messing around with bug under tree during recess
>girl comes over
>tell her to leave us alone
>she doesn’t leave
>leave or i’ll…. i’ll…. i’ll cut you with scissors!!!
>get sent home with no consequences
>i was a ruthless motherfucker


Anonymous (ID: KqsI5seZ) 10/01/12(Mon)19:32:58 No.428258917

>everyone sitting on carpet during show and tell
>teacher says ‘Thomas! You’re in Anon’s way, move!’
>he moves
>I slowly slide over to the right so he’s in my way again
>teacher notices
>Thomas! Come up to the front if you can’t sit out of people’s way!
>I am an evil genius


Anonymous (ID: Pe59imPP) 10/01/12(Mon)19:33:06 No.428258932

Replies: >>428259081>>428259837

>be 6th grade
>get lunch and get a lot of ketchup packets
>twist one side so its about to blow up
>walk around lunchroom talking to friends
>drop pressurized ketchup packets on walkway
>wait for people to step on them and LOL

it sprays in one direction so whomever is in the path gets ketchup’d


Anonymous (ID: ra8MqVTJ) 10/01/12(Mon)19:34:14No.428259081

Haha fuck yeah i used to do that shit all the time


Anonymous (ID: tpnQhX+F) 10/01/12(Mon)19:35:49 No.428259270

Scammed kids of their Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Made fart noises in class because I was bored as fuck because I finished my work super fast.

Didn’t do too crazy shit until mid/high school


Anonymous (ID: vkPgYD2R) 10/01/12(Mon)19:35:49 No.428259271


>playing DS in class
>elemntary school

either are you retarded or a edgy 12 year old who goes on 4chan


Anonymous (ID: +kuV8D+d) 10/01/12(Mon)19:35:58 No.428259289

>Be in kindergarten
>Get bored during reading time
>Ask teacher to use bathroom
>Go to bathroom that was in the classroom
>Poorly lit
>Decide to piss all over the bathroom
>Do this the whole year
>Janitor informs my teacher that he is tired of cleaning the whole bathroom covered in piss
>Was never caught


Anonymous (ID: wfkvrvi1) 10/01/12(Mon)19:35:59No.428259292

lel we got that shit to.


Anonymous (ID: lhzQXApb) 10/01/12(Mon)19:36:25 No.428259341

File: 1349134585119.jpg-(10 KB, 200×200, not-a-single-fuck-was-giv(…).jpg)

>3rd grade
>time to turn in homework
>reach into my desk to grab my assignment
>it’s not done
>ponder what the fuck to do so mom doesn’t kick my fucking ass
>go over to the bin of turned in assignments
>quickly peruse through and find one with no name
>write my name on it
>turn it in

>next day
>everyone turned in their homework except anonette
>girl in the back starts crying instantly
>”wahhh i turned it in i always do my homework wahhh”
>teacher goes over to console her but ultimately gives her a 0% for the assignment



Anonymous (ID: iCrSe99L) 10/01/12(Mon)19:37:22No.428259454

File: 1349134642084.jpg-(21 KB, 463×483, 1349066804535.jpg)



Anonymous (ID: uPri0Oxx) 10/01/12(Mon)19:37:31 No.428259471


>>428248779 (OP)

>4th grade


Are you 10 years old?


Anonymous (ID: MXJ1KadG) 10/01/12(Mon)19:37:39 No.428259487

Replies: >>428260469 >>428260792 >>428262282 >>428265215

>be in 4th grade
>beginning to be curious about sex
>have friend who’s a girl
>she trusts me and we’re totally cool
>we hang out at her house, she lives with her mom only and the mom went to the store or something (great parenting)
>ask girl to play truth or dare
>”ok anon”
>dare her to get naked
>she hesitates, then says only if you do
>both naked
>have sex
>did this for 4 more years

not really bad but meh


>be in 5th grade
>teacher keeps huge bag of candy in her desk for when kids do the right thing
>stay in this abandoned supply closet with a broken lock after school for 4 hours, parents think i’m at a friends house
>patience pays off, i’m the only one in the school
>go in her room
>shit in the bag, lots of shit
>close bag tightly so smell doesn’t get out
>next day
>girl helps everyone with math
>”oh let me give you some candy”
>mfw i’ll never forget the teacher’s face when she pulled her hand out and she had a handful of shit


Anonymous (ID: RDRhXdFG) 10/01/12(Mon)19:38:38 No.428259573


Your and idiot


Anonymous (ID: z+ST1Ggw) 10/01/12(Mon)19:39:30No.428259694

also got something from daycare

>be 5 or 4
>clean up time
>bitch won’t get off the carpet
>ask her
>yank it from under her
>she falls and smacks her head pretty well
>didn’t even get in trouble


Anonymous (ID: keLGllMf) 10/01/12(Mon)19:39:57 No.428259759

>be 3rd grade during recess
> line for the slide
>didn’t want to wait
>cut everyone
>kid pushes me down slide ruining my fun (i dont know why it pissed me off)
>waited for him to go down slide
>punched him in the face and broke his nose
>taking huge shit in toilet
>gets clogged
>keep flushing trying to get it to work
>flood bathroom
>blame it on this bully in school
>he gets called poopy pants from now until end of middle school
>mfw i made a looser


Anonymous (ID: lH94qt+E) 10/01/12(Mon)19:40:11No.428259785

Fucking genius!


Anonymous (ID: qtiSp8J9) 10/01/12(Mon)19:40:20 No.428259807

>be in preschool
>throw sand in faces of children on playground
>claim the hottest chick in class as “my girlfriend” (don’t remember if she agreed to it or not)
>shove into “the line” to be next to her
>at one point, beat up teacher for trying to talk to me about my behavior
>no repercussions for any of this

And now I’m a pussy beta faggot. What happened?


Anonymous (ID: Pe59imPP) 10/01/12(Mon)19:40:33 No.428259837

Replies: >>428261184>>428262086

also not elementary but still

>be junior in highschool
>friends and i get our license
>we go to lowe’s
>1x5x8 board of plywood+ 1k of nails
>put all nails into the plywood
>lay the board right on the other side of hill at night time
>drive down the street to a park and wait…
>toe truck and police later drive down the street
funny as hell


Anonymous (ID: Laja3qia) 10/01/12(Mon)19:41:08No.428259908

File: 1349134868084.jpg-(20 KB, 205×245, image.jpg)

>snotty kid
>snot all over the back wall
>I blamed it on the fat kid
>no one ever found out


Anonymous (ID: fKIRK1YX) 10/01/12(Mon)19:43:39 No.428260234

Replies: >>428260957 >>428261694 >>428267072

I felt kinda justified for this one, but whatever.

>Be in 5th/6th year, learning to swim
>Be with best friend, doing those silly clappy game things at break time
>Humongous fat bitch comes up and spits gum on my friend, because she (my friend) was sitting close to a garbage bin.
>Stand up and shove her away, call her bitch.
>Teacher sees, tries to make us hug and make up
>I take the gum she spat and smear it all through her ponytail as we have to hug.
>She runs away crying, I get a detention and have to compliment her once a day for two weeks (retarded school)
>Next day, she comes back with significantly shorter hair
>My compliment for the next two weeks is “Nice haircut”.


Anonymous (ID: JRIwsliX) 10/01/12(Mon)19:45:27 No.428260469


Too much man, too much.


Anonymous (ID: wmuP8BiB) 10/01/12(Mon)19:47:43 No.428260784

Replies: >>428263150 >>428263565

Im not using greentext because this is a long one.

I was in thirdgrade and it so happened that nearly all the kids in my class were latino, or spanish, we even had a spanish speaking teacher. So I was pretty much fucked when it came to communication with any of them. Being the fucked up little kid I was. I had mental issues, and my head told me that If I swallowed the spit in my mouth, I would turn into “mojo jojo” That fucker from the powerpuff girls. I saved up my spit, seconds turned to minutes, minutes to about half an hour.
teacher asks us to read out loud and calls on me. I tried to pronounce one word before I protectile spat a huge fucking planet of spit at some mexican kid. He was horrified. screaming.


Anonymous (ID: eqnC7We9) 10/01/12(Mon)19:47:48No.428260792

File: 1349135268027.jpg-(88 KB, 622×562, 1344530988675.jpg)

she pulled her hand out and she had a handful of shit


Anonymous (ID: T0stltkR) 10/01/12(Mon)19:48:52 No.428260934

>little pond near school
>convince retard to walk on frozen pond
>ice holds
>steal his bike
>he tries to get off ice, falls, ice breaking.
>threw bike on otherside of pond
>went home
>his dad came at my door
>parents out for groceries.
>open door, throw glass of coke(the actual glass) in his face
>slam door shut in his face
>never heard anything for a month
>they moved.


Anonymous (ID: GPTdujIh) 10/01/12(Mon)19:49:02No.428260957

File: 1349135342436.jpg-(10 KB, 200×200, Random-008.jpg)



Anonymous (ID: CtfKvfkt) 10/01/12(Mon)19:49:03 No.428260960

Replies: >>428262353

File: 1349135343571.jpg-(26 KB, 480×263, sexy_librarian.jpg)

>>428248779 (OP)
cum in teacher coffe, fuck the librarian, wanking in class, smoke some marihuana before school, steal some pencils(what an idiot) smoke cigarrettes in the bathroom, steal 2 cans of speed from some nun(yeah a catholic school)

librarian woman was something like that, old but really beautiful, and single, she fuck one kid every week


Anonymous (ID: 4QhuAxhK) 10/01/12(Mon)19:49:12 No.428260985


apps as in computer applications you fucking retard, not iphone apps.


Anonymous (ID: MXJ1KadG) 10/01/12(Mon)19:49:21 No.428261012


Once in recess I went with that same girl behind the trees and licked an asshole for the first time


Anonymous (ID: YQZzPIXM) 10/01/12(Mon)19:49:47 No.428261082


> Be playing baseball at recess
> just me and my friend
> homerun derby bitches
> up to bat
> throw bat back, (homerun, felt alpha)
> hit him in the face with it
> he falls
> face bleeding, few teeth out
> nobody saw, tell him if he tell ill do it again
> he lies to the teacher
> told him he fell or some shit
> next week
> we played wall ball but with a baseball bat
> toothless is fucking around in a trashcan
> thinks hes oscar
> pisses me off
> walk over
> hes hiding with the cover of the trashcan on top
> he hops up
> i bash his shit with aluminum bat
> he falls back
> looks up at me
> “why! agaiin! whyyyyy!”
> he can barely talk
> few people see him
> say it was an accident
> never got in trouble

We’re bros now.


Anonymous (ID: eqnC7We9) 10/01/12(Mon)19:50:30 No.428261184

this is not funny, you just made him loose lots of cash because of your stupidity, but still I don’t know why I’m giving a fuck since I don’t live in murica


Anonymous (ID: 9Z4TdE7u) 10/01/12(Mon)19:51:14No.428261306

You are a God.


Anonymous (ID: nE0HdEXY) 10/01/12(Mon)19:51:25 No.428261329

God damn envious Mexicans. I can never trust those fucking spics with my money.


Anonymous (ID: QZQI07z2) 10/01/12(Mon)19:51:53No.428261406

Nah, sorry to get your hopes up for revenge anon


Anonymous (ID: uPypmOY+) 10/01/12(Mon)19:52:05 No.428261434

my and my friend broke every fucking crayon in the communal basket at our table. lay one over the other and just karate chop the fuckers.


Anonymous (ID: eqnC7We9) 10/01/12(Mon)19:52:08No.428261446

File: 1349135528570.jpg-(35 KB, 493×387, 1337361659277.jpg)


Anonymous (ID: tLv4QAIg) 10/01/12(Mon)19:53:17 No.428261618

File: 1349135597187.gif-(968 KB, 380×262, 1344548181587.gif)


>wall ball


that was my favorite fucking game in school, period. it became a thing in like 5th grade, played that shit all the way up to sophomore year.

i miss it


Anonymous (ID: Naz1rvp0) 10/01/12(Mon)19:53:51No.428261694

>nice haircut
lol’d my brains out


Anonymous (ID: hIBk3WlN) 10/01/12(Mon)19:53:54 No.428261703

File: 1349135634374.jpg-(22 KB, 246×246, michael bolton.jpg)

>7th grade
>walking into art room
>backpacks are left outside by the door
>this one girl accidentally steps on the strap of my backpack
>”oops lol sorry anon my bad”
>called her a bitch in the most monotone voice possible
>gives me a perturbed look and walks away
still don’t know why i did that. she probably thought i was autistic or something after that


Anonymous (ID: JRIwsliX) 10/01/12(Mon)19:54:48 No.428261850

Replies: >>428262030 >>428262150 >>428262332 >>428262564 >>428263286>>428263486 >>428271385

I was a pretty evil kid.
>No need for les me me arrows.

1. My little gang of friends and I would routinely push over this obese kid just to watch him roll around pathetically.

2. Cut girls hair while she wasn’t looking

3.Told the class how to make heroine in fourth grade.

4. pulled the fire alarm a couple times.

5. flipped over a cement bench and threw it.

6. Stole stuff just for fun. pickpocketed in middleschool.

7. Threw stuff all the time.

8. Stabbed a kid in the head (his ear) with a construction post, he was hospitalized.

9. Brought a knife to school, twice.

10. Ran away for fun once.

11. Would turn off the lights in the bathrooms, while people were taking shits.

12. Make fun of the tards.

13. Lots of grafitti.

14. general civil unrest,

every time they sent me to a therapist I would just tell the therapist that they we’re useless and really weren’t helping anything at all.


Anonymous (ID: MXJ1KadG) 10/01/12(Mon)19:55:03 No.428261876

>be in 5th grade
>asshole kid in class fucked with me all year, he was significantly taller and I was too scared to do shit
>last day
>he gets in trouble for throwing a french fry at lunch
>now allowed to go on field trip (which was walk to the park, play, and come back)
>half way to park
>break away from group
>asshole kid left his bike unlocked (really good area, nobody would suspect anyone to steal it)
>take it, ride it to the nearby pond
>do a ghost rider into the pond with his bike
>it floats directly to the center and sinks
>4 years later
>walk by lake
>see rusty old bike in the dry lake
>lol for an hour


Anonymous (ID: huWOfuIK) 10/01/12(Mon)19:55:17 No.428261915

File: 1349135717598.png-(768 KB, 620×571, 1231234135.png)

Okay, this isn’t terrible, but alright i guess..

>be in elementary school, around 3rd or 4th grade..
>me and this kid never really got along
>not sure what he did to piss me off this day, but i was pissed for whatever reason
>go up to him and say “I’m gonna go tell the teacher you told me to fuck off”
>go tell teacher he told me to fuck off
>as i stand by within earshot, the teacher walks up to him, and before she says anything he starts pleading to her, “I didn’t swear at anon, I promise!!”
>teacher goes “well then how did you know that’s why i was coming to talk to you?!”
>teacher brings kid to office
>kid gets suspended for foul language.


Anonymous (ID: 01qYZYTO) 10/01/12(Mon)19:56:05 No.428262029


>6th grade
>computer class had old computers that boot from disk
>before school “lab” was open to play games
>went around with magnet to fuck up the boot disks
>classes fucked up

Nothing funny about it, I was just a dick


Anonymous (ID: JRIwsliX) 10/01/12(Mon)19:56:05 No.428262030

*broke not threw.
Also I’d scratch my cousins best friend for fun. My cousin and i pretty much tortured him.


Anonymous (ID: 1h2DY2I0) 10/01/12(Mon)19:56:28 No.428262086

Replies: >>428262321


I have no idea why you would find that funny.



Anonymous (ID: Duuxcoa3) 10/01/12(Mon)19:56:36No.428262113


You sound like a spoiled cunt that didn’t want to share.


Anonymous (ID: JRIwsliX) 10/01/12(Mon)19:56:52No.428262150

Also were* fuck me.


Anonymous (ID: eqnC7We9) 10/01/12(Mon)19:57:42 No.428262247


fucking niggers


Anonymous (ID: hIBk3WlN) 10/01/12(Mon)19:57:56No.428262282

for that second one you are a god among mortals


Anonymous (ID: Pe59imPP) 10/01/12(Mon)19:58:15 No.428262321

Replies: >>428262763

you dont understand.. the nail side was facing up on the road and the drivers of vehicles didnt see it because it was on the other side of a hill.. the ba boom was their tires blowing up..?


Anonymous (ID: 9Z4TdE7u) 10/01/12(Mon)19:58:20No.428262332

11 on this…every fucking day.


Anonymous (ID: XqS/bvC4) 10/01/12(Mon)19:58:29No.428262353

Cool story bro. Can you tell it again, do you have time?


Anonymous (ID: EUQDFDPu) 10/01/12(Mon)19:58:47 No.428262401

Replies: >>428265446

File: 1349135927466.gif-(471 KB, 410×250, 1334252210578.gif)

>Be grade 5.
>Two friends and I are out and about in some woods near a bike path.
>Notice two kids walking by themselves, a year or two younger than us.
>Follow them because it was Friday afternoon and we had nothing else to do.
>One kid takes the shortcut path back to the apartment complex we all lived in.
>Get a head of him to hide. We plan to scare him.
>Nobody else around at all. Just us 3 and this little kid.
>I hide behind a tree and the other two hid on the other side of the path around a bend.
>Kid walks past me. Oblivious.
>Now is the time to strike.
>I fly out from behind the tree and pull his hat (beanie) over his head and hold on so he can’t see anyone.
>Two friends apparently found very large very thick sticks.
>Proceed to hit the fuck out of this kid for what seemed like an hour. Like full on mafia style shit kicking.
>Tell him if he removes his hat we will kill him.
>Run like fuck.
>Police all over the complex asking questions.
>Friends and I hide in my room that evening.
>Never caught.

Same friends and I would make snowballs with jelly in them and throw them at buses, car, houses, people. We would also steal shit from peoples yards, but everyone did so it was in a way a big fucked up trading system, lost something? Look in other peoples yards for it until you find it or find something better. The high school kids would hunt us down from time to time and trap us in these huts they built in the woods. They would block us in and just leave.


Anonymous (ID: 9Z4TdE7u) 10/01/12(Mon)19:59:17 No.428262470

I fucking loved those magazines. they had the coolest shit.


Anonymous (ID: aJqRvVsW) 10/01/12(Mon)19:59:17 No.428262473

Free Starbucks Coffee W0oT!



Anonymous (ID: /FBP7p+o) 10/01/12(Mon)19:59:39 No.428262527

>be 6 or 7, too young to remember anything but this specific incident
>mom is going to store, promise of her buying us stuff, or something
>im trying to get ready as quick as i can, mom heads out to van jokes “if you dont get ready fast enough youre going to miss the trip!”
>i dont take it as a joke, feel serious, trying to get ready, my younger sister takes my socks and wouldnt give them to me
>hear the engine start, initiate ultimate rage
>grab pair of scissors, threaten to cut my sister if she didnt give me my socks
>”nigga you bluffin”
>snip my sisters arm with scissors
>screams like a banshee
>mom comes in, i say its ketchup, doesnt believe

Cant remember anything after that.

Im not a crazy violent guy either : \ pretty chill and laid back.

But i was insane when i was young.

Feel like shit about that too this day.


Anonymous (ID: xfD0v+hg) 10/01/12(Mon)19:59:51 No.428262550

i used to shank autistic kids with really sharp pencils and when they told the teacher on me i said that they were so retarded that they were delusional. got away with it every time.


Anonymous (ID: 1h2DY2I0) 10/01/12(Mon)19:59:57 No.428262564

Replies: >>428263140


Just want to point out that your parents, or whoever raised you, was an incompetent fuck.


Anonymous (ID: 1h2DY2I0) 10/01/12(Mon)20:01:33 No.428262763

Replies: >>428262880>>428263008


I understood THAT part completely.

What I can’t understand is, you fuck up a total stranger’s car, and you laugh?

I mean, where’s the funny part?


Anonymous (ID: nE0HdEXY) 10/01/12(Mon)20:02:22 No.428262872

File: 1349136142530.jpg-(45 KB, 350×473, 1336957490393.jpg)

You’re an awful person and you’ll probably get ran over by a car and paralyzed for life.
>mfw I see you on the morning news


Anonymous (ID: Naz1rvp0) 10/01/12(Mon)20:02:27 No.428262880

Replies: >>428263008>>428263157

Welcome to 4chan.


Anonymous (ID: pSuSTQvX) 10/01/12(Mon)20:03:06No.428262958

You sneaky motherfucker


Anonymous (ID: Pe59imPP) 10/01/12(Mon)20:03:28No.428263008

look at


Anonymous (ID: lI3QQ03U) 10/01/12(Mon)20:03:29No.428263010

are you me?


Anonymous (ID: Smhv3y2q) 10/01/12(Mon)20:03:36No.428263032

File: 1349136216927.jpg-(15 KB, 305×254, BF2_Imtiaz-Ali.jpg)

>in 9th grade
>playing around with basketball
“difference between negro and basketball?
you don’t get to kick the basketball.
>see this group of girls
>one nigger in it
>throw as hard as I can
>mfw I hit her head
>got away with it saying it wasn’t my fault


Anonymous (ID: nE0HdEXY) 10/01/12(Mon)20:04:23No.428263128

File: 1349136263859.png-(245 KB, 480×480, 1339291286652.png)

>mfw karma


Anonymous (ID: JRIwsliX) 10/01/12(Mon)20:04:29 No.428263140

Replies: >>428263984

That’s just the bad stuff I did I was a pretty nice kid, also top of my class. my parents are good people and raised me right.


Anonymous (ID: y+c8Q5C6) 10/01/12(Mon)20:04:32No.428263150

File: 1349136272931.png-(19 KB, 382×468, 1347937379144.png)



Anonymous (ID: eqnC7We9) 10/01/12(Mon)20:04:36No.428263157

File: 1349136276521.png-(11 KB, 445×431, HURRR.png)



Anonymous (ID: Fg2pC1n0) 10/01/12(Mon)20:04:56No.428263196

File: 1349136296395.png-(108 KB, 294×294, koolaid-good.png)

>4th grade
>have chess class for some reason
>teacher is a russian dick lover
>talks like he’s the world champion of everything
>get in an argument about some shit
>get sick of his ass
>being a midget 4th grader
>jump on his desk
>smack him in the face
>calls principle
>while he’s gone class starts clapping
>he’s back
>everybody stops
>go to his office
>yells at me for half an hour
>get sent home
>suspended for two days
>never see dick teacher again
>mfw new teacher is epic as fuck
>mfw even the bullies thank me for getting him to quit
>mfw didn’t bully me for two months


Anonymous (ID: imT60YWR) 10/01/12(Mon)20:05:07 No.428263220

Replies: >>428263506 >>428264310 >>428264797

File: 1349136307179.png-(75 KB, 400×388, 1347628352255.png)

>Be 14
>Light teacher’s desk on fire
>Blame it on autistic kid
>Doesn’t defend himself just cries and hits his own head
>Gets expelled
>Find out a decade later he committed suicide because of years of bullying, while I’m graduating college and starting a decent job
>Feels kinda bad man


Anonymous (ID: hIBk3WlN) 10/01/12(Mon)20:05:30No.428263286

>Brought a knife to school, twice.
Boy that sure sounds dickish.


Anonymous (ID: nE0HdEXY) 10/01/12(Mon)20:05:44 No.428263308

not dickish, just weird. By all means, elaborate. Give me some specific stories or examples, or maybe a time where you almost got caught, or when you fist started doing this.


Anonymous (ID: w3iPQMVK) 10/01/12(Mon)20:06:24No.428263394

>be 12
>lived in cul de sac
>broke and stole shit all the time
>one of my friends parents buy him a fucking go cart
>he let me ride around in it like a total bro
>one day that fucker decides to cross me
>puts gum in my mother fucking hair
>no more than an hour later
>I get my dads wire cutters
>find my friends go cart
>cut out every fucking wire I could find.


Anonymous (ID: 0uX5p9P5) 10/01/12(Mon)20:07:01No.428263486

>3.Told the class how to make heroine in fourth grade.
oh boy does that sound legit
1/10, 4/10 if it wasn’t for this one


Anonymous (ID: tLv4QAIg) 10/01/12(Mon)20:07:10No.428263506

File: 1349136430072.jpg-(46 KB, 505×490, 1290967797094.jpg)


he is in a better place now, friend.


Anonymous (ID: cM2TLMss) 10/01/12(Mon)20:07:13 No.428263514

>be in 5th grade
>be chillin on the playground
>talking about tits
>fat kid comes over and starts trying to talk
>still talking about tits
>tell him he has tits
>call him TITmus, tittyman, etc.
>kid tells his teacher
>makes me write apology note
>write shitty one sentence note

This is by far not one of the worst things I did in elementary school but it’s all I can remember for now.


Anonymous (ID: QZQI07z2) 10/01/12(Mon)20:07:36No.428263565

my fucking sides


Anonymous (ID: OhaUQN/5) 10/01/12(Mon)20:07:56 No.428263595

File: 1349136476072.jpg-(2 KB, 127×86, 1302138990049s.jpg)

this was actually my buddy’s prank
>be in 5th grade
>oregon trail game inspires 2 nerds to hunt for gold
>every day at recess they spend entire time digging for treasure in exactly the same place
>friend sees opportunity
>paints rocks with gold paint and buries them in the spot early in the morning
>nerds find rocks at lunch and lose their shit, running around playground yelling “we told you we’d do it! you all thought we were retarded!”
>friend and i laughing hysterically
>beaming, they take worthless rocks to principal’s office, for this brief moment they feel like gods
>they return to class lifeless and defeated, all of their dreams destroyed
>my friend proceeds to humiliate them for their ignorance and gets sent to principal
>principal laughs when he confesses
>mfw they never dug again


Anonymous (ID: 0imFUEAb) 10/01/12(Mon)20:08:09 No.428263625

>7th grade
>play volley ball in gym class ftw
>girl I hate is on the other side of the net talking shit
>ball comes my way
>jump up and spike it so it hits her right in the face
>girl cries and gets led out of room by teachers while my fellow classmates laugh
>teammates high-five me
>always get picked first for teams afterwards


Anonymous (ID: 5tL6Y2qM) 10/01/12(Mon)20:08:17No.428263647

What, you think energy drinks didn’t exist in 2001?


Anonymous (ID: T0stltkR) 10/01/12(Mon)20:08:59 No.428263740

>Christmas dinner with class
>Everyone had to bring something
>I called PB
>Emptied PB jar at home, took a shit in it, mixxed with some PB
>Took it to Christmas dinner
>Watch teacher make sandwich with PB
>Burst into tears of laughing
>Start foodfight during christmas dinner
>ShitPB everywhere.


Anonymous (ID: MXJ1KadG) 10/01/12(Mon)20:09:03 No.428263746

Replies: >>428265745 >>428266606

>1980’s, different time in terms of rules
>elementary school has snowball fight for all kids (shit was kinda epic too, 200 kids against eachother on a football field)
>given a 2 weeks notice of said event
>make snowball as big as softball, packed together as hard as possible
>cover in water, put in back of freezer
>repeat process for 13 days
>snowball fight day
>had snowball in my backpack on way to school, put it in an XL ziplock bag with ice so it wouldn’t melt (I was a clever little shit)
>went to bathroom to hide ziplock bag in pants until war begins
>10 seconds into the fight it’s chaos and nobody knows what’s going on
>start hitting people in the face with my ice ball (still in bag)
>16 hits later I get really paranoid
>take ball out and throw it
>ice ball spits in half, cutting the kids cheek in the process
>mfw he can’t feel anything because of the cold, he passes out because of blood loss
>cut was 7 inches from his chin to his ear
>3 other kids lost teeth
>one got a concussion
>parents take me to burger king after school


Anonymous (ID: xrbfd65P) 10/01/12(Mon)20:09:35 No.428263809

>3rd grade
>mackin bitches, attempt to sit by hottest girl in class for lunch
>fat abnoxious ho calls me out on this bold move
>walk away and under my breath call her a bitch
>clearly not under my breath
>lecture on female dogs


Anonymous (ID: J79bU5cx) 10/01/12(Mon)20:09:39 No.428263820

>be in 8th grade
>fat ’emo’ bitch
>bitch has not real problems, is white, rich, and both of her parents love her
>she starts dancing in class
>i look her right in the eyes and say “Eww it’s jiggling”
>she cries
>not at school next day
>or the next day
>day after that teacher tells us she’s in the mental hospital
>cut her wrists and cut too deep
>I sent a girl to the mental hospital


Anonymous (ID: Xp8xFki+) 10/01/12(Mon)20:10:25 No.428263914

>8th Grade
>Candy gram time niggers
>Be having a never ending fight with some girl
>Send that bitch a candy gram
>Write “I figured since you’re so fat you would like this”
>She runs out of the room crying when candy grams are handed out the next week
>Faggot kids who work the candy gram table rat me out when she receives it.
>Anti Bullying class at lunch for a month.


Anonymous (ID: oN9vYhNf) 10/01/12(Mon)20:10:31 No.428263928

not something i did,but i was with him

in 5th grade my friend put four tacks on our teachers seat…bitch had to go to the hospital,i normally would have felt bad,but she was cunt


Anonymous (ID: 2VsTipT0) 10/01/12(Mon)20:10:38No.428263947


newfag alert.


Anonymous (ID: 1h2DY2I0) 10/01/12(Mon)20:10:49 No.428263984


The definition of a bad person is, a person who does bad things.
That’s you.


Anonymous (ID: hbh0LQ9G) 10/01/12(Mon)20:11:06 No.428264028

Replies: >>428264236

Well, I have 2, one by me and one by my friend.
First off, I made a ‘your mom’ joke to a girl, whom, unbeknownst to me, mother had just died.
Then my other friends acidentally hospitilised a guy.


Anonymous (ID: qyRqwNuI) 10/01/12(Mon)20:11:15 No.428264051

>8th grade
>in weird portables with bathrooms with double entry doors
>one of the doors lock from the outside
>cunt teacher goes to piss in the middle of a test
>I lock door from the outside
>everyone cheats while she’s banging on the door for help
>she’s a cunt so we all laugh
>when we’re done I get a kid to let her out

Probably the most alpha thing I’ve ever done


Anonymous (ID: N/ZWRj6/) 10/01/12(Mon)20:11:26 No.428264081

File: 1349136686047.jpg-(164 KB, 510×385, 1338509389962.jpg)

>little do they know know how comfortable you actually are
Fucking lol’d.


Anonymous (ID: L/dmMR2u) 10/01/12(Mon)20:11:44No.428264117

>Forever alone and I paired together on a school trip
>Actually okay dude
>Comes to concrete stairs all alone
>Push him down them
>Kid nearly dies
>Threaten kid not to tell
>Says he tripped
>Think about it every day


Anonymous (ID: Hh9e0swt) 10/01/12(Mon)20:11:58 No.428264153


>>428248779 (OP)
>7th grade
>first iphone just came out
>download the dog whistle app
>leave it on during class
>teacher can’t hear it
>everyone freaking out
>teacher confused
>my sides

>4th grade
>asian girl
>me and friend make fun of her boobs during class
>they’re pointy and shit
>she’s like 10
>tells teacher
>don’t even get into trouble

>6th grade
>friends with douchebag
>another guy follows us around wanting to be our friend
>every 30 minutes we shout “DITCHED!” and run away

>4th grade
>push some dickhead on swing
>he flies off and cracks his head open
>has to go to hospital, get stitches
>nobody ever finds out
>nobody likes him anyway, had one testicle

>3rd grade
>girl wants to use my crayons
>tell her no nastily
>she starts crying
>I ignore her for 5 minutes
>then I tell her she can have them if she does me a favor
>she puts my dick in her mouth during lunch


Anonymous (ID: tVhfAEZr) 10/01/12(Mon)20:11:59 No.428264157

Replies: >>428265671>>428268014

i was a bio nerd in high school (got a 100 in AP bio freshman year)

>Be sick
>Finish lab early
>Do my own experiment
>Extract bacteria/flu cells from saliva
>Hide them in classroom
>Be 1 week later
>Bacteria multiplied exponentially
>Carefully freeze them
>Sneak frozen bacteria into people’s lunches
>Quickly thaws
>Millions of bacteria in everyone’s lunches
>Next day over 80% of school absent


Anonymous (ID: imT60YWR) 10/01/12(Mon)20:12:16 No.428264197

What backwater town did you grow up in? I clearly remember drinking a Red Bull as the twin towers went down. Mega energetic lulz were had.


Anonymous (ID: hbh0LQ9G) 10/01/12(Mon)20:12:33No.428264236



Anonymous (ID: eqnC7We9) 10/01/12(Mon)20:13:07 No.428264310

Replies: >>428264520

you’re a fucking bitch I hate people like you, still I probably don’t give a fuck since I don’t live near your autistic country.


Anonymous (ID: JXedBUwx) 10/01/12(Mon)20:13:21No.428264341

>>428248779 (OP)
>be in primary school
>retard kid there
>heard his father hung himself
>pisses me off one day
>’your dad probably killed himself cause you’re retarded’
>totally forgot til someone told me a few years back
>we laughed


Anonymous (ID: BHLKJS3w) 10/01/12(Mon)20:13:21 No.428264342

Replies: >>428267240

File: 1349136801298.gif-(995 KB, 310×248, 1346874313849.gif)

>peed in sinks after blocking them
>one teacher gave shitty little toys to kids who had enough tickets (you got tickets for being good) so after school i’d steal shitty toys and sell them during class to kids who never got tickets, felt like robin hood
>stole pokemon cards/magic cards/yu-gi-oh cards, stole gameboy games, stole everything
>stole from scholastic fairs every year
> my friend pooped in excellent places (some girl’s thermos, in a bag i got him to put in the bathroom ceiling, on the toilet tank)
>would be a smartass to substitutes, got one to flip over my desk in rage
>pencil bow and arrows
>gave shitty kids whitewashes in the winter
>in high school i put locks on kid’s lockers
>used other kid’s lunch cards to buy lunch (in the days before picture ID’s
>verbal bully to shitty kids, would make them cry

fuck, i loved school


Anonymous (ID: BLpWtVdd) 10/01/12(Mon)20:13:41No.428264384

maybe he means SP


Anonymous (ID: uOaFtWi7) 10/01/12(Mon)20:14:06 No.428264438

lol, I drew scales with glitter ink on my hand, convinced a special ED kid I was turning into a mermaid, he had a Retard attack, punched the teacher, bit a kid ran outside and threw a block of ice at the principles head.


Anonymous (ID: imT60YWR) 10/01/12(Mon)20:14:44No.428264520

I live in Australia… no nobody lives near me 😦


Anonymous (ID: hIBk3WlN) 10/01/12(Mon)20:14:55 No.428264543

File: 1349136895295.jpg-(109 KB, 783×377, hym.jpg)

>be 8th grade
>gym class
>be dodgeballin’, having fun for a half hour
>teacher warns us we have 2 mins left
>pick up one of those hard rubber balls and hold onto it, wait for a good opportunity to use it
>2 minutes are up, teacher blows whistle
>see girl walking towards door
>most annoying girl in class, know-it-all type
>release with the fury of a thousand suns just as the teacher yells “STOP”
>hits her head hard, you could hear the rubber smack her face
>she instinctively falls, starts wailing
>mfw it was a good day in gym class


Anonymous (ID: XV1JaA9o) 10/01/12(Mon)20:15:46No.428264660

>be in 2nd grade
>constantly made fun of a cross-eyed kid
>he moved away at the end of the year

I feel like shit.

>inb4 moralfag


Anonymous (ID: umSLNUMP) 10/01/12(Mon)20:15:58 No.428264682

>be in highschool
>hang out with stoners
>we take some faggot’s backpack from the classroom
>steal everything from it, a gameboy and lots of games, a scientific calculator, about 10 n64 games and some really expensive books.
>take some scissors and tear his backpack into pieces
>sell the books to buy weed
>keep his videogames
>the guy seemed really sad
lulz were had


Anonymous (ID: nE0HdEXY) 10/01/12(Mon)20:16:51 No.428264797

Replies: >>428265163 >>428265485

You don’t deserve to feel any form of happiness. You’re worthless, degenerate trash. Unless you decide dedicate your life to helping autistic kids, you will forever be a loser.

>And don’t give me any fucking “THIS IS 4CHAN” bullshit excuses either fucktard


Anonymous (ID: VJ0e/nWa) 10/01/12(Mon)20:17:13 No.428264839

>was playing tetherball at recess
>can’t remember what was said, but one of my friends pissed me off and I started to run after him
>fucker runs right into the tetherball pole at full speed, almost gets knocked out and starts crying for the entire school to see
>mfw when I never got in trouble or gave a single solitary fuck
>mfw I have no face


Anonymous (ID: U9bYj03c) 10/01/12(Mon)20:17:19 No.428264851

File: 1349137039966.jpg-(3 KB, 125×82, 1342222562593s.jpg)

told an annoying bitch if she said one more word id break each of her fingers on one of her hands from left to right. got off with a “red day”


Anonymous (ID: lxuPYdCo) 10/01/12(Mon)20:18:24 No.428264983


>in high school
>wanted to be with the popular girls
>steal giant wheel of stinky cheese from teacher
>hide it in vents
>be best friends with popular girls
>mfw I had to climb into vents to eat stinky cheese so I won’t get in trouble
>mfw I have no mfw


Anonymous (ID: 0co1t4sz) 10/01/12(Mon)20:19:39 No.428265151


>forgot what grade. 6th?
>kid got the halo 2 collectors addition
>open up his backpack
>take it
>he didn’t notice until school was over and it was too late
>the teacher claimed the cops were involved
>they weren’t
>she ended up punishing the entire class for my action
>I’m okay with this


Anonymous (ID: MXJ1KadG) 10/01/12(Mon)20:19:44No.428265163

lol shut up faggot


Anonymous (ID: XqS/bvC4) 10/01/12(Mon)20:20:04 No.428265215

File: 1349137204594.jpg-(3 KB, 127×126, 1332884465270.jpg)

My only regret in life is that I’ll never be ale to do that. Thank you anon


Anonymous (ID: Xp8xFki+) 10/01/12(Mon)20:21:18No.428265412

>Halo 2 collectors addition
>collectors addition


Anonymous (ID: fiDbhb61) 10/01/12(Mon)20:21:24 No.428265429

File: 1349137284141.jpg-(4 KB, 250×104, imagesCAY4T1AE.jpg)

me and a mexican kid told a retard to eat some cat shit in 2nd grade. he did it. grossest thing ive ever seen to this day. i can still hear the sound of his lips smacking, see the shit stuck to his teeth.


Anonymous (ID: w4rkVKbM) 10/01/12(Mon)20:21:28 No.428265446

>The high school kids would hunt us down from time to time and trap us in these huts they built in the woods

lol’d heartily.
You had a fucked up childhood, son.
Sounds like an adventure, though.


Anonymous (ID: tVhfAEZr) 10/01/12(Mon)20:21:46 No.428265485

fucking this
I love making fun of people, but not when they’re almost defenseless.


Anonymous (ID: lUkvPtqa) 10/01/12(Mon)20:21:50 No.428265498

Replies: >>428268684

File: 1349137310498.jpg-(95 KB, 455×608, horsedick.jpg)

>7th grade

Pretty much confirmed for being both and underage faggot and a stupid rich kid faggot.


Anonymous (ID: dPIKm0nX) 10/01/12(Mon)20:22:17 No.428265554


File: 1349137337763.jpg-(13 KB, 190×252, 1348114858483.jpg)

>be in 3rd grade
>kids lining up to go to art class
>tell teacher need to go to bathroom
>she allows me
>In reality I wanted to play with our class pet that was a rat
>try to grab it bites me
>all of my rage I threw the fucker against the ground
>oh shit its dead
>take body and put in the desk pocket of a random seat
>go to art
>Girl freaks the fuck out dead rat in her desk
>like 7 kids started crying
>teacher gives us recess
>go with friends and say how we think the rat died
>blame it on the girl
>everyone called her sparkykiller (sparky was rats name)
>tell nobody ever



Anonymous (ID: QeX9NX//) 10/01/12(Mon)20:23:16No.428265671

Bio-terrorist in the house.


Anonymous (ID: tw7x3QLg) 10/01/12(Mon)20:23:33 No.428265713

pretty long one but fuck im still proud

>be in 1st grade
>each classroom had its own bathroom
>a couple black kids thought they were the shit because they would pee on the ground instead of in the toilet
>one day teacher pulls boys aside and show them the mess and says to cut it out
>one black kid jakeba takes book and fucking throws it across the room without reason
>drink tons of water and save up piss
>fucking game time
>go to bathroom and pee EVERYWHERE
>tell teacher it was the jakeba
>she belives me because hes a total nigger
>next day hes called out by the assintant teacher and princliple.
>stare directly in his eyes as he walks out


Anonymous (ID: YsQM4pns) 10/01/12(Mon)20:23:37No.428265720

lol genius


Anonymous (ID: hIBk3WlN) 10/01/12(Mon)20:23:47No.428265745

that sounds amazing.


Anonymous (ID: N/ZWRj6/) 10/01/12(Mon)20:24:16 No.428265784

File: 1349137456275.jpg-(19 KB, 400×287, 1347919435246.jpg)

>class has one PC
>get to play on PC if we finish work early
>only one game allowed
>’Granny’s garden’
>everyone would fucking speed through their work to play it
>up to 5 kids sitting around the computer playing this game
>there are different saves for each kid
>one day I finish early
>’anon, you can play on the PC!’
>start playing
>desk has this stupid wooden shelf thing that hangs out for the mouse
>lean on the shelf thing by accident
>snaps off
>everyone looking
>bollocking off teacher

>next day, still remember bollocking
>finish early again
>you can play on the PC, anon!
>went straight on and deleted everyone’s save file
>’…Miss! All the save files are gone!’
>everyone crowds round
>teacher asks who did it
>nobody admits
>mfw I ruined the fun for everyone else


Anonymous (ID: Smhv3y2q) 10/01/12(Mon)20:24:53No.428265861

File: 1349137493367.jpg-(40 KB, 461×553, 1348178680669.jpg)

>like 6th grade
>had this above-sized guy with adhd
>put water on his chair before class starts
>leave classroom, hide behind lockers
>door open, hear him freak out
>everyone starts saying he pissed himself
>he gets out the door
>I jump infront of him screaming
>He freakes out even more
>Teacher started laughing

Feel bad for him now though, moralfag.


Anonymous (ID: nE0HdEXY) 10/01/12(Mon)20:25:13 No.428265908

File: 1349137513761.jpg-(116 KB, 750×600, 5440.jpg)

ITT: People who try to one up each other on how they increase the global suicide rate(for the most part). Keep pretending like you don’t give a fuck, anons. You’ll never know what true happiness feels like underneath that wet blanket of guilt you are oh so familiar with.


Anonymous (ID: HCuseu3e) 10/01/12(Mon)20:25:37 No.428265962

>Be year 3
>Teacher allows me to sit outside and tell other teachers when bus is here so students can leave
>I have to piss really bad
>Start pissing on the side of the school
>Bus driver sees me before I see her
>mfw she sneaks up behind me
>Grabs my shoulder
>What are you doing
>Turn around
>Still pissing
>Piss on her
>Ran inside
>Principle and other teachers can’t stop laughing at the mayhem

Best day of my life. That bus driver refused to make eye contact with me for the rest of my schooling years.


Anonymous (ID: 0co1t4sz) 10/01/12(Mon)20:25:44 No.428265985

>7th grade
>last day of class before break
>went to a year round school so we get a month off like every three months or some shit i forgot
>kid sets off stink bomb
>everyone including me knows who did it
>we all refuse to snitch
>teacher makes us sit in the room with the stink after the bell went off
>we sit there for 15 minutes
>the later valid Victorian girl snitches
>the guy who did it was a gang banger
>he gets mad
>after school I hear his friend talking about how pissed he was that she snitched
>being a dumbass I told them if they feel like yelling at her she usually walks home a certain way
>they ended up beating the shit out of her on her way home
>two guys were jailed
>I was never in implicated
>feels good, man


Anonymous (ID: nNawSSvf) 10/01/12(Mon)20:26:12 No.428266043

>me and this indian kid folded up ketchup packets and put them under the bumpers under a toilet seat
>wait outside bathroom
>kid runs out of bathroom crying with his pants off and ketchup on his butt cheeks
>lol about it for days

>kid leaves folded paper on his desk
>goes to bathroom
>walk by, pick it up and open it
>holy shit 45 bucks
>take that shit and go outside to put in my backpack
>whole class is trying to figure out where it went
>girl comes up to me and tells me that her grandma saw a kid with dark hair doing something to his backpack outside
>get nervous bc holy shit thats me
>she shrugs it off
>nobody ever knew

>get some classmates to write fuck you to the teacher on a paper
>7 or 8 total signatures with fuck you’s
>sign fuck you and my name and give it to teacher
>class field trip to principal

probably a lot of other shit too that i cant think of.
haha oh man, the good days.


Anonymous (ID: XqS/bvC4) 10/01/12(Mon)20:26:34 No.428266090

Replies: >>428266336>>428267390

why the shit did she randomly bring 500 to class?


Anonymous (ID: qJZPXyKk) 10/01/12(Mon)20:26:42 No.428266108

>be in 6th grade
>theres a kid whose parents both died within like a month of eachother
>he’s kind of a prick
>i sat next to him in one of my classes and one day he kept being annoying and knocking my books off the table and shit
>tell him I banged his mom
>completely forgot his parents were dead
>his fucking face after i said that
>never look him in the eye again


Anonymous (ID: s3lokOl5) 10/01/12(Mon)20:27:04 No.428266154

>in 6th grade
>History teacher hates me because my “friends” always used me as a scapegoat and got away with it
>Didn’t pay attention in class, instead I engraved “property of anon” on all history books
>teacher pissed, class discussion about “school environment abuse”
>says he’s going to make me pay for the 30 something books
>oh shit
>he forgets.


Anonymous (ID: qYzhi8kN) 10/01/12(Mon)20:27:57No.428266263

>3rd grade
Wait…. What?


Anonymous (ID: l0oACkzw) 10/01/12(Mon)20:28:08No.428266283

>be in 2nd grade
>see a hot piece of ass i like (my age)
>grab her
>force her onto teacher’s desk
>pulls down her skirt
>shoves my huge raging dick into her ass
>everyone is watching
>she is screaming and trying to get away
>teacher is trying to pull us apart
>cum on teacher’s face


Anonymous (ID: 0co1t4sz) 10/01/12(Mon)20:28:31No.428266336

probably for drugs


Anonymous (ID: fiDbhb61) 10/01/12(Mon)20:28:44 No.428266372


oh god, oh god, anon, lol’d soo hard! sparkykiller!! my sides!


Anonymous (ID: Kqx0JUYf) 10/01/12(Mon)20:29:38 No.428266487

File: 1349137778843.png-(354 KB, 463×700, 1.png)

>>428248779 (OP)
me and my friends in 6th grade taped a kid to a tree because he told us to. security saw us and me and my friend told him we were taking his bike. we got suspended and since then every year ive been getting kicked out of school for random shit


Anonymous (ID: 1h2DY2I0) 10/01/12(Mon)20:30:05 No.428266542

> Be like 8
> Foreveralone and nothing to do
> Little brother has multiple friends and goes places
> Tell Mom firmly that I want what he has
> Mom cares nothing for anybody
> To shut me up and make her life easier, she decides to give me what I demanded
> She orders little brother to bring me with him
> I follow him to his friends’ houses many times thereafter
> He is majorly pissed
> There is a permanent rift between us which only expands
> We’re still not on speaking terms
> I don’t even know how many children he has

ANYWAY, about the thing I did back then, which wasn’t in school but involved kids from school:

> In his friend’s garden, climbing on a swing frame
> His friends have been increasingly pissed at me because I have to be brought along
> They gather around me, one of them sits on the opposite end of the swing’s A-frame
> They tell me I’m not welcome
> Ihavenointentionofleaving.jpg
> The guy on the swing loses his temper and shouts at me to stay away
> I get mad
> Use my weight to push the swing frame
> Was thinking that guy might fall off
> The crossbar hits him right in the forehead
> He screams and runs away crying and bleeding
> Everyone is shocked
> They tell me I’d better get out of there
> I leave and never return

I don’t feel bad about it because I was completely relying on Mom to tell me right and wrong. It’s not my fault that Dad married a sociopathic bitch.


Anonymous (ID: AgbOtB/I) 10/01/12(Mon)20:30:12 No.428266565

made fun of this faggot until he came out of the closet. never made fun of him again after that


Anonymous (ID: 5v/yR9Pv) 10/01/12(Mon)20:30:31 No.428266602


>be in elementary school
>can’t remember specific grade
>go to friends house
>have to pee
>Go to bathroom
>wipe vagina on towels and walls


Anonymous (ID: 381zGXY9) 10/01/12(Mon)20:30:34No.428266606

lol’d hard


Anonymous (ID: ZzcIkYxf) 10/01/12(Mon)20:31:12No.428266684

>Virgina Tech just happened
>I see random asian kid
>Start yelling “please don’t shoot me!”
>I’m sure i did worse but don’t remember


Anonymous (ID: Xp8xFki+) 10/01/12(Mon)20:31:37 No.428266749

I got another one.
>8th grade again
>Have super spazzy art teacher
>Takes art too fucking serious.
>Everyone is a total dick to her because of it.
>Decide not to do art one day
>She asks me “Why aren’t you doing your work huh?” in the bitchiest fucking voice ever
>”I don’t really feel like art today”
>”Yeah? Well come see me after class”
>See her after class
>She goes on a rant about how I have to do things even when I don’t want to
>”What if this was your job? You would be fired in a heartbeat”
>Smart-ass mode on
>”Fired what? Out of a cannon?”
>Pulls her hair and leaves
>Doesn’t come back
>No one can get a hold of her to see what happened
>Old lady substitute for the rest of the year


Anonymous (ID: +KZ+ma0L) 10/01/12(Mon)20:31:56No.428266791

File: 1349137916513.jpg-(35 KB, 321×320, 1342633772008.jpg)



Anonymous (ID: uOaFtWi7) 10/01/12(Mon)20:32:10 No.428266814

Replies: >>428267083>>428267757

In 6th grade I would pull my dick out behind girls. >Sitting in back of class
>get boner from girls panties
>Pull out dick
>Leave dick/boner out for entire test


Anonymous (ID: Pe59imPP) 10/01/12(Mon)20:32:22 No.428266841


>junior year again
>friends and i go into rich neighborhoods
>car hop and then..
>make drayno bombs and throw them in the cars.
>ruined TONS of car interiors..


Anonymous (ID: AgbOtB/I) 10/01/12(Mon)20:33:09No.428266934

holy fuck why didnt i think of that


Anonymous (ID: 1h2DY2I0) 10/01/12(Mon)20:33:40 No.428267001



And again I cannot see why this would be funny.


Anonymous (ID: 9wYl8n3a) 10/01/12(Mon)20:33:51No.428267026

>spit on girl

>tape kids book to table
>rip out pages when trying to get it off
>blame other kid in front of teacher

>knock loudly on toilet doors

>toss kids pokemon cards all over class room

>be in fight with kid
>wrestle around on ground
>get up
>he’s on his knees
>kick his face


Anonymous (ID: fvz2Mum4) 10/01/12(Mon)20:34:15No.428267072

I lol’d… hard


Anonymous (ID: uOaFtWi7) 10/01/12(Mon)20:34:19 No.428267083

I forgot to mention I would poke their butts with boner when I stood behind them. Girls liked me so they thought I was just being a little perv. Never bothered to turn around. If only If only……


Anonymous (ID: BzkDs4F3) 10/01/12(Mon)20:35:03No.428267179

File: 1349138103436.png-(61 KB, 988×1044,1349045557793.png)

>1st grade
>new kid joins class
>I don’t like him
>Bite own arm
>After I make teeth marks, tell teacher new student did it
>mfw when he got in huge trouble


Anonymous (ID: Pe59imPP) 10/01/12(Mon)20:35:19 No.428267212

look.. we are sharing stories from our past. Why we thought it was funny then, i have no fucking clue.


Anonymous (ID: BHLKJS3w) 10/01/12(Mon)20:35:29 No.428267240

Replies: >>428267587 >>428270595

File: 1349138129717.gif-(2 MB, 352×317, 1347259975855.gif)

>also, turned light off in bathrooms while kids were taking shits

our school had retarded rules though

>no running on the pavement during recess
>no snowballs, no picking up snow
>zero tolerance on bullying
my school would give out green plans if you did little things (talked back to the teacher, was late too much, etc.) and if you got three green plans they gave you a white plan, which you could get if you were caught bullying or some shit
white plan=in school suspension
they would send the plans to your house, but i got home before my parents, so i would intercept plans and stick them in the knot of a tree in my backyard (lived in the woods)
years later i find tree and pull out plans, they’ve sort of decomposed but you can still read them
most of them were bullshit like “talking in class”
got suspended for throwing a snowball to my friend who was going to catch it
got suspended for giving high-fives


Anonymous (ID: AfhuS9WZ) 10/01/12(Mon)20:36:09 No.428267315

Replies: >>428268416

Friend of mine and I were shit disturbers, especially in primary school (Ontario, Canadafag). We used to terrorise this Irish lady that ran the YMCA programme at our school.

>In gymnasium, we’re told we can build a fort out of those mats that were velcroed to the wall. friend and I make secret room, stash bean bags and a basket ball in there.
>I peak out and see Irish lady doing paperwork on one of those plastic fold-out table. We make hole in roof and I point in the direction of the lady, and say roughly how far it is. Friend throws ball, perfect angle, and it slams on the table, collapsing the one side.
>Papers everywhere, Irish lady is shocked, starts screaming our names but her accent is so thick that our names sound fucked (which is odd, considering both our names are Irish).
>Hide in secret room, wait it out, lol hard.

That’s just one story. I’ll post some more.


Anonymous (ID: mkRr6wMw) 10/01/12(Mon)20:36:26 No.428267354


File: 1349138186350.png-(65 KB, 199×210, 1i.png)

>Be in first grade
>Be playing on the playground during recess
>This faggot kid in my class is in just sitting at the top of the slide
>Want to go down slide, but fatass faggot wont let me
>Close my eyes and bite him in the ass with the force of a 1000 Totodiles
>Faggot kid screams in pain and falls down slide
>Get to slide like a boss
>Go to principles office
>Mom picks me up and I get to go home and play Pokemon Gold


Anonymous (ID: 8gypdwvM) 10/01/12(Mon)20:36:39No.428267390

definitely drugs


Anonymous (ID: XqS/bvC4) 10/01/12(Mon)20:36:51 No.428267419

File: 1349138211963.jpg-(21 KB, 337×276, 1332884791457.jpg)

>be in 3rd grade
>have an enemy named alfred
>he was an asshole that smelled but I cant remember why we hated eachother.
>Took same bike route home
>Faggot tried to fuck me up with the pegs on his bike. This became a recurring event
>Rage of a thousand suns when he broke my chain.
>Few days later brought a copper pipe in back pack
>as fag boy rides by on his shitty bike I fucking jam the pipe in his tire.
>nigger flies and falls face first
>sea of blood starts pouring from his stupid nose
>mfw walking home cause bike is still fucked


Anonymous (ID: AgbOtB/I) 10/01/12(Mon)20:38:09 No.428267587

yeah they would freak whenever we touched snow at my school. i mean godamn were going to be having a huge ass snowball fight after school anyway


Anonymous (ID: /SndRZJG) 10/01/12(Mon)20:38:31 No.428267645

>be in 8th grade
>friends and I always fucked with this one gay history teacher
>after lunch one day big crowd walking out of lunchroom
>friend decides to grab garbage can
>all 6 of us surround it while walking
>drag smelly ass garbage can across the school to the elevator
> bring it upstairs with a big crowd waiting to conceal said garbage can
>drag it by gay teachers room
> one friend kicks it in spilling shit everywhere
>book it and never got caught


Anonymous (ID: Xgr4K5Sa) 10/01/12(Mon)20:38:31 No.428267647

I stole a really cool pin some kid won. He deserved it. He was bragging about it.


Anonymous (ID: Y5QyZJrb) 10/01/12(Mon)20:38:40 No.428267668

File: 1349138320269.png-(112 KB, 250×339, 250px-Hurleylost.png)

>Be in 5th grade
>have a stinky Mexican janitor named Juan
>Me and 5 friends would take turns going to the bathroom
>Shit on floor
>Shit on urinals
>Shit on sink
>Throw up on wall
>Smear breakfast burritos on floor
>Mr. Juan gets pissed
>Mr. Juan swears under his breath all the time
>Mr. Juan cleans up mess
>Do it again the next day
>Keeps going on for the whole school year


Anonymous (ID: XqS/bvC4) 10/01/12(Mon)20:38:52 No.428267704

So you’ve been eating little boy ass since the frist grade huh? faggot


Anonymous (ID: YjILIYja) 10/01/12(Mon)20:39:14 No.428267757


Dude i jacked off under my desk with a chick next next to me watching when i was in 3rd grade and she liked it. Not that I didn’t give a fuck or anything tho, fuckin newfag.


Anonymous (ID: lI3QQ03U) 10/01/12(Mon)20:41:06No.428268014

my sides!


Anonymous (ID: ISdW7oup) 10/01/12(Mon)20:41:07 No.428268016

>be kindergarten
>play time/ break or whatever the fuck
>some kid I didn’t like at the time was in my class
>find the bin of sea animals
>find a massive fucking hump back whale toy
>go over to the fucker and clob him over the head
>he cried like a bitch, but I got sent home.

Other than that
>be fifth grade, still be in my schools day care
>last day of summer, before I had to move up to sixth grade
>my friend and I who pretty much were top of the food chain there fucked around alot
>go to daycares computers (about 5 of them)
>put everything into the trash and delete every application and games. Change login passwords (they were all the same on each computer) on each computers to something random.


Anonymous (ID: lnJSDlde) 10/01/12(Mon)20:41:25 No.428268048

>be in third grade
>drinking from a tropicana orange juice carton while simultaneously playing putt-putt
Fucking loved that game.
>anyway, bitch girl who thought her shit didnt smell comes over and tells me to get off.
>bitch you best back the fuck off.
>she begins pushing me and trying to get me off the computer for absolutley zero reasons.
>no reason at all.
>finally slaps me on top of the head.
>I grab the orange juice carton, and slam it into the side of her face as hard as I could.
>So fucking hard.
>She instantly drops to the ground and is silent.
>30 seconds later she emits this piercing blood curdling scream.
>I calmly shut off computer and sit on the floor next to the radiator.
>Eventually fall asleep.
>Wake up sometime later and leave.
>next day, bitch comes in with stitches and old school bandage wrapped around her head.
>mfw I never got in trouble even though literally everybody saw.
>mfw bitch never spoke in class for years.


Anonymous (ID: u5FOxrS3) 10/01/12(Mon)20:41:27 No.428268054

>be faggot suicidal anon
>put in mental hospital
>find coloring books
>trash the shit outta them, color all the pages and right ‘fuck’ over spiderman’s balls
>ruin the experience for all the little fucked up kids that go there


Anonymous (ID: MXJ1KadG) 10/01/12(Mon)20:42:28 No.428268198

Replies: >>428268665

>be in 6th grade
>drink lots of water, piss frequently
>start pissing into XL plastic water bottles we got at lunch
>by the end of the month I had filled up 12
>take all 12 to school
>dump piss bottles in various places in the school (carpet)
>everyone complains about piss smell
>they think the piss is only in 1-2 places
>mfw piss smell for the rest of the year, school gets shut down for a week for health inspection


Anonymous (ID: aK007uy+) 10/01/12(Mon)20:42:34 No.428268216

in 4th grade I flushed apples down the toilets to flood them


Anonymous (ID: rgdfutGn) 10/01/12(Mon)20:43:04 No.428268275

File: 1349138584986.jpg-(13 KB, 300×224, +_b16e210485bb75855a1bfad(…).jpg)

>Be me in 2nd grade
>At recess, we would play this game with the 5th graders.
>One older kid really pisses me the fuck off for some reason.
>It was about this time, I had learned an effective yet simple method for getting whatever the fuck it is that I wanted.
>He’s alone and walking back to class on the playground.
>I go up to him, and grab his hands.
>I twist the absolute FUCK out of his fingers.
>He’s writhing in anguish, tears and shit.
>Pretty much collapsed at this point, to avoid breaking his fingers
>Keep twisting
>Tell him not to tell anyone.
>Walk back to class.
>Start to cry for some reason. I don’t know. I was always a pretty quiet kid.
>Teacher comes and pulls me out into the halls
>”Anon, did you twist this faggots fingers?”
>Next day at recess
>He’s got a few broken fingers
>Lol heartily.


Anonymous (ID: AfhuS9WZ) 10/01/12(Mon)20:44:15 No.428268416

YMCA was an after school programme for kids that couldn’t go home, well, after school. Friend and I, like most of the kids there, had to wait a few hours before our someone came to get us. It was held in the gym at our school, roughly 20-30 kids enrolled.

Another story:

>Friend and I get into the gym supply room before the group heads outside. We grab a tennis ball and an aluminum bat. Irish lady is okaywiththis.jpg
>Spend five or so minutes hitting ball against wall with bat. Get bored. Begin hitting rocks with bat at nearby houses. Inattentive Irish lady does not see us.
>Next day comes screaming at us over bat, which is dented all to hell, threatening to make us pay for it. Stare blankly, ignore her and continue talking to each other. She looked like she was going to bust a nut.


Anonymous (ID: XqS/bvC4) 10/01/12(Mon)20:46:06No.428268665

File: 1349138766522.jpg-(21 KB, 300×300, 1330704092998.jpg)



Anonymous (ID: Hh9e0swt) 10/01/12(Mon)20:46:13 No.428268684

File: 1349138773911.jpg-(106 KB, 437×333, according to this thing.jpg)

Phone was out in 2007.
I’m 18.
Confirmed for being a dumbfuck who can’t do math.

Also, iPhone was given to me by uncle. Parents poor as fuck. Suck a dick, jellyfag. I’m not even mad.


Anonymous (ID: imDY6qpW) 10/01/12(Mon)20:46:43 No.428268740

>be like 5th grade
>fat ugly slob dude
>had aspergers or something
>ass crack always showed
>spend all day throwing rolled up pieces of paper in his ass
>teacher became suspicious
>saw what we were doing and lol’d
>went back to his desk

best. guy. ever.


Anonymous (ID: N4CJg5cJ) 10/01/12(Mon)20:47:58 No.428268915

File: 1349138878131.png-(380 KB, 594×412, 14314153153.png)

Not elementry, but middle school.
>Know girl who is in track
>Girl trusts me a lot
>Doesn’t know I have a foot fetish
>Always asks me to give her foot massages after her track meets after one day when I offered
>One day while walking home with her after track meet
>She asks me to hold her bag so she can tie her shoe
>She hands me bag and leans down to tie her shoe
>I see the expensive and overused (she like never washed these things) Injini Sports Toe Socks in the side pocket of her bag
>Quickly take them out and stuff them in my pocket
>Continue walking home with her
>Get home and furiously masturbate to her used toesocks
>mfw the next day she asked me if I had her toesocks
Not as dickish as it is creepy, but hey.


Anonymous (ID: aWuSjmXI) 10/01/12(Mon)20:48:05 No.428268926

>be 4th grade
>have friend who freaks out easily
>always run away from him at recess to get him angry
>once we stop his face is red with anger
>one day find piece of wood with nail in it in grass
>run from him
>he catches up
>sees wood
>starts running away
>throw it at him jokingly
>hits him right in the leg
>oh god massive gash


>be don’t know when
>Runescape is the shit
>friend knows info of kid we hate
>gets into his account
>we clear out his bank
>absolutely empty
>next day at school he’s crying and freaking out
>he threatens to kill himself

Same kid as second one

>be 3rd grade
>playing dodgeball in gym
>we’re all throwing the balls at this kid
>no one else
>he gets really angry and runs across the line
>hits someone with ball
>”NOPE! Out of bounds”
>argument ensues
>dare friend to kick him in the dick next time he crosses the line
>2 minutes later he comes sprinting onto our side
>friend kicks him in dick with the force of a thousands suns
>he goes to the hospital


Anonymous (ID: bRWt7Eoc) 10/01/12(Mon)20:48:38 No.428268990

Replies: >>428269373>>428270868

>be in 8th grade
>cooking assignment for class
>me and two bros buy a pizza kit
>”light bulb”
>lets put pubes on it
>we procede to add pubes and a bit of dandruff
>i turn to friend whos house it is
>”you should cum on it”
>he goes into his room to cum
>we watch him smear it on pizza
>bake that shit
>his stoner brother congradulates us on its nastyness
>present next day
>everyone said it was amazing, even the teacher
>havent talked about it since


Anonymous (ID: 0co1t4sz) 10/01/12(Mon)20:48:39 No.428268992

>be in 8th grade
>pretty much all mexican school
>I am white
>get sent to the back of the room for talking or some shit
>guy named jose is next to me
>janitor walks in
>jose says “he just had to be mexican, right anon?”
>girl who hates me is walking by
>she hears this
>accuses me of saying all mexican must be poor and work jobs cleaning up after white people
>went through that entire year being called a racist and getting treated like shit
>I ended up throwing a brick through the girl’s winow


Anonymous (ID: D9KqXYz0) 10/01/12(Mon)20:49:38 No.428269136

>douche bag tripped me with his back pack >smash my knee on a concrete stair.
>kick to his face
>nose shattered under my air walks
>big ass black janitor picks me up
>go the the office!
>not a lick of trouble because of past incidences with same kid
>epic justice

so in all, it doesn’t really relate to the thread. but i just wanted to share.

Also? fuck Robert Frost Middle School.


Anonymous (ID: SfkTTsDC) 10/01/12(Mon)20:50:05 No.428269193

Replies: >>428269589

>Went to local market
>They sliced and gutted fresh fish in the store
>Me and friends went there every day and got all the fish heads
>Did everything you could imagine with fish heads of all sizes
>Threw fish heads at cars from bridges
>Put fish heads in mailboxes
>Opened unlocked front doors and threw fish heads into their halls before running away
>Smeared fish heads on everything that people would put their hands on. Handles on hundreds of doors

Those were the days.


Anonymous (ID: 4QhuAxhK) 10/01/12(Mon)20:50:22 No.428269240

File: 1349139022769.jpg-(39 KB, 602×462, 9-17-2010_8-31-19_PM.jpg)


>yfw you’re also psychic and a nigger


Anonymous (ID: mY0aWxvH) 10/01/12(Mon)20:50:24 No.428269246

Replies: >>428269349>>428270246

File: 1349139024585.jpg-(51 KB, 800×600, 1345616123805.jpg)

i seriously don’t know where to start.. the thing is: i NEVER got caught.

one story:

> be 14/15
> sleeping at friends
> we had a trick to sneak out of the window without someone noticing
> were meeting up with friends
> played “i am packing my bag”
no idea if you guys know this, but it’s a game about reminding stuff..
i pack my bag and take a t-shirt.. next one is reminding it and adds a word
> we played it a bit different
> i pack my bag and take broken antenna with me
> you don’t have an antenna
> broke car antenna
> i do
> it ended up, that we broke most stuff in our neighbour hood
> no fucks were giving

> we cut christmas lights
> put trash cans on cars
> kicked cans over
> stole stuff and put it in a different garden (like a giant bench)
> still love the memories


Anonymous (ID: k+oqh1pi) 10/01/12(Mon)20:51:07No.428269331

>be 6ish
>am a lot smarter than rest of kindergarten class
>they follow what i say all the time and shit
>bus drops us off early one day, no teacher
>rush all the kids into the classroom
>no lights, tell everyone to hide under desk
>tell them to shut the fuck up
>teacher comes in dark room few mins later
>doesnt see us, is oldfag
>calls out, no answer except inaudible giggles
>leaves, goes to principal for halp
>they start a school-wide search
>continues for 15-20 mins
>finally see her coming back in window
>command minions to surprise her and shit
>she comes in
>nearly has heart attack
>blame it on stupid kid who has nasal drip
>he has no recess for a week
>his parents phoned home
>horrible family, probably beat savagely
>still laugh about it sometimes


Anonymous (ID: fc0qloZ1) 10/01/12(Mon)20:51:15No.428269349

Fucking GORGEOUS ass!!


Anonymous (ID: bRWt7Eoc) 10/01/12(Mon)20:51:24 No.428269373

we laughed afterwards about how much all the girls in the class loved the taste of semen


Anonymous (ID: h28A5Xcj) 10/01/12(Mon)20:52:10 No.428269475

File: 1349139130528.jpg-(16 KB, 250×332, aint no one.jpg)

>be in 5th grade
>playing the fuck out of the sandpit
>school wide tard comes over and starts yelling at us to lay down
>friend stands up and starts yelling back at the tard
>somehow convinces the tard to eat sand
>wrangler comes bursting throught the door
>tard was already on the floor
>but aint no on walking the dinosaur


Anonymous (ID: 2l66qB5d) 10/01/12(Mon)20:52:28No.428269520

>>428248779 (OP)

>be in 4th grade
>classroom had old Power Mac
>Admin account logged in
>Switched the Printer from Printer Port to Modem Port
>Left printer plugged into printer port
>Printer wouldn”t print
>no one knew what the fuck happened
>admin was confused as fuck
>no one knew that it was me
>admin switched out Mac for another one


Anonymous (ID: SfkTTsDC) 10/01/12(Mon)20:52:58 No.428269589

Guess I should add that we broke the windshield of a speeding car when throwing a massive salmon head from a bridge. We usually hit the roof of the cars, and now that I have a license myself, I truely find it admiring that no one drove off the road when a fish head hit their car.


Anonymous (ID: Fv7XlW5J) 10/01/12(Mon)20:53:24 No.428269652

How do you wipe your vagina on a fucking wall? Unless it’s a corner but still?


Anonymous (ID: AgbOtB/I) 10/01/12(Mon)20:53:46 No.428269706

>be first grade
>girl is on monkey bars
>She is waring a skirt
>upside down, her oantaloons are showing
>convince friend to go closer for better view
>apparently got to close
>she crys, tells teacher
>have to go to principles office
>she told teacher we pulled her skirt down
>wtf, naw were just young perverts
>get in trouble anyway
>get in trouble with parents, it rains alot that night
>think god is crying because i was bad
ended up dating her in 7th grade

speaking of that
>be in 8th grade
>annoying yet sexy mixed girl rides my bus
>she had a slight mustache
>one day she is yelling at me
>she never was obnoxious towards me again
>in fact i date her two years later, by then she had gotten rid of the stache and was actually damn sexy
>dem curves
she had the biggest bush ever


Anonymous (ID: agum5cOC) 10/01/12(Mon)20:54:08 No.428269762

Replies: >>428270024 >>428270120

File: 1349139248296.jpg-(17 KB, 460×288, Blobfish.jpg)

>Be in bible belt
>Atheist parents raise atheist kid (me)
>Parents are talk of the town, things like “got-hating heathens” are said, except far worse.
>Be in 6th grade
>Teacher and kid walk over, mocking me subtly
>Ask teacher if she’d kill her kid if God told her to, like Abraham to his son.
>Teacher silent for a minute, then claims God would send an angel to stop her, that god would never, EVER allow such a thing to happen.
>Add the fact that Jephthah did something similar and no angel or voice was sent to stop her.
>Silent, fairly large crowd
>Watching the mental gymanstics
>Mfw the teacher killed her kid two years later.

People are too impressionable.


Anonymous (ID: LduL8E0z) 10/01/12(Mon)20:55:18No.428269920

File: 1349139318733.png-(9 KB, 239×338, 1345609385842.png)

>hanging out in playground as usual
>find out it hurts to get hit in the groin
>kick all my friends in the groin constantly
>never got hit in the groin
>mfw they tried


Anonymous (ID: ZwyWJjdI) 10/01/12(Mon)20:55:28No.428269948

>be in 5th grade
>waiting in line to use microwave
>i’m next and don’t feel like waiting anymore
>turn microwave off and set it to 5 seconds
>goes off, kid takes bite of frozen pizza pop


Anonymous (ID: uOaFtWi7) 10/01/12(Mon)20:55:53 No.428270006

>Be in 6th grade
>Vietnamese kid would walk home with me and some friends
>Starts acting like a thug
>His name is Tim DO
>We make fun of him
>His sister starts picking him up
>We find out her name is Dil. DIL DO. DILDO
>We laugh uncontrollably and make fun of him and her
>she goes to principle at school
>Me and friend get called to office over intercom
>We sit down and get yelled at for harassing Tim.
>She says DILDO.
>We smirk
>She says it again
>look at eachother, start laughing uncontrollably.
>She’s yelling, were laughing
>She’s mid sentence, we both get up and walk out laughing
>She did not punish us


Anonymous (ID: Z3Wy46dy) 10/01/12(Mon)20:55:54No.428270009

>Strangle girl who likes me
>she left school


Anonymous (ID: AgbOtB/I) 10/01/12(Mon)20:56:03 No.428270024


news article or it didnt happen


Anonymous (ID: w3iPQMVK) 10/01/12(Mon)20:56:35No.428270120

Im a christian and I find this hilarious


Anonymous (ID: yULlIHNf) 10/01/12(Mon)20:57:06No.428270190

Tits or Gtfo


Anonymous (ID: xGflX0K5) 10/01/12(Mon)20:57:30 No.428270246


File: 1349139450542.jpg-(61 KB, 750×590, 1345697954530.jpg)

another one:

> friend brought “fart spray”
the one that you spray and makes everything stink like fuck
> we walk over the corridors
> acting like nothing is happening
> spray fart spray all way long
> go stairs up
> do the same
> go down again and into break
> see all pupils and teachers hold noses
> see 2 girls puke
> mfw a teacher says
> there must be a broken pipe


Anonymous (ID: 8dVcXCET) 10/01/12(Mon)20:57:59No.428270320

>teacher dies
>next day announcement saying no school tommorow
>scram yay no school!


Anonymous (ID: yi8kglsb) 10/01/12(Mon)20:58:44No.428270416

I was that friend.
More than once.


Anonymous (ID: N6RBpstO) 10/01/12(Mon)20:58:57No.428270446

>kicked someone in the nuts


Anonymous (ID: ZJers03g) 10/01/12(Mon)20:59:02 No.428270457

>Be in 7th grade
>Girl has awful acne, almost like a beard
>Call her red beard, along with rest of class
>Teachers find out, threaten to expel anyone who says it again
>Start calling her rojo barba or road bard, the Spanish and Deutsche equivalents
>Next day she doesn’t show up, was apparently throwing up at home all day due to embarassment
>Continue calling her it for remainder of middle school

God I feel awful, but she had so much acne.
Also Ex’s tits.


Anonymous (ID: udjeOUr6) 10/01/12(Mon)20:59:12No.428270481

>be 7
>random kid in front of me not moving
>no warning
>turned him around by shoulders violently
>knee him in the nuts twice, hard.
>kid told me he was pissing blood for the next few days
>kids parents took him out of our school district


Anonymous (ID: agum5cOC) 10/01/12(Mon)20:59:28 No.428270517

Replies: >>428270752 >>428270756 >>428270758


It’s hush hush around here.
She was never formally charged because she said God told her to like Abraham as a test. Sheriff did jack shit because the entire town believed it was God’s will.

Alabamians truly are the most savage and idiotic folk on the face of this planet. They’re far, far worse than niggers.

We moved promptly.

You’d be surprised at the dark secrets small towns hold.


Anonymous (ID: BHLKJS3w) 10/01/12(Mon)20:59:58 No.428270595

also, i screencapped the desktop of my teacher’s computer, set it as the background, and deleted all of the shortcuts/hid the taskbar.
raged all day, reset the computer maybe a thousand times
never called the IT guy because he thinks he can fix it

also, kids at my school used the school email to communicate (i had gmail like a boss, my sister gave me an invite the first year it came out) this fat girl was in love with me or some shit, so she’d email my school email like every day. log onto it one day to find over 9000 emails from her. i lose my shit and email her back calling her a fat piece of shit. she cries, teachers get involved, i get in trouble. gave no fucks, she never talked to me again


Anonymous (ID: 8OXJsA4x) 10/01/12(Mon)21:00:26No.428270657

>be in 5th grade
>be in computer lab
>me and 3 friends install keyloggers on all PCs
>create site with hidden keylogger download
>send link to a bunch of people
>profit hundreds of games, emails and bank accounts
>first troll move: send p0rn to a teacher’s email list
>somehow she discovers
>suspended for 3 days

captcha: usedoep Russia


Anonymous (ID: AgbOtB/I) 10/01/12(Mon)21:01:04No.428270752

if that really happened thats some fucked up shit
small towns i tell ya


Anonymous (ID: w3iPQMVK) 10/01/12(Mon)21:01:06 No.428270756


You best tell us some of them dark secretes anon


Anonymous (ID: agum5cOC) 10/01/12(Mon)21:01:08 No.428270758




Do not live there anymore. Glad I don’t.

I’ll ask my parents the name of the town once they come over later tonight.

I remember it started with “Col”. We were there for like a month.


Anonymous (ID: xGflX0K5) 10/01/12(Mon)21:01:14 No.428270776

File: 1349139674920.jpg-(226 KB, 1280×857, 1345656946725.jpg)

> we had this fake websites letting you fill in some survey
> was like 2004 so.. people were noobs with the internet
> a friend does this and sends this around
> know that it is giong to send the information to him
> fill stuff in pretending to be a hated guy
> he was fat like fuck and no one liked him
> his name was miles
> “what is your biggest secret”
> i like to fart in the bathtub when my mom is bringing me food
> friend tells me about it
> mfw everyone knows about it in 1 day and calls him
> bathing-miles.


Anonymous (ID: UtB7SQZa) 10/01/12(Mon)21:01:21 No.428270794

File: 1349139681844.jpg-(112 KB, 400×400, 27669437.jpg)

> be 10
> the girl next door has a crush on me
> she’s friends with a bitch I hate
> the girl sends me a love letter
> I can’t deal with it, don’t know what to do with myself
> I use the letter to torment the bitch by threatening to go public with the letter
> the bitch is on edge, but the girl is heartbroken
> the bitch eventually gets a hold of the letter, tears it
> show is over, now I’m almost 24yo, and I’ve been rudely rejected by every girl I’ve had feelings for ever since
That’s easily the worst thing I’ve done, and I honestly feel bad about it even now. That’s despite the fact I didn’t actually know what I was doing (so young), nor was my intention to hurt her. Feelsbadman.


Anonymous (ID: Yln79jaA) 10/01/12(Mon)21:01:23 No.428270801


>3rd grade
>I was a horrible kid
>Just messing around being the class clown
>Teacher tells me to go to principles office
>Say no about 1000 times
>Start running around classroom screaming for no reason
>Teacher chases me
>Run out of class and close door
>Teacher tries to open door
>I ram the door straight into her face and end up breaking her nose
>Get expelled


Anonymous (ID: ek1uUyra) 10/01/12(Mon)21:01:48 No.428270861

File: 1349139708970.jpg-(11 KB, 250×188, pic (1076).jpg)

97% of people fall instantly asleep after visiting this website

A weird phemomenon that even scientisst don’t have a proper explanation for. pic(635).jpg


Anonymous (ID: bRWt7Eoc) 10/01/12(Mon)21:01:52 No.428270868

>be in 8th grade
>playing “roostie” where you grab your friends taint in the pool
>my taint is starting to hurt
>everyone is tense
>one kid hasnt been roostied
>we all gang up
>he grabs mine and wont let go
>i break my pacifist ways and punch him in the face twice
>i dont like punching people anymore
>quiet for the next hour
the game seems gay now that i think about it


Anonymous (ID: agum5cOC) 10/01/12(Mon)21:01:58No.428270894


Or was it “Cal”

God dammit. This is pissing me off.


Anonymous (ID: 5Ov6TOHq) 10/01/12(Mon)21:02:47 No.428271007

File: 1349139767282.gif-(961 KB, 240×180, 1334205112954.gif)

>be in 6th grade
>new kid arrives
>fat fuck 300lb
>neckbeard already developing
>smells like shit
>took my seat next to my friends
>call him a nerd

i’m a badass

>mfw he turns out to be a nice guy after all and end up taking japanese class with him


Anonymous (ID: udjeOUr6) 10/01/12(Mon)21:02:59No.428271041

>be in 4th grade
>comited suicide


Anonymous (ID: agum5cOC) 10/01/12(Mon)21:03:37 No.428271116


The one I currently live in, Cape Girardeau, probably has a few hidden somewhere.


Anonymous (ID: FyHEFFhO) 10/01/12(Mon)21:04:09No.428271179

god damn it all…
go back to school kid


Anonymous (ID: LduL8E0z) 10/01/12(Mon)21:05:05No.428271330

>be 12
>goes on internet
>I’m 12 and what is this?


Anonymous (ID: Yln79jaA) 10/01/12(Mon)21:05:12 No.428271346


One more

>Be old enough fro “religion” classes for conformation and whatnot
>Do not want to be there
>Parents force me to go
>Try to find a way out of it
>Decide to get kicked out of it
>Start saying I worship the devil because I’m so edgy
>Doesn’t work
>Start telling the nun you just don’t like hell because you’re a penguin and penguins like cold places
>Apparently calling her a penguin was enough to get kicked out.
>Still haven’t received conformation
>Can’t get married in a church


Anonymous (ID: PIZo7D/L) 10/01/12(Mon)21:05:28No.428271385

Holden Caulfield you


Christina Flora Joy


ImageThis is a picture of my girlfriend Christina.  Her last name is Schwarz these days Christina Clarissa Schwarz.  However, that is not the name she was born with.  When she was born, in 1991, at Torrance Memorial Hospital, her name was Christina Flora Joy.  Beautiful name right?  Yes it is.  Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.

When she was six, she and her brother Timothy Edward, were taken away from her birth mother for reasons unknown for the most part.  Her mother’s name was Renee Joy.  We just found that out tonight.  Christina had been thinking that her mother’s first name was Kathy for some reason but her dad (adopted but still very much her dad) told her that it was Renee.

Since Christina Schwarz and Christina Joy are both pretty common names, if her mother Renee, was looking for her, she would have a pretty hard time finding her.  ImageWhen we googled Christina we couldn’t find any real hits, apart from like Facebook (under her birth name) and we couldn’t find even one image of her on the internet.  That would make it really hard for anyone to find her even if they were looking.  So I’m writing this post and putting it on my blog in the hopes that if her mother is looking for, she can google her now and there will be this reference.  Its going to be easy to find this because I’m an internet pro hahahaha.

In a way its kind of a big step because any adopted kid wants to believe the best about her real mom and in this case I’m sure Christina wants to believe Imageher mom is looking for her.  I certainly hope she is looking for her because she is missing out on the life of the Great Christina, Imagean awesome, funny, cool, sexy, beautiful, good, kind hearted young woman and it would be a shame for that to continue.  If she is looking she will find her if she is any kind of internet savvy lady.  If you are Christina’s mom then its easy as hell to get in contact ifImage you are reading this post.

Start by commenting and saying something.  I know that the absence of her birth mother from her life causes my girlfriend anguish and stress that she really doesn’t need at all.  ImageLife is hard enough without that shit.  So please, if you know anything about Christina’s birth mother or you are her birth mother or just wanna say hi or something, feel free to drop a line via this website.

Christina’s a bad ass chick.  I love her a lot.  So hopefully something good comes from this.

Letter To My Incarcerated Girlfriend

Dearest Kristen,

Hello my little love monkey ha ha ha.  Just kidding I was going to write you a letter chock full of soupy sappy moronic pet name talk and actually send it to you but seeing that it made me throw up in my mouth a little before I even got past the first line, I decided to forget my evil plot and just write you a more normal letter instead.

I’m sitting in the garage at Heather’s house and smoking a disgusting Marlboro Light and flicking the ashes on the carpeted floor like an asshole and listening to her gay dog Sancho whine to be let out of the gate where Heather and Riley are outside in the driveway saying hi and bye to Shirley who is Heather’s mom and who has come to pick up my daughter Ciara.  Ciara goes to high school right down the street from here at Tustin High School but she lives in Costa Mesa with her grandmonster Shirley.

My daughter made me some lunch today.  It was a bowl of rice with won ton filling stuff on top of it with some soy sauce and wasabi.  The won ton filling stuff was left over from last Sunday when Heather made some won tons when Ciara was over here with her Asian boyfriend Aeneas.  And no (before you ask) I have no idea what kind of Asian parents name their kid Aeneas.  Beats me.

Now I’m heating up some fragrant oils in an oil burner which if you haven’t seen one, looks a lot like the pipes the kids use these days to smoke speed out of.  Crazy youth of today.  They’ve gone wild I tell ya.

So maybe tonight I will take my $40 and go play some poker at the Bicycle Casino in Bell Gardens, California. $40 isn’t much to play poker with to be honest, so there is a good chance I will drive over 30 miles one way and end up being there for only a few short minutes. When you only have one buy in things can go wrong quickly.  I’m a bit of a gambler at heart so I will probably give it a go anyway.

I’ve been thinking a lot about your vagina lately.  In particular I’ve been thinking about the night we stayed on John Chase’s couch on Pueblo (in Cathedral City).  You remember that house right?  Of course you do!  It’s the last place you were as a free woman ha ha!  But do you remember the night that I’m referring to?  I got you some blankets out of my car and tucked you in on the couch.  I was also laying on the couch but at the opposite end.  Ring any bells Kristen?  No?

Well maybe this will refresh your memory.  When nobody else was in the living room and the lights were out I decided to go under the blankets.  When I was under there I pulled off your jeans and your panties.  I threw those in a heap on the floor next to the couch.  Then I proceeded to put my head between your legs.  There I found a wonderful thing.  It was your hairless pussy and even though it was pitch black under those covers which rendered me blind temporarily, I could tell that your pussy was a beautiful prize.  I then opened up this prize that I had been lucky enough to win by spreading your sexy legs and putting my wet tongue inside your hot hole.  It tasted so good and smelled so good that I couldn’t stop licking it and touching your asshole with my fingers.  I kept switching it up, fingers in ass-tongue in pussy then tongue buried in your ass-fingers gently massaging your perfumed clit in a circular motion until before long my face was covered in wet pussy juice.

I kept up a relentless rhythm pussy ass pussy ass pussy ass until after a while I was able to shove my entire inside your ass and french kiss it while your pussy continued to leak all over my face.  After 20 minutes or so I stopped and I could feel your back arching your pussy searching for my tongue.  From then on I let you beg for it the only way you could….by grabbing my head with both of your hands and burying my face between your legs where you held it while you grinded your clit against my face until I thought I was going to drown in an ocean of pussy.  Finally right when I was about to pass out I felt a series of violent shudders and low howl sprang forth from your throat.  Your ass was moving around like a goldfish who is suddenly taken from its bowl and placed on the counter.  You were flopping around so much and my mouth was filled with the sweet nectar of your pussy juice squirting into it.  I plunged my tongue up your ass one last time until you finally quit shaking and twitching and you breathlessly whispered “that was the best fucking orgasm I’ve ever had, thank you Anthony”.  I was like, no problem baby.  Anytime.

I hope you enjoyed this little trip down memory lane Kristen.  I look forward to a summer full of gratuitous sex with you starting when you are released from the Larry D. Smith Correctional Facility no later then May 21, 2012.


your boyfriend,  Anthony J. MandichImage

pius heinz wins wsop main event

After starting the final table as a short stack this bluffing machine from Germany, heinz caught fire at the right time. he entered Tuesday nights 3 handed finale with the chip lead and promptly saw Ben Lamb spew off the majority of his stack on the first hand with an ill timed all in bet holding king jack off which was called by Martin stazko. Stazkos pocket 7’s held up and Lamb’s hopes for a main event bracelet to top off the world series of a lifetime were all but extinguished. It seemed inevitable when Lamb was officially ousted on the fourth hand of the night…again by Mr. Chess federation expert, the nerdish Czech stupor star stazko.

The battle was then on….it lasted over one hundred hands and the grind of heads up play seemed to be wearing on young heinz. His chip count fluctuated greatly up and down and to my eyes it seemed a near certainty that the older and more patient stazko would eventually take down the hardware.

All of a sudden a huge hand developed on a king ten club flop. A raise of 4 million after the flop was made by heinz. As he had successfully done many times previously in their heads up battle, the wild and woolly Czech nerd king stazko came over the top of our hero heinz with a 3 bet to 11 million. After some boyish hollywooding by heinz he announced he was all in. His propensity to 3 bet light so often earlier in the tournament made stazko’s ill timed call with queen nine of clubs seemingly an easy one. Heinz turned over red ace queen which h meant he was ahead pending a sure to be stressful sweat of a turn and river that needed to be red on the head linear dick on a dog if our pal Pius had any chance of winning the massive 160+ million $ pot and taking the chip lead back from stanzko….by a huge margin.

Well the turn and river were no where close to helping the Czech bastard and he found himself sitting across the table looking up at a truly immense tower of chips in the hands of his maniacally spewy opponent Pius heinz who sealed the deal ten minutes later when he woke up with ace king in a hand where the Czech stazko shoves with 10 7 suited. Heinz made the easy call the board was a piece of shit that did nothing to improve either of the contestants hands thereby making ace high the hand that cemented a rather large first place prize of 8.7 milion US$ for the 22 year old heinz. the win was pretty bad ass and. I want to congratulate Mr. Heinz on a job well done.

If he could send me a thousand for writing such a nice feature story about him that would be so sick.

Surfing in the Sea of Shorts

My friend Josh Erlenmeyer went out of his way to send me seven special texts today to show me how much he cares and loves the man meat.

A          E        S          S        H        O        L     —those were his texts.  Do you think he is trying to tell me something?  Apart from his atrocious spelling, I can glean that he thinks I’m an asshole.  Fair enough.  I want to say something dirty like you are what you eat.  So I will.  You are what you eat.  As long as its clean, female and lovely to look at, chances are I would put my tongue in if invited.  So thanks Josh.

If I were to take the time and energy needed to reply back to Mr. Erlenmeyer it would be:

P      E        N       I       S .  But I don’t have the time to fuck around with lightweight insults with Josh today.  I’m too busy you see.  I’m too busy watching ESPN’s coverage of the 2011 World Series Of Poker Main Event Final Table and working on some 2010 financial statements in support of a client getting audited by the Internal Revenue Service.

So, I went and visited my friend Stephanie Kelly on Sunday.  It was pouring rain, I had just gotten in an altercation with a big fat piece of shit rent a cop dick head security dude at San Manuel and I wasn’t in the greatest of moods.  Stephanie just had a face lift on Thursday so she was looking pretty much like she’d been attacked and beaten to within an inch of her life.  It was crazy actually.  I took some great photos.

You know what that’s all I have for now.  I’ve been super busy preparing for this audit on December 8th.  I also have to write a Freshman Anthropology term paper for the sushi chef from across the street by Thursday.  I’m getting paid $150 for a four page paper on “Comparative Standards of Beauty”.  It shouldn’t be a real problem for me.  After all, when I first got home from New Zealand in 2008 I took an RN class online for this chick Dava at RCC.  She paid me $500 and I had to take all of the tests, write the paper etc.  I got only a B in that class but its not too bad considering it was an Intermediate RN class and I’m not a male nurse.

The WSOP Final Table for 2011 wasn’t overly dramatic.  This kid Pius Heinz started the day in 7th (out of nine) place and he pretty much just ruled it all day long.  Ben Lamb is a killer and bided his time, picked his spots and made it through to tonights Final Three.  Heinz made it through as well and with the overwhelming chip lead.  Stazko who started the final table off with the chip lead made it as well but with only like 22 million.  I give the nod to Ben Lamb to make it all the way through even facing a large chip deficit going into play tonight.  Heinz is a little too spewy in my opinion and will possibly end up donking off a shit load of chips to Lamb and or Stazko.  We shall see.  I can’t wait.  Totally jealous of those fuckers actually.



just last night I was reminded of just how bad it had gotten and just how sick I had become

I think to myself what a beautiful world it could be if I only thought of someone other than me but I laughed so hard. for me to get crazy blue sky immortal. To make my mark as the good lord intended then earliest time to start following the luminous path would be now. I was right it is always choices in the choices that you make are right here and now it’s about you all that is out now
. Forget fixing yourself and your miserable life get out of your head your selfish fucking head Anthony john Mandich turn or burn

honey you got to slow down

You need a love that’s gonna last. My oh my. As these nights get colder and darker and I feel more a part of the universal rhythms that sing to me in enchanting voices of angels I can’t help but wonder if that love is going to come my way in this life.

These days I feel close to nobody individually and everybody collectively. Certainly I hop around, spreading myself very thin. Everybody that wants a piece and some that don’t share me for a few ticks of the clock before I am off to my next rounds.

Lady luck with her fang filled pussy gets my best of everything today and that’s a shame. Well I can’t worry about lasting love until I break it off with that tramp.

Jesus Mary and Joseph

Life has been rough as guts lately.  My fucking back is against the wall.  Big time.  Its time to find the Eye of The Tiger.  I’ ll keep you posted.


cheers anthony mandich

Blocking you Now

·         RE: blocking you now‏


8:23 PM

Reply  ▼

To UnNamed Ex Girlfriend


Dear UnNamed Ex Girlfriend,

All I can say to that email is WOW!  That is just so WOW!  I don’t know what else to say then WOW!  Sorry, I know it seems a little trite but this one truly left me speechless, a difficult achievement where I’m concerned as you know.  Its gripping in its sheer dramatic soap operaishness.  I’m very happy that you are going to finally get a chance to give the man that you have been in love with all of these years 100% of your soul.  That’s great news!

Its also just utterly intriguing to witness the lengths you go through to block “ME” from getting in touch with you, only to voluntarily retract whatever mechanism you use, usually within 48 hours.  Often I don’t even realize that you have done any of these actions since I mostly wait for you to contact me these days.

The finality in which you vehemently exclaim that you’ll never hear from me in person as long as you live is quite amusing as well I have to admit, UnNamed Ex Girlfriend.  Not only do you try to make me out to be a “stalker” which is the polar opposite of reality, its also the 400th time (at least) you’ve made the same declaration.  I wish you luck, as usual, in this and all endeavors you choose to tackle in the future.

I remain your humble servant,

Anthony J. Mandich, Miscreant

Date: Wed, 10 Aug 2011 20:58:43 -0700
Subject: blocking you now
From: UnNamed Ex

thank you for giving me the courage to be honest to Jon. I told him Ive been in love with him for 15 yrs. He’s been waiting to hear that all this time. I’m going to give him 100% of my soul, not holding back now since you are dead to me. I’m going to be married and if I get pregnant I’ll have his baby no matter what. This is the day I become a  woman who belongs to someone for the rest of my life. I’ll be his wife and the mother of his children. Watch and see. I can guarantee this.


I’m blocking you from replying to this. I tore my phone out of the wall for the house. you are blocked from every phone, email, etc. I’ll never  hear from you as long as I live. If I ever see you in person, I’ll turn and walk in the opposite direction

Ian McCall will kick ass tonight at Tachi Palace.

Ian McCall faces Darrell Montague tonight for the Tachi Palace Fights flyweight championship.  For those who don’t know, flyweights  fight at 125 lbs.  Personally, I think its bullshit that the UFC doesn’t yet have a 125 lb. division.  At the moment 135 lbs. (Bantamweight) is as low as the UFC goes.  Unless you are brain-dead you already know who fights in that division.  Guys like Dominick Cruz (who also happens to be the current UFC Champion, Urijah Faber, Brian Bowles, Jeff Curran, Scott Jorgenson and Joseph Benavides.

Although Ian will be crowned champion in an organization called Tachi Palace Fights rather then UFC, early next year the UFC will be adding the featherweight class and Ian will be going to the UFC as Champion in much the same way as Dominick Cruz did in the Bantamweight divison.  I am totally biased because Ian is my buddy;  therefore Darrell Montague has no chance in this fight hahahaha.  No, but really, Ian is a sick, sick fighter, full of confidence, utterly fearless, in shape beyond belief, and ruthless in the cage.

He has an incredible record of 10-2 with his only losses coming against Dominick Cruz (see above where it says current UFC bantamweight champion….yeah that Dominick Cruz).  I haven’t seen that fight except for one little snippet but Ian lost that one I guess in a unanimous decision.  Nothing to hang his head about on that loss.  Cruz is on most pound for pound greatest fighter lists and believe me if you haven’t seen him fight, its an awesome thing to behold. Cruz just ran roughshod over his previous opponent (Urijah Faber…..), and I’ve seen him handle Joseph Benavides who is a bad ass fighter himself, not once but twice.  So take nothing away from Ian for losing a fight to Dominick Cruz.  Plus it was years ago anyways and it was in the WEC, a breeding ground for all sorts of bad ass fighters.  I could name dozens (and so could you probably lol).  Ian’s only other loss was also against a tough as nails WEC veteran, a guy who I’ve seen fight on television a bunch of times.  I’m talking about Charlie Valencia.  That was at WEC 31 (Faber vs. Curran).   He lost by submission in that one (I think by guillotine choke but don’t quote me, I’m doing this little blurb from memory and my memory isn’t that great to begin with.

You can do a search on the internet and find some of Ian’s fight videos.

Here is his last fight against a very game Dustin Ortiz, where Ian dominated

To be fair you can’t just check out the wins.  Here’s one of his losses (if the link works….)

Here is part 1 of his unanimous decision against the then #1 ranked flyweight, the undefeated Jussier da Silva (11-0)

Check them out if you haven’t already.  You will agree that he is an edgy, skilled, fearless and very talented fighter.  He has years of experience.  He has trained ultra hard/smart for this fight and to be honest although I don’t know much about Darrell Montague, I’m picking Ian McCall 100% for this fight.  He’s too fucking fast, he kicks too hard, he’s got too much energy and way too many moves for Montague to overcome.  Ian actually reminds me a lot of Dominick Cruz.  The way he dances around, evading the opponent always, just getting in his kicks, punches, elbows and then escaping is reminiscent of Cruz for sure.  Not sure if Ian will be too stoked about me saying that but it’s just my opinion. And I gotta say, Cruz is a bad ass motherfucker and I love watching him fight so its only a compliment to be compared to his stylistically right?

One more thing in Ian’s favor is the fact that he is settling down in life outside the cage.  He’s got a hot girlfriend who I think he’s getting married to soon and they are expecting a daughter in the next few months as well.  That kind of shit going on in your life is supreme motivation (and maybe a tiny bit of pressure as well).  I can see just from the quotes that Montague is sort of looking past Ian like this is going to be some kind of walk in the park, exhibition of whatever and he thinks he’s just gonna win no worries.  He’s fucking high if he thinks he is just going for a stroll in the park against Ian.  Sorry dude fuck that.

I think Montague is cocky where McCall is confident.  Montague reminds me a little of that dude that fought Michael Bisping at the UFC in Sydney a few months ago (UFC 127??).  I forgot that dudes name something like Jorge Rivera.  Whatever, it doesn’t matter, the point is Rivera was talking madness before his fight with Bisping and was super cocky (not saying Montague is acting like that but I just get that sorta feeling).  Anyway Bisping was offended by some of the shit Rivera was doing before the fight and it was what I like to call righteous anger and bottom line Rivera got humiliated big time.  He got his ass kicked, it was so rad.  Probably a lot of you hate Bisping for some reason but I don’t actually.  I like him.  I get alone good with Brits and Aussies and that sort anyway but whatever, he doesn’t offend me and yeah he himself did get his head fucking completely handed to him against Dan Henderson.  Completely knocked the fuck out which so many people were so happy about.  He took it like a man though.

I digress (as usual).

My point is that confidence and belief in yourself is supremely important.  When it crosses a line to cockiness and arrogance that’s when people get fucked up.  Karma and stuff.  I watched a little video that Ian did, an interview with some MMA Expert Guy, it must have taken place like a day ago or something because Mr. McCall looks like he’s at 125 lbs. right now.  Anyway, in the interview, even though Ian is joking around and shit, talking about his mustache and keeping his tone light and kinda joking, you can look into his eyes and see how deadly serious he is about this fight.  There is no brash cockiness.  There is no arrogance.  There is just a guy who has prepared himself for his destiny, a guy who has a family to support, a guy who is hungry and knows he deserves to be in this championship battle.  That guy is Ian McCall.  Tonight we are hopefully going to see Mr. McCall teach Mr. Montague (the villain hahahahhahaha) a lesson about humility and what its like to face a tornado with skills in the ring.

Ian, my friend I wish you luck tonight dude.  I sincerely want nothing more than for you to kick some fucking assssssssssssssssssssssssss!  Montague supposedly said that Ian is in for a long night tonight.  Well, we’ll just see who’s gonna be laying on the canvas praying for the bell.

There are some other fights on the card but I don’t give a shit about them enough to write a bunch of shit that no one is gonna read anyways.  To watch Ian’s fight though, you can go to this site

Kick ASS !

If you actually read this, I thank you kindly.  I’m publishing it to my blog pre fight so whatever happens there is no bandwagon jumping on or off for me.  Ian will destroy and Ian will be champion.


No Shame: The Anthony Mandich Saga

thanks swingin’ utters for that tasty title.  you control your rage and you resist the crime because you’re the next in line. i am simply pumping the utters right now in my squalid den.   this place is worse then it was when i wrote the story about cleaning the hovel i call a room a year ago.  believe me you don’t want to see it.  its fucking horrible but actually pretty rad.  i’m in rare form today.  especially with the murder city devils singing about sailor’s girls and trucker’s wives as they are now.  the only thing.  the only thing i ever wanted is going to fuck you over is going to fuck us up.  to be left behind.  you should know.  like a smuggler like a trucker. etc. etc. etc.

so the royal wedding has taken place obviously.  i got an email from Life magazine informing me of the availability of the pictorials.  i went and violated the copyright law and “grabbed” on with my special “grab” tool and went crazy on it for an hour or two just totally uncontrolled crazy millions of gradients and erased spots and color fill layers and trasnparent red spray paint on inverted colour burnt layers probably maybe 50 layers and all copy merged and transformed and filtered liquified and color dodged and rasterized and just nuts.  then flattened the whole fucking thing without saving any of my work and here that is okay.  (as rhianna is singing “so if you feel me let me know know know ” HAHAHAHA SOME PUNK ROCK TOUGH GUY I AM) fuck it.  shut up and read.

once i ran to you now i run from you.  now i know i’ve got to run away i’ve got to get away.  (social distortion singing about tainted love) don’t touch me please i cannot stand the way you…..

ramble on and make no sense and expect everybody to follow your manic episode hahahaha.  i love you though you hurt me so .

now i’m (literally) going to pack my things and go.

i sold the tascam 38 8 channel reel to reel recorder that i got from james morris via the city of rancho cucamonga and so cal sandbags.  on ebay.  the highest bidder was francisco from monrovia.  francisco drove over to my house yesterday to pay me exactly 265 dollars.  that was the winning bid.  awesome.  i was so stoked.  it was so needed.  don’t forget that i have to be out of this house by sunday thats in two fucking days my friends.  two days.  jesus mary and joseph.  i’m not even packed.

but i am listening to thriller by michael jackson which is pretty bad ass.  before that was stone cold crazy that metalliica song.  i went to pechanga with the 265 last night.  i know it was stupid but i need so much more then 265 if you know what i mean.  i owe my buddy landon 100 bucks and he’s go tone of my best paintings in hock until i pay him.  the thing is he needs the money and i need cash to move.  at least 500 for that etc etc etc.  so i walked out of pechanga with 1300.  that was pretty bad ass.  played SOME POKER on the big kids table (100-300 buy in) and got lucky with pocket aces my second hand and doubled up easily.  went on to pretty much fuck shit up at that table and walked downstairs with my pocket STUFFED


full of $5 chips.  rad.

won all night basically.  and walked with it all.  went straight to the donut shop lol got my chocolate milk glazed twist and choccy twist and then went and got car insurance for $178 before my registration gets suspended on the 9th of may.  i was reminded about that when my friend stephanie burns told me about some dude friend of hers who got pulled over by the cops with a shit ton of meth on him.  he got five years in prison.  and why did he get pulled over?  oh because he had suspended registration on his car like a moron.  poor guy.  not that i’m driving around with shit tons of anything illicit but still it reminded me that it would be a pretty good idea to get  insurance.  so i did that.  yay for me.

only my die hard admirers will have read this far in this post cuz its a bullshit post to be sure.  by the way “we can be heroes” at least according to david bowie.  i’ve got a couple of options for places to

she is known the world wide as eighth letter.

live now which is cool….one’s in eastvale and one’s in crown town by the golf course where my sister used to bartend at.  i heard some incredibly disturbing stories about my sisters deasth last night.  i’m not gonna say who told me or what they told me because there is litigation going on but its fucking horrible and it put me in a sick goosebumps on my head horror stricken mood for a couple hours last night.  i am going to tell our lawyer about it.  enough about that.

by the way i apologize for any times i’ve ever been a fair weathered friend to anybody i know.  just saying that for sincerely reals i won’t say why on that one either but yeah i had to put someone in check actually two someones in check last night.  i know i’m a taker lots and not always a giver materially but i do feel like i am a giver emotionally and friendship wise but if not sorry about that and i can only strive to improve myself.

well shit i got shit to do you guys so thankfully for you i’m going to close this shitty little entry out.  hope you can forgive me for the

call her what you will she's still my mom

terrible incomprehensible shadowy sing song say nothing chant of a rant that defines the makeup of this story today.  i’m sorry.  my mind is in a million and one places you have no idea.  talk soon.

sometimes i feel i’ve got to run away i’ve got to get away

Sometimes Life Will Beat The Shit Of You

Monday April 18th, 2011 11:45 a.m.

I just read the May, 2010 Reader’s Digest at some friends house while waiting hours for them to get ready so that we can finally get the fuck out of  here.  I’ve got to moan and  complain a little just because I feel like its the right thing to do but in reality I wasn’t even bored.  I’m talking two and a half hours or more of sitting here in the computer room reading Reader’s Digest cover to cover and then just now watching a fight from Bellator 39.  Ben Saunders vs. Matt Song Lee isn’t the ugliest MMA fight you will ever see.  Ben Saunders isn’t the most devastating striker I’ve ever seen nor is Matt Song Lee the most courageous person to take an ass beating inside the octagon.  That being said, just click on that link two lines up and watch the fight.  The fact that this is pretty much just the normal run of the mill everyday sorta fight ought to tell you a little bit about how insane MMA as a sport is.   The doctors call a stop to the fight with maybe 3 minutes left in the 3rd round after Saunders catches Lee with yet another short, gash causing, bone thumping, flesh crushing elbow. This one, above the left eye,  is almost a perfect match for the one Lee had  already been sporting in the same spot, opposite eye.  Not to mention the huge lump, actually call it what it is, an insane hematoma underthe left eye,  the massive gash on his cheek, the broken and battered and disgustingly bloody mashed piece of dog shit that used to be his nose..

Damnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn boy!

Watching this fight maybe three years ago, I would have been just amazed and astounded, and don’t get me wrong it was  a very interesting and entertaining fight to be sure.  The thing is, these days I’m used to seeing that kind of amazing, “fight of the year” type battle, every fight card that I get into.   It can be Bellator, StrikeForce, the WEC, Pride, Dream, Elite XC, or the UFC it doesn’t really matter.  All of them have a bevy of insanely talented and tough as nails MMA warriors to choose from.

The talent pool is rife with “the next big thing”, can’t miss guys (and ladies) ready to basically get in there and kill or be killed which is pretty much the ideal recipe for what fight fans want to really see.   In my opinion there is not even a comparison to be made between MMA and “the sweet science” of Boxing in terms of ferocity, courage, big hype fights that live up to the hype, interesting matchups etc.  MMA is home to the  stories that awe the audience with the rush of emotion we feel,

underdogs rising to the occasion, unbelievable trash talking before fights, followed by humble respect for kindred warriors after…..insane knockouts, crazy action, seemingly impossible feats of athleticism (see Anthony Pettit’s off the cage kick in the WEC), and just overall hooplah.  In comparison (or lack thereof) rare indeed is the really engaging boxing match.  Rare indeed is the boxing match that everybody wants to see.  I don’t understand how the disparity in income levels of the stars in each sport continues to exist.  I’m sure that has to change soon.

Anyways I think I have to get out of here now my friend is actually done with whatever  they needed to do while I’ve been sitting here as quietly as a church mouse.  So I will need to cut this off quickly.  How about a pic of some gratuitous “hottest ass”?  That sounds great actually let me find something really quickly hold on.

I love this thing I will eat this thing she has the hottest ass

There you go I have made you life complete have I not?  By the way I just saw the reason why I get so many hits under hottest ass on google.  On if you search for “hottest ass” with your safe search set to moderate, a pic from one of my other posts is the 15th image shown out of 1,810,000.  Which isn’t too bad is it?

See ya

Getting Laid on a Toilet Bowl (Rated XXX)

After I got kicked out of La Sierra Academy (despite managing a 4.0 gpa the one semester that I attended), I think my parents threw in the towel as far as me truly being this excellent high school student destined for a major university and all the trappings.  I don’t really know the exact reason I “wasn’t invited” to attend La Sierra that second semester of my sophomore year but I really didn’t give a shit to be honest.  I was much more interested in girls and punk rock and getting wasted as often as possible.  I was really into girls and I wanted to fuck them.  To me it just made sense that I was going to get a lot more of them at Corona High School (the only public high school in the city at this time) then at La Sierra Academy, Notre Dame High or Villanova Prep, all places where I could claim alumni status.

It was weird though, either I was in love with the  girls and they acted pretty indifferent toward me or the girls were in love with me and I couldn’t really give a rat’s ass about them.  My parents still didn’t let me do anything really and I lived on the outskirts of town pretty near to nothing but orange trees so the only way for me to get into town was by ten speed.  It was probably a four or five mile ride.  During this time, because the parents were clamping down so hard on me, trying to control my comings and goings and keep a tight rein on my unruly rebellious ways, I ran away from home often.  I’m talking every week pretty much.

I didn’t dig the fact that everybody else got to go off campus for lunch and I didn’t because my parents wouldn’t allow that.  I didn’t dig the fact that I couldn’t wear earrings even though I had both ears pierced for months.  Actually the earring thing used to really be a major battle between us.  In order to smoke cigarettes on campus at that time, your parents had to sign a slip saying you could smoke.  Of course my parents wouldn’t even think about that.  My dad used to beat my ass when I would be caught smoking and trust me he was a scary dude who yelled super loud and wouldn’t hesitate to haul off and hit me with a belt or his fist if he was mad at me.

Did I mention that he was mad at me all the fucking time?  It was no fucking fun in my house trust me.  My mom had little kids that demanded attention and with all the trouble I was constantly causing, our little family was at war basically all the time.  The threat of my dad kicking my ass started to wear off as far as being a deterrent to me acting out after a while.  When an ass kicking was imminent I was still scared for sure but it was kind of hazy in my mind when I was getting drunk, getting high, sneaking out at night, sniffing paint, boning chicks, and forgetting to come home.  Looking back on it now I must have been pretty crazy because my dad was pretty fucking gnarly when his temper got going and boy oh boy did I irritate the holy living shit out of him.

If I’m jumping back and forth and not making sense its because those times are a little fuzzy to me right now.  For instance I know I went to Notre Dame High School for 9th grade after “graduating” from Junior High from St. Edwards Catholic School.  For the life of me though I don’t remember exactly how long I went there.  All I know is that I went to Notre Dame, Villanova Prep for an entire year, La Sierra Academy and finally ended up at Corona High and I was still a sophomore.

I got laid for the first time from this girl Camerow (who the fuck knows how you spell it) that was over at my friend Nick Salle’s house when he had a pool party when school got out from Notre Dame.  That tells me that I made it through the school year at Notre Dame so its hard to explain all the high schools that followed.  This girl Camerow was decently hot not super hot but she was willing to fuck after meeting me like an hour or two earlier so that was all good.  We went into the bathroom at Nick’s house she sat on the toilet which was a very romantic setting let me tell you.  We were making out and shit and then she let me move her bathing suit bottoms drastically to one side and slip it in.  That was awesome and I totally remember that part like it happened yesterday.  Of course I lasted all of three minutes tops.  It was just too much for my 14 year old mind to take.  It felt so good, she looked so hot at that minute and her pussy was just so rad I had no choice but to pull it out and empty my gun on Nick Salle’s tiled floor.

What can I say I’m a Bad Kid

There’s this chick that works at Jack in the Box by my house in Norco named Fatima.  She’s a Mexican girl, skinny and  hot in some crazy way that makes me want to insert cock.   I know that sounds a bit rude and the ladies are probably thinking what a P-I-G pig I am and all that sorta jazz.     Just because I want to be naked and inside this “Shift Leader” who works the graveyard shift at Jack in the Crack doesn’t make me a bad person.   I’m just being honest  so take it for what it is.

Anyways back to my original thought on this topic  okay?  So like a couple of nights ago right…in fact it was Sunday April 3rd.    I went to Jack in the Box because I was starving.  The time was about 3am. Cash on hand was limited to a single one hundred dollar bill. After picking up food I was planning on a quick stop at 7-11 for some smokes.

I already knew for a fact that 7-11 was not fond of breaking anything larger then a five dollar bill after 4 pm.  They run a million dollar a year retail store yet they continue to post signs warning that “This store does not carry more then $30 in cash” in an  attempt to  dissuade would be robbers.  7-11 is hoping that crooks are not going to want to risk a lengthy prison sentence for  a roll of quarters and a few limp $1 bills.   7-11 has their heads up their collective asses on this one I say.  First of all nobody believes that bullshit about the store only having $30 bucks on hand.  That’s a crock of shit and everyone knows it.  If someone did rob them and found only $30, wouldn’t that just piss an armed robber off to the point of endangering the hapless clerk even more?

I digress.  Sorry.

Back to Jack in the Box:

Like I said I went by Jack in the Box, ordered the All American Combo with Coke.  My order was taken by Fatima.  Seeing her in that sexy manager outfit,  all black, I admit checking out her ass as we shot the shit while she was bent over filling up my Coke.  I’m probably dreaming but it sure seemed that Fatima was extra attentive to me whenever I saw her.  The dream turns decidedly “wet” as I imagine rubbing “special sauce” all over her naked body

Shit I should take that back I forgot she might read this shit someday and she might not understand that I’m only fucking around.  In fact, I can think of  a few other people who I would suggest reading this story with a grain of salt if you know what I mean!!

She told me the total ($4.56 or something) and I pulled out my Ben Franklin and handed it to her.  Even though Jack in the Box has their own set of signs spinning shit regarding  the lack of more then  $50 cash after something like 2pm in the afternoon, I was sure that I was operating under a different set of rules. Fatima started walking to the different registers searching for enough change to pay me the $95 I have coming.  I was pretty surprised when she walked back to the drive thru window and said, “Sorry, I can’t break it, I only have $70 total”.

At that point my food was ready to hand over.  I was hungry.  So I said to her in a groveling sorta whiny voice, “Well what can I do then cuz I need my food!”.  She shocked me big time by saying I could just pay for it later.  That generous offer really got my mind racing . Visions of boobies  danced through my head. Hell yea.  I quickly agreed,  thanked her and proceeded to quickly drive to 7-11 about 100 yards away.  There was no simple way to get there because of the curb that surrounded 7-11 .  I had to basically drive 1000 yards, and it was late as shit.  No biggie until I was speeding around the left side of the place and nearly drove into a couple of officers from the Corona Police Department who were parked up and chatting.

I did a mental inventory of my car and my person, and my state of mind, decided that I had nothing to worry about, and continued confidently  without really slowing down right by them and turned into an empty parking space in front of the store.  I got out of the car, carefully walking  like a sober man, (which I was actually).  I didn’t turn my head to see if they were watching me as I’m not on probation or parole and I don’t really  have much to hide from the cops.

The next huge challenge of the early morning was somehow making it alright with the crazy, Punjabi, serial murderer that worked the graveyard at 7-11. I needed to get out of that store with a pack of smokes, some chocolate milk and Hostess Chocolate Donuts, with the change from the $100 dollar bill and probably within a normal time limit so the Corona’s finest, out there shooting the shit didn’t get suspicious and  start thinking that I was robbing the place of its $30 dollars in cash they had.  This may sound easy to you as you are reading this but you don’t know this dude at 7-11.  My old girlfriend  April, said he  was for sure the Indian version of Jeffery Dahmer and I had to agree with her. He has theses weird eyes that seem to mentally undress you as you walk into store.  Mentally undress not only your clothes…which maybe wouldn’t be that bad if the price was right hahaha, but mentally undress your skin from flesh and flesh from bones?  That’s where I draw the line.

I’ve skateboarded to 7-11  tons of times at night super late wanting a smoke, having no money and hanging out in front waiting for someone to go in the store and come out with a pack of Marlboro lights so I could sheepishly hit them up.  “Hey do you have an EXTRA smoke?” I’d say.  I’d be all sweaty and haphazardly dressed, but somehow people never found it creepy that I was sitting out in front of 7-11 in Norco, at 3am, with my skateboard and sweat dripping down my apparently 30 year old face, asking them for cigarettes.  In fact, chicks often would stop and have a little conversation with me.  Ha ha ha the power of beauty still works ha ha ha.  Or maybe I’m kidding myself and its just that I have no shame and don’t notice the fake smiles on these peoples faces as they stop, open their packs of smokes and hand me one.  Who knows.  Anyways, I’ve always been a little creeped out myself standing there because 7-11 Serial Murderer man would be looking at me the whole time behind his bushier then shit eyebrows and cold, calculating, “I want to eat your left ass cheek followed by your arm” dark, brown, Punjabi eyes.  I’m never really that polite to the dude either because he really makes me feel uncomfortable.  You can’t talk to him at all.  He doesn’t get politeness, he doesn’t know English I don’t think.  He just stares at you with those serial killer eyes.

So anyways, I had my work cut out for me.  What I ended up doing to combat the problem was picking out a bunch of individual items that he would have to ring up one by one and then if he wanted to deny me on the hundred dollar bill he would have to sit there and un ring them up one by one and put them all back.  So I grabbed chocolate milk, some chocolate Hostess donuts, some 20 cent candies and two packs of smokes.  It came out to like $14.  Then I whipped out the hundred and right away shit was going down!  He pointed to the “This Store Carries only $30 after 2pm” sign, shook his head in disgust, hemmed and hawed, asked me if I had a credit card to use and even went so far as to take off his belt, pull down his pants and start whipping himself on his ass while chanting, “Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar, Allah Akbar” while his eyes rolled to the back of his head and foam started coming out of his mouth.

I’d seen it all before.  These tactics weren’t working on a hustlah like me.  He quickly realized that I wasn’t quaking in fear, vomiting profusely or pissing all over the place so he quit with the dramatics, made the “Shhhh” signal by cupping his hand into a fist except for his long, dirty index finger, with the black nail polish which he put to his lips.  He reached over to his right, opened this brown binder thing and pulled out a massive stack of cash, like literally $500 bucks worth of 1’s, 5’s, 10’s and 20’s.  He gave me a sheepish grin, counted out my $86 bucks in change and hustled me out of the store.  That was on Sunday night, actually Monday morning.

I sauntered by the cops again, who were still there.  They both turned their heads when I passed them but they realized that I was too much to handle and that they could just as easily sit there eating their fucking donuts and shooting the shit until their shift was over so they both nodded back to me after I respectfully nodded their way.  I ended up going back home for a little while and then headed to Soboba Casino at like 5 in the morning.  I won’t get into all of that shit right now because it’s not the point of this particular story.  Actually what was the point of this particular story?  Oh yeah, Fatima from Jack in the Box.  So to finish it up, I had like $16 bucks Stephanie Kelly gave me for gas after working yesterday which of course isn’t really enough to take to the casino after you factor in the horrendous price of goddamn gas these days.  I still owed the $4 bucks to Fatima at Jack in the Box right. So I decided to be like this amazing human being, and go pay it back, again at like 3 in the morning last night.  At least I thought my intentions were good but I realized after that I’m just a scum bag like everybody else.  Why? Well, I went through the drive through and ordered a Mini Funnel Cake which are the shit if they don’t over cook them.  You just spread some of that strawberry jam Jack in the Box is famous for  on them and they are really quite a tasty and scrumptious little snack item.  My intention was to get the funnel cake, slide right up to the drive through window and play the hero role with sexy little Fatima.  I imagined she would ooh and aaah over me being such an honest and caring little fella by paying her back and that we would get to chatting and …..I don’t know …..maybe she would wanna come over after work at 6 a.m. for a little breakfast sandwich if you know what I mean.  Ha hahaa.  Well you know what they say about the best laid plans of mice and men….

Imagine my horror and disgust when I got to the drive through window and some fat ass preppy looking Mexican GUY opened the window and told me it was $1.08 for the fucking funnel cake.  I was like,  “Fuck my life!”.  I asked his sweaty looking, preppy looking, greasy looking ass if Fatima was working.  He looked at me sorta strange like and said, “Fatima?  No she’s not working.” Fine whatever.  And here’s the reason I’m still filled with that feeling of “I’m a dick”.  I could have paid off my little bill very easily whether Fatima was there or not.  She told in her sexy Spanish accent that she was leaving a note with a copy of the receipt for whoever was working so I would have no problem having my balance cleared.

So I ask you faithful reader….did I voluntarily mention to Mr. Fat Preppy Boy that I needed to pay back a food front from the other night and hand over the $4 bucks?  I think we both know the answer to that one right?  Fuck no I didn’t.  Ha ha ha fuck that!  I’ll wait for another time when Sexy Fatima IS working and I’ll see if I can still parlay the whole situation into some kind of dirty Jack in the Box fantasy sex or something.

Maybe I’ll just pay it back regardless of who is working next time I go.  The battle inside my head between the Angel on my right shoulder and Satan on my left continues to rage on.  I’ll have to let everyone know who wins.  I’m going to try very hard to be a good kid but sometimes I have problems with that.  Until next time everyone.  Take care of yourselves and each other.

Satanthony Mandich, Urban Legend and Shot Caller

I Gave All My Money To A Nigerian Email Scam





Good Day,

I am DR.HASSAN DAVID, A Staff of BOA Bank in Burkina Faso West Africa. If it may interest you, I have a Business transaction, and I want you to please indicate your interest to receive the transfer of US$11.6 Million Dollars).

Compliments of the day with your entire family, It’s just my urgent need for foreign partner that made me to contact you for this transaction for assistance. I am a banker by profession in west Africa and currently holding the post of Director Auditing and Accounting unit of the bank.

I have the opportunity of transferring the left over funds ($11.6 million) of one of our bank clients who died in crash since seven years ago and none of his family member or relation has come for the claim, and now the bank is planning how to confiscate the fund since no one has come for the claim. Please I need your honest and humanity to execute this transaction under your kind control for the benefit of our both families.

Hence, I am inviting you for the deal I will offer you 40% of the amount mentioned above and if you are sure you are capable to handle this transaction and you are ready to assist me to execute this business, further details of the transfer will be forwarded to you as soon as i receive your return mail,have a great day..

PERCENTAGE RATIO: Note that 40% being ( $4,000,000.00 ) will be your share in respect of your assistance and account provide for the transfer, 50% ( $5,000,000.00 ) will be my share being the pioneer of the business while the rest 10% ( $1,000,000.00 ) will be used for expenses and to install a joint company in your country which will bear our names in particular and whatever profit made out from this company will be used in helping the less privileges, motherless babies home and charity organization in the world.

If you are willing to do the transaction with me, get back to me with the following below:

4. YOUR AGE……………………..

Contact me for more details if you are interested, so we can proceed. We have only a week to execute the transfer as soon as you reply and show your interest.  For more clarification reply me back and please note that the claims is 100% risk free..

Thanks for your co-operation,

00226 75 37 24 35.

This shirt is lying cuz Anthony Mandich ain't that stupid.

Greetings and mutterings to you Dr. Hassan David,

Compliments of the day to you fellow foreign partner from West Africa.  Be it known that beaming with pleasure describes my flatulence upon receiving your hearty letter with 100% risk free promise of losing the equivalent of one golden calf for the dire emergency that benefits the family of your martial relations of the canine variety.  Happenstance and circumstance have collided my nebulous, chubby and curiously handsome pal! Of course you are  stupider then the soil encrusted in your mother’s teeth.

Assistance of what you require is fortunately the most urgent scandal of the day, blessings to your bountiful God, the God of fecal holiness.  As we don’t matter of factly share the same divine spirit of extreme wind which bellows from the backside, it is contagious to think that we may perhaps be strange bovine bedfellows come what may, may i come upon your smiling Nigerian face with the horses penis which is shared between your dessicated ancestors and spread through the current population of the bank in which you claim to work with such fierce falsehoods that one can only conclude the i.q. level of such a pragmatic prognosticator such as your esteemed self, sweaty and cognizant of offal that you are, is incredibly low.  Perhaps we may meet to break bread and wind and continue the farcical fairytale only your finest idiot savant would ever take seriously in fact.

If you share in the extreme ridicule that is being sent your way via my scantily covered American posterior which will be delivered via first class sewage from my family to your den of jackals please accept this token of my undying gratitude for not being as idiotic as you.

I congratulate you with your  extremely dastardly yet incredibly asisine plot to defraud the sinister yet frugal bank in which you claim to have provenance.  Such is a baffling claim!  A shame!  One that we cannot name! As your countenance is too great a burden in its joyful rapture of incredibly donkeyesque serenity it fills me with the emotion of contempt to consider you still alive if you happen to be in such a state by Wednesday of next week.

As they say in the land beside the West Nile, “Anything that benefits a humble creature who chews the dung of the vultures who chew the dung of the jackal should always be eradicated so that pest has neither the means or the ways, to graduate to “pestilence.””

That being said it appears that either you have contracted testicular cancer  or else you have a pair of the biggest balls I’ve ever seen especially in conjunction with the earthworm otherwise known as your penis or in laymans terms the Dirctor of Auditing and Annointing of Male Scrotums for tongue dirty pleasure. Thank you so muchly efficiently the opposite of this in terms of gratitude for weak kneed child like incandescence.  It is my hope that this reply to your generous offer of nothing tangible cloaked with the stupidest letter ever written finds you happy as the worms which inhabit a donkeys anus and your mothers eyes when they learn that enough shit exists for them to eat another day in such a happily parasitic way.

May God Bless you with a broken neck and may the future of your beautiful family be erased from the tree of man as a pleasurable (for everyone but you of course) down payment on the immense karmic bill you accumulated in your slack jawed rat like existence!

I’m hoping we can continue this wise exchange of networking virus laden jibber jabber at a time and place that  I’m miraculously doing my best to never have to honor.  If this is of interest to you in your quest to be a bottom feeding catfish scum, I applaud you and wish only to expedite your journey to the inner reaches of the earth, my majestic fiend, to that fabled land of legend, I refer positively to the dung laden room reserved for you and your ball gazing family in a little plantation known as hell.

Thanks Again!

A friend and Companion (never for you)

Good luck living under a bridge you fucking pathetic loser!!

anthony mandich says if you want to peel off her panties stuff her full of this concoction first

I wonder if anyone, ever, will actually go to the trouble of preparing that drink!  I concocted it when I lived in Bondi a beach in Australia (Sydney).  The drink was called Vera’s Pratt originally and I invented it for a bartending competition

I worked at this bar called the Clarenden Hotel.  The Clarenden was in Surrey Hills.  I had heaps of fun working there.  I smoked ice with two of the managers that worked there ha ha ha in the office no less!  This guy Louie and this chick Megan.  Separately which is even more hilarious. Another topic we can explore in more depth later.

I am sitting at the computer playing in a poker tournament on Full Tilt that started at 6:05 p.m.  There are 7,500 people in this particular tournament so my chances for real success are pretty slim.  I don’t have much else to do tonight because I have only $4.75.  I’m really so sick of being poor.  Fuck!  In fact, fuck this, I’m done with this post.  Fuck sitting here at the fucking computer all night. I’m going to go sell my ass on Sixth Street in downtown Corona.

When Anthony Mandich rocks a do, he rocks it hard!


Sorry I don’t own a pair of Roller Skates

two young kids Anthony and Natalie Mandich before we were actually Mandich's

I’ve got my ex-girlfriend over here right now babbling about roller skating upstairs on the hardwood floors.  I had to tell her sorry but I don’t own a pair of rollerskates.  I’d rather push around on a skateboard even if I do it badly.  Apparently, I’m a “son of a bitch” too, which would not make my dear, dear mother very happy to hear hahahaha.  At least that’s what I just overheard in a conversation the ex was having with her drunk momma .

Apparently I am now persona non grata in the South Coast Metro area.  I’m not really very shaken up about it though.  I have other, more urgent, fish to fry at the moment.  As to what I did to earn “son of a bitch” status I have no idea and I don’t really care to tell you the truth.  Drunk wind baggery if you ask me.  Never been a big fan of drunks, even when I was one for a few years back in the nineties.  Its kind of funny or rather kind of ironic that I’m so hated in that household because I have truly never been anything but nice to that woman and I even get along splendidly with her dog, a little yapping barking ingrate who I managed to somehow cultivate quite a bond with.  Dogs do like me.  Maybe because I am one?  Topic for another day.

I’ve got lots of shit going on in my life, most of it not exactly on the great side.  We are losing the house here in two days.  It is getting auctioned off on March 23rd, 2011 and that is when my bubble is really going to burst.  I’ve really gotten accustomed to having the run of this place, its been amazing and I will really be sad to give up my Cowshit Castle when that dreadful day finally comes.  The entire house is pretty much empty right now except for mattresses without sheets and the contents of my art studio/office where I am typing this fascinating shit right here and now.

I’ve got no idea where I’m going to go.  I’ve got no money to get there.  All I have is my talented hands, my paintings and art supplies and my sexy self and not so sexy car.  Plenty of people are sure to be thinking that if I end up homeless and in the gutter its only my deserved reward for being such a jackass.  To them I offer a hearty “Fuck Off….but I do it with a smile on my face because I’m not really serious.  Shit, they are probably right.  I don’t really give a shit about the rights or wrongs of the whole situation.  It is what it is and I’m a fighter who will never give up.

This is all just a wakeup call for me to start being a little smarter with my assets and less inclined to procrastinate and lollygag my way through life.  Time to pump a little Ouspensnky urgency into my everyday life and frankly I welcome the challenge.  Stay tuned for updates on the living situation.  Whether you, constant reader, are a friend or foe, a hater or a supporter, you’ll be anxious to hear the outcomes of this somewhat urgent situation.  LOL.


I’ve kinda gotta run right now for a couple of reasons.  My sister Theresa has commissioned me to do a painting of a baby giraffe for her daughters room in their new house in Norco.  I agreed to do it for the insane price of $100.  So I’ve gotta knock that out here tonight.  Not only that my friend Ian McCall is in New Jersey right now for an audition/tryout for Season 14  of The Ultimate Fighter and I want to call him up and find out how that is going.  Anyways thanks for reading and I welcome any comments or suggestions, constructive or venom laced it matters not.

Oh yeah one last thing.  We went to mediation in Los Angeles last Wednesday for the case involving the death of my sister Natalie while in custody of the Riverside Sheriff’s Department on Valentines Day in 2009.  I have nothing to report as far as results, conclusions, new information etc however.  This time it was much ado about nothing as all we did was stand outside the mediators palatial estate in Century City while he met with representatives of the County of Riverside and our attorney, the capable and effervescent Richard P. Herman.  Rather disappointing, especially for my poor mother, who seemed crestfallen at the lack of new information regarding the exact circumstances of my sisters passing.  Stay tuned for further updates on this sad tale as well.

the fucking title says it all foolio

All is not misery and strife however!  Be sure of that.  I skated a good 35 miles last week which felt great and that’s always a good thing right?  Talk to you people later.

P.S.  Apparently my real father, Maurice Lloyd is very sick right now and in hospital.  My thoughts and prayers are with him and his family in Vancouver.  Get well soon MO!


Anthony John Mandich

Check out my art. By Anthony Mandich

Anthony Mandich Rocks

"Hitler sucks cocks in hell" says Anthony Mandich

Anthony Mandich being Anthony Mandich by Anthony Mandich

Hi, I'm Anthony Mandich and this is one of my sexy paintings

My name is jesus Christ, said Jesus Christ by Anthony Mandich

Anthony Mandich thinks the Nazis suck

This is dark but my soul is light says Anthony Mandich


Please wait for a site operator to respond.
Chat InformationYou are now chatting with ‘Jack’
Jack: Welcome to our Casino! To assist you better please introduce yourself either by Name or Username and then inform of your concern
Jack: May I have the bonus code?
you: MY CODE IS: R50
Jack: Please be advised that this code expired. Unfortunately we have no free bonuses at this moment. Please make your deposit today and we will match it with huge 360% bonus.
Jack: No, I’m not Jack Meoff. Unfortunately we have no free bonuses, I advised you to deposit today or wait for the next free bonus campaign to start off
Jack: Excuse me, who advised you to talk to this man?
Jack: I’m sorry as this promotion expired we can not redeem this code. If you want to contact management please email at and we will forward your email to management
Jack: just email us without any name
Jack: to management
Jack: just use my first name please
Jack: Please contact us any time, it’s been our pleasure to help you!


Woody was a Good Dog


I hate chicks

There  is a funny video of Woody and Anthony Mandich one summer day in 2010 that I wanted to post on here.   It’s like 5:20 a.m. and I really wanted to post the videos directly on my blog here but it can’t be done without a large payment which sucks shit. Unfortunately Woody is no longer with us which somewhat pisses me off.

Suck me


Here is a painting of Jean Harlow I did.  Its a video.

Sorry that I am so stupid I haven’t quite figured out how to make the link live so you don’t have to cut and paste it but yeah I am pretty fucking dumb.

I'm friends with alot of my ex boyfriends its no big deal

big mouth strikes

Anthony Xanadu Mandich Its a pity that someone so beautiful as you has forgotten her true love Anthony. Woe is me Shelly. Where did the love go baby doll? What happened to your dreams of a magical night at a secret beach, two young lions cavorting elegantly in the shorebreak, eating seals and dolphins toether and then making mystical leo …love? sniffle sniffle…i’m heartbroken. my lion heart is broken and i wanna start eating some humans to lash out

See moreYesterday at 06:59 · · · See Wall-to-Wall

Diane Garcia Schneider NERD!

Yesterday at 09:12 ·

Shelly Mcgeath Haha Diane. I know right

Yesterday at 13:43 ·

Diane Garcia Schneider Someone has to tell him!! LOL ; )

Yesterday at 14:52 ·

Anthony Xanadu Mandich i was gone all yesterday so i didn’t see this short but sweet gem from you two. i’m going to publish it as a stand alone blog right now. finally a couple ladies with some game. good for you.

A few seconds ago · ·

i see a little light even though its still night

i give you all a boy could give you take my tears and thats not really all tainted love

sweetness, sweetness i was only joking when i said i’d like to mash your three tooth in your head

it’s pouring rain it’s pouring rain

last night she said oh baby i feel so down and i don’t know why i’ve been walking for miles

show me secret sins love can be like bondage seduce me once again

I, Anthony Mandich, promise to pretty much piss everybody off here

I don't ask for much these days and I don't bitch and whine if I don't get my way

What should I talk about today hmmm?  All sorts of shit perhaps?  Okay, well I feel like a pretty big star right now because Antonio Sabato Jr., that hunk of a man posted a little thank you blurb on my Facebook wall a little bit ago.  What a nightmare for that poor guy really.  I mean how does one deal with one supercreepy yet oddly popular little fella like me?  I am doing an unauthorized and definitely unsolicited yet supremely fucking cool painting of his girlfriend cheryl and i posted a copy of it on his wall so he came on my wall and said thanks.  I mean he doesn’t want to appear ungrateful to his fans and shit so that’s understandable but still though, how many sicko fans does the dude probably have?  I can only imagine how many dumpy dowdy mid western fatty housewives from Kansas or Kentucky or Nebraska or some shit are members of his fan club.  My God, the thought horrifies me for him.  All these wanna be sexy, wanna be cougars (without the cash, class and with triple the ass) who fell in love with Antonio when was on General Hospital way back when….wow.  I’m sure tons of them have painted portraits of him or baked him cookies or sent him their size 124 extra stout soiled panties in the mail, total delusions of grandeur running through their fat little heads that Antonio really wants any of this shit.  That Antonio wants anything more then to be left alone lol.  But still, he is a very successful public figure with a cultivate heartthrob image and has probably always felt obligated to personally thank everyone for whatever little gifts they send, no matter how fucking insane they might actually be.  And he’s actually totally fucking cool.  I mean I know plenty of my own REAL FLesH AND bLOOD FRIENDS,  who feel it well within their rights to delete my posts or censor me or whatever.  To his credit, everything I have ever posted on his wall, is still there.  So I respect him for reals and I feel sorry for him too.  So I try not to be too much of a creep with my celebrity friends and anyways fucking hell the painting is sick as fuck.  Its rad.  So maybe I’m a delusional midwestern cougar fatty myself and if I do send him the painting someday, it will probably end up God knows where but doubt if its gonna be hanging over the dining room table lol.  Well thats my first topic at a close.  Bottom line, don’t be hard on Antonio Sabato Jr. , as he is a cool mother fucker, a handsome mother fucker, with a hotter then goddamn hell girlfriend, and he’s not a dick.  Alrighty moving right along….

Actually Anthony Mandich is not worthy to paint this Goddess

Wow I could go in so many directions right now.  Should I talk about this chick Kendra that I made out with for brief interlude on Saturday night in Los Angeles, should I talk about Steve Jacobson and how good he has it with his sexy ass girlfriend who is down to be his sex slave basically, should I talk about Ryan Johnson, that suave debonair friend of mine, with a face whose cheeks you just wanna squeeze he’s that handsome of a specimen?  Should I talk about my last sexual encounter(s) with _ _ _ _ _ _ or _ _ _ _ _ or _ _ _ _ _ _?  Should I talk about the many beautiful young ladies I fell in love with at the Apoolcalypse party on Saturday August 21st, 2010 at Dystopian Studios? There were many new faces such as Toni, H (8th Letter)-WOW!, Sasha, Kim.  There were many faces I’ve seen before but only strengthened my love for like Eunice, Eden, and Heather.  There was one notable face missing, that I’m pining over, Erica.  So yeah we could go there and stay there for a couple of blogs. 

I could talk about the termination of all contact forever with my ex wife Briar.  There are plenty of untold scandalous details to unfold for you captive readers.  Since she can now officially “suck it” she is fair game so perhaps that’s a topic?

We could get into some really taboo stuff like my dealing with Rodney who none of you are familiar with at the moment but you would be fascinated with learning about.

Gambling is a topic I am aching to get into with you all.  I have a horror story hand to tell you about but I’m still sickened by it myself so I don’t actually know if i I wanna go there right now.

We could even gloss over a few little sentences about my buddy Sean Stenlake’s sexier then goddamn hell little princess of a girlfriend Natasha who is a real life Playboy Playmate who Sean is privileged enough to ravage on a daily basis about forty feet from where I know find myself perched.

LA in general is not a bad topic and i have lots to go over on that end as well.  We could get into a little Area 33 discussion, we could talk about Jacen Onda and his antics.  I could finish by previously started series about my ex girlfriend “Polly” or was it “Dolly” who is now safely back in her husbands house in “Texas”.

My fat dog Woodie getting owned, punked and probably butt fucked by Snickers on a nightly basis, is a topic I have alot of enthusiasm to discuss.  My brother Jon, wow, I would love to do a special series just on Jon alone.  He’s a special and unique young creature of the night and we could spend many an hour together about him.

We are both urban legends. Anthony Mandich and Jon Mandich.

I’ve got an MMA fighter friend named Ian McCall who I plan to get up to some mischief with really soon.  We could talk about him and his competitive sexual nature.  He’s definitely a kindred spirit although I’m not too sure he  would be really that proud of such a horrible fact.

Casino Junkie Crew is one topic I plan on spending several hours regaling you with tales about.  Probably I will end up writing a book about topic alone if  live long enough.

Codependent’s reunion show, Jim Kennedy’s birthday bash, Ricky Menace’s return to the stage….all on three consecutive days starting this Friday…we will get into all the gory details of that weekend but lets wait until that weekend happens.

What else?  The Christian Facebook Army, Caffeine Magazine and my exclusion therefrom, JoJo Meadows art promotion efforts on my behalf in the UK, the state of the union of my art career and life in general, the chaos that is my room.  All of these are worthy topics and I want to get to all of them.  As you can see we have lots to discuss and I  think I’m gonna leave everybody with that for now as I have a poker tournament to play on Full Tilt at the moment, as well as a painting I am working on.

Bye Everybody.  I miss you Michelle and Kellie the Bear Woman

Personality Profile Results for Anthony Mandich

This is Part 1 of my Personality Profile.  If you know me read this shit and tell me if you agree or not.  I will post my opinions on the matter sometime next week when all 5 parts have been posted.

Introduction to Extraversion
Some days you want to hang out by yourself, not answer the phone, and make the world go away. The next day you e-mail everyone, schedule lunch with a friend, and try to find an evening gathering to take part in. It may be the phases of the moon, or something you ate; some days are just like that. In actuality, your desire to be with others or to be alone reflects something deep in your personality. Some of us are more comfortable by ourselves or with one or two friends, while others of us crave the crowd and can’t stand it when the house is empty or the phone doesn’t ring. The following paragraphs describe your fundamental desires about being with other people; whether you are generally an outgoing person or more reserved, if you seek adventures with others, if you tend toward assertiveness or kindness.

When it comes to Extraversion you are:
Words that describe you:
  • Friendly
  • Gregarious
  • Full of Life
  • Unreserved
  • Kindhearted
  • Talkative
  • Emotional
  • Spontaneous
  • Vigorous
A General Description of How You Interact with Others

I just did this last night. I rock. My name is Anthony Mandich

You know how to communicate. You listen well, the first rule of good communication, and then, when it’s your turn, you talk vigorously and with animation; in your uninhibited way you give all that you’ve got to the encounter.

In situations where you feel very safe, when you know and trust the people you’re with, you can be very kindhearted and unrestrained. You let your affection for and pleasure in being with others flow freely. You’re wide open And when you get back this same kind of unrestrained warmth, you are deeply satisfied. Because you are so friendly and full of life, these are among your favorite moments.

Negative Reactions Others May Have Toward You
As much as you like being with other people, not everyone will like being with you. Hard to believe, but your gregarious and warm manner is not everyone’s cup of tea. Some people are more cautious than you in personal encounters; others think the work place should be more formal, more impersonal than is comfortable for you. Still others, who may want more of the spotlight, will find you too much to compete with once you get your lively and outgoing self in motion.

Here’s another word of caution. You’ve been at this warm and open way of relating for a while, but for some people it’s a brand new experience. They may be protecting something inside themselves, some fear or guilt or shame, or some private part of their story that they’re not yet ready to share. Your openness might threaten them, and they’ll take a step back and be reluctant the next time to engage you in the kind of exchange you find so easy and satisfying but they find so dangerous.

Positive Responses Others May Have Toward You
Many people, most probably, will be glad to be in the room you’re in. At work you make the environment livelier and the banter more interesting, so the time moves swiftly and the experience is a happier one. At home you keep everyone connected because you engage each of them in the conversational action, and as a result they are more connected as well with one another. You make home a warmer and more interesting place for everyone who lives there.

You might also be helpful to some people. There are those who need to talk but aren’t very good at it. They don’t know how to begin the kind of conversation that would allow them to share whatever is in their personal stories that they’d like or need to talk about. You could make that easier for them with your way with words. Some people just need an example and a little encouragement to come out of their shell and get into the greater fun and personal connectedness that will make their lives so much more satisfying. Again, you might be just the right person to make that happen for them.

So almost everyone will be glad to be with you, you make life more interesting for those you live and work with, and you could help some of your friends who need just a little encouragement to open up and find in themselves the kinds of energetic and warm connections that you thrive on. Not that you are a pushover; in fact, you are often quite assertive. In taking care of yourself you also make sure that others are engaged and energized.

Gary L. Korkuc: True American Zero

Recently young Anthony Mandich was befriended by a Law Enforcement Official who we will refer to only as LT in case he is working undercover.  LT saw potential in our scrappy hero and thus was born a strange new era in the ever unfolding saga of Sizzletits Mandich.  From this unlikely pairing has emerged a tale which boggles the mind and assaults the senses with conflicting and disparate images.   It seems that a moron from Buffalo, New York, a man by the name of Gary L. Korkuc was recently stopped by law enforcement officers after failing to stop at a stop sign.

What happened next is just incredible in every sense of the word.  As the officer was walking towards the rear of Mr. Korkuc’s 1973 black AMC Gremlin with the faded green pinstriping, custom mag wheels and “BABY LET’S FUCK!” bumper sticker, from the trunk came a plaintive and heart wrenching mewling.  The officer, Sgt. John Poisson, described it as a cross between a full grown male chimpanzees death rattle and the sound Oprah Whinfrey makes when she is brought to the brink of orgasm by Dr. Phil during their monthly “business meetings”.

The SWOT team for the Greater Buffalo New York Episcopalian Volunteer Policeperson’s League was dispatched immediately and Mr. Korkuc was ordered out of his vehicle at gunpoint and forced to open the trunk.  Fearing that the deranged suspect had possibly kidnapped a chimpanzee from the zoo (it was thought unlikely that Korkuc could have possibly gotten close enough to Orca Whinfrey to kidnap her), the ASPCA for Buffalo was also dispatched and representatives were on hand when Mr. Korkuc opened the trunk.

As the trunk slowly lifted, the witnesses there recall being hit with an odd scent, something akin to Korean BBQ.  One of the ambulance drivers at the scene, Paramedic 3rd Class Bill Idget, described it as follows:

“the smell was like something out of a comic book version of MasterChef, I mean it was nutty.  I’ve taken some cooking classes and I consider myself a passable gourmand and I tell you what, if it weren’t for the subtle lingering scents of cat shit and Old Spice, I would have sworn we were in a fancy restaurant at a cozy little table for two next to the kitchen.  It smelled delicious.  I don’t know exactly what kind of seasonings that cracked out motherfucker Korkuc was using to marinate little Navarro in, but he had it right whatever it was.  I’m telling you it smelled great man.  Hey I gotta run, I’m gonna try and catch him, maybe get the recipe for that marinade…..”

What was the source for this odd scent?  Imagine everyone’s shock and horror when they found Navarro, a 4 year old Norwegian Forest Cat, with black fur and a gentle disposition (12 pounds, 6 ounces), sitting in a massive crock pot and covered in a marinade consisting of  rare olive oil, sliced red peppers, a dash of salt, two garlic cloves and the juice of two limes.  Korkuc had even gone as far as to force a crabapple into Navarro’s mouth and secure it there with super glue and a 3 inch length of duct tape.

Here are the suspect and his pet cat Navarro, seen here during happier times

Law enforcement officers moved quickly to dispense cutlery and napkins to dispel the crowd and Mr. Korkuc was taken into custody without further incident and charge with a bevy of offenses ranging from Food Code Violations to Animal Cruelty to Being an Idiot.

He is presently being held on $1,000 bail at the Cheektowaga County Jail and is due in court on August 19th, 2010.  More updates to this fascinating tale will be given as they are uncovered.

Freaky Shit from Chris Gultch to Anthony Mandich

I’m about to play a No Limit Omaha Hi-Lo tournament on Pokerstars and I just checked my Facebook Account quickly.  The first thing I noticed was that my buddy Chris Gultch (Death Mickies) posted the following link on my wall.:

You follow that link and it takes you to some chicks Myspace account and this fucked up music.  Slow Jamz is her name from Massachusetts or something.  The song is like some soupy love song where the dude is saying “I wanna know what turns on”. 

By the way in the poker tournament I called a FIVE WAY all in preflop with KKJJ and flopped trip Jacks and took down $7,500 on my first hand.  Moved me up to 6/6009 players.

I drop unexpectedly like birdshit

Check out the screen shot. It says it all biotch.

I got a feeling that tonight’s gonna be a good night.  Do you ever just wake up in a good mood and kinda know that whatever you get up to that day its gonna be all good?  I got that feeling today.  I slept for hours upon hours.  Ya see I’ve been on a crazy painting streak for days basically sleeping only when I fall asleep from exhaustion and waking up and painting again.  Last night, or really this morning about 4:30 a.m. I took a super hot bath that drained the last remaining vestiges of energy from my body and I got out threw on my calvin kleins and hopped in my bed with the dogs and didn’t even stir until 3pm.  It was fucking great.

I took my bed out of my room because there is NO ROOM for it anymore with all of my paintings and shit all over the place.  We have like a living room type situation upstairs and I just put it out there.  The only sorta fucked up thing about it being out there is Woody and Snickers refuse to get out of it.  I mean I can physically maim them to get them out but as soon as I go back into my painting studio the fucking dogs are right back in there.  And these dogs are not content to just lay on top of the bed down below where “Master’s” feet go like a couple of good dogs would do.  Since they are not good dogs they feel it imperative to lay on top of my pillows (Snickers) or underneath the blankets (Woody).  I personally don’t feel like this is correct behavior for these dogs but they are unruly delinquent beasts and I can’t tell them what to do it seems.

Oh well, my mom’s gonna be home soon like in four days or something.  She’s on vacation in the Cayman Islands and when she gets back she can pack up her mutts and take them back to Palm Desert where she lives in some Country Club place on the golf course.  Let them run amok at her house and good riddance.   I did film about 12 bad ass videos of them while they were here visiting.  Funny as hell ones.  Making them howl at the moon, getting Snickers to butt ram Woody, locking them in Doggy Jail and seeing if they can get out, putting them out in the front and leaving the screen door shut but the front door open until they incessantly would jump and scratch on the screen door while I ignored them, cooking food and getting them all pumped up like they are going to get some then telling them to eat my balls they ain’t getting shit and filming their sad, confused, disturbed reactions hahahahahaha.  Watching Snickers empty all the trash cans everywhere and chew up everything until the house looks like a dump and then film Snickers get just screamed at by my Uncle Gordon.   All sorts of tasty visual treats that I may or may not share with my adoring public at some point.

Okay well I’m listening to some Notorious B.I.G. Life after Death Disc 1 which is so bad ass.  I’m gonna paint for a bit then maybe go play some poker with Darin “Dazzzzza” Byrne, a friend of mine who is a d.j. at Captain Creme’s Gentlemen’s Club in Lake Forest.  I’ll let you know how the night turns out.

By the way, I got an unbelievable response to my post about Billy Wedgeworth and my sister Natalie Amador and the whole Suicide in Jail issue.  I mean like 150 more hits then I normally get on my blog which is like maybe 80 per day.  So thanks for that support everyone.

You should know my stilo, went from 10gs for blow to 30g’s a show to orgies with whores I’ve never seen before so Jeeeeeesus get off the notorious PEEEEEEEEEEEEEnis before I squeeze and bust if the beef between us we can settle it with the chrome and metal shit…….

My Life is So Neat (IV)

So Polly gets in the car….I haven’t seen her in 14 years or some shit so its kind of strange to be back at her house once again in Huntington Beach, California picking her up.  Kind of strange?  How about fucking really strange.  Think about it, this chick is married (for the second time actually I found out later) and lives in another state.  The only reason we are in contact at all is because I randomly saw the facebook account of her SISTER on one of my buddy’s wives facebook accounts and only in passing.  I’m such a scatter brain that to have it hit me again at some point days later,and have the “could give afuckitis” strong enough to actually take th e time to find the sisters account again and scan through it until I found hers and to even bother looking at her scant pictures (maybe like 10 total) AND to find one that actually interested me enough to send her a message saying so, thus breaking the long frozen communication cube (doesn’t make sense sorry) and getting the ball rolling on this current “hey what’s up friend” status we have going on at the minute…..well let’s just say thats like one in a million.  There’s even more going against the chances of us ever talking to each other again then that but I won’t even go into that shit let’s just leave it at that.  All of these thoughts flew into and out of my head in about a second as I let her into the car.

I mean fuck.  I’m no emo kid.  Who gives a rat’s ass why she was in the car and what the chances of that happening could have been accurately predicted at before she got in?  I sure didn’t.  All I knew was that it was still pretty early for poker on a Friday night and I was being bought in by some chick that wanted to get fucked up and my buy in was the price for her being able to be in my magnificent and handsome presence.  One track mind for sure.  And its one track was definitely not “I want to fuck my Ex Girlfriend” . Who cares about that.  I can fuck chicks whenever I want to be actually honest so I wasn’t about to get all stoked on the chance of boning some chick I used to bone day after day a century ago!  Nah, my one track mind was all POKER POKER POKER.

Still though I had to get her to the casino, still in a relatively good mood and whatnot or I could kiss my buy in money good buy! Pun intended.  Gay pun at that.  So I went on the offensive, peppering her with questions that led directly from her answers, never really giving her a chance to catch her breath really, until we were walking into the casino towards the bar first (Jager Bomb for me-terribly prepared by the bartender and a big Two Thumbs down to that moron and a Corona for her on her).  After I got my warmish drink down I sorta waited her out until we were at the ATM and she pulled out some cash, gave me a hundy and said “see ya later” and went back to the bar. Five minutes later I was doubling up the fifty bucks that I bought in with, putting the other fifty dollar bill in my wallet as a definite souvenir to take home commemorating the Polly and Tony big reunion episode.

The hand I doubled up with went down like this.  I was in the big blind with pocket 8’s with one caller in front of me.  (Blinds are 1 and 2 respectively).  I raised it to like 11 and he quickly called.

I think its a shame and really sad that Jean Harlow died at age 26

It was definitely a Jack though.  Again he checked in front of me but this time something told me he was trying to do a trappy type check, feigning like that turn didn’t help him in any way.  He’s a bad player though, and it was kind of obvious that he had a jack to me.  Praying that he did, I “took the bait” and let him “trap me”.  I bet 20 which he raised to 40 which put me all in.  I pretended to think about it for a second but didn’t even want the rest of the table to get a glimpse of my Hollywood Acting Job just yet so I quickly just smiled and turned over my flopped set of 8’s and of course by that time he was drawing DEAD.  Even another Jack on the River which would give him trips would give me a boat and he was pretty pissed off about losing that hand.  He fully thought that he had conned me into calling with an inferior hand to his like Jack King or some shit.  Which really, if your poker game is all about “trapping” with top pair top kicker hands, then you are probably not only a losing player you are also usually the one getting trapped.  Anyways his shit Ace Jack hand was fucking dominated and he gathered the rest of his chips and hit the highway.  Too bad.  I would have loved to take all of his chips.

Stay tuned for part 5

My Life’s An Adventure by Anthony Mandich (3)

Morale has been boosted at Camp Mandich due to the increase  in audience size for this gripping series of true life tales from my sordid past .  We swelled from 6 to 7 members.  I’ve never been one to shy away from my member swelling so….

Flashback to 2010 for a minute, even though there are many tales to tell about the good old days.  We will start introducing new new adventures and new characters as the story begins to unfold.  At the same time its necessary to keep my clan updated about whats going on here and now and shit.  So…..

It’s Friday at Midnight and I’ve somehow managed to con Polly into not only going to the Hustler Casino with me but also into paying for me to gamble.  That is true talent.  There was absolutely nothing to it either.  She wanted to see me, and she was bored at home, and she was already pretty smashed and there are all the reasons right there.  I simply mentioned the existence of the casino and the fact that I found myself a little short on funds (no explanation given or asked for) and asked her if she had any money to which she replied, “I have lots of money, always”.  Coombaya my Lord, I thought.  This is great.   Polly was an underbankrolled poker players dream I tell you.  I’m just talking about the money part of it really and also the fact that she agreed to provide the money with no argument, convincing, or sales tactics of any kind necessary.  I got to her house and she was waiting outside as promised.

I had my earphones in listening to some  Rancid when I pulled up to her house after blindly passing it and her up the first time and being forced to turn around.  I seem to be permanently preoccupied with other thoughts these days and my head is never really in the moment which is a sad thing in a way.   Polly popped herself into her seat and the first thing I looked at as she was getting in was the size of her ass because in one of her earlier emails to me when she was pissy about me not coming out the night before she had told me to kiss her plump ass.  I was hoping it wasn’t plump  because that would be a real shame.  Polly had always had just a beautiful little ass and I used to really enjoy all sorts of activities that revolved around it.  I was somewhat relieved to see that it hadn’t grown disproportionately.  In fact, she looked really good which is also a relief as I don’t want any of my exes to be looking all hideous then me ever have to admit that I went out with them and someone who just met them for the first time says something like, “Dude, you went out with her?”.  And me have to be all embarrassed and feeling the need to justify what obviously must have been a charity mission on my part or somehow have to convince the guy that, “Dude, she was fucking hot when I went out with her”.  And then finally, to be forced to bear his look that says loudly and clearly, “Uh huh……huh”.

die for me

We discussed many many things during the time it took me to drive the 24 miles between Polly’s dad Harry’s house in Huntington Beach and the Hustler Casino, which is located off of the 110 Freeway at Redondo Beach Blvd, in the lovely city of Gardena.  I will discuss those “many many things” in my next installment of “Anthony Mandich, The People’s Choice”.