Just got stabbed in neck by Barbie


My daughter just gave me a hug from Barbie a second ago.  Unfortunately Barbie has some hard plastic limbs and she inadvertently stabbed me in the neck.  There is quite a lot of blood pouring out of my carotid artery as I type.  Hopefully I can stem the flow a little bit, buying me at least enough time to write a proper entry here.  Its been a minute.  Its hard as fuck to concentrate on this shit though because my same three year old kid is sitting here asking me if the socks that she just picked up off of the floor are from Frozen.  She is also asking me if I can find her shoes.  She is also going through all of the drawers of clothes that I just put away yesterday when I cleaned up this fucking nightmare room.  Her purpose in tearing through the drawers is ostensibly to find proper attire for Barbie.  You see, we are getting ready to go to the store together to find buy some Pullups because she is still having issues with potty training and can’t really be trusted to be completely diaper free just yet.  Her biggest issue seems to be not taking a shit in her panties everyday.  Luckily for me the shits she is taking are pretty firm in consistency and don’t really cause that much of a mess which is a good thing.  It kind of keeps my sanity intact for one more day if you know what  I mean.  If you know what I mean really then I feel sorry for you because nobody should ever really have to relate with my nutty life.  Now I have the adorable little child standing next to me going through my little sketch pad and asking me about every single thing that I have ever drawn in there and asking me who each person is.  The problem is she is not satisfied with answers like, “oh its a little man” or “its a little doggie”.  Then she wants me to draw an itsy bitsy spider for her.  She loves that little itsy bitsy fucking spider so much that I have to draw her another one.  Now I’m starting to lose my focus if you know what I mean.  Of course! We just fucking went through that whole thing I forgot.  I’m ignoring her so she is getting more desperate for my attention, telling me that she needs to go into the shower, which she just got out of.  I ignore that so she starts pushing me and saying daddy a few dozen different ways.  Stone face so she starts really pushing me and calling me by my Christian name which happens to be Anthony.

I forgot I was even writing this.  Its like 4 hours later and we went to Walmart together (Daddy and Daughter) and got boisterous for a little while.  We were both just amazed at “how cute” every single product that had a tie into the Frozen movie was.  That’s what Audrey said literally about every single thing she recognized from that blasted movie that fucking Walmart had stocked on their shelves, in special displays all over the fucking store, next to the elevators, escalators, entrances and exits, restrooms, dressing rooms you name it. I actually was amazed…she just thought each thing was so cute and of course she wanted one of everything in the store.  She was cracking me up so I did get her a couple of things and using my mind manipulation techniques I was even able to convince her that her Pampers Pull Ups were a special treat.  What we settled on for her were a pair of shoes with lighted heels and special pics of Frozen princesses Elsa and Anna.  I was considering shoplifting the fucking things to see if I still had it but ultimately decided to leave well enough alone and even though the shoes were safely on baby girl’s feet and the upc price tag safely ensconced in the box containing my new mma hand wraps, when I was paying at the register I made a point out of making sure that the semi attractive cashier (Debbie I think) rang the shoes up.  They were $15.87 by the way.  We also got her a mini basketball which she picked out.  It was neck and neck between  the mini basketball and oddly enough a football (no soccer but football like the NFL football).  She had never previously shown any interest in or knowledge of the fact that football even existed prior to tonight as far as I know so I was kinda tripping on the interest in the football to begin with.

In case you were really fascinated by our shopping trip and you want to know what I purchased for myself, too fucking bad.  The only reason I am still working on this article is because I am getting ready to go running in a few minutes but first I need my piece of shit phone to charge up enough that I can listen to my fucking Spotify punk rock motivational crap and have my Runtastic app remain open on and running for my entire run so I don’t get cheated out of mileage and times like always happens because something stupid like not having a properly charged phone battery rears up hisses and fucks up my mojo for that day.  It never fails to happen when I am on a personal best pace on a day with heavy mileage being run, a day I would be able to use as bragging evidence via a screen shot that I use whenever some body that is not dead and also knows me but hasn’t spoken to me for one reason or another for six months invariably gets to chatting and asks me the innocuous sounding “so what have you been up to”? and I use that as my opening to bore the tears out of another apathetic winner from my past, present, or future.   Anyways yeah not having a fully charged phone can really come back to bite a guy in the ass in these circumstances.

I’m wearing a really homosexual looking Adidas athletic suit thing right now which is not very flattering especially with the pooch belly I still have even after running 1,367 miles since October 6th of last year.  I think it might even be unwashed in fact I’m pretty sure it is.  And its not mine.  I found it in the barn at my cousins house in Los Angeles and I’m reasonably certain that it belonged to my cousin Dayna’s soon to be ex husband.  He is a cross fit guru allegedly ranked number two in the USA at one point.  Anyways my cousin John gave me permission to keep the ugly stinky article of clothing and the funny thing is I don’t think he really had/has the authority to be giving away another man’s homosexually slanted gay pirate muscle suit thing.  But he did.  And I accepted it because I wanted it and I really don’t know why.  Maybe I enjoy dressing like a gay.  I’m pretty sure I do in certain aspects but that’s not a subject to get into right now.

I’m well aware that I am coming across as a mental defective and I’m really not one I don’t think but I have to admit being somewhat enamored with the whole stream of consciousness that can come pouring out of my fingertips almost without even trying at certain times.  Real talk for a second and I just made this mental connection that the reason for my sauciness tonight is that I have been power watching past episodes of Shameless on Netflix and Showtime on Demand for the past few days and if you watch Shameless you know that basically every character is larger than life, smartasstic horny drug taking hedonist sado masochistic and kind of bad overall yet they fascinate me.  Lip is especially cool and I want to fuck Fiona badly.

In case anyone cared or didn’t know I have relocated out of the Temecula Elsinore Casino Meth Capitalistic Inland Empire Bro Prison White Trash Desperado Probation Parole Headquarters to the lovely confines of Los Angeles which has all of that and more but is infinitely more interesting, diverse, busy and I have to think educated in a certain way that is part money and culture but also street smart mixed with school smart mixed with mostly transplanted out of towners from all over the world melting pot with history and millions of stories waiting to be wrenched from the surroundings where they lie.  Temecula in particular has nowhere near the historical appeal of someplace like Hollywood and I would be lying if I didn’t admit to being very happy that I am out here.  I don’t have any sort of permanent thing going on here but I am working towards having something that makes sense to a higher percentage of those with their crazy lives somewhat in control.

Hopefully it will all work out for me and little Audrey out here near Tinseltown.  Who knows maybe I can get her a part in some sitcom or some shit.  She is a little charming actress fake crier extraodinaire already so we shall see.  Along those lines, Ed Harris and his wife (I think) are filming some kind of something at the property where I currently reside.  I’m not going to be more specific than the greater Los Angeles Area and its not because I don’t want any of you to know where I am  but out of respect for the people who are nice enough to let my daughter and myself sleep here temporarily.  Its nice to have a bloody roof over my head and to know my daughter is safe.

I’ve lost my focus here obviously so I am going to cut this post now and if you are lucky I may just publish it in the next five minutes so one or two of you can read along and send some good vibes and thoughts my way.  Any girls that want to fuck, I’m down as of right now.  Private message me and I will give you my cell  phone number. If I have a girlfriend down the road shortly and she is reading this let me take a quick moment to apologize.  I’m sorry honey (whoever you are) I’m just lonely and often really horny. So yeah.  I have gotten with a few very hot little mamas since arriving in Los Angeles. I’m not going to out them on this forum but trust me we are talking about some primo female flesh.  Just counting my blessings.

Steve Jacobson, Josh Erlenmeyer, Elijah Brown, Kris Cass, Steve Bultsma and others have promised to meet up with me out here in Los Angeles and thus far have not made the attempt.  I can understand why for Steve and Elijah who both think I will be an over the top distraction for important women in their lives.  Josh will eventually get in touch and Kris Cass and Stevie will too.  Faith in humanity and faith in friends.  You gotta have that shit if you are going to have a happy life.  I gotta go running now.  I have four miles of warm ups and warm downs with 8 sprints of a half mile thrown in the middle.  45 seconds of rest after each sprint is not nearly enough so I really gotta go motherfuckers.

Thank God (that’s what you are probably muttering to yourself under your breath if you made it this far)

I dedicate this post to the memory of Charles McEldowney.  I love you Charlie.  Hopefully I can hump your girl Mia too.  That would be lovely. 

Liza Rowe and Nikki Knightly are fine ass ladiesHollywood-Sign-Wallpaper

 

 

 

Swamp chickens, Ghetto dwelling, and the Norco Crips


That title is surely an attention getter if ever I did see one.  By the way for the last week or so ever since I decided that I am from North Carolina you would do much better as far as understanding my nonsense if you read it in your mind as if you was also from North Carolina or any other state that refers to shopping carts as buggies.  Just read it with a twang and we’re gonna get along just fine okay.

I ain’t really got much time for a post here right now being the urban jet setting pretty boy that I am but I feel its necessary to touch base with my constituents from time to time as a way of  getting down into the trenches with y’all common folk.  Y’uns is spectacular prized pupils of mine.  The lesson that I am trying to teach has not been revealed to me as of yet but I’m sure it will be in time for all of us to get the necessary wisdom  from that there lesson.

Actually this is a garbled attempt at sounding somehow outlandish when really and truly I am in a rush.  I need to go meet up with my sister Theresa who has my driver’s license by 5pm at her place of gainful employment, I forgot the name of it but its over there up yonder somewhere in the vicinity of Lincoln Avenue and the 91 Freeway.  She done told me that it was on the other side of McDonald’s which must be a blessing for anyone to be so honored to work nearby such a beautiful and wonderful company outlet as a franchisee of McDonald’s.  I would love to work nearby McDonald’s and have the wonderful sensation of gaining a pound of rancid beef fat added to my svelte waistline each and everyday.  After all, its a very family friendly and budget conscious place to eat.  You know as well that McDonald’s corporate  headquarters has made it their mission in 2011 for all of its many franchises to express individuality and originality with their menu options.

For instance in Fontana, California, the McDonald’s franchisee up there has renamed his restaurant McTucky’s after their adopted home state of Kentucky.  They offer such delectable delights as the McSwamp Chicken Tenderloin sandwich in honor of the great state of Alabama (Roll Tide!!).  Does anyone know what a swamp chicken is by the way?  I coined the phrase myself of course one day last week in a state of extreme delirium when I was visited by an apparition of a redneck militia soldier who rolled up on me in his buggy while I was playing Cleopatra Keno over at Pechanga Casino.

I had been at the same machine for 16 days you see, and I felt like I needed dialysis treatment because my kidneys had been assaulted by nothing but Pepsis as way of nutrition the entire marathon session.  When you are sitting at a slot machine which you don’t want to give up because its already taken your firstborn child, your left testicle, 75% of your remaining life force and of course the contents of your wallet, all available credit cards and a good deal of your dignity (due to having been forced to prostitute yourself in the high limits bathrooms to creepy Asian matrons with breath that smells like Pork Kung Pao dipped in Ponzu Sauce and served with fresh garlic) it gets kinda hard to remember the basic fundamentals of healthy human living like eating food, taking showers and brushing your teeth (also known as gumming your hushpuppies, if you are from Missouri, the Buggy State).

It never fails you see, when you have thrown the equivalent of a brand new Chevrolet Suburban into a computerized personal one armed robbery facilitator, or “slot machine”, and you get up out of frustration to maybe clear your head, brush your nasty ass teeth and have a smoke while maybe even taking a look at the  sun for the first time in forever, that some old ass asian water buffalo will saunter up and immediately hit the progressive jackpot on your untended machine.  If you have ever gone through such a miserable and incomprehensibly demoralizing (sound familiar 12 steppers?) nightmare as I have many times you know what I’m talking about.  Its painful hombre.  Very very painful.

In an effort to ensure that  such a horrible outcome does not repeat itself, most compulsively degenerate morons who gamble, such as myself, have taken certain steps, which  when used in conjunction with a lobotomy, have been shown to be of assistance in dealing with this issue.  One of these steps is known as Transcendental Medication and is a method similar to the “meditation” practiced by Buddhists and New Age Flower Children for years now.  Many of the processes involved with TM as I’ll call it are the same only different as its older, better, less stupid brother, Meditation.  Both involve wiping the psyche clear of mental debris that maybe inhibiting the swamp also known as your mind and preventing it from processing life through a more realistic and less expensive filter then the constantly failing “Angry and Disgruntled Degenerate Slot Player” most of the people that benefit from TM have historically chosen.

You are probably asking yourself what any of this slick jargon has to do with the topic you are here to learn more about.  That topic of course is the history of the Swamp Chicken which no doubt has left you in a state of nervous anticipation, bordering on frenzied manic hysteria while you have been nervously counting down the hours until which time I deemed appropriate to share with you, gentle reader.  To be honest, I’m somewhat lost myself on what TM has to do with a swamp chicken.  The thing is, I  figure it would be a waste to waste (is that even proper grammar?) my elegantly crafted lines of pure horse manure that I’ve typed so far so (again….proper grammar?) I’m just going to have to continue bluffing at the connection between the two totally unrelated and actually non exsitent subjects.

I figure its easier to just continue double barreling y’all with blasts of bullshit that have no roots in reality rather then suck it up, admit to God, myself and all of the other human beings the exact nature of my “lack of anything meaningful to share” and start over or perhaps even scrap the whole ridiculous idea of writing a post today.  Hopefully, I can continue to baffle and amaze both of us with this boisterous, bat shit bending banter and somehow pull it all together at the end with some sort of  fairy tale like save while managing to sound humble, enthusiastic and pleasantly self effacing at the same time as appearing to be competent and genuine.

I am thinking that maybe this is a bit much to have on my plate today but you know what “they” say…(throw in some tired cliche about never losing sight of your dreams) and a blah blah blah blah blah blah and a yaddha yaddha yaddha.

Oh yeah, ghetto dwelling and the Norco Crips too okay? Assa lamma lenkum my brothers and sisters and God bless us each and everyone.  Take care folks, talk to y’uns later.

This is Anthony Mandich, your humble and nutritious servant saying, So Long!

Muah!!!

P.S.  “Hottest Ass”

P.P.S. “Sex, drugs, and Pussy”!

P.P.S.S. “Sean Stenlake”, Sean Stenlake:  Attorney at Law, Sean Stenlake:  American Hero, Sean Stenlake:  The Brother I Never Knew, Sean Stenlake:  Lessons in Being Great, Sean Stenlake I Love You, Sean Stenlake:  Blue Eyed Wunderkind, Sean Stenlake:  Everything You Have Always Wanted to Know But Were Afraid to Assk

one last thing, i’m going to experiment to see how many hits i get from putting these tags in this post okay?  sean stenlake, sean stenlake attorney, anthony mandich idiot savant, what a stupid blog, god i’m dumb, ass, hottest ass, hottest fucking ass meets hotter fucking ass, asses that are hot, hotties without ass, ass loving hoes, what an ass, asshole, ass ass ass nothing but just pure ass, got ass?, want ass?, smell my ass, you are an ass, assume nothing, makes an ass out of you and me, get it ass?, ha ha ha ass sss you eaten dinner yet, ass is assembled, big huge ass in my ass, tickle my ass, put your cigar out on my ass, man do i love talking about ass, ass is so cool man, its all about the ass, get it, ass???, who wants to over use the word ass?, jackass, horse’s ass, jackasses with ass eating tendencies, horse’s ass is a big ass and they fuck that ass, horny mexican mamas with hottest ass, korean ass, chinese ass, japanese ass, white trash ass bandit, booty smelling ass pigs, ass in zen, common characteristics of an ass, wikipedia entry for ass, history of anthony mandich’s ass, poop comes out of a butt but you sir are an ass, Wiki ass, wiki mandich asshole, fucking ass lover, grape nuts drive me nuts ass boy, why do you love the mans ass so god damn much, damn what an ass, enough already with the ass ass, ass ass boy, ass ass toy, jump on that ass, fist that ass, tongue dart the dark star, jason rhodes is an ass, me and my ass, growing up with my ass, hairy ass, smelly ass, fat as a rhino’s ass, big ass white bitches, trailer park ass, old ass, legal young ass, don’t be such an ass, monetizing your blog through the use of the word ass, google searches with ass, attention getting titles, attention getting ass, assghanistan, north carolina living, i come from a buggy, get in my buggy, mantra, meditation, buddhism, transcendental medication, professing to be wise, they became fools, facing the nation, 12 steps, incomprehensible demoralization, self effacing twits, mocking the readers, the moons over my hammy, ethan hawke, boys love boys ass that are over 18 of course. smash that ass with your tongue, faux outlandish, cliche driven mockery, waste of time topics, dude i want to kill you for wasting my time, becoming a slog even if you are human, human seo, human slog, slog, search engine optimization for dummies, copyrights for dummies, dummies for dummies, buggies for dummies, stupid is forrest gumpisms for dummies, i’m a big old dummy, i fuck chicks, i fuck chicks alot, chcks love to suck my ass

hhahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha

Its so much like a jungle, sometimes it makes me wonder, how I keep from going under

I, Anthony Mandich, promise to pretty much piss everybody off here


I don't ask for much these days and I don't bitch and whine if I don't get my way

What should I talk about today hmmm?  All sorts of shit perhaps?  Okay, well I feel like a pretty big star right now because Antonio Sabato Jr., that hunk of a man posted a little thank you blurb on my Facebook wall a little bit ago.  What a nightmare for that poor guy really.  I mean how does one deal with one supercreepy yet oddly popular little fella like me?  I am doing an unauthorized and definitely unsolicited yet supremely fucking cool painting of his girlfriend cheryl and i posted a copy of it on his wall so he came on my wall and said thanks.  I mean he doesn’t want to appear ungrateful to his fans and shit so that’s understandable but still though, how many sicko fans does the dude probably have?  I can only imagine how many dumpy dowdy mid western fatty housewives from Kansas or Kentucky or Nebraska or some shit are members of his fan club.  My God, the thought horrifies me for him.  All these wanna be sexy, wanna be cougars (without the cash, class and with triple the ass) who fell in love with Antonio when was on General Hospital way back when….wow.  I’m sure tons of them have painted portraits of him or baked him cookies or sent him their size 124 extra stout soiled panties in the mail, total delusions of grandeur running through their fat little heads that Antonio really wants any of this shit.  That Antonio wants anything more then to be left alone lol.  But still, he is a very successful public figure with a cultivate heartthrob image and has probably always felt obligated to personally thank everyone for whatever little gifts they send, no matter how fucking insane they might actually be.  And he’s actually totally fucking cool.  I mean I know plenty of my own REAL FLesH AND bLOOD FRIENDS,  who feel it well within their rights to delete my posts or censor me or whatever.  To his credit, everything I have ever posted on his wall, is still there.  So I respect him for reals and I feel sorry for him too.  So I try not to be too much of a creep with my celebrity friends and anyways fucking hell the painting is sick as fuck.  Its rad.  So maybe I’m a delusional midwestern cougar fatty myself and if I do send him the painting someday, it will probably end up God knows where but doubt if its gonna be hanging over the dining room table lol.  Well thats my first topic at a close.  Bottom line, don’t be hard on Antonio Sabato Jr. , as he is a cool mother fucker, a handsome mother fucker, with a hotter then goddamn hell girlfriend, and he’s not a dick.  Alrighty moving right along….

Actually Anthony Mandich is not worthy to paint this Goddess

Wow I could go in so many directions right now.  Should I talk about this chick Kendra that I made out with for brief interlude on Saturday night in Los Angeles, should I talk about Steve Jacobson and how good he has it with his sexy ass girlfriend who is down to be his sex slave basically, should I talk about Ryan Johnson, that suave debonair friend of mine, with a face whose cheeks you just wanna squeeze he’s that handsome of a specimen?  Should I talk about my last sexual encounter(s) with _ _ _ _ _ _ or _ _ _ _ _ or _ _ _ _ _ _?  Should I talk about the many beautiful young ladies I fell in love with at the Apoolcalypse party on Saturday August 21st, 2010 at Dystopian Studios? There were many new faces such as Toni, H (8th Letter)-WOW!, Sasha, Kim.  There were many faces I’ve seen before but only strengthened my love for like Eunice, Eden, and Heather.  There was one notable face missing, that I’m pining over, Erica.  So yeah we could go there and stay there for a couple of blogs. 

I could talk about the termination of all contact forever with my ex wife Briar.  There are plenty of untold scandalous details to unfold for you captive readers.  Since she can now officially “suck it” she is fair game so perhaps that’s a topic?

We could get into some really taboo stuff like my dealing with Rodney who none of you are familiar with at the moment but you would be fascinated with learning about.

Gambling is a topic I am aching to get into with you all.  I have a horror story hand to tell you about but I’m still sickened by it myself so I don’t actually know if i I wanna go there right now.

We could even gloss over a few little sentences about my buddy Sean Stenlake’s sexier then goddamn hell little princess of a girlfriend Natasha who is a real life Playboy Playmate who Sean is privileged enough to ravage on a daily basis about forty feet from where I know find myself perched.

LA in general is not a bad topic and i have lots to go over on that end as well.  We could get into a little Area 33 discussion, we could talk about Jacen Onda and his antics.  I could finish by previously started series about my ex girlfriend “Polly” or was it “Dolly” who is now safely back in her husbands house in “Texas”.

My fat dog Woodie getting owned, punked and probably butt fucked by Snickers on a nightly basis, is a topic I have alot of enthusiasm to discuss.  My brother Jon, wow, I would love to do a special series just on Jon alone.  He’s a special and unique young creature of the night and we could spend many an hour together about him.

We are both urban legends. Anthony Mandich and Jon Mandich.

I’ve got an MMA fighter friend named Ian McCall who I plan to get up to some mischief with really soon.  We could talk about him and his competitive sexual nature.  He’s definitely a kindred spirit although I’m not too sure he  would be really that proud of such a horrible fact.

Casino Junkie Crew is one topic I plan on spending several hours regaling you with tales about.  Probably I will end up writing a book about topic alone if  live long enough.

Codependent’s reunion show, Jim Kennedy’s birthday bash, Ricky Menace’s return to the stage….all on three consecutive days starting this Friday…we will get into all the gory details of that weekend but lets wait until that weekend happens.

What else?  The Christian Facebook Army, Caffeine Magazine and my exclusion therefrom, JoJo Meadows art promotion efforts on my behalf in the UK, the state of the union of my art career and life in general, the chaos that is my room.  All of these are worthy topics and I want to get to all of them.  As you can see we have lots to discuss and I  think I’m gonna leave everybody with that for now as I have a poker tournament to play on Full Tilt at the moment, as well as a painting I am working on.

Bye Everybody.  I miss you Michelle and Kellie the Bear Woman

Me and Sparklett’s Water Makin’ Friends


Anthony Mandich is the man who sketched this out

Hello and a very happy and joyful Tuesday in July to all of my friends in Cyberspace.  It’s Anthony Mandich here.  I’m going to make this very short and pretty fucking sweet.  I have alot of painting to do tonight plus I have to call the beautiful girl in Wellington, New Zealand, that responded to my ad on NZ Dating today.  LOL.  That’s a very inside joke, one that I cannot at this time share due to statute of limitationary gobbledygook.

I need to give big shout out to my dear Aunt, Auntie Michelle Manire.  She recently celebrated a birthday, and she looked bloody fabulous in the pics that followed her night of cocktails, sweater vests and long walks with Andy Fowle, her significant other.  So here’s to ya Auntie Michelle.  From your loyal and nearly God like nephew Anthony Mandich.  I hope you have a wonderful night tonight and every night for as long as nights exist.

What else?  I went to lunch today with an old old friend of mine by the name of Eric Kisner.  Kizzy.  Kizzy was and is a cool motherfucker.  When I was a punk rock severely delinquent sophomore at Corona Senior High School, Kizzy could always be found in flagrant violation of the High School Code of Ethics regarding the smoking of cigarettes in undesignated areas such as the lockers in between classes.  At the end of every class I would venture over to where he kept his locker and politely request a couple of hits off his Marlboro Red.  Although he was  a rocker dude and didn’t normally associate with human mohawked scum like me, Eric Kisner always showed mercy and kindness to his fellow human beings and gave me a couple hits.  I like that.

Today I went to visit Kizzy at his place of employment which happened to be right next to the Glen Eden “Sun Club”, which if you are from this area, you know is really a fucking horrible little spot where fat, old, haggard, yuck, gross, wrinkled, asexual, Cougars and Cougmen hang out in the buff, completely fucking disgustingly naked and proud of it.  Gross.  But anyways, yeah Eric was driving this big tractor thing and doing something to fix this trout pond his boss owns.  Apparently the water keeps disappearing from the man made pond/lake/puddle and it is causing the trout to die.  I was shown the rotting carcass of one of the trout and Holy Mary Mother of God, it was fucking big man.  I guess they stocked this little lake with 1800 pounds of trout.  I’m talking about an area no bigger then half of an Olympic Sized swimming pool.  Crazy shit.

So yeah we went to lunch and it was fun and we talked about old times and called Steve Jacobson, my son, and purposefully did not wish him a Happy Birthday, which I could totally tell he was waiting for but it was more fun not to.  Then we made plans to go play poker real soon and  I split.

Then I entered Sean Stenlake’s world for about two hours.  We played baseball (badly by me), I went for a run in the middle of this baseball shit because I was feeling so out of shape and horrible I figured a brisk run in the 108 degree heat was just what I needed to finish the job of my destruction.  Somehow I survived the winds of hell and made it back to play a little more baseball.  Then I showed Sean some of my art videos and then we had a very interesting conversation about his friend Adam who got busted six years ago for counterfeiting by the Secret Service and was given the option of Prison or the Navy for SIX years.  Just like the old days I thought.  Anyway he is going to be getting out of the Navy next month so good for him!

I think that’s gonna do it for today even though I have much more to tell you about including my very lengthy conversation with Sade from Houston who telecommutes from home in her capacity as a Technical Support Person for Sprint.  I talked to her for like 3 hours this morning and it was actually very cool.  Her husband is entering the NFL Draft next year and yeah she is a cool chick.

Okay kids.  bye bye

Saturday is Poker Day Kids


I am waiting with baited breath to be picked up by who else, a Heather.  This one is Heather McGovern.  I know so many Heathers its sick.  I’m not going to get into the Heathers right now but trust me I will fascinate you in the future with my Heather stories.  Right now my only purpose in posting a blog at all is to get my newly completed painting out there for the public to see.  It is extremely cool I must say.  Its just really really really cool.  Sean Stenlake thinks so as well.  Even my Uncle Gordon likes it.  Why don’t we just kinda cut through all the bullshit and unveil the damn thing.   Ladies and Gentlemen……….meet the girl of my dream and nightmares………..

Very INsane painting in person......

Rafting Down The Meat River With Sean Stenlake


Stenlake the Monkey Boy just sent me a text to inform me that Poker Stars is  having a $370 World Series of Poker Main Event satellite tournament on the 20th of June, 2010.  Is he new or something?  Poker Stars probably has ten satellites to the main event every day.  Actually let me hold on a second before ridiculing him.  I’ll go check out the Poker Stars website and see what’s really going  on.  Hold on one second.

Well it turns out that Sean is kind of correct in a sense.  June 20th is in fact the LAST day to qualify for the Main Event via satellite and for the $370 dollars you can in fact directly buy in to the last Mega Satellite Tournament.  There are 200 packages to the Main Even guaranteed but in all likelyhood there will be many more seats then that actually won.  Its a pretty cool package too and includes spending cash, accomodations at the Palms Resort and Casino where I stayed with Briar on our wedding night, and more, including huge bonuses for anyone who qualifies through Poker Stars that actually wins the tournament, as well as your choice of prostitutes to enjoy during your stay, tickets to see Wayne Newton perform live in Henderson, Nevada, and a complimentary Poker Stars hat and bumper sticker.  All in all, a compelling adventure for sure.

Forget for a moment that our chances of being in the top 200 of that tournament are Slim to None.  It would be great to win.  Forget also for a moment that I don’t have a Poker Stars account anymore, in fact, I play on Poker Stars using a fraudulent account with Sean Stenlakes name.  You see, when I first started learning how to play poker a few years back I went a little bit cookoo and sort of wrote about ten electronic checks that sort of bounced.  Ever since then I’ve had trouble getting Poker Stars to see my side of the story.  Being a degenerate, tilted out of my mind, donkey boy poker player at the time is not an excuse they want to hear.

Sean Stenlake, you’re a good kid.  Thanks for the heads up on that tournament.  I truly wish I could play in it.  Alas, I cannot.  So I will continue rafting down the meat river alone forever.

Check out the screen shot. It says it all biotch.