Bitching and Moaning

sexyI am bored out of my gourd.  Tomorrow I won’t be bored because I will be searching for shelter and a friendly face for my daughter and I.  I just can’t be fucked doing anything right now I can’t find the motivation or the energy.  If it is not one thing its another and soon enough my time on this planet is going to be over and what a shitty last few years it has been.  Nothing but fizzled connections, psycho girls, insane highs and soul depleting lows.  God, I want my life to be about more than this.  I try to take comfort in the fact that I have taken on solo parental duties but really and truly I’m not doing the job I could be doing because I just don’t have the resources do it.  One thing has led to another to get me where I am right now and I’m so fucking sick of flailing away.  I sound like a broken record.  My last several posts have been so shitty but the way I’m feeling right now I don’t know if there is ever going to be a new amazing post or story.  I’ve got my bratty but sweet kid pestering the holy living goddamn fuck out of me in this room right now.   Dadddddeeeeeeeeeee, Dadas wanna go on rockabye.  A, S, D, brown back as she is picking at my hair and leaning against me always constantly never ending just climbing and touching and jumping and pulling  on me and patting me and right now she just said Dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada.  Yes its amazing but Jesus Christ I need a fucking break.  We are going right into the crapper because I can’t fucking escape.  I can’t leave the room.  I’ve been stuck with her for days upon days and I am starting to go a little bit nuts.  Pan Pan Pan Pan hold up my  nana my nana dada dada dada my pan pan pan.  You should just see the state of this room right now.  I admit defeat I cannot keep up with this fucking kid.  And here she comes again picking at my hair as I sit on the end of the bed typing this like she is a mamma bear or some shit and then another tight hug and offer for a kiss at least my six thousandth hug of the day while HBO keeps playing the fucking same episode of Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, the Leftovers, Unbroken which is a shitty fucking movie and some other stupid ass shit.  Its either that or never ending NCIS.  I can’t even take my daughter for a walk without a leash on because we are staying on PCH across the street from the beach and there are millions of cars and she has about as much common sense as a two year old.  And here goes the end of another whining pussy ass blog post.  Kill me now.

Heather Nicholson did not overdose as previously reported

I would like to set the record straight.  Last night I reported that a friend of mine, Heather Nicholson, had died a few months back of a drug overdose.  It turns out that I was wrong about that.  My dear friend Amy Schneider informed me that Heather died due to complications from pneumonia and a blood infection and she had been getting her life together when she got sick.  It makes me sad that she didn’t get the chance to fully turn it all around but it also makes me happy that she went out on a positive note.  Rest in Peace Heather Nicholson.

Been Lost for Days


.lots of details…so many nuances plus subtle underplay

Sublime  its unreal there are things to talk about I need someone who has a care in their heart for me like a friend who passed recently

From this world for sure to where Darin please universal God of supreme intelligence

The one with a plan but are we so many pieces of ash? Probably too inconsequential to worry about. Not important except to ourselves.

Memories fade. In 200 years nobody will say my name. But I won’t know it so that is a blessing. And if I do know it that means we live on and I fight on not as a bug.

Pechanga Casino: I’m So Over You


Everybody knows you are the shittiest casino.  Even though its general knowledge that you live off of the lifeblood of degenerate gamblers I don’t  think what I’m adding in this article is generally well known.  For one thing they tell you to use your players card every time you play.  Well I’m here to tell you right now that if you do that and you tend to gamble for many hours a day many days in a row and you accumulate 1.1 million tiers in a very short period of time they will lie and say you cheated.  They are liars.  Flat out they are fucking arrogant asshole liars.    You can’t call it slander if it is true.  This is true.  Pechanga security guard rent a dick detectives are lame ass liars with puffed up like a peacock opinions of themselves.  They enjoy making the customers  feel uncomfortable .  If you are tired at Pechanga you better not close your eyes or you will be surrounded by assholes asking you if you are okay and violating your rights left and right.  That sounds awesome as heck.  I’m talking about that little pun about violating your rights left and right.  Oh yeah did I tell you that I’m over you Pechanga?  I’m not even going to tell you how bitter I was (and apparently there is quite a bit o f residual anger as well) but suffice to say I was bitter as fuck when I got unceremoniously defrocked as Pechanga’s celebrity degenerate gambler a couple weeks ago.  Today, as I sit in my suite on the 18th floor of Harrah’s, reveling in my Diamond Status that I achieved in two days, I must admit that I feel a certain sense of redemption in my own head.  Redemption may not be a good word because I don’t think I did anything wrong that I needed to redeem myself for. At least not in the eyes of Pechanga because the dick tater ship that makes up their keystone cop detective dickhead force have zero credulity with anyone.  Rich or poor, gambler or recreational joker, black or white, its universal knowledge that FUCK you Pechanga.  LOL!  HOw about that?  Suck my fat one you cheap dime store hood! That’s from STand by Me and booting me out was the biggest favor you ever did for me believe that.  I was mesmerized by Indian voodoo and bought into the promise that is not even real.  The promise that you are treasured and we really care about you individual gambler.  Fuck that.  YOu should see what the reasons they are giving for booting people out for life from that shit hole.  How about parking in the red card parking lot when you aren’t a red card?  I know someone banned for life for that.  Countless people have been sent packing for life for talking to someone who was found to be in possession of any drugs.  I know I sound like a fucking moron but I can’t help it because I fucking hate those Motherless soulless Nazi  Indian motherfuckers.  They Lie Cheat and Steal and rob motherfuckers blind and they tried to say that it was ME that is the fraudulent fucking cheater.  Fuck you Pechanga.  Honestly you are so going to have to deal with the nuisance that I am going to create for you on every single possible review board or anything public that I can link to you and get you negative publicity.  Because you deserve if you fucking bastards.  Detective John and that baldheaded moron that is Cantalopian or some shit like that who works at nights and mad dogs everybody and especially that black dude who is the biggest fucking asshole wanna be dickhead fucking asshole rude bitch ass piece of scowling shit I have ever seen in my life.  Going up to people who have spent hundreds of thousands of dollars in your money tree soul pit dank slice of hell casino and  who are sitting in the high limits room and NOT feeding hundred dollar bill after hundred dollar bill in the fucking slots machines thief ass cheating slots for more than one fucking minute straight and telling them if they are not going to be playing that they have to take their shows on the road out the door to the skid row section of the casino.  Can you imagine that?  I have witnessed it dozens of times its such as farce.  They are rude offensive ignorant arrogant falsely entitled assholes and they can fuck right off.  Black man and cantaloupe man and detective john you guys are the worst of the worst and literally I hope you all die today.  Because you suck and you couldn’t give a fuck less what effects you are having on the lives of the people that you make up lies about at the direction of your white man hating Indian bosses.  Straight the fuck up.  Fuck you Pechanga.  I hope this sounds like a rant and the ravings of a mad man.   I might as well live up to some semblance of the negative self image you attempted to fabricate for me and make me emulate through your deceitful faggotry.  LOL.  Even though I hate you and I wish nothing but the failure of your business and the cancer of your security staff still I have to forgive you at the end of the day.  What is the point of hating an entity without a soul and completely devoid of a conscience or anything remotely resembling good things?  There is not a point.  I am so angry at them and I mean really angry.  I gave up so many things that I should have never given up to begin with and they fucked me under and made me look even worse than I already looked to important people in my life because they made all those days and days and days and nights endless nights and millions of pushes of those buttons and stress beyond belief all for nothing.  Absolutely nothing.  Ended up with nothing for my 1.1 million tier points.  How do I explain that to my daughter?  I don’t.  I cant.  fuck you Pechanga.  for that fuck you.  but hey good luck in your future endeavours.  I probably won’t even bother wasting any more energy writing to you and about you.  But deep down you fucking suck and I fucking hate you.

Cootch Tobacco and the Red Hybrid Earthworm


Now that is a catchy title if I’ve ever heard one. I’m just sitting here again in my room because I am one broke donkey boy at the minute. Actually I do have twenty dollars I think. But yeah for the most part I am broke. The cootch tobacco story isn’t that interesting either to be honest with you. Quickly…..Clarice who is Avondra’s mother and a huge pain in my ass, bummed a cigarette off of Georgie earlier in my room when we were having dinner and learning the intricacies of Georgie’s latest hustle, selling farm raised earthworms to fishermen and farmers and people who love gardening and thus also love soil which is enhanced greatly by the cast off from worms. I consider Georgie to be my brother in law despite the fact that he was never legally married to my sister Louisa. She never actually divorced her husband Smithy before she died so legally she never became Georgie’s wife. Despite that fact and the fact that the rest of my family apart from myself loathe Georgie. They despise him. Ha ha ha. I just like to rub it in that’s why I am repeating it and stressing this aspect. In a way, I think by stressing the dislike he feels from the rest of the family it makes him more likely to seek my approval in all things so naturally I will still like him and he won’t feel like such a pariah when it comes to thinking about my dead sister Louisa. It’s a whole urban white guilt thing slash reparation for his great great great grandfather allegedly being a slave owner slash reparation for his great great great grand uncle Josiah allegedly being an avid Indian fighter and killer slash reparation for whatever part he may have played in my sister deciding to end her life and jumping off of the Old Talahassee Bridge back in 2006 after seeing the movie Ode To Billy Joe one morning while under the influence of red wine and valium. So I haven’t even seen Georgie since our last caper together a couple of years before when he had the grand idea of taking out all of the copper wire and piping in the granny shack located on the property owned by his granny. The stupid thing that he didn’t tell me as we were stripping away was that his granny’s sister’ s son Tonito lived in the granny shack with his dog Alpo and seventeen kittens. I think the total tally for that caper was $158.34 received (after a 3 day hold initiated by the recycling company) and $1834 owed for repairs to the shack. Before we were even able to receive the lousy $158.34 we had already gotten a bill from his granny’s plumber and electrician as well as caning from his grandmother and our names and pictures posted in the local rag under the headline Wanted With Or Without A Brain. Suffice to say that I thought Georgie was a misguided fuckup for the most part but still a good soul for some reason. I had personally never held him responsible for any of his supposed misdeeds related to his relationship with Louisa. I think a good portion of my empathy for Georgie in this regard is because I grew up with Louisa and I knew only all too well what she was really all about at times. That’s not meant to dishonor the dead in any way and I miss her terribly to this very day but trust me it takes two to tango and Louisa danced the best tango in the Inland Empire if you ask me. She fought like a man, cussed like a sailor, fucked like a beast, smoked crack like Darryl Strawberry and packed the rare combination of a great uppercut and the sharpest tongue I have ever heard, will ever hear, and whatever other dramatic proclamation I can come up with really quickly, under pressure which is none. So I give Georgie the benefit of the doubt on Louisa and keep him close to my heart because I know she wants it that way. Anyways he ended up going to jail over that copper mining incident and I hadn’t seen him since Clarice was maybe 2 months pregnant and our kid Avondra is already two years old so that was a long time ago.

When you are reading these types of introductions to what seem like they are going to be really long drawn out stories and it turns out that the introduction ends up being the longest and most detailed part of the story does that make you mad or does it in reality make you kind of relieved? I’m thinking it should be relieved because I am opening up so many different avenues of thought that if I were to follow each part of the thread to its ultimate conclusion then I would be working on this fucking manuscript as my full time job for the rest of my life.

Dammit….where was I? Oh yeah the cootch tobacco and Georgie’s earthworms. First of all let’s clarify that these are red hybrid earthworms and not the ordinary angleworms most of you have probably seen writhing on your sidewalk after a rain and then drying up and shriveling up when the Africa hot sun comes out twenty minutes later. To make a long story short, with just a modest investment and a little ingenuity and faith and patience it can be a real boost to a man’s wallet this raising of red hybrid earthworms. Also they are a lively and hardy creature, much smarter than angleworms and a prized and much sought after addition to anyone interested in soil that is rich in phosphorus, nitrogen and all of the other ingredients necessary to grow vegetables and flowers and whatever else. And the profit margin when making sales to fishermen is something like a multiple of 17.5 or something in that range. In other words only limited by the literal number of unique fishermen you ship and sell to. Georgie had me in mind for a possible partnership and I also think he wanted to come visit me and hug on me for a while as well as see my kid, smoke some dope, do some casino gambling and show off his girlfriend who far outshines his past two, both of them very nice girls but a little on the thick side and a little on the crazy side.   Enough time had passed since Louisa’s death I guess, that Georgie felt he didn’t have to be so respectful and could start dating some good looking pussy. So it was a combination of all this shit that brought Georgie out my way tonight and now lets get to the cootch tobacco which is simply that Clarice bummed a cigarette off of Georgie and ended up leaving it sitting on the bed when she snuck out into the hallway to casually eavesdrop on my conversation with Paula, a dental hygienist from Pasadena with big boobs who had a bit of a crush on me. By leaving her cigarette alone in front of Avondra she was tempting fate because she didn’t realize that I had been training Avondra in the fine art of cigarette shredding since the tender age of six months. It just so happened that Avondra had just gotten out of the bathtub and was standing next to the bed in her birthday suit, still a little damp, when Clarice started her recon mission down the 7th floor hallway to see what dirt she could get on me which is actually none because Paula is a married woman who just wanted to be friends with a good looking bad boy rebel and maybe more than friends but only in her mind. When we returned to the room after I had quickly caught on to Clarice and her shoddy surveillance techniques and put an immediate end to the operation by asking her just what the fuck she was doing standing so close to me in her ninja outfit from last Halloween holding a personal recording device, the type made so famous by President Nixon during the scandal and uproar caused by whatever the hell he did to those people at the Watergate Hotel way back when. I wish I knew more about that story too but I didn’t know more than the rest of the population who were given the basic facts which are:   several bad guys posing as gay democrats in town for a rainbow coalition flag raising event and wine tasting at the Watergate Hotel who slipped several roofies and hits of acid to some real conventioneers causing them to have a bad trip and pass out naked on the lawn of the white house which initially was reported as the irresponsible and disrespectful antics of the democrats, the lame duck party in both houses who were apparently so attention starved that they were desperate for interaction and recognition from the press that they got out of control. Anyways it turned out of course that the persons responsible for all of the mayhem were actually Richard “Tricky Dick” Nixon, his wife Pat, and several of his frat brothers from his time spent at Rutgers University in the Sigma Smegma Nu fraternity. Apparently some porn was filmed that portrayed Mrs. Nixon in a decidedly non female light and she used her considerable powers as the first lady to get the video footage from the night redacted by several minutes thus cutting out the humiliating gender bending episode. This all led to Mr. Nixon being forced to resign the presidency and made black pajamas all the rage for several years except for certain parts of South East Asia like Vietnam and Cambodia.

Anyhow so we went back into the room noticed the shredded tobacco that was extremely easy to see on the blinding white bed spread in the hotel room. Not sure if Avondra shredded that ciggy while laying on the bed or not but apparently from what I heard from Clarice, Avondra had somehow gotten approximately.0000000000000001 lbs. of tobacco in between her toes and very close to touching more private areas which led Clarice to exclaim, “Avondra, WHAT the hell ARE you doing and what have YOU done, why did you have to shred that smoke and make that tobacco stick to your cootch?” This led me to coin the phrase “cootch tobacco” but in reality I don’t even think its that great of a phrase to be honest and its inclusion here tonight only serve to illustrate the point that I’m actually pretty fast even though I never even got to show my skills in raising crazy, motherless children of motherless children.   I seriously hope that you take the time to get to know this story and if you can, maybe you can come up with an alternate ending to at least this one episode which it makes it that much more interesting than the shameless way I went after ratings when I made my cootch tobacco reference. May the good Lord forgive me and all of the other sinners for being so dumb and boring and incredibly self deprecating lol..

Talk about a tale about nothing. For fucks sweet sake man.

The Sound of Birds Squawking Loudly In the Background

seagullAvondra is asleep right now and I’m sitting here in the dark. I have been on some website where they have people racing against each other to see who can type various paragraphs the fastest. Usually you go up against 4 or 5 people and wait to get the green light before you all start at the same time and just type until you have finished whatever crappy yet profound pearl of literature they have put there for you.   Just so you can get a little idea what I’m talking about say for example you had to type the first stanza or so of a dirty joke like:  Hickory dickory dock This bitch was suckin my cock The clock struck two I dumped my goo And dumped her to the end of the block. And whatever idiosyncrasies that existed in the original literature have to be replicated on this test which makes it super bullshittish when you get into something like what I just used as an example with the capital T of This bitch right in the middle of the sentence or leaving off the g in the word sucking to give it more street credibility. Shit like that. Anyways I’ve done something like exactly 111 of these these races with an average time of 56 words per minute, a record time of 77 words per minute and I’ve flat out won 34 times out of 111 tries. I’m not making a judgment about whether I rule as typist of suck hard I’m just passing the mundane details of what’s going on right now over to you since some of you fucking people seem to relish reading mundanity. Whatever floats your boat. By the way if this sounds like drudgery defined that’s because it is and I hate myself a lot of the time and feel the need to punish myself for doing some stupid fucking things like collecting $1,900 in a twelve hour period through means both nefarious and honorable and then pissing away each and every dollar on a slot machine I never play especially in the dollar slots and in fact I’ve had some horrific experiences with even on the penny machine level while playing at the Fantasy Springs Casino in Indio by my mom’s trailer park. So what possessed me to sit there and fuck off nearly two grand on this stupid shit is beyond me. All I know is that I have to make myself suffer because of it which is the reason why I was entering typing races in the middle of the afternoon in the dark in my hotel room while my daughter Avondra slept and both of us listened to the sounds of waves crashing and seagulls squawking and presumably fucking, fighting and dying which is the way of the world is it not?