Just got stabbed in neck by Barbie


My daughter just gave me a hug from Barbie a second ago.  Unfortunately Barbie has some hard plastic limbs and she inadvertently stabbed me in the neck.  There is quite a lot of blood pouring out of my carotid artery as I type.  Hopefully I can stem the flow a little bit, buying me at least enough time to write a proper entry here.  Its been a minute.  Its hard as fuck to concentrate on this shit though because my same three year old kid is sitting here asking me if the socks that she just picked up off of the floor are from Frozen.  She is also asking me if I can find her shoes.  She is also going through all of the drawers of clothes that I just put away yesterday when I cleaned up this fucking nightmare room.  Her purpose in tearing through the drawers is ostensibly to find proper attire for Barbie.  You see, we are getting ready to go to the store together to find buy some Pullups because she is still having issues with potty training and can’t really be trusted to be completely diaper free just yet.  Her biggest issue seems to be not taking a shit in her panties everyday.  Luckily for me the shits she is taking are pretty firm in consistency and don’t really cause that much of a mess which is a good thing.  It kind of keeps my sanity intact for one more day if you know what  I mean.  If you know what I mean really then I feel sorry for you because nobody should ever really have to relate with my nutty life.  Now I have the adorable little child standing next to me going through my little sketch pad and asking me about every single thing that I have ever drawn in there and asking me who each person is.  The problem is she is not satisfied with answers like, “oh its a little man” or “its a little doggie”.  Then she wants me to draw an itsy bitsy spider for her.  She loves that little itsy bitsy fucking spider so much that I have to draw her another one.  Now I’m starting to lose my focus if you know what I mean.  Of course! We just fucking went through that whole thing I forgot.  I’m ignoring her so she is getting more desperate for my attention, telling me that she needs to go into the shower, which she just got out of.  I ignore that so she starts pushing me and saying daddy a few dozen different ways.  Stone face so she starts really pushing me and calling me by my Christian name which happens to be Anthony.

I forgot I was even writing this.  Its like 4 hours later and we went to Walmart together (Daddy and Daughter) and got boisterous for a little while.  We were both just amazed at “how cute” every single product that had a tie into the Frozen movie was.  That’s what Audrey said literally about every single thing she recognized from that blasted movie that fucking Walmart had stocked on their shelves, in special displays all over the fucking store, next to the elevators, escalators, entrances and exits, restrooms, dressing rooms you name it. I actually was amazed…she just thought each thing was so cute and of course she wanted one of everything in the store.  She was cracking me up so I did get her a couple of things and using my mind manipulation techniques I was even able to convince her that her Pampers Pull Ups were a special treat.  What we settled on for her were a pair of shoes with lighted heels and special pics of Frozen princesses Elsa and Anna.  I was considering shoplifting the fucking things to see if I still had it but ultimately decided to leave well enough alone and even though the shoes were safely on baby girl’s feet and the upc price tag safely ensconced in the box containing my new mma hand wraps, when I was paying at the register I made a point out of making sure that the semi attractive cashier (Debbie I think) rang the shoes up.  They were $15.87 by the way.  We also got her a mini basketball which she picked out.  It was neck and neck between  the mini basketball and oddly enough a football (no soccer but football like the NFL football).  She had never previously shown any interest in or knowledge of the fact that football even existed prior to tonight as far as I know so I was kinda tripping on the interest in the football to begin with.

In case you were really fascinated by our shopping trip and you want to know what I purchased for myself, too fucking bad.  The only reason I am still working on this article is because I am getting ready to go running in a few minutes but first I need my piece of shit phone to charge up enough that I can listen to my fucking Spotify punk rock motivational crap and have my Runtastic app remain open on and running for my entire run so I don’t get cheated out of mileage and times like always happens because something stupid like not having a properly charged phone battery rears up hisses and fucks up my mojo for that day.  It never fails to happen when I am on a personal best pace on a day with heavy mileage being run, a day I would be able to use as bragging evidence via a screen shot that I use whenever some body that is not dead and also knows me but hasn’t spoken to me for one reason or another for six months invariably gets to chatting and asks me the innocuous sounding “so what have you been up to”? and I use that as my opening to bore the tears out of another apathetic winner from my past, present, or future.   Anyways yeah not having a fully charged phone can really come back to bite a guy in the ass in these circumstances.

I’m wearing a really homosexual looking Adidas athletic suit thing right now which is not very flattering especially with the pooch belly I still have even after running 1,367 miles since October 6th of last year.  I think it might even be unwashed in fact I’m pretty sure it is.  And its not mine.  I found it in the barn at my cousins house in Los Angeles and I’m reasonably certain that it belonged to my cousin Dayna’s soon to be ex husband.  He is a cross fit guru allegedly ranked number two in the USA at one point.  Anyways my cousin John gave me permission to keep the ugly stinky article of clothing and the funny thing is I don’t think he really had/has the authority to be giving away another man’s homosexually slanted gay pirate muscle suit thing.  But he did.  And I accepted it because I wanted it and I really don’t know why.  Maybe I enjoy dressing like a gay.  I’m pretty sure I do in certain aspects but that’s not a subject to get into right now.

I’m well aware that I am coming across as a mental defective and I’m really not one I don’t think but I have to admit being somewhat enamored with the whole stream of consciousness that can come pouring out of my fingertips almost without even trying at certain times.  Real talk for a second and I just made this mental connection that the reason for my sauciness tonight is that I have been power watching past episodes of Shameless on Netflix and Showtime on Demand for the past few days and if you watch Shameless you know that basically every character is larger than life, smartasstic horny drug taking hedonist sado masochistic and kind of bad overall yet they fascinate me.  Lip is especially cool and I want to fuck Fiona badly.

In case anyone cared or didn’t know I have relocated out of the Temecula Elsinore Casino Meth Capitalistic Inland Empire Bro Prison White Trash Desperado Probation Parole Headquarters to the lovely confines of Los Angeles which has all of that and more but is infinitely more interesting, diverse, busy and I have to think educated in a certain way that is part money and culture but also street smart mixed with school smart mixed with mostly transplanted out of towners from all over the world melting pot with history and millions of stories waiting to be wrenched from the surroundings where they lie.  Temecula in particular has nowhere near the historical appeal of someplace like Hollywood and I would be lying if I didn’t admit to being very happy that I am out here.  I don’t have any sort of permanent thing going on here but I am working towards having something that makes sense to a higher percentage of those with their crazy lives somewhat in control.

Hopefully it will all work out for me and little Audrey out here near Tinseltown.  Who knows maybe I can get her a part in some sitcom or some shit.  She is a little charming actress fake crier extraodinaire already so we shall see.  Along those lines, Ed Harris and his wife (I think) are filming some kind of something at the property where I currently reside.  I’m not going to be more specific than the greater Los Angeles Area and its not because I don’t want any of you to know where I am  but out of respect for the people who are nice enough to let my daughter and myself sleep here temporarily.  Its nice to have a bloody roof over my head and to know my daughter is safe.

I’ve lost my focus here obviously so I am going to cut this post now and if you are lucky I may just publish it in the next five minutes so one or two of you can read along and send some good vibes and thoughts my way.  Any girls that want to fuck, I’m down as of right now.  Private message me and I will give you my cell  phone number. If I have a girlfriend down the road shortly and she is reading this let me take a quick moment to apologize.  I’m sorry honey (whoever you are) I’m just lonely and often really horny. So yeah.  I have gotten with a few very hot little mamas since arriving in Los Angeles. I’m not going to out them on this forum but trust me we are talking about some primo female flesh.  Just counting my blessings.

Steve Jacobson, Josh Erlenmeyer, Elijah Brown, Kris Cass, Steve Bultsma and others have promised to meet up with me out here in Los Angeles and thus far have not made the attempt.  I can understand why for Steve and Elijah who both think I will be an over the top distraction for important women in their lives.  Josh will eventually get in touch and Kris Cass and Stevie will too.  Faith in humanity and faith in friends.  You gotta have that shit if you are going to have a happy life.  I gotta go running now.  I have four miles of warm ups and warm downs with 8 sprints of a half mile thrown in the middle.  45 seconds of rest after each sprint is not nearly enough so I really gotta go motherfuckers.

Thank God (that’s what you are probably muttering to yourself under your breath if you made it this far)

I dedicate this post to the memory of Charles McEldowney.  I love you Charlie.  Hopefully I can hump your girl Mia too.  That would be lovely. 

Liza Rowe and Nikki Knightly are fine ass ladiesHollywood-Sign-Wallpaper

 

 

 

Christina Flora Joy


 

ImageThis is a picture of my girlfriend Christina.  Her last name is Schwarz these days Christina Clarissa Schwarz.  However, that is not the name she was born with.  When she was born, in 1991, at Torrance Memorial Hospital, her name was Christina Flora Joy.  Beautiful name right?  Yes it is.  Beautiful name for a beautiful girl.

When she was six, she and her brother Timothy Edward, were taken away from her birth mother for reasons unknown for the most part.  Her mother’s name was Renee Joy.  We just found that out tonight.  Christina had been thinking that her mother’s first name was Kathy for some reason but her dad (adopted but still very much her dad) told her that it was Renee.

Since Christina Schwarz and Christina Joy are both pretty common names, if her mother Renee, was looking for her, she would have a pretty hard time finding her.  ImageWhen we googled Christina we couldn’t find any real hits, apart from like Facebook (under her birth name) and we couldn’t find even one image of her on the internet.  That would make it really hard for anyone to find her even if they were looking.  So I’m writing this post and putting it on my blog in the hopes that if her mother is looking for, she can google her now and there will be this reference.  Its going to be easy to find this because I’m an internet pro hahahaha.

In a way its kind of a big step because any adopted kid wants to believe the best about her real mom and in this case I’m sure Christina wants to believe Imageher mom is looking for her.  I certainly hope she is looking for her because she is missing out on the life of the Great Christina, Imagean awesome, funny, cool, sexy, beautiful, good, kind hearted young woman and it would be a shame for that to continue.  If she is looking she will find her if she is any kind of internet savvy lady.  If you are Christina’s mom then its easy as hell to get in contact ifImage you are reading this post.

Start by commenting and saying something.  I know that the absence of her birth mother from her life causes my girlfriend anguish and stress that she really doesn’t need at all.  ImageLife is hard enough without that shit.  So please, if you know anything about Christina’s birth mother or you are her birth mother or just wanna say hi or something, feel free to drop a line via this website.

Christina’s a bad ass chick.  I love her a lot.  So hopefully something good comes from this.

No Shame: The Anthony Mandich Saga


thanks swingin’ utters for that tasty title.  you control your rage and you resist the crime because you’re the next in line. i am simply pumping the utters right now in my squalid den.   this place is worse then it was when i wrote the story about cleaning the hovel i call a room a year ago.  believe me you don’t want to see it.  its fucking horrible but actually pretty rad.  i’m in rare form today.  especially with the murder city devils singing about sailor’s girls and trucker’s wives as they are now.  the only thing.  the only thing i ever wanted is going to fuck you over is going to fuck us up.  to be left behind.  you should know.  like a smuggler like a trucker. etc. etc. etc.

so the royal wedding has taken place obviously.  i got an email from Life magazine informing me of the availability of the pictorials.  i went and violated the copyright law and “grabbed” on with my special “grab” tool and went crazy on it for an hour or two just totally uncontrolled crazy millions of gradients and erased spots and color fill layers and trasnparent red spray paint on inverted colour burnt layers probably maybe 50 layers and all copy merged and transformed and filtered liquified and color dodged and rasterized and just nuts.  then flattened the whole fucking thing without saving any of my work and here that is okay.  (as rhianna is singing “so if you feel me let me know know know ” HAHAHAHA SOME PUNK ROCK TOUGH GUY I AM) fuck it.  shut up and read.

once i ran to you now i run from you.  now i know i’ve got to run away i’ve got to get away.  (social distortion singing about tainted love) don’t touch me please i cannot stand the way you…..

ramble on and make no sense and expect everybody to follow your manic episode hahahaha.  i love you though you hurt me so .

now i’m (literally) going to pack my things and go.

i sold the tascam 38 8 channel reel to reel recorder that i got from james morris via the city of rancho cucamonga and so cal sandbags.  on ebay.  the highest bidder was francisco from monrovia.  francisco drove over to my house yesterday to pay me exactly 265 dollars.  that was the winning bid.  awesome.  i was so stoked.  it was so needed.  don’t forget that i have to be out of this house by sunday thats in two fucking days my friends.  two days.  jesus mary and joseph.  i’m not even packed.

but i am listening to thriller by michael jackson which is pretty bad ass.  before that was stone cold crazy that metalliica song.  i went to pechanga with the 265 last night.  i know it was stupid but i need so much more then 265 if you know what i mean.  i owe my buddy landon 100 bucks and he’s go tone of my best paintings in hock until i pay him.  the thing is he needs the money and i need cash to move.  at least 500 for that etc etc etc.  so i walked out of pechanga with 1300.  that was pretty bad ass.  played SOME POKER on the big kids table (100-300 buy in) and got lucky with pocket aces my second hand and doubled up easily.  went on to pretty much fuck shit up at that table and walked downstairs with my pocket STUFFED

lol

full of $5 chips.  rad.

won all night basically.  and walked with it all.  went straight to the donut shop lol got my chocolate milk glazed twist and choccy twist and then went and got car insurance for $178 before my registration gets suspended on the 9th of may.  i was reminded about that when my friend stephanie burns told me about some dude friend of hers who got pulled over by the cops with a shit ton of meth on him.  he got five years in prison.  and why did he get pulled over?  oh because he had suspended registration on his car like a moron.  poor guy.  not that i’m driving around with shit tons of anything illicit but still it reminded me that it would be a pretty good idea to get  insurance.  so i did that.  yay for me.

only my die hard admirers will have read this far in this post cuz its a bullshit post to be sure.  by the way “we can be heroes” at least according to david bowie.  i’ve got a couple of options for places to

she is known the world wide as eighth letter.

live now which is cool….one’s in eastvale and one’s in crown town by the golf course where my sister used to bartend at.  i heard some incredibly disturbing stories about my sisters deasth last night.  i’m not gonna say who told me or what they told me because there is litigation going on but its fucking horrible and it put me in a sick goosebumps on my head horror stricken mood for a couple hours last night.  i am going to tell our lawyer about it.  enough about that.

by the way i apologize for any times i’ve ever been a fair weathered friend to anybody i know.  just saying that for sincerely reals i won’t say why on that one either but yeah i had to put someone in check actually two someones in check last night.  i know i’m a taker lots and not always a giver materially but i do feel like i am a giver emotionally and friendship wise but if not sorry about that and i can only strive to improve myself.

well shit i got shit to do you guys so thankfully for you i’m going to close this shitty little entry out.  hope you can forgive me for the

call her what you will she's still my mom

terrible incomprehensible shadowy sing song say nothing chant of a rant that defines the makeup of this story today.  i’m sorry.  my mind is in a million and one places you have no idea.  talk soon.

sometimes i feel i’ve got to run away i’ve got to get away

Swamp chickens, Ghetto dwelling, and the Norco Crips


That title is surely an attention getter if ever I did see one.  By the way for the last week or so ever since I decided that I am from North Carolina you would do much better as far as understanding my nonsense if you read it in your mind as if you was also from North Carolina or any other state that refers to shopping carts as buggies.  Just read it with a twang and we’re gonna get along just fine okay.

I ain’t really got much time for a post here right now being the urban jet setting pretty boy that I am but I feel its necessary to touch base with my constituents from time to time as a way of  getting down into the trenches with y’all common folk.  Y’uns is spectacular prized pupils of mine.  The lesson that I am trying to teach has not been revealed to me as of yet but I’m sure it will be in time for all of us to get the necessary wisdom  from that there lesson.

Actually this is a garbled attempt at sounding somehow outlandish when really and truly I am in a rush.  I need to go meet up with my sister Theresa who has my driver’s license by 5pm at her place of gainful employment, I forgot the name of it but its over there up yonder somewhere in the vicinity of Lincoln Avenue and the 91 Freeway.  She done told me that it was on the other side of McDonald’s which must be a blessing for anyone to be so honored to work nearby such a beautiful and wonderful company outlet as a franchisee of McDonald’s.  I would love to work nearby McDonald’s and have the wonderful sensation of gaining a pound of rancid beef fat added to my svelte waistline each and everyday.  After all, its a very family friendly and budget conscious place to eat.  You know as well that McDonald’s corporate  headquarters has made it their mission in 2011 for all of its many franchises to express individuality and originality with their menu options.

For instance in Fontana, California, the McDonald’s franchisee up there has renamed his restaurant McTucky’s after their adopted home state of Kentucky.  They offer such delectable delights as the McSwamp Chicken Tenderloin sandwich in honor of the great state of Alabama (Roll Tide!!).  Does anyone know what a swamp chicken is by the way?  I coined the phrase myself of course one day last week in a state of extreme delirium when I was visited by an apparition of a redneck militia soldier who rolled up on me in his buggy while I was playing Cleopatra Keno over at Pechanga Casino.

I had been at the same machine for 16 days you see, and I felt like I needed dialysis treatment because my kidneys had been assaulted by nothing but Pepsis as way of nutrition the entire marathon session.  When you are sitting at a slot machine which you don’t want to give up because its already taken your firstborn child, your left testicle, 75% of your remaining life force and of course the contents of your wallet, all available credit cards and a good deal of your dignity (due to having been forced to prostitute yourself in the high limits bathrooms to creepy Asian matrons with breath that smells like Pork Kung Pao dipped in Ponzu Sauce and served with fresh garlic) it gets kinda hard to remember the basic fundamentals of healthy human living like eating food, taking showers and brushing your teeth (also known as gumming your hushpuppies, if you are from Missouri, the Buggy State).

It never fails you see, when you have thrown the equivalent of a brand new Chevrolet Suburban into a computerized personal one armed robbery facilitator, or “slot machine”, and you get up out of frustration to maybe clear your head, brush your nasty ass teeth and have a smoke while maybe even taking a look at the  sun for the first time in forever, that some old ass asian water buffalo will saunter up and immediately hit the progressive jackpot on your untended machine.  If you have ever gone through such a miserable and incomprehensibly demoralizing (sound familiar 12 steppers?) nightmare as I have many times you know what I’m talking about.  Its painful hombre.  Very very painful.

In an effort to ensure that  such a horrible outcome does not repeat itself, most compulsively degenerate morons who gamble, such as myself, have taken certain steps, which  when used in conjunction with a lobotomy, have been shown to be of assistance in dealing with this issue.  One of these steps is known as Transcendental Medication and is a method similar to the “meditation” practiced by Buddhists and New Age Flower Children for years now.  Many of the processes involved with TM as I’ll call it are the same only different as its older, better, less stupid brother, Meditation.  Both involve wiping the psyche clear of mental debris that maybe inhibiting the swamp also known as your mind and preventing it from processing life through a more realistic and less expensive filter then the constantly failing “Angry and Disgruntled Degenerate Slot Player” most of the people that benefit from TM have historically chosen.

You are probably asking yourself what any of this slick jargon has to do with the topic you are here to learn more about.  That topic of course is the history of the Swamp Chicken which no doubt has left you in a state of nervous anticipation, bordering on frenzied manic hysteria while you have been nervously counting down the hours until which time I deemed appropriate to share with you, gentle reader.  To be honest, I’m somewhat lost myself on what TM has to do with a swamp chicken.  The thing is, I  figure it would be a waste to waste (is that even proper grammar?) my elegantly crafted lines of pure horse manure that I’ve typed so far so (again….proper grammar?) I’m just going to have to continue bluffing at the connection between the two totally unrelated and actually non exsitent subjects.

I figure its easier to just continue double barreling y’all with blasts of bullshit that have no roots in reality rather then suck it up, admit to God, myself and all of the other human beings the exact nature of my “lack of anything meaningful to share” and start over or perhaps even scrap the whole ridiculous idea of writing a post today.  Hopefully, I can continue to baffle and amaze both of us with this boisterous, bat shit bending banter and somehow pull it all together at the end with some sort of  fairy tale like save while managing to sound humble, enthusiastic and pleasantly self effacing at the same time as appearing to be competent and genuine.

I am thinking that maybe this is a bit much to have on my plate today but you know what “they” say…(throw in some tired cliche about never losing sight of your dreams) and a blah blah blah blah blah blah and a yaddha yaddha yaddha.

Oh yeah, ghetto dwelling and the Norco Crips too okay? Assa lamma lenkum my brothers and sisters and God bless us each and everyone.  Take care folks, talk to y’uns later.

This is Anthony Mandich, your humble and nutritious servant saying, So Long!

Muah!!!

P.S.  “Hottest Ass”

P.P.S. “Sex, drugs, and Pussy”!

P.P.S.S. “Sean Stenlake”, Sean Stenlake:  Attorney at Law, Sean Stenlake:  American Hero, Sean Stenlake:  The Brother I Never Knew, Sean Stenlake:  Lessons in Being Great, Sean Stenlake I Love You, Sean Stenlake:  Blue Eyed Wunderkind, Sean Stenlake:  Everything You Have Always Wanted to Know But Were Afraid to Assk

one last thing, i’m going to experiment to see how many hits i get from putting these tags in this post okay?  sean stenlake, sean stenlake attorney, anthony mandich idiot savant, what a stupid blog, god i’m dumb, ass, hottest ass, hottest fucking ass meets hotter fucking ass, asses that are hot, hotties without ass, ass loving hoes, what an ass, asshole, ass ass ass nothing but just pure ass, got ass?, want ass?, smell my ass, you are an ass, assume nothing, makes an ass out of you and me, get it ass?, ha ha ha ass sss you eaten dinner yet, ass is assembled, big huge ass in my ass, tickle my ass, put your cigar out on my ass, man do i love talking about ass, ass is so cool man, its all about the ass, get it, ass???, who wants to over use the word ass?, jackass, horse’s ass, jackasses with ass eating tendencies, horse’s ass is a big ass and they fuck that ass, horny mexican mamas with hottest ass, korean ass, chinese ass, japanese ass, white trash ass bandit, booty smelling ass pigs, ass in zen, common characteristics of an ass, wikipedia entry for ass, history of anthony mandich’s ass, poop comes out of a butt but you sir are an ass, Wiki ass, wiki mandich asshole, fucking ass lover, grape nuts drive me nuts ass boy, why do you love the mans ass so god damn much, damn what an ass, enough already with the ass ass, ass ass boy, ass ass toy, jump on that ass, fist that ass, tongue dart the dark star, jason rhodes is an ass, me and my ass, growing up with my ass, hairy ass, smelly ass, fat as a rhino’s ass, big ass white bitches, trailer park ass, old ass, legal young ass, don’t be such an ass, monetizing your blog through the use of the word ass, google searches with ass, attention getting titles, attention getting ass, assghanistan, north carolina living, i come from a buggy, get in my buggy, mantra, meditation, buddhism, transcendental medication, professing to be wise, they became fools, facing the nation, 12 steps, incomprehensible demoralization, self effacing twits, mocking the readers, the moons over my hammy, ethan hawke, boys love boys ass that are over 18 of course. smash that ass with your tongue, faux outlandish, cliche driven mockery, waste of time topics, dude i want to kill you for wasting my time, becoming a slog even if you are human, human seo, human slog, slog, search engine optimization for dummies, copyrights for dummies, dummies for dummies, buggies for dummies, stupid is forrest gumpisms for dummies, i’m a big old dummy, i fuck chicks, i fuck chicks alot, chcks love to suck my ass

hhahahahahahahahahahaahahahahahaha

Its so much like a jungle, sometimes it makes me wonder, how I keep from going under
I would marry the girl on top, just from this pic.  Is that sick or what.

Fuck this! Fuck that!


What does it say about our nation when 59 of the 94 hits I have gotten on my blog today are from people doing searches on google?  Before you answer consider that 90% of the searches had some variant of the word “ass” in them.  Ha Ha Ha!  I don’t even remember which post I did that included all this ass people are searching for.  I have posted one hot pic of these Catholic School chicks  just looking so fuckable its insane here let me show you that one again.

The blonde chick has the hottest ass and I want to eat it.

Come on Can you Really DENY the essential horniness in this picture?  I’m not asking the eunuchs in the house.  Actually are there any eunuchs that read my this blog?  Doubtful.  Do you even know what a eunuch is?  According to the online dictionary Merriam Webster:

eu·nuch

noun \ˈyü-nək, -nik\

Definition of EUNUCH

1: a castrated man placed in charge of a harem or employed as a chamberlain in a palace
2: a man or boy deprived of the testes or external genitals
3: one that lacks virility or power <political eunuchs>
eu·nuch·ism \-nə-ˌki-zəm, -ni-\ noun

Origin of EUNUCH

Middle English eunuk, from Latin eunuchus, from Greek eunouchos, from eunē bed + echein to have, have charge of — more at scheme

First Known Use: 15th century
Here’s a sample test to see if you “might” have eunuch tendencies.  Do any of the pictures on this blog post make you feel like shedding your clothes and doing crazy things with appropriately aged, consenting females?  If you answered no then you have definitely better get yourself checked for Eunuch Disease.
Too Bad She wouldn't marry me
Anyways, so yeah I’m not really talking to the eunuchs in the house because I don’t want to skew my results but for everybody else even girls isn’t there just a raw sexuality to that picture?  Fucking Hot is what I say! Getting off the path of righteousness here but its hard to concentrate with that ass staring at me and taunting me hahahaha.  This is how shallow I am.  I wanna marry the girl with that blonde ass.  You heard me.  Sight unseen, can’t even pretend to know what her face is like but just the ass alone is enough to make me want to leave my entire fortune to her. That’s so fucked up.
How would I go about finding her?  And if I did somehow find her what would I say by way of introducing myself?  “Umm…hi, ever since I saw that picture of you doing dirty things with your school girl uniform on, I’ve really wanted to get to know you better?”  She’d be like, “okaaaaaaay stalker”, as she pulls out her pepper spray…
I had these good intentions to write a good little farcical tale on how depraved the people who find my blog through google searches about ass are and look what has happened! I’ve sunk down to their levels.  I’m one of them.  I can’t deny it.  I’ve probably searched for gnarlier shit then the people who end up here anyways.  Nothing comes to mind really but I can remember more then one time, trying to type one handed looking for some good old internet porn.  One handed as in with the left hand because the right hand was all greased up lol hahahahaha.  Too much information Mr Mandich.  nobody wants to hear about your sick self love episodes!  (that’s what i have to keep telling myself).
She's pretty fucking hot. She dumped me lol.
My favorite kind of writing is this sing song nonsense, the computerized version of talking because you like the sound of your own voice.  I’ve had a lot of hits on my blog lately.  Enough for me to start thinking that maybe I’m something special (should have known better).  Here is the exact numbers from the six days prior to today:  140, 108, 133, 117, 147, 124 and last time I looked maybe an hour ago I had 94 for the day already.  I just looked now and I have 97 for the day.  Last night on Excel, I quickly extrapolated those numbers and figured out that I’m averaging 900 views per week, 4000 per month, 48,000 per year.  So I started to get a little bit of a big head like I said.
Anthony Mandich is still very much in love with Marilyn Monroe
But I dug into the numbers a bit and that’s when I noticed that the only thing carrying my pathetic blogs numbers are the different variations of “ass” searches on google.  Sad but true.  I guess I need to really work on the quality of my content in order to gain more readers.
That’s all, and have a happy Sunday my friends.  (All seven of you!!!)
Anthony Mandich gets a funny feeling inside when he sees this girl

Thank You for 10,000 ++ views of my site!


hello i want to make this thank you as big as i can but it seemingly is impossible on wordpress. at least i don’t know how to do it and i can’t be fucked searching and searching for endless hours right now. the reason i can’t do it right now is that it is 2:47 a.m. and i’m bloody tired but i didn’t want to knock off for the night without saying thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of you who have had a look at my blog even once since i started last memorial day (ten months ago). in that short amount of time, i have somehow managed to draw over 10,000 visits. i’m humbled that you would choose to spend even a minute sharing in my adventures and again, i sincerely thank you all so much! without you i wouldn’t even bother trust me.

 

Even Martin Boorman, busy on his hellbound hayride through Dante’s inferno thinks its great that 10.000 of you have visited Anthony Mandich: Artist and Urban Legend via krashthrills.wordpress.com

Sorry I don’t own a pair of Roller Skates


two young kids Anthony and Natalie Mandich before we were actually Mandich's

I’ve got my ex-girlfriend over here right now babbling about roller skating upstairs on the hardwood floors.  I had to tell her sorry but I don’t own a pair of rollerskates.  I’d rather push around on a skateboard even if I do it badly.  Apparently, I’m a “son of a bitch” too, which would not make my dear, dear mother very happy to hear hahahaha.  At least that’s what I just overheard in a conversation the ex was having with her drunk momma .

Apparently I am now persona non grata in the South Coast Metro area.  I’m not really very shaken up about it though.  I have other, more urgent, fish to fry at the moment.  As to what I did to earn “son of a bitch” status I have no idea and I don’t really care to tell you the truth.  Drunk wind baggery if you ask me.  Never been a big fan of drunks, even when I was one for a few years back in the nineties.  Its kind of funny or rather kind of ironic that I’m so hated in that household because I have truly never been anything but nice to that woman and I even get along splendidly with her dog, a little yapping barking ingrate who I managed to somehow cultivate quite a bond with.  Dogs do like me.  Maybe because I am one?  Topic for another day.

I’ve got lots of shit going on in my life, most of it not exactly on the great side.  We are losing the house here in two days.  It is getting auctioned off on March 23rd, 2011 and that is when my bubble is really going to burst.  I’ve really gotten accustomed to having the run of this place, its been amazing and I will really be sad to give up my Cowshit Castle when that dreadful day finally comes.  The entire house is pretty much empty right now except for mattresses without sheets and the contents of my art studio/office where I am typing this fascinating shit right here and now.

I’ve got no idea where I’m going to go.  I’ve got no money to get there.  All I have is my talented hands, my paintings and art supplies and my sexy self and not so sexy car.  Plenty of people are sure to be thinking that if I end up homeless and in the gutter its only my deserved reward for being such a jackass.  To them I offer a hearty “Fuck Off….but I do it with a smile on my face because I’m not really serious.  Shit, they are probably right.  I don’t really give a shit about the rights or wrongs of the whole situation.  It is what it is and I’m a fighter who will never give up.

This is all just a wakeup call for me to start being a little smarter with my assets and less inclined to procrastinate and lollygag my way through life.  Time to pump a little Ouspensnky urgency into my everyday life and frankly I welcome the challenge.  Stay tuned for updates on the living situation.  Whether you, constant reader, are a friend or foe, a hater or a supporter, you’ll be anxious to hear the outcomes of this somewhat urgent situation.  LOL.

Fairytales

I’ve kinda gotta run right now for a couple of reasons.  My sister Theresa has commissioned me to do a painting of a baby giraffe for her daughters room in their new house in Norco.  I agreed to do it for the insane price of $100.  So I’ve gotta knock that out here tonight.  Not only that my friend Ian McCall is in New Jersey right now for an audition/tryout for Season 14  of The Ultimate Fighter and I want to call him up and find out how that is going.  Anyways thanks for reading and I welcome any comments or suggestions, constructive or venom laced it matters not.

Oh yeah one last thing.  We went to mediation in Los Angeles last Wednesday for the case involving the death of my sister Natalie while in custody of the Riverside Sheriff’s Department on Valentines Day in 2009.  I have nothing to report as far as results, conclusions, new information etc however.  This time it was much ado about nothing as all we did was stand outside the mediators palatial estate in Century City while he met with representatives of the County of Riverside and our attorney, the capable and effervescent Richard P. Herman.  Rather disappointing, especially for my poor mother, who seemed crestfallen at the lack of new information regarding the exact circumstances of my sisters passing.  Stay tuned for further updates on this sad tale as well.

the fucking title says it all foolio

All is not misery and strife however!  Be sure of that.  I skated a good 35 miles last week which felt great and that’s always a good thing right?  Talk to you people later.

P.S.  Apparently my real father, Maurice Lloyd is very sick right now and in hospital.  My thoughts and prayers are with him and his family in Vancouver.  Get well soon MO!

Sincerely,

Anthony John Mandich