that sounded good to me (the title of this) because that is what it feels like i am doing. not heading backwards at breakneck speed on a collision course with death. not even. more like a leisurely balloon ride to the land of permanent mediocrity. just hustling up the cash to survive on a daily basis, never getting up too much and never getting so desperate that i feel like i need to do something stupid. its not really that bad if you don’t mind going nowhere overall in fact overall going backwards just a little bit at a time. still fighting though. one area that i have been kicking ass is seems to be my running. i started running or jogging or whatever you want to call it a couple of months ago. lets set the record straight by saying that i have liked running for a long time and there have been lots of different periods in my life where i have taken up running. somehow though i always end up stopping doing it for some reason. well the reason is that i stop caring. its a word called apathy. i hate that apathy concept. but anyways this time even as a homeless vagrant hotel dwelling guy, i have still been running nearly every day since october 11th, 2015. and i have really improved greatly its really fucking cool. now i can run 6 miles in less than 54 minutes. i have also done 10 miles in less than 100 minutes. both times are quite significant to me. right now my goal is to get 5 miles in 40 minutes but i don’t think i will get even close to that anytime soon. it is hard enough to get 5 miles in 45 minutes. the 8 minute per mile pace is fucking hard. i love running though. i really do. its so insanely cool. especially late late at night like at 3 a.m. its spooky at that time. i run in temecula alot and if you cruise down winchester from jefferson to where it dead ends its really spooky and desolate. its easy to imagine wolves or bears or mountain lions waiting out there wanting to kill me or serial killer bums waiting to rape me then kill me. so far i have been okay but who knows what the future holds. the last time i went running was at midnight last night (boxing day 2015). i did 6 miles in 53:47. i was tired yet elated like usual. it makes you feel superior to others. also it makes you feel like every day you run you are adding two days to the end of your life. i think that is really cool formula since i am an older man now i want to extend out my boring life as long as possible. there is a pretty cool app on my phone called runtastic that basically gps tracks you on your runs and gives you all kinds of statistics and shit while you are running and then compiles it all for you so you can see the progression of your runs and see how bad ass you are. all this talk about running is getting me pumped up to go running right now so fuck it i am going to go running and shit.
After a little bit of goading from people who care about me I have come to the conclusion that it is time to start selling my paintings. I have held out due to a number of different reasons but they are mostly based on ego and my incorrect estimation of my own self importance.
Being homeless for well over a year now is not something to be proud of and although it may seem to be some kind of a romantic notion, actually being a starving artist is pretty fucking lame. For one thing I’m not even painting. I have no place to paint so what the fuck?
yeah….i’m over it. this is not only affecting me but i have children. audrey is not able to spend the night with me most nights because i don’t have any place to go. my license is suspended over a payment of a few hundred dollars in child support and the rest of my life is in a similar state of stagnancy.
I do have quite a few paintings that are complete or very nearly complete and although I really wanted to have a gallery showing and make a splash entering the art scene I think it is time to get over that notion and just sell what I have so I can get my dependents a place to call home.
so without further ado…..
If you want more information about these paintings let me know. You can send me an email at email@example.com or you can call me directly at 657-210-7113.
If you are looking for a cheap painting this isn’t the place to look. I’ve got thousands of hours tied up in these paintings and I will die before I just give them away for ridiculous prices. Sorry.
I have to give credit where credit is due. Just in case anybody reading my blog thought I was a cop hater after my post about that crazy lady cop Lisa Mearkle who shot and killed the dude in the snow, this article should dispel that notion. The events in question took place less than 24 hours ago and were witnessed by Christina Joy and myself.
First of all I have to come clean and admit that my driver’s license is currently suspended because I have a past due balance with the Department of Child Support Services in Orange County, California. They never really thought this idea out very well. In my opinion, suspending the license to drive of people you would presumably like to have out there working, in order to earn the money needed to pay the money they owe you, seems counterproductive but we all know that my opinion doesn’t mean shit so I will just shut the hell up.
Anyhow, I have to get around somehow and I admit that I drive my car with just my California Identification Card in my wallet. I don’t know what else to do since I don’t have enough money to pay off the child support and get my license reinstated. I’m not employed and its pretty rare that I get enough money together to make a sizable dent in any of the various past due balances that haunt my life. At this point any money I get is never enough so I find myself trying to parlay hundreds into thousands, often by gambling at the local casinos except for Pechanga and Harrahs, and everybody knows that the end result of that is usually daily bankruptcy.
I’m not trying to make excuses for the crappy facts that define my existence presently, I’m just giving you some background information so you can get a better understanding of what is going on in this little tale.
Getting back to the events of December 11th now okay. And we are stipulating that Anthony doesn’t have a current valid driver’s license with the caveat that before January 1st, the situation will be rectified. It is now priority number one. Also with the understanding that I don’t feel particularly bad about having driven with the suspended license since it is not due to any action taken behind the wheel, no moving violation or reckless driving but simply an inability to stay current on child support payments four years ago for my daughter who is now 18 years old.
Let’s pick up the story with Anthony and Christina about 2:00 p.m. on Friday the 11th of December, 2015. We left Pala Casino and headed north on Pala-Temecula Road, a route I had driven literally hundreds of times from Temecula. It is the only way to get to a slew of casinos located deep in the wilderness to the south of Temecula and to the east of the 15 freeway including Pala, Valley View, Harrahs, and Pauma unless you want to drive a bunch of extra miles on the freeway and then you still have to drive east for miles. Taking the Pala-Temecula Road is like driving as the crow flies and for most in the know, its the only way to get there.
Well apparently it is the route chosen by drug dealers as well as casino rats like me. That’s what the Federal Border Patrol Agent who put me in handcuffs while a K-9 police dog sniffed inside and outside of my car for drugs told me anyway.
Stay tuned for Part II
Lisa Mearkle is a cop in Pennsylvania who pulled some 59 year old guy over for not having a current inspection sticker on his car. We are talking about the equivalent of having out of date registration here in California. So the dude runs away and gets to his sister’s house where he lives and goes off running through the snow with this ugly blonde bitch cop chasing him and screaming at the top of her screechy ass lungs for him to do something retarded like show his hands.
The dude has been tased and is crawling through the two foot deep snow in the backyard. He is really scooting along super quickly. Not. More like a one mile per day pace. She is yelling like a banshee from hell, “show your hands blah blah blah blah I’m a stupid bitch blah blah blah show me your hands yaddah yaddah yaddah” and the dude is like alright alright leave me the fuck alone please. So the snow is so deep he has no choice but to kinda swim with his hands so he keeps moving them or risks suffocating for sure. She keeps yelling at him “Bonzai Superman show me your nutsack and your hands you motherfucker” or something along that nature we can’t really tell what the bitch is saying but one look at this fellow tells the normal human being that he is hardly the type to be packing an AK-47 under his winter coat.
This useless bitch cop, who really had nothing on this guy except that he ran away which is a crime in and of itself but not a major one, is taking this way too far its easy to see on the video. The dude clearly is not really resisting; her shrill annoying screechy ass panic stricken voice is unintelligible; therefore it stands to reason that her cow like commands are also unintelligible.
God I hate this Lady. She shoots and kills the poor bastard anyway. Like the cunt that she is. Wow I just called a police officer who was found not guilty at her jury trial a cunt. I did this knowing full well that this cunt is getting her job back. I’m hoping that the distance between Pennsylvania where her retarded ass lives and Beijing, China where I live is far enough to keep her away from me. I don’t want to get tasered, then shot and killed, dying a senseless moronic death with the last words ringing in my ears coming from this
cow cop. Even worse none of it making any sense whatsoever because how the fuck am I supposed to comply with whatever shit she is spewing when I have a fully operational police taser gun stuck up my ass? Yeah…..nah…..no thanks.
So Lisa Mearkle, you piece of shit excuse for a human being murdering bitch please stay away from Beijing. We don’t want anything to do with you. I’m sure you will have to answer to God though because how can you defend yourself to Him? You can’t. God doesn’t like it when bitches tell lies about feeling threatened by decrepit skinny old men crawling at a snail’s pace in a snow drift during a blizzard.
Here is the video so you can see that I’m not exaggerating when I say without a doubt in my mind that Officer Lisa Mearkle deserves nothing less than guilty verdicts to Second Degree Murder and Being a Dumb Ass Bitch Cop without a Permit. Here is some lame ass cop version of Go Fund Me called Hunt for Justice which glossed over every pertinent detail in the case and actually wanted to get people to send this bitch money for her lawyer.
Is it really a wonder that people in America and all over the world have had more than they can really stomach when it comes to these fucking blatant murders of American Citizens by the very group that is supposed to be protecting us? Make no mistake about it. The very group that I am referring to is called the Police. Why do they get their jollies in causing pain for people on a whim basically?
I’m not advocating violence toward the police or anyone affiliated with law enforcement. The rough language and immature name calling I have used in this article is really only an effort to reach out and allow the decision makers in our government to see the frustration, grief and rage being experienced by the common citizenry of the USA over the unfair nature of the actions being taken by law enforcement. Actions which are resulting in so many deaths each year. Deaths that are often profoundly useless and entirely preventable. Its not the citizen victims who really have any control over whether their next contact with law enforcement is going to result in them bleeding out on the pavement outside 7-11 for the crime of not understanding the over the top chaotic screaming technique used by the police firing squad during their nightly victim search. Designed to ensure compliance with sadistic and confusing demands by psycho cops hell bent for blood, the play books used by the police to dispense the crude justice is flawed all the way through and in my opinion should be thrown out.
My opinion doesn’t mean shit though lol. Here is some bonus footage for you in the form of some links to police shootings justified and unjustified and some just downright strange. Edmund Wong was my neighbor in Long Beach. He is dead. Don’t forget about the black man in South Carolina. He also died. Here is a little collection of fucked up moments in the history of law enforcement. Lots of deaths. I have to put quite a few links just so you can get a little taste of what I’m referring to. Check out this collection of bullshit. This one involving Dillon Taylor left me so fucking disgusted with the police. There are ones out there now that make Dillon Taylor’s death a walk on the beach in comparison. This one for example is pretty disgusting and I feel sorry for the little poochy who got executed here. Maybe this guy got sick of his life.
You get the drift people. I know you do. Something seriously has to change. The excuses are so lame and tired and canned. Its time for Americans to stop allowing Americans to get murdered by the cops. What if its your child who dies at the hands of law enforcement next time? You won’t be so quick to say, “well if he would have just obeyed the commands of the officer then this would not have happened.” The funny thing is that almost all of the murders I am referring to in this article were as a result of the poor people complying for the most part with the officers orders or not being in a position to comply such as Dillon Taylor who had his fucking earphones in and had no idea what the fuck the stupid ass cop was yelling at him before shooting him directly in the face. Not being in a position to comply also means not having even a split second to hear the officers order and consciously do whatever he is asking you to do. The little twelve year old kid with the squirt gun in Cleveland was gunned down before the cop driving the cop car even had time to stop all the way. His partner was already out, yelled “drop the weapon” and simultaneously fired and killed the little guy literally before the driver could stop and open up the drivers side door. That is fucking bullshit.
I am bored out of my gourd. Tomorrow I won’t be bored because I will be searching for shelter and a friendly face for my daughter and I. I just can’t be fucked doing anything right now I can’t find the motivation or the energy. If it is not one thing its another and soon enough my time on this planet is going to be over and what a shitty last few years it has been. Nothing but fizzled connections, psycho girls, insane highs and soul depleting lows. God, I want my life to be about more than this. I try to take comfort in the fact that I have taken on solo parental duties but really and truly I’m not doing the job I could be doing because I just don’t have the resources do it. One thing has led to another to get me where I am right now and I’m so fucking sick of flailing away. I sound like a broken record. My last several posts have been so shitty but the way I’m feeling right now I don’t know if there is ever going to be a new amazing post or story. I’ve got my bratty but sweet kid pestering the holy living goddamn fuck out of me in this room right now. Dadddddeeeeeeeeeee, Dadas wanna go on rockabye. A, S, D, brown back as she is picking at my hair and leaning against me always constantly never ending just climbing and touching and jumping and pulling on me and patting me and right now she just said Dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada dada. Yes its amazing but Jesus Christ I need a fucking break. We are going right into the crapper because I can’t fucking escape. I can’t leave the room. I’ve been stuck with her for days upon days and I am starting to go a little bit nuts. Pan Pan Pan Pan hold up my nana my nana dada dada dada my pan pan pan. You should just see the state of this room right now. I admit defeat I cannot keep up with this fucking kid. And here she comes again picking at my hair as I sit on the end of the bed typing this like she is a mamma bear or some shit and then another tight hug and offer for a kiss at least my six thousandth hug of the day while HBO keeps playing the fucking same episode of Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel, the Leftovers, Unbroken which is a shitty fucking movie and some other stupid ass shit. Its either that or never ending NCIS. I can’t even take my daughter for a walk without a leash on because we are staying on PCH across the street from the beach and there are millions of cars and she has about as much common sense as a two year old. And here goes the end of another whining pussy ass blog post. Kill me now.
Everybody is busy with their own lives. Even your relatives and most cherished friends are pretty much so involved in their own trials and tribulations that they don’t have time for you and your problems. I don’t mean to sound negative. I’m simply making an observation based on my perception of what is happening in Anthony Mandich’s world. When people commit suicide its remarkable to listen to their family and friends beat their breasts and howl about how they had no idea that things were “that bad” and if they had seen the warning signs or if the dead boy or girl had only reached out to them then this tragedy could have been averted. Bull fucking shit. I’m sorry but bullshit. When someone is alive and doing the same stupid shit over and over and getting the same fucked up results the relatives and friends can only shake their head and basically just ignore the tragedy that is unfolding before their eyes.
I totally understand that. I totally understand why. Mom and Dad and brother and sister have been down this road with your fucked up ass for years now and no matter how many different fresh starts you get you always end up going back to the asinine shit that gets you in trouble to begin with so what the fuck can they do about it? Nothing that’s what. Mom and Dad have spent thousands of dollars trying to help you kid. You have sawdust for brains and you don’t listen to reason and you don’t change so the tragedy that ends with your death rests squarely on your shoulders don’t you get it?
Unfortunately, you have come to take Mom and Dad for granted and you don’t really appreciate the frustration that you have put them through over the years with your asinine lifestyle. They are sick to death of you and your careless approach to life. You can’t go on taking them for granted forever though. Not unless they are so severely co-dependent that propping you up to fail and flail has become ingrained as part of their way of life too. God, that is really sad. Your selfish and totally indefensible bullshit has had such a profoundly negative effect on everybody that cares about you that normalcy is now impossible for them too. Jesus.
You keep talking about needing a break but fuck son you have had so many more breaks than the average Joe that it boggles the mind. You are so good at dispensing the hypocritical advice to the younger generation (that you can’t seem to stop hanging out with and that’s a whole other story) but you can’t seem to follow any of it yourself. After years of this kind of bullshit you really have come to define the phrase “jack of all trades master of none” and it is sad to listen to you get on your pedestal and preach about all of the lofty ideals (lies lies lies) that you believe so strongly in but strangely haven’t seemed to help out you in your own life.
Shut the fuck up. That’s the best thing you can do. Nobody wants to hear your shit. Even if the message is fundamentally true and logical, having you as the spokesperson for it renders it useless and something to be avoided just because…you are such a moron and have no room to talk which everybody knows so why do you bother?
People used to talk about how smart and gifted and talented you are but not so much anymore. Why not? Do you need to ask or can you see that maybe because you have failed and flailed for your whole life, always looking for excuses to justify whatever shitstorm you have gotten yourself involved in, people who used to believe in you and your ability to rise above have given up hope and have become resigned to the fact that you are a piece of shit waste of time waste of talent big mouth asshole who should just shut your mouth and do something in this decade rather then trying to live off past glories that weren’t really that glorious to begin with.
Hmmmm….what do you think about that? Brutal huh? Not really. You have shown time after time that all you want to do is use the people that are close to you, the ones that you have swindled and conned into believing in you and believing that you have just had factors beyond your control stand in the way of you and the balanced happy life that you should be living. You talk them into genuine belief that you can’t judge a book by its cover and you are good at it. You have the gift of gab and the natural charm of the the snake oil salesman who died out in the 60’s….the 1860’s!
After awhile these gullible (genuinely nice and caring) fools become wise to the fact that what you sell as symbiosis is actually in fact much more one sided than they were led to believe. And one sided relationships like this have been defined in the scientific community. We have a name for the protagonists. They are called parasites. That hurts. I know that it hurts to think of yourself as a parasite but what else can you call what you do to everyone? I know that you never intended to just straight use people until they become smart enough to see that they are being used but the road to hell is fucking paved with good intentions and I’m not entirely sure that your intentions were ever “good” so that doesn’t bode well for you not going down as a piece of fucking shit loudmouth asshole cold blooded hellbound idiot.
The levels that you stoop to are amazing to behold. You continue to justify actions that the man on the street would never defend and don’t you remember how high and mighty you used to feel when your main evidence to show that you were right and your adversary (usually your girlfriend, parent, sibling, boss, or friend) was wrong was always wrapped up in the strong belief that if you two posed your opposing viewpoints to 100 “man on the street” types you would inevitably come out on top. Those days are gone. Your twisted reasons for acting the way you do and treating people the way you do would not be supported by anyone on the street and probably not that many people in prison or the mental hospitals or in street gangs etc.
What if the last break you are going to get is the clarity to see the fundamental truth that says you are a fucking wretched excuse for a human being and that you need to change literally everything about yourself and the way you think immediately or even faster ha ha ha just for you to have a chance to make meaningful amends to all of the poor souls living and dead that have had the misfortune to buy into your bullshit in one form or another and have suffered spiritually, financially or physically as a result of it.
Your best bet is to forget about your wants and desires forever. Just thrown them out. They are no good for you anyhow. They are twisted as shit anyways and in no way do they help you to become the good person that you could actually be if you weren’t such a fucking asshole. You are truly such a self centered narcissist that I’m thinking it is probably an impossible task but what choice do you have? Death, prison, skid row, mental insanity await if you continue on the path you can’t seem to get away from. No promises on what awaits you if you can change but wouldn’t you feel better if you at least took advantage of the opportunities that are still there for you to do the right thing and failed rather than continue fueling the fire that is slowly but surely replacing the person that God created and intended for you to be with a freakish evil clown, the kind you read about on the internet everyday and shudder at the insanity that is so clearly on display.
As negative as the preceding may sound, in actuality, it would not take much to see genuine, positive results in your immediate everyday existence. Its just a matter of changing what motivates you. Replace sex gambling drugs swindling hustling and selfishness with things that make sense like balance and healthy thinking and abstinence and sacrifice and saving and mentoring and trying. I don’t think its impossible at this point. Its not likely but its not impossible.
If any part of this rant sounds like any part of your reality then first of all I’m sorry, but second of all please do something about your fucked up life. Its on you and it always has been. People expect you to fuck up so you have nothing to lose. That’s fucking awesome because when you have nothing to lose it means you have plenty to gain. Show me some gains asshole. Justify your shitty existence. Right now.
I would like to set the record straight. Last night I reported that a friend of mine, Heather Nicholson, had died a few months back of a drug overdose. It turns out that I was wrong about that. My dear friend Amy Schneider informed me that Heather died due to complications from pneumonia and a blood infection and she had been getting her life together when she got sick. It makes me sad that she didn’t get the chance to fully turn it all around but it also makes me happy that she went out on a positive note. Rest in Peace Heather Nicholson.