4chan’s b/random board self destructs leaving no trace of the messages left on there after a relatively short period of time. this thread was so fucking funny slash shocking that i just had to copy it so i could read it again. you are blessed to be able to read these demented little stories
>be in 4th or so grade
>admin laptop lying around
>know password is admin
>put every single app on desktop
>teacher comes in
>”what are you doing, anon?”
>”working on powerpoint”
>no one ever found out
Steal money from the teachers and buy candy for it.
Piss on other peoples clothes.
Verbal bullying. (that shit hurts the person whom is subjected to it)
There was more but I cant remember.
>> could you elaborate on the clothes pissing?
Not much to tell really. Must have been in first grade. I think I lost a fight against this huge fucker, but being the petty little kid I was. I wasn’t let him going to walk away victoriously. So when he was in class. I pissed all over his sweater, jacket and shoes, then I ran away returned to my class. Nobody every found out it was me.
there was some fun raising thing where kids would sell candy bars for a dollar. I used to make fake fives (really bad ones) and buy a candy bar with it.
Profit = 4 dollars and candy bar = fucking win
>Best friend and i put on two of my boyscout uniforms.
>Go door to door collecting donations to help the families
>Did this all week
>Collect over three thousand dollars
>Holly fuck i’m the wealthiest man in the world.
>For the next month just a constant party of new video games, candy bars, slim jim and, energy drinks.
Used a kid’s gym shirt as toilet paper one day.
Put it back in his locker, too.
>Is in first grade
>Class is being introduced to restrooms.
>One boy in the stall in putting his face in the toilet
>He’s a browny
>I’m a cunt
>I urinate on his back and get his t-shirt full of piss.
>I get sent home with his shirt, which I was supposed to wash.
>Didn’t wash shirt
>All my prouds
kinda similar story to this
>be like 4th grade
>tell people I’m collecting money for some poor family
>made like $200
>fucked off with it and bought random shit.
Probably the worst thing i ever did.
i once convinced a kid that eating seeds i found on the ground would get him to fly, but only if he jumped off tall things.
teacher stopped him from jumping off the building though. didn’t even get in trouble.
>girl brings in 500$ in cash to class
>me and Mexican friend steal it
>class gets searched
>hide it in sock
>buy shit from those scholastic magazine they pass out in school the next week
>be in 6th grade
>see hot girl lean over in class
>i see her ass
>she turns and sees me doing this
>she says “if you had one moment to seize everything you ever wanted would you take it?”
>weak arms are heavy
throw shit out school bus window at oncoming cars like yogurt, grapes, cheese sticks, and even a calculator once
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spat on girls walking home from school
they didn’t do anything and I didn’t even know them
>be in 3rd grade
>last day of school
>asshole teacher left classroom during lunch
>2 friends and I walk in casually
>flip over desks
>piss all over the teachers desk
>still not enough
>poop in her jacket
>smear shit all over the whiteboard
>throw papers everywhere
>walk out casually
>took a seat outside
>watched teacher come back
>didn’t even know it was us
>I was a little ninja thief.
>In 1st grade, I stole over 3 dozen erasers, several boxes of pencils, and a stack of construction paper.
>In 2nd, I stole about 2 dozen geography and history books from the library, which I burned after reading them.
>3rd, stole some Goosebumps books which were out of print to add to my own collection after figuring out how to remove the super sticky tape and labels without damaging the covers.
4th, Pokemon cards all up in this bitch. I used to befriend kids who had large card collections, hang out with them for a week, then started stealing their holographics. Never got caught, or even called out, but I think some figured it out eventually.
>5th, I stole nothing, but used to annoy a kid who cried easily (he would get so frustrated, and screech like a wounded pig after half an hour of making annoying, distracting sounds while looking right at him.)
>In 6th, I stole magazines from lockers. Also, had to steal back some games which a “friend” had stolen the previous weekend. Stupid fucker tried to act like they were his, when I had marked the inside of the slots with a Sharpie.
>7th, we started using those Bic mechanical pencils. I stole too many of these to count, along with many little containers of “lead”. Also, some bitch teacher’s bag of Jolly Ranchers.
>8th, I stole from stores. Probably $200 worth of candy, Red Bulls, and other little things.
I completely stopped during the summer between 8th and 9th grade.
me and my friends found an underground compartment to the basketball court in our school. we found it connected to the “store random shit” part of the school, so we took everything of value and hid it under the basketball court. honestly i thought it was a dream, but everyone i know says it happened and the wall we painted with the paint and paint brushes we stole is still visable.
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fuck me 10/10 anon, 10/10
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its not elementary school.. but its middle school…
>id have science class every other day and the teacher was a downer.. he was always depressed and acted like he didnt care about anything (which he didnt)
>every class me and my friend would go to his computer (while he was in the hallway making sure kids werent late for class)
>we would open up like 10 google searches of porn
>wasnt feeling so i called in to go home “sick”
>after calling home i started doing a worksheet that had to be turned in
>took pb sandwhich i had, put it inside textbok i was using, slammed book, pd sandwhich everywhere like all over the desk, inside book on the cover lol
>walk out class and go home
>next class teacher says someone did this to textbook, everyone looks at me and laughs
>mfw no fucks were given
I dont get it. Would you be so kind as to explain?
>be 4th grade
>girl catches ladybug and is letting it walk on the ground and showing her friends
>walk up with my friends
>lol with my friends
lose yourself by eminem, last couple parts are the lyrics
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>live in cul de sac
>have group of friends
>”we own dis shit”
>be faggot neighbor kid who stinks
>time to fuck with him
>older friend poops on paper plate
>so much poop
>smear the poop filled plate on their moms cars hubcap
>see dog licking poop off hubcap
>dog runs to them
Set fire to my project and left it on my bitch art teacher’s desk, spread rumours about her, sent her to therapy.
>there’s only so many times you can be asked, ‘when’s it due?’ when you’re just a fat bitch
If your name is Matthew Rajun I’m gonna fucking kill you. All my Ancient Mews, promos and shinies, and upwards of 300 cards. CUNT
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>shitty spring-loaded paintball gun to school
>didn’t find a good opportunity to use it
>bus ride home
>see posh kids walking home from grammar school
>point it out the window
>shoot kid in the head
>everyone on the bus laughs uncontrollably
>look back and he his lying on the floor
>still laughing now and this was 7 years ago
In first grade I spit on a girl
In second I stole a big ass box of crayons from the school set, freaked out, and hid it in a girls backpack. When she found them she brought them to the teacher and the teacher thought she stole them. She got a referral.
Also my cumbox.
i know that feel … 200+ cards gone ….
thou i found out that the dudes that stole from me got some bad karma … 1 got ran over, one lost his and and the other 2 got HIV … apparently brothers shouldnt share needles, how bout that …
>Be in 5th grade
>Last day of school
>Call girl a slut
>Have no idea what it is
>Get in big trouble
>Insincerely apologize to slut
>Forgot all about it till now.
>7th grade in Australia
>go to really shitty school
>Have art teacher who is Spanish or arab (who cares was a cunt)
>get into random argument with her for no reason
>Stay behind after class anon
>everyone else leaves
>she bitches at me
>leave class mad
>slap own face just enough so its red
>Walk out shocked and tell principle that teacher slapped me
>Principle freaks out
>never see other teacher again
I was thinking for a moment, no 6th grader would say that. 2/10
>Big fat ginger
>Half of entire asscrack out
>shove pencil down asscrack
>lol till sides hurt
that is pretty win
Was seriously expecting an Ed, Edd, and Eddy joke…
not really elementary but second day of grade 7
>be in gym class
>teacher tells us to change for our second gym class, the first we just fucked around
>be in changeroom feeling really uncomfortable
>go take a shit in change room washroom
>finish but not toilet paper
>go outside with pants at ankles
>find a towel and proceed to wipe my ass clean
>go to gym class a bit late
>after class “anon did you use my towel?”
>deny, deny, deny
>never got caught to this day
Me and my friends didn’t like one of the older kids, so we
>stole his hat, put into a toilet
>all 4 of us pissed on it
>one of us shit on it
>I tried to flush it
>toilet got clogged and water started flooding out of it
We still laugh about it from time to time, I can’t remember if we got in trouble for it, I don’t think we did.
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I don’t know if this is dickish but I used to masturbate in the middle of class. I’m talking daily for 3 or 4 years until I got into high school and decided it was time to actually try talk to girls.
Everytime I saw some girl’s panties or cleavage, I would get so hard and reach into my pocket and start wacking away.
I trained and learned how to make it not noticeable and still get that masturbate feel without jerking it as viciously as I do nowadays.
>mfw some douchebag walked up to me after class and said he knew what I was doing under the desk
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>be in 3rd grade
>fun thing to do was kick your shoe off into the air
>I wore steeltoe boots
>kid kicks his shoe off
>Im walking behind him
>kick my boot off as hard as possible
>flies into back of his head
>he falls on the ground crying
>mfw because I didnt like him
>i hide in play tires the rest of lunchbreak
>huge green area where most of the kids were
>playing with snow
>me and buddies pretend to cover annoying 5th grader in snow
>actually beat him up
>every winter, always
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97% of people fall instantly asleep after visiting this website
A weird phemomenon that even scientisst don’t have a proper explanation for. pic(59).jpg
>Be 8 year old femanon
>Ask friend to show me his penis
>Hall monitor catches him
I did the same thing with my friends for Hurricane Katrina. Probably the worst thing I’ve ever done and I honestly regret doing it (fucking bad karma lol). I am a little relieved to know other people did shit like that too.
> be sitting in the back of the class making animal noises
> teacher is getting pissed off
> Teacher yells at another kid, blaming him
> we keep making animal noises
> he gets sent out of class and gets detention
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>just chillin trying to make a clay rhino
>kid goes to take a piss
>everyone is silent
>loudest fucking noise ever
>louder than Anne Frank
>girls start laughing, kid is crying
>few days later
>need to take a huge piss
>drank 2 juice boxes
>remembers the kid whiping his dick out and pissing a fountain
>takes a piss in the garbage can
>few days later…
>teacher takes all the boys out
>tells us someone has been taking a piss in the garbage can
>dont tell anyone
>no one knew it was me
Try to fit in
Stole Yu Go Oh cards all the fucking time
Stole money from class fundraiser
I used to lift up girls skirts and pull their panties down
>have a fat stinky indian girl in class
>me n buddy kick her one day at recess and call her stinky creambuff
>cries her eyes out
>only get 2 days detention (detention was 30 minutes long)
>mfw that girl is hot as fuck nowadays but has HUGE problems with anorexia and bulimia. fucking lol
>be like 8
>called fat bitch”a whale”
>told to apologize
>sorry for calling you a fat whale
Teach us your secrets, Oh Wise One.
>Be 6th grade
>Running on track
>Asshole girls place fucking wad of gum on my arm
>they say they’re sorry
>I take gum
>pull out girls hair
>Shove the gum in her hair
>ask her if she likes it
>Her friend stands their speechless
>I keep running in victory
>be in 4th grade, last day of school
>total faggot in my class, pissed me off all year and got me in trouble
>we had recess
>towards end of recess, I just completely kicked his ass
>choked him, kicked him in the head, everything
>walk back inside (everybody else was already inside, I was alone with kid
>5 minutes later, faggot kid comes in, sobbing
>tells on me
>Teacher: “did you do something to faggot’s neck?
>teacher hated him too
>never got in trouble
Shit, I used to do that in 3rd grade too, except we’d launch them off while we we on the swing set so it got like 30ft of air.
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>be in class
>room has vent close to floor that sucks in air to recycle it through the air conditioner
>take of shoes after PE
>put dirty smelly feet (with 2 day old socks lol) in front of vent
>rancid smell gets cycled into room
>MFW when we had to leave the room and no one every knew what it was from
I’ve had my windshield cracked because of a little shit like you.
> kid is pissing me off
> hey look what I have in my hand douchebag
> open up hand and throw sand in his face
> teachers thought he lied when he told on me and gave him detention
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>be in kindargarden.
>playing with some dumb toy, might have been a train.
>other kid walks up
>this kid always takes the stuff i want to play with
>starts arguing/fighting over the dumb toy
>teacher comes over
>she’s some mid-thirties fat chick
>she asks us what happened, knowing i get in posessive fights all the time
>she takes the toy and gives it to him even though i had it first
>get super pissed, wind up spinning around and punching her so hard in the gut that she fell backwards and passed out
I was a fucking boss as a kid. Nearly got expelled for that.
>me and my friend spit on a kid that lived with his grandparents
>pulled on a girls legs while she was playing on the jungle gym… her cousin is paralyzed because someone did that to her and she fell
thats about it i was a pretty nice kid mostly
Trick is to wear jeans, angle your dick down and put your hand on top of it from inside your pocket and move it back and forth slowly without rousing suspicion,
put one of your feet on your opposite knee so you just look like you’re getting comfortable
little do they know know how comfortable you actually are
You stupid mother fucker. Someone took my hat in 6th grade and did this shit! Are you in New York?
mind fucking blown
Most I can ever remember doing was trying to spread my cold/flu whenever I got slightly sick. Breathing on drinking fountains, wiping my hands on doorknobs and other things that multiple people were going to touch.
Seemed pretty harmless back then, but looking back it was a really dick move.
>be in 5th grade
>pantsing people is the new thing, girls do it boys do it
>catch my good friend hanging from the monkey bars
>pants the shit out of him that even his boxers fall down
>exposed penis to everyone for a good 7 seconds
>he gets embarrassed as fuck and never talks to me again
>arts and crafts
>derping along on some handturkey
>kid next to me cuts my sweater with scissors
>take scissors stab kids hand
>safety scissors weren’t invented
>principle calls parents
>but he did it first!
>fuck you anon
>spit on kid when supposed to apologize
>removed from school
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I still hate myself for doing this. I’m sure I’ve hurt so many people and I regret it so much.
I just pulled out some more memories of being a prick as a kid.
>Throughout elementary, there were grasshoppers everywhere during recess. I loved to catch them, then throw them at people. I also crushed them with big pieces of mulch inside of the playground tubes and on the bottoms of slides, so others would get guts on their clothes.
>Buying 1 lock every week for 2 months with my allowance in 3rd grade, so I could put them on lockers, and someone had to cut them off.
>Pissing into the toilet paper holder/enclosure (just imagine the pose that this took).
>Scribbling on walls and lockers with a big, industrial permanent marker.
>Leaving the sink on in the classroom restroom in 1st grade.
>Kicking school-owned balls onto the roof during the last minute of recess or gym. Taking someone else’s ball and doing this was hilarious.
>Writing a 3-page 2nd grade essay in mirror form, so everything was backwards.
>Stole money from mom and blamed my sister, who was caught doing it.
>Used dad’s soldering gun to remove components from sister’s PlayStation’s motherboard, then put it back together and acted like I had no idea why it wasn’t turning on.
>Sprinting across the street at night to piss on neighbor’s car, sometimes the house doorknob if I was brave enough.
>4th grade, 15 year old sister steals my Charizard card. Punch holes through her door and punch her in the side of her ribs before stealing it back. The hoebag bent the lower right corner. Have recurring dreams of her stealing and destroying my stuff for weeks.
I’m out of stories.
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thought of a couple more
>tell asshole best friend to stand behind someone
>”pass” a ball to him
>nail person in head as hard as I can
>we all bullied some weird kid who wore briefs cuzz boxers were cool and other stuff were for fags
>be chaning in PE
>me and friends run in and pelt him with multiple dodge balls
>doesnt like his stuff being touched
>sneak up and touch his back pack
>film him raging and lol our asses off
>same kid is playing DS in class
>teacher let him cuzz he was weird and had issues
>he’s in middle of epic long pokemon battle
>turn off his DS
>run outside while he chases me
i’ll try to think of more, i was a huge dick up until highschool
I don’t understand. Was the toilet in the same room as your class?
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>this isn’t me being dickish but a kid cries so fuck it.
>be 7th grade
>my friend likes llamas
>add faggot we hate say’s he hates llamas
>I start jokingly calling him a “llama hater” at lunch
>suddenly he’s gone doesn’t even show up to class
>half an hour through class get called down
>have no fucking clue why
>walk into room see teacher and add kid with red teary eyes
>teacher accuses me of bullying him
>stick t my guns that it was a fucking joke (because it was a FUCKING JOKE)
>didn’t get into trouble
>mfw i made a kid cry by calling him a llama hater under 10 times
>be with asian friend in like 1st grade
>messing around with bug under tree during recess
>girl comes over
>tell her to leave us alone
>she doesn’t leave
>leave or i’ll…. i’ll…. i’ll cut you with scissors!!!
>TEACHER, ANON SAID HE’S GONNA CUT ME WITH SCISSORS
>get sent home with no consequences
>i was a ruthless motherfucker
>everyone sitting on carpet during show and tell
>teacher says ‘Thomas! You’re in Anon’s way, move!’
>I slowly slide over to the right so he’s in my way again
>Thomas! Come up to the front if you can’t sit out of people’s way!
>I am an evil genius
>be 6th grade
>get lunch and get a lot of ketchup packets
>twist one side so its about to blow up
>walk around lunchroom talking to friends
>drop pressurized ketchup packets on walkway
>wait for people to step on them and LOL
it sprays in one direction so whomever is in the path gets ketchup’d
Haha fuck yeah i used to do that shit all the time
Scammed kids of their Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Made fart noises in class because I was bored as fuck because I finished my work super fast.
Didn’t do too crazy shit until mid/high school
>playing DS in class
either are you retarded or a edgy 12 year old who goes on 4chan
>Be in kindergarten
>Get bored during reading time
>Ask teacher to use bathroom
>Go to bathroom that was in the classroom
>Decide to piss all over the bathroom
>Do this the whole year
>Janitor informs my teacher that he is tired of cleaning the whole bathroom covered in piss
>Was never caught
lel we got that shit to.
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>time to turn in homework
>reach into my desk to grab my assignment
>it’s not done
>ponder what the fuck to do so mom doesn’t kick my fucking ass
>go over to the bin of turned in assignments
>quickly peruse through and find one with no name
>write my name on it
>turn it in
>everyone turned in their homework except anonette
>girl in the back starts crying instantly
>”wahhh i turned it in i always do my homework wahhh”
>teacher goes over to console her but ultimately gives her a 0% for the assignment
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Are you 10 years old?
>be in 4th grade
>beginning to be curious about sex
>have friend who’s a girl
>she trusts me and we’re totally cool
>we hang out at her house, she lives with her mom only and the mom went to the store or something (great parenting)
>ask girl to play truth or dare
>dare her to get naked
>she hesitates, then says only if you do
>did this for 4 more years
not really bad but meh
>be in 5th grade
>teacher keeps huge bag of candy in her desk for when kids do the right thing
>stay in this abandoned supply closet with a broken lock after school for 4 hours, parents think i’m at a friends house
>patience pays off, i’m the only one in the school
>go in her room
>shit in the bag, lots of shit
>close bag tightly so smell doesn’t get out
>girl helps everyone with math
>”oh let me give you some candy”
>mfw i’ll never forget the teacher’s face when she pulled her hand out and she had a handful of shit
Your and idiot
also got something from daycare
>be 5 or 4
>clean up time
>bitch won’t get off the carpet
>yank it from under her
>she falls and smacks her head pretty well
>didn’t even get in trouble
>be 3rd grade during recess
> line for the slide
>didn’t want to wait
>kid pushes me down slide ruining my fun (i dont know why it pissed me off)
>waited for him to go down slide
>punched him in the face and broke his nose
>taking huge shit in toilet
>keep flushing trying to get it to work
>blame it on this bully in school
>he gets called poopy pants from now until end of middle school
>mfw i made a looser
>be in preschool
>throw sand in faces of children on playground
>claim the hottest chick in class as “my girlfriend” (don’t remember if she agreed to it or not)
>shove into “the line” to be next to her
>at one point, beat up teacher for trying to talk to me about my behavior
>no repercussions for any of this
And now I’m a pussy beta faggot. What happened?
also not elementary but still
>be junior in highschool
>friends and i get our license
>we go to lowe’s
>1x5x8 board of plywood+ 1k of nails
>put all nails into the plywood
>lay the board right on the other side of hill at night time
>drive down the street to a park and wait…
>toe truck and police later drive down the street
funny as hell
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>snot all over the back wall
>I blamed it on the fat kid
>no one ever found out
I felt kinda justified for this one, but whatever.
>Be in 5th/6th year, learning to swim
>Be with best friend, doing those silly clappy game things at break time
>Humongous fat bitch comes up and spits gum on my friend, because she (my friend) was sitting close to a garbage bin.
>Stand up and shove her away, call her bitch.
>Teacher sees, tries to make us hug and make up
>I take the gum she spat and smear it all through her ponytail as we have to hug.
>She runs away crying, I get a detention and have to compliment her once a day for two weeks (retarded school)
>Next day, she comes back with significantly shorter hair
>My compliment for the next two weeks is “Nice haircut”.
Too much man, too much.
Im not using greentext because this is a long one.
I was in thirdgrade and it so happened that nearly all the kids in my class were latino, or spanish, we even had a spanish speaking teacher. So I was pretty much fucked when it came to communication with any of them. Being the fucked up little kid I was. I had mental issues, and my head told me that If I swallowed the spit in my mouth, I would turn into “mojo jojo” That fucker from the powerpuff girls. I saved up my spit, seconds turned to minutes, minutes to about half an hour.
teacher asks us to read out loud and calls on me. I tried to pronounce one word before I protectile spat a huge fucking planet of spit at some mexican kid. He was horrified. screaming.
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she pulled her hand out and she had a handful of shit
>little pond near school
>convince retard to walk on frozen pond
>steal his bike
>he tries to get off ice, falls, ice breaking.
>threw bike on otherside of pond
>his dad came at my door
>parents out for groceries.
>open door, throw glass of coke(the actual glass) in his face
>slam door shut in his face
>never heard anything for a month
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cum in teacher coffe, fuck the librarian, wanking in class, smoke some marihuana before school, steal some pencils(what an idiot) smoke cigarrettes in the bathroom, steal 2 cans of speed from some nun(yeah a catholic school)
librarian woman was something like that, old but really beautiful, and single, she fuck one kid every week
apps as in computer applications you fucking retard, not iphone apps.
Once in recess I went with that same girl behind the trees and licked an asshole for the first time
> Be playing baseball at recess
> just me and my friend
> homerun derby bitches
> up to bat
> throw bat back, (homerun, felt alpha)
> hit him in the face with it
> he falls
> face bleeding, few teeth out
> nobody saw, tell him if he tell ill do it again
> he lies to the teacher
> told him he fell or some shit
> next week
> we played wall ball but with a baseball bat
> toothless is fucking around in a trashcan
> thinks hes oscar
> pisses me off
> walk over
> hes hiding with the cover of the trashcan on top
> he hops up
> i bash his shit with aluminum bat
> he falls back
> looks up at me
> “why! agaiin! whyyyyy!”
> he can barely talk
> few people see him
> say it was an accident
> never got in trouble
We’re bros now.
this is not funny, you just made him loose lots of cash because of your stupidity, but still I don’t know why I’m giving a fuck since I don’t live in murica
You are a God.
God damn envious Mexicans. I can never trust those fucking spics with my money.
Nah, sorry to get your hopes up for revenge anon
my and my friend broke every fucking crayon in the communal basket at our table. lay one over the other and just karate chop the fuckers.
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HELL FUCKING YES OH MY GOD YES
that was my favorite fucking game in school, period. it became a thing in like 5th grade, played that shit all the way up to sophomore year.
i miss it
lol’d my brains out
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>walking into art room
>backpacks are left outside by the door
>this one girl accidentally steps on the strap of my backpack
>”oops lol sorry anon my bad”
>called her a bitch in the most monotone voice possible
>gives me a perturbed look and walks away
still don’t know why i did that. she probably thought i was autistic or something after that
I was a pretty evil kid.
>No need for les me me arrows.
1. My little gang of friends and I would routinely push over this obese kid just to watch him roll around pathetically.
2. Cut girls hair while she wasn’t looking
3.Told the class how to make heroine in fourth grade.
4. pulled the fire alarm a couple times.
5. flipped over a cement bench and threw it.
6. Stole stuff just for fun. pickpocketed in middleschool.
7. Threw stuff all the time.
8. Stabbed a kid in the head (his ear) with a construction post, he was hospitalized.
9. Brought a knife to school, twice.
10. Ran away for fun once.
11. Would turn off the lights in the bathrooms, while people were taking shits.
12. Make fun of the tards.
13. Lots of grafitti.
14. general civil unrest,
every time they sent me to a therapist I would just tell the therapist that they we’re useless and really weren’t helping anything at all.
>be in 5th grade
>asshole kid in class fucked with me all year, he was significantly taller and I was too scared to do shit
>he gets in trouble for throwing a french fry at lunch
>now allowed to go on field trip (which was walk to the park, play, and come back)
>half way to park
>break away from group
>asshole kid left his bike unlocked (really good area, nobody would suspect anyone to steal it)
>take it, ride it to the nearby pond
>do a ghost rider into the pond with his bike
>it floats directly to the center and sinks
>4 years later
>walk by lake
>see rusty old bike in the dry lake
>lol for an hour
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Okay, this isn’t terrible, but alright i guess..
>be in elementary school, around 3rd or 4th grade..
>me and this kid never really got along
>not sure what he did to piss me off this day, but i was pissed for whatever reason
>go up to him and say “I’m gonna go tell the teacher you told me to fuck off”
>go tell teacher he told me to fuck off
>as i stand by within earshot, the teacher walks up to him, and before she says anything he starts pleading to her, “I didn’t swear at anon, I promise!!”
>teacher goes “well then how did you know that’s why i was coming to talk to you?!”
>teacher brings kid to office
>kid gets suspended for foul language.
>computer class had old computers that boot from disk
>before school “lab” was open to play games
>went around with magnet to fuck up the boot disks
>classes fucked up
Nothing funny about it, I was just a dick
*broke not threw.
Also I’d scratch my cousins best friend for fun. My cousin and i pretty much tortured him.
I have no idea why you would find that funny.
Unless it’s “OH MY GOD, I DID A THING THAT MOMMY WOULDN’T ALLOW, HURR DURR”
You sound like a spoiled cunt that didn’t want to share.
Also were* fuck me.
for that second one you are a god among mortals
you dont understand.. the nail side was facing up on the road and the drivers of vehicles didnt see it because it was on the other side of a hill.. the ba boom was their tires blowing up..?
11 on this…every fucking day.
Cool story bro. Can you tell it again, do you have time?
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>Be grade 5.
>Two friends and I are out and about in some woods near a bike path.
>Notice two kids walking by themselves, a year or two younger than us.
>Follow them because it was Friday afternoon and we had nothing else to do.
>One kid takes the shortcut path back to the apartment complex we all lived in.
>Get a head of him to hide. We plan to scare him.
>Nobody else around at all. Just us 3 and this little kid.
>I hide behind a tree and the other two hid on the other side of the path around a bend.
>Kid walks past me. Oblivious.
>Now is the time to strike.
>I fly out from behind the tree and pull his hat (beanie) over his head and hold on so he can’t see anyone.
>Two friends apparently found very large very thick sticks.
>Proceed to hit the fuck out of this kid for what seemed like an hour. Like full on mafia style shit kicking.
>Tell him if he removes his hat we will kill him.
>Run like fuck.
>Police all over the complex asking questions.
>Friends and I hide in my room that evening.
Same friends and I would make snowballs with jelly in them and throw them at buses, car, houses, people. We would also steal shit from peoples yards, but everyone did so it was in a way a big fucked up trading system, lost something? Look in other peoples yards for it until you find it or find something better. The high school kids would hunt us down from time to time and trap us in these huts they built in the woods. They would block us in and just leave.
I fucking loved those magazines. they had the coolest shit.
Free Starbucks Coffee W0oT! http://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/walliew/index.html
>be 6 or 7, too young to remember anything but this specific incident
>mom is going to store, promise of her buying us stuff, or something
>im trying to get ready as quick as i can, mom heads out to van jokes “if you dont get ready fast enough youre going to miss the trip!”
>i dont take it as a joke, feel serious, trying to get ready, my younger sister takes my socks and wouldnt give them to me
>hear the engine start, initiate ultimate rage
>grab pair of scissors, threaten to cut my sister if she didnt give me my socks
>”nigga you bluffin”
>snip my sisters arm with scissors
>screams like a banshee
>mom comes in, i say its ketchup, doesnt believe
Cant remember anything after that.
Im not a crazy violent guy either : \ pretty chill and laid back.
But i was insane when i was young.
Feel like shit about that too this day.
i used to shank autistic kids with really sharp pencils and when they told the teacher on me i said that they were so retarded that they were delusional. got away with it every time.
Just want to point out that your parents, or whoever raised you, was an incompetent fuck.
I understood THAT part completely.
What I can’t understand is, you fuck up a total stranger’s car, and you laugh?
I mean, where’s the funny part?
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You’re an awful person and you’ll probably get ran over by a car and paralyzed for life.
>mfw I see you on the morning news
Welcome to 4chan.
You sneaky motherfucker
are you me?
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>in 9th grade
>playing around with basketball
“difference between negro and basketball?
you don’t get to kick the basketball.
>see this group of girls
>one nigger in it
>throw as hard as I can
>mfw I hit her head
>got away with it saying it wasn’t my fault
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That’s just the bad stuff I did I was a pretty nice kid, also top of my class. my parents are good people and raised me right.
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>have chess class for some reason
>teacher is a russian dick lover
>talks like he’s the world champion of everything
>get in an argument about some shit
>get sick of his ass
>being a midget 4th grader
>jump on his desk
>smack him in the face
>while he’s gone class starts clapping
>go to his office
>yells at me for half an hour
>get sent home
>suspended for two days
>never see dick teacher again
>mfw new teacher is epic as fuck
>mfw even the bullies thank me for getting him to quit
>mfw didn’t bully me for two months
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>Light teacher’s desk on fire
>Blame it on autistic kid
>Doesn’t defend himself just cries and hits his own head
>Find out a decade later he committed suicide because of years of bullying, while I’m graduating college and starting a decent job
>Feels kinda bad man
>Brought a knife to school, twice.
Boy that sure sounds dickish.
not dickish, just weird. By all means, elaborate. Give me some specific stories or examples, or maybe a time where you almost got caught, or when you fist started doing this.
>lived in cul de sac
>broke and stole shit all the time
>”I RUN DIS SHIT”
>one of my friends parents buy him a fucking go cart
>he let me ride around in it like a total bro
>one day that fucker decides to cross me
>puts gum in my mother fucking hair
>no more than an hour later
>I get my dads wire cutters
>find my friends go cart
>cut out every fucking wire I could find.
>3.Told the class how to make heroine in fourth grade.
oh boy does that sound legit
1/10, 4/10 if it wasn’t for this one
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he is in a better place now, friend.
>be in 5th grade
>be chillin on the playground
>talking about tits
>fat kid comes over and starts trying to talk
>still talking about tits
>tell him he has tits
>call him TITmus, tittyman, etc.
>kid tells his teacher
>makes me write apology note
>write shitty one sentence note
This is by far not one of the worst things I did in elementary school but it’s all I can remember for now.
my fucking sides
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this was actually my buddy’s prank
>be in 5th grade
>oregon trail game inspires 2 nerds to hunt for gold
>every day at recess they spend entire time digging for treasure in exactly the same place
>friend sees opportunity
>paints rocks with gold paint and buries them in the spot early in the morning
>nerds find rocks at lunch and lose their shit, running around playground yelling “we told you we’d do it! you all thought we were retarded!”
>friend and i laughing hysterically
>beaming, they take worthless rocks to principal’s office, for this brief moment they feel like gods
>they return to class lifeless and defeated, all of their dreams destroyed
>my friend proceeds to humiliate them for their ignorance and gets sent to principal
>principal laughs when he confesses
>mfw they never dug again
>play volley ball in gym class ftw
>girl I hate is on the other side of the net talking shit
>ball comes my way
>jump up and spike it so it hits her right in the face
>girl cries and gets led out of room by teachers while my fellow classmates laugh
>teammates high-five me
>always get picked first for teams afterwards
What, you think energy drinks didn’t exist in 2001?
>Christmas dinner with class
>Everyone had to bring something
>I called PB
>Emptied PB jar at home, took a shit in it, mixxed with some PB
>Took it to Christmas dinner
>Watch teacher make sandwich with PB
>Burst into tears of laughing
>Start foodfight during christmas dinner
>1980’s, different time in terms of rules
>elementary school has snowball fight for all kids (shit was kinda epic too, 200 kids against eachother on a football field)
>given a 2 weeks notice of said event
>make snowball as big as softball, packed together as hard as possible
>cover in water, put in back of freezer
>repeat process for 13 days
>snowball fight day
>had snowball in my backpack on way to school, put it in an XL ziplock bag with ice so it wouldn’t melt (I was a clever little shit)
>went to bathroom to hide ziplock bag in pants until war begins
>10 seconds into the fight it’s chaos and nobody knows what’s going on
>start hitting people in the face with my ice ball (still in bag)
>16 hits later I get really paranoid
>take ball out and throw it
>ice ball spits in half, cutting the kids cheek in the process
>mfw he can’t feel anything because of the cold, he passes out because of blood loss
>cut was 7 inches from his chin to his ear
>3 other kids lost teeth
>one got a concussion
>parents take me to burger king after school
>mackin bitches, attempt to sit by hottest girl in class for lunch
>fat abnoxious ho calls me out on this bold move
>walk away and under my breath call her a bitch
>clearly not under my breath
>lecture on female dogs
>be in 8th grade
>fat ’emo’ bitch
>bitch has not real problems, is white, rich, and both of her parents love her
>she starts dancing in class
>i look her right in the eyes and say “Eww it’s jiggling”
>not at school next day
>or the next day
>day after that teacher tells us she’s in the mental hospital
>cut her wrists and cut too deep
>I sent a girl to the mental hospital
>Candy gram time niggers
>Be having a never ending fight with some girl
>Send that bitch a candy gram
>Write “I figured since you’re so fat you would like this”
>She runs out of the room crying when candy grams are handed out the next week
>Faggot kids who work the candy gram table rat me out when she receives it.
>Anti Bullying class at lunch for a month.
not something i did,but i was with him
in 5th grade my friend put four tacks on our teachers seat…bitch had to go to the hospital,i normally would have felt bad,but she was cunt
The definition of a bad person is, a person who does bad things.
Well, I have 2, one by me and one by my friend.
First off, I made a ‘your mom’ joke to a girl, whom, unbeknownst to me, mother had just died.
Then my other friends acidentally hospitilised a guy.
>in weird portables with bathrooms with double entry doors
>one of the doors lock from the outside
>cunt teacher goes to piss in the middle of a test
>I lock door from the outside
>everyone cheats while she’s banging on the door for help
>she’s a cunt so we all laugh
>when we’re done I get a kid to let her out
Probably the most alpha thing I’ve ever done
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>little do they know know how comfortable you actually are
>Forever alone and I paired together on a school trip
>Actually okay dude
>Comes to concrete stairs all alone
>Push him down them
>Kid nearly dies
>Threaten kid not to tell
>Says he tripped
>Think about it every day
>first iphone just came out
>download the dog whistle app
>leave it on during class
>teacher can’t hear it
>everyone freaking out
>me and friend make fun of her boobs during class
>they’re pointy and shit
>she’s like 10
>don’t even get into trouble
>friends with douchebag
>another guy follows us around wanting to be our friend
>every 30 minutes we shout “DITCHED!” and run away
>push some dickhead on swing
>he flies off and cracks his head open
>has to go to hospital, get stitches
>nobody ever finds out
>nobody likes him anyway, had one testicle
>girl wants to use my crayons
>tell her no nastily
>she starts crying
>I ignore her for 5 minutes
>then I tell her she can have them if she does me a favor
>she puts my dick in her mouth during lunch
i was a bio nerd in high school (got a 100 in AP bio freshman year)
>Finish lab early
>Do my own experiment
>Extract bacteria/flu cells from saliva
>Hide them in classroom
>Be 1 week later
>Bacteria multiplied exponentially
>Carefully freeze them
>Sneak frozen bacteria into people’s lunches
>Millions of bacteria in everyone’s lunches
>Next day over 80% of school absent
What backwater town did you grow up in? I clearly remember drinking a Red Bull as the twin towers went down. Mega energetic lulz were had.
you’re a fucking bitch I hate people like you, still I probably don’t give a fuck since I don’t live near your autistic country.
>be in primary school
>retard kid there
>heard his father hung himself
>pisses me off one day
>’your dad probably killed himself cause you’re retarded’
>totally forgot til someone told me a few years back
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>peed in sinks after blocking them
>one teacher gave shitty little toys to kids who had enough tickets (you got tickets for being good) so after school i’d steal shitty toys and sell them during class to kids who never got tickets, felt like robin hood
>stole pokemon cards/magic cards/yu-gi-oh cards, stole gameboy games, stole everything
>stole from scholastic fairs every year
> my friend pooped in excellent places (some girl’s thermos, in a bag i got him to put in the bathroom ceiling, on the toilet tank)
>would be a smartass to substitutes, got one to flip over my desk in rage
>pencil bow and arrows
>gave shitty kids whitewashes in the winter
>in high school i put locks on kid’s lockers
>used other kid’s lunch cards to buy lunch (in the days before picture ID’s
>verbal bully to shitty kids, would make them cry
fuck, i loved school
maybe he means SP
lol, I drew scales with glitter ink on my hand, convinced a special ED kid I was turning into a mermaid, he had a Retard attack, punched the teacher, bit a kid ran outside and threw a block of ice at the principles head.
I live in Australia… no nobody lives near me 😦
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>be 8th grade
>be dodgeballin’, having fun for a half hour
>teacher warns us we have 2 mins left
>pick up one of those hard rubber balls and hold onto it, wait for a good opportunity to use it
>2 minutes are up, teacher blows whistle
>see girl walking towards door
>most annoying girl in class, know-it-all type
>release with the fury of a thousand suns just as the teacher yells “STOP”
>hits her head hard, you could hear the rubber smack her face
>she instinctively falls, starts wailing
>mfw it was a good day in gym class
>be in 2nd grade
>constantly made fun of a cross-eyed kid
>he moved away at the end of the year
I feel like shit.
>be in highschool
>hang out with stoners
>we take some faggot’s backpack from the classroom
>steal everything from it, a gameboy and lots of games, a scientific calculator, about 10 n64 games and some really expensive books.
>take some scissors and tear his backpack into pieces
>sell the books to buy weed
>keep his videogames
>the guy seemed really sad
lulz were had
You don’t deserve to feel any form of happiness. You’re worthless, degenerate trash. Unless you decide dedicate your life to helping autistic kids, you will forever be a loser.
>And don’t give me any fucking “THIS IS 4CHAN” bullshit excuses either fucktard
>was playing tetherball at recess
>can’t remember what was said, but one of my friends pissed me off and I started to run after him
>fucker runs right into the tetherball pole at full speed, almost gets knocked out and starts crying for the entire school to see
>mfw when I never got in trouble or gave a single solitary fuck
>mfw I have no face
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told an annoying bitch if she said one more word id break each of her fingers on one of her hands from left to right. got off with a “red day”
>in high school
>wanted to be with the popular girls
>steal giant wheel of stinky cheese from teacher
>hide it in vents
>be best friends with popular girls
>mfw I had to climb into vents to eat stinky cheese so I won’t get in trouble
>mfw I have no mfw
>forgot what grade. 6th?
>kid got the halo 2 collectors addition
>open up his backpack
>he didn’t notice until school was over and it was too late
>the teacher claimed the cops were involved
>she ended up punishing the entire class for my action
>I’m okay with this
lol shut up faggot
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My only regret in life is that I’ll never be ale to do that. Thank you anon
>Halo 2 collectors addition
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me and a mexican kid told a retard to eat some cat shit in 2nd grade. he did it. grossest thing ive ever seen to this day. i can still hear the sound of his lips smacking, see the shit stuck to his teeth.
>The high school kids would hunt us down from time to time and trap us in these huts they built in the woods
You had a fucked up childhood, son.
Sounds like an adventure, though.
I love making fun of people, but not when they’re almost defenseless.
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Pretty much confirmed for being both and underage faggot and a stupid rich kid faggot.
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>be in 3rd grade
>kids lining up to go to art class
>tell teacher need to go to bathroom
>she allows me
>In reality I wanted to play with our class pet that was a rat
>try to grab it bites me
>all of my rage I threw the fucker against the ground
>oh shit its dead
>take body and put in the desk pocket of a random seat
>go to art
>Girl freaks the fuck out dead rat in her desk
>like 7 kids started crying
>teacher gives us recess
>go with friends and say how we think the rat died
>blame it on the girl
>everyone called her sparkykiller (sparky was rats name)
>tell nobody ever
Bio-terrorist in the house.
pretty long one but fuck im still proud
>be in 1st grade
>each classroom had its own bathroom
>a couple black kids thought they were the shit because they would pee on the ground instead of in the toilet
>one day teacher pulls boys aside and show them the mess and says to cut it out
>one black kid jakeba takes book and fucking throws it across the room without reason
>drink tons of water and save up piss
>fucking game time
>go to bathroom and pee EVERYWHERE
>tell teacher it was the jakeba
>she belives me because hes a total nigger
>next day hes called out by the assintant teacher and princliple.
>stare directly in his eyes as he walks out
that sounds amazing.
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>class has one PC
>get to play on PC if we finish work early
>only one game allowed
>everyone would fucking speed through their work to play it
>up to 5 kids sitting around the computer playing this game
>there are different saves for each kid
>one day I finish early
>’anon, you can play on the PC!’
>desk has this stupid wooden shelf thing that hangs out for the mouse
>lean on the shelf thing by accident
>bollocking off teacher
>next day, still remember bollocking
>finish early again
>you can play on the PC, anon!
>went straight on and deleted everyone’s save file
>’…Miss! All the save files are gone!’
>everyone crowds round
>teacher asks who did it
>mfw I ruined the fun for everyone else
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>like 6th grade
>had this above-sized guy with adhd
>put water on his chair before class starts
>leave classroom, hide behind lockers
>door open, hear him freak out
>everyone starts saying he pissed himself
>he gets out the door
>I jump infront of him screaming
>He freakes out even more
>Teacher started laughing
Feel bad for him now though, moralfag.
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ITT: People who try to one up each other on how they increase the global suicide rate(for the most part). Keep pretending like you don’t give a fuck, anons. You’ll never know what true happiness feels like underneath that wet blanket of guilt you are oh so familiar with.
>Be year 3
>Teacher allows me to sit outside and tell other teachers when bus is here so students can leave
>I have to piss really bad
>Start pissing on the side of the school
>Bus driver sees me before I see her
>mfw she sneaks up behind me
>Grabs my shoulder
>What are you doing
>Piss on her
>Principle and other teachers can’t stop laughing at the mayhem
Best day of my life. That bus driver refused to make eye contact with me for the rest of my schooling years.
>last day of class before break
>went to a year round school so we get a month off like every three months or some shit i forgot
>kid sets off stink bomb
>everyone including me knows who did it
>we all refuse to snitch
>teacher makes us sit in the room with the stink after the bell went off
>we sit there for 15 minutes
>the later valid Victorian girl snitches
>the guy who did it was a gang banger
>he gets mad
>after school I hear his friend talking about how pissed he was that she snitched
>being a dumbass I told them if they feel like yelling at her she usually walks home a certain way
>they ended up beating the shit out of her on her way home
>two guys were jailed
>I was never in implicated
>feels good, man
>me and this indian kid folded up ketchup packets and put them under the bumpers under a toilet seat
>wait outside bathroom
>kid runs out of bathroom crying with his pants off and ketchup on his butt cheeks
>lol about it for days
>kid leaves folded paper on his desk
>goes to bathroom
>walk by, pick it up and open it
>holy shit 45 bucks
>take that shit and go outside to put in my backpack
>whole class is trying to figure out where it went
>girl comes up to me and tells me that her grandma saw a kid with dark hair doing something to his backpack outside
>get nervous bc holy shit thats me
>she shrugs it off
>nobody ever knew
>get some classmates to write fuck you to the teacher on a paper
>7 or 8 total signatures with fuck you’s
>sign fuck you and my name and give it to teacher
>class field trip to principal
probably a lot of other shit too that i cant think of.
haha oh man, the good days.
why the shit did she randomly bring 500 to class?
>be in 6th grade
>theres a kid whose parents both died within like a month of eachother
>he’s kind of a prick
>i sat next to him in one of my classes and one day he kept being annoying and knocking my books off the table and shit
>tell him I banged his mom
>completely forgot his parents were dead
>his fucking face after i said that
>never look him in the eye again
>in 6th grade
>History teacher hates me because my “friends” always used me as a scapegoat and got away with it
>Didn’t pay attention in class, instead I engraved “property of anon” on all history books
>teacher pissed, class discussion about “school environment abuse”
>says he’s going to make me pay for the 30 something books
>be in 2nd grade
>see a hot piece of ass i like (my age)
>force her onto teacher’s desk
>pulls down her skirt
>shoves my huge raging dick into her ass
>everyone is watching
>she is screaming and trying to get away
>teacher is trying to pull us apart
>cum on teacher’s face
probably for drugs
oh god, oh god, anon, lol’d soo hard! sparkykiller!! my sides!
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me and my friends in 6th grade taped a kid to a tree because he told us to. security saw us and me and my friend told him we were taking his bike. we got suspended and since then every year ive been getting kicked out of school for random shit
> Be like 8
> Foreveralone and nothing to do
> Little brother has multiple friends and goes places
> Tell Mom firmly that I want what he has
> Mom cares nothing for anybody
> To shut me up and make her life easier, she decides to give me what I demanded
> She orders little brother to bring me with him
> I follow him to his friends’ houses many times thereafter
> He is majorly pissed
> There is a permanent rift between us which only expands
> We’re still not on speaking terms
> I don’t even know how many children he has
ANYWAY, about the thing I did back then, which wasn’t in school but involved kids from school:
> In his friend’s garden, climbing on a swing frame
> His friends have been increasingly pissed at me because I have to be brought along
> They gather around me, one of them sits on the opposite end of the swing’s A-frame
> They tell me I’m not welcome
> The guy on the swing loses his temper and shouts at me to stay away
> I get mad
> Use my weight to push the swing frame
> Was thinking that guy might fall off
> The crossbar hits him right in the forehead
> He screams and runs away crying and bleeding
> Everyone is shocked
> They tell me I’d better get out of there
> I leave and never return
I don’t feel bad about it because I was completely relying on Mom to tell me right and wrong. It’s not my fault that Dad married a sociopathic bitch.
made fun of this faggot until he came out of the closet. never made fun of him again after that
>be in elementary school
>can’t remember specific grade
>go to friends house
>have to pee
>Go to bathroom
>wipe vagina on towels and walls
>Virgina Tech just happened
>I see random asian kid
>Start yelling “please don’t shoot me!”
>I’m sure i did worse but don’t remember
I got another one.
>8th grade again
>Have super spazzy art teacher
>Takes art too fucking serious.
>Everyone is a total dick to her because of it.
>Decide not to do art one day
>She asks me “Why aren’t you doing your work huh?” in the bitchiest fucking voice ever
>”I don’t really feel like art today”
>”Yeah? Well come see me after class”
>See her after class
>She goes on a rant about how I have to do things even when I don’t want to
>”What if this was your job? You would be fired in a heartbeat”
>Smart-ass mode on
>”Fired what? Out of a cannon?”
>Pulls her hair and leaves
>Doesn’t come back
>No one can get a hold of her to see what happened
>Old lady substitute for the rest of the year
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In 6th grade I would pull my dick out behind girls. >Sitting in back of class
>get boner from girls panties
>Pull out dick
>Leave dick/boner out for entire test
>junior year again
>friends and i go into rich neighborhoods
>car hop and then..
>make drayno bombs and throw them in the cars.
>ruined TONS of car interiors..
holy fuck why didnt i think of that
And again I cannot see why this would be funny.
>spit on girl
>tape kids book to table
>rip out pages when trying to get it off
>blame other kid in front of teacher
>knock loudly on toilet doors
>toss kids pokemon cards all over class room
>be in fight with kid
>wrestle around on ground
>he’s on his knees
>kick his face
I lol’d… hard
I forgot to mention I would poke their butts with boner when I stood behind them. Girls liked me so they thought I was just being a little perv. Never bothered to turn around. If only If only……
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>new kid joins class
>I don’t like him
>Bite own arm
>After I make teeth marks, tell teacher new student did it
>mfw when he got in huge trouble
look.. we are sharing stories from our past. Why we thought it was funny then, i have no fucking clue.
File: 1349138129717.gif-(2 MB, 352×317, 1347259975855.gif)
>also, turned light off in bathrooms while kids were taking shits
our school had retarded rules though
>no running on the pavement during recess
>no snowballs, no picking up snow
>zero tolerance on bullying
my school would give out green plans if you did little things (talked back to the teacher, was late too much, etc.) and if you got three green plans they gave you a white plan, which you could get if you were caught bullying or some shit
white plan=in school suspension
they would send the plans to your house, but i got home before my parents, so i would intercept plans and stick them in the knot of a tree in my backyard (lived in the woods)
years later i find tree and pull out plans, they’ve sort of decomposed but you can still read them
most of them were bullshit like “talking in class”
got suspended for throwing a snowball to my friend who was going to catch it
got suspended for giving high-fives
Friend of mine and I were shit disturbers, especially in primary school (Ontario, Canadafag). We used to terrorise this Irish lady that ran the YMCA programme at our school.
>In gymnasium, we’re told we can build a fort out of those mats that were velcroed to the wall. friend and I make secret room, stash bean bags and a basket ball in there.
>I peak out and see Irish lady doing paperwork on one of those plastic fold-out table. We make hole in roof and I point in the direction of the lady, and say roughly how far it is. Friend throws ball, perfect angle, and it slams on the table, collapsing the one side.
>Papers everywhere, Irish lady is shocked, starts screaming our names but her accent is so thick that our names sound fucked (which is odd, considering both our names are Irish).
>Hide in secret room, wait it out, lol hard.
That’s just one story. I’ll post some more.
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>Be in first grade
>Be playing on the playground during recess
>This faggot kid in my class is in just sitting at the top of the slide
>Want to go down slide, but fatass faggot wont let me
>Close my eyes and bite him in the ass with the force of a 1000 Totodiles
>Faggot kid screams in pain and falls down slide
>Get to slide like a boss
>Go to principles office
>Mom picks me up and I get to go home and play Pokemon Gold
File: 1349138211963.jpg-(21 KB, 337×276, 1332884791457.jpg)
>be in 3rd grade
>have an enemy named alfred
>he was an asshole that smelled but I cant remember why we hated eachother.
>Took same bike route home
>Faggot tried to fuck me up with the pegs on his bike. This became a recurring event
>Rage of a thousand suns when he broke my chain.
>Few days later brought a copper pipe in back pack
>as fag boy rides by on his shitty bike I fucking jam the pipe in his tire.
>nigger flies and falls face first
>sea of blood starts pouring from his stupid nose
>mfw walking home cause bike is still fucked
yeah they would freak whenever we touched snow at my school. i mean godamn were going to be having a huge ass snowball fight after school anyway
>be in 8th grade
>friends and I always fucked with this one gay history teacher
>after lunch one day big crowd walking out of lunchroom
>friend decides to grab garbage can
>all 6 of us surround it while walking
>drag smelly ass garbage can across the school to the elevator
> bring it upstairs with a big crowd waiting to conceal said garbage can
>drag it by gay teachers room
> one friend kicks it in spilling shit everywhere
>book it and never got caught
I stole a really cool pin some kid won. He deserved it. He was bragging about it.
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>Be in 5th grade
>have a stinky Mexican janitor named Juan
>Me and 5 friends would take turns going to the bathroom
>Shit on floor
>Shit on urinals
>Shit on sink
>Throw up on wall
>Smear breakfast burritos on floor
>Mr. Juan gets pissed
>Mr. Juan swears under his breath all the time
>Mr. Juan cleans up mess
>Do it again the next day
>Keeps going on for the whole school year
So you’ve been eating little boy ass since the frist grade huh? faggot
Dude i jacked off under my desk with a chick next next to me watching when i was in 3rd grade and she liked it. Not that I didn’t give a fuck or anything tho, fuckin newfag.
>play time/ break or whatever the fuck
>some kid I didn’t like at the time was in my class
>find the bin of sea animals
>find a massive fucking hump back whale toy
>go over to the fucker and clob him over the head
>he cried like a bitch, but I got sent home.
Other than that
>be fifth grade, still be in my schools day care
>last day of summer, before I had to move up to sixth grade
>my friend and I who pretty much were top of the food chain there fucked around alot
>go to daycares computers (about 5 of them)
>put everything into the trash and delete every application and games. Change login passwords (they were all the same on each computer) on each computers to something random.
>be in third grade
>drinking from a tropicana orange juice carton while simultaneously playing putt-putt
Fucking loved that game.
>anyway, bitch girl who thought her shit didnt smell comes over and tells me to get off.
>bitch you best back the fuck off.
>she begins pushing me and trying to get me off the computer for absolutley zero reasons.
>no reason at all.
>finally slaps me on top of the head.
>I grab the orange juice carton, and slam it into the side of her face as hard as I could.
>So fucking hard.
>She instantly drops to the ground and is silent.
>30 seconds later she emits this piercing blood curdling scream.
>I calmly shut off computer and sit on the floor next to the radiator.
>Eventually fall asleep.
>Wake up sometime later and leave.
>next day, bitch comes in with stitches and old school bandage wrapped around her head.
>mfw I never got in trouble even though literally everybody saw.
>mfw bitch never spoke in class for years.
>be faggot suicidal anon
>put in mental hospital
>find coloring books
>trash the shit outta them, color all the pages and right ‘fuck’ over spiderman’s balls
>ruin the experience for all the little fucked up kids that go there
>be in 6th grade
>drink lots of water, piss frequently
>start pissing into XL plastic water bottles we got at lunch
>by the end of the month I had filled up 12
>take all 12 to school
>dump piss bottles in various places in the school (carpet)
>everyone complains about piss smell
>they think the piss is only in 1-2 places
>mfw piss smell for the rest of the year, school gets shut down for a week for health inspection
in 4th grade I flushed apples down the toilets to flood them
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>Be me in 2nd grade
>At recess, we would play this game with the 5th graders.
>One older kid really pisses me the fuck off for some reason.
>It was about this time, I had learned an effective yet simple method for getting whatever the fuck it is that I wanted.
>He’s alone and walking back to class on the playground.
>I go up to him, and grab his hands.
>I twist the absolute FUCK out of his fingers.
>He’s writhing in anguish, tears and shit.
>Pretty much collapsed at this point, to avoid breaking his fingers
>Tell him not to tell anyone.
>Walk back to class.
>Start to cry for some reason. I don’t know. I was always a pretty quiet kid.
>Teacher comes and pulls me out into the halls
>”Anon, did you twist this faggots fingers?”
>Next day at recess
>He’s got a few broken fingers
YMCA was an after school programme for kids that couldn’t go home, well, after school. Friend and I, like most of the kids there, had to wait a few hours before our someone came to get us. It was held in the gym at our school, roughly 20-30 kids enrolled.
>Friend and I get into the gym supply room before the group heads outside. We grab a tennis ball and an aluminum bat. Irish lady is okaywiththis.jpg
>Spend five or so minutes hitting ball against wall with bat. Get bored. Begin hitting rocks with bat at nearby houses. Inattentive Irish lady does not see us.
>Next day comes screaming at us over bat, which is dented all to hell, threatening to make us pay for it. Stare blankly, ignore her and continue talking to each other. She looked like she was going to bust a nut.
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Phone was out in 2007.
Confirmed for being a dumbfuck who can’t do math.
Also, iPhone was given to me by uncle. Parents poor as fuck. Suck a dick, jellyfag. I’m not even mad.
>be like 5th grade
>fat ugly slob dude
>had aspergers or something
>ass crack always showed
>spend all day throwing rolled up pieces of paper in his ass
>teacher became suspicious
>saw what we were doing and lol’d
>went back to his desk
best. guy. ever.
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Not elementry, but middle school.
>Know girl who is in track
>Girl trusts me a lot
>Doesn’t know I have a foot fetish
>Always asks me to give her foot massages after her track meets after one day when I offered
>One day while walking home with her after track meet
>She asks me to hold her bag so she can tie her shoe
>She hands me bag and leans down to tie her shoe
>I see the expensive and overused (she like never washed these things) Injini Sports Toe Socks in the side pocket of her bag
>Quickly take them out and stuff them in my pocket
>Continue walking home with her
>Get home and furiously masturbate to her used toesocks
>mfw the next day she asked me if I had her toesocks
Not as dickish as it is creepy, but hey.
>be 4th grade
>have friend who freaks out easily
>always run away from him at recess to get him angry
>once we stop his face is red with anger
>one day find piece of wood with nail in it in grass
>run from him
>he catches up
>starts running away
>throw it at him jokingly
>hits him right in the leg
>oh god massive gash
>be don’t know when
>Runescape is the shit
>friend knows info of kid we hate
>gets into his account
>we clear out his bank
>next day at school he’s crying and freaking out
>he threatens to kill himself
Same kid as second one
>be 3rd grade
>playing dodgeball in gym
>we’re all throwing the balls at this kid
>no one else
>he gets really angry and runs across the line
>hits someone with ball
>”NOPE! Out of bounds”
>”NO IT WASN’T YOU NO IT NO WHAT”
>dare friend to kick him in the dick next time he crosses the line
>2 minutes later he comes sprinting onto our side
>friend kicks him in dick with the force of a thousands suns
>he goes to the hospital
>be in 8th grade
>cooking assignment for class
>me and two bros buy a pizza kit
>lets put pubes on it
>we procede to add pubes and a bit of dandruff
>i turn to friend whos house it is
>”you should cum on it”
>he goes into his room to cum
>we watch him smear it on pizza
>bake that shit
>his stoner brother congradulates us on its nastyness
>present next day
>everyone said it was amazing, even the teacher
>havent talked about it since
>be in 8th grade
>pretty much all mexican school
>I am white
>get sent to the back of the room for talking or some shit
>guy named jose is next to me
>janitor walks in
>jose says “he just had to be mexican, right anon?”
>girl who hates me is walking by
>she hears this
>accuses me of saying all mexican must be poor and work jobs cleaning up after white people
>went through that entire year being called a racist and getting treated like shit
>I ended up throwing a brick through the girl’s winow
>douche bag tripped me with his back pack >smash my knee on a concrete stair.
>kick to his face
>nose shattered under my air walks
>big ass black janitor picks me up
>go the the office!
>not a lick of trouble because of past incidences with same kid
so in all, it doesn’t really relate to the thread. but i just wanted to share.
Also? fuck Robert Frost Middle School.
>Went to local market
>They sliced and gutted fresh fish in the store
>Me and friends went there every day and got all the fish heads
>Did everything you could imagine with fish heads of all sizes
>Threw fish heads at cars from bridges
>Put fish heads in mailboxes
>Opened unlocked front doors and threw fish heads into their halls before running away
>Smeared fish heads on everything that people would put their hands on. Handles on hundreds of doors
Those were the days.
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>yfw you’re also psychic and a nigger
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i seriously don’t know where to start.. the thing is: i NEVER got caught.
> be 14/15
> sleeping at friends
> we had a trick to sneak out of the window without someone noticing
> were meeting up with friends
> played “i am packing my bag”
no idea if you guys know this, but it’s a game about reminding stuff..
i pack my bag and take a t-shirt.. next one is reminding it and adds a word
> we played it a bit different
> i pack my bag and take broken antenna with me
> you don’t have an antenna
> broke car antenna
> i do
> it ended up, that we broke most stuff in our neighbour hood
> no fucks were giving
> we cut christmas lights
> put trash cans on cars
> kicked cans over
> stole stuff and put it in a different garden (like a giant bench)
> still love the memories
>am a lot smarter than rest of kindergarten class
>they follow what i say all the time and shit
>bus drops us off early one day, no teacher
>rush all the kids into the classroom
>no lights, tell everyone to hide under desk
>tell them to shut the fuck up
>teacher comes in dark room few mins later
>doesnt see us, is oldfag
>calls out, no answer except inaudible giggles
>leaves, goes to principal for halp
>they start a school-wide search
>continues for 15-20 mins
>finally see her coming back in window
>command minions to surprise her and shit
>she comes in
>nearly has heart attack
>blame it on stupid kid who has nasal drip
>he has no recess for a week
>his parents phoned home
>horrible family, probably beat savagely
>still laugh about it sometimes
Fucking GORGEOUS ass!!
we laughed afterwards about how much all the girls in the class loved the taste of semen
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>be in 5th grade
>playing the fuck out of the sandpit
>school wide tard comes over and starts yelling at us to lay down
>friend stands up and starts yelling back at the tard
>somehow convinces the tard to eat sand
>wrangler comes bursting throught the door
>tard was already on the floor
>but aint no on walking the dinosaur
>be in 4th grade
>classroom had old Power Mac
>Admin account logged in
>Switched the Printer from Printer Port to Modem Port
>Left printer plugged into printer port
>Printer wouldn”t print
>no one knew what the fuck happened
>admin was confused as fuck
>no one knew that it was me
>admin switched out Mac for another one
Guess I should add that we broke the windshield of a speeding car when throwing a massive salmon head from a bridge. We usually hit the roof of the cars, and now that I have a license myself, I truely find it admiring that no one drove off the road when a fish head hit their car.
How do you wipe your vagina on a fucking wall? Unless it’s a corner but still?
>be first grade
>girl is on monkey bars
>She is waring a skirt
>upside down, her oantaloons are showing
>convince friend to go closer for better view
>apparently got to close
>she crys, tells teacher
>have to go to principles office
>she told teacher we pulled her skirt down
>wtf, naw were just young perverts
>get in trouble anyway
>get in trouble with parents, it rains alot that night
>think god is crying because i was bad
ended up dating her in 7th grade
speaking of that
>be in 8th grade
>annoying yet sexy mixed girl rides my bus
>she had a slight mustache
>one day she is yelling at me
>SHUT THE FUCK UP YOU HAVE A MUSTACHE
>she never was obnoxious towards me again
>in fact i date her two years later, by then she had gotten rid of the stache and was actually damn sexy
she had the biggest bush ever
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>Be in bible belt
>Atheist parents raise atheist kid (me)
>Parents are talk of the town, things like “got-hating heathens” are said, except far worse.
>Be in 6th grade
>Teacher and kid walk over, mocking me subtly
>Ask teacher if she’d kill her kid if God told her to, like Abraham to his son.
>Teacher silent for a minute, then claims God would send an angel to stop her, that god would never, EVER allow such a thing to happen.
>Add the fact that Jephthah did something similar and no angel or voice was sent to stop her.
>Silent, fairly large crowd
>Watching the mental gymanstics
>Mfw the teacher killed her kid two years later.
People are too impressionable.
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>hanging out in playground as usual
>find out it hurts to get hit in the groin
>kick all my friends in the groin constantly
>never got hit in the groin
>mfw they tried
>be in 5th grade
>waiting in line to use microwave
>i’m next and don’t feel like waiting anymore
>turn microwave off and set it to 5 seconds
>goes off, kid takes bite of frozen pizza pop
>Be in 6th grade
>Vietnamese kid would walk home with me and some friends
>Starts acting like a thug
>His name is Tim DO
>We make fun of him
>His sister starts picking him up
>We find out her name is Dil. DIL DO. DILDO
>We laugh uncontrollably and make fun of him and her
>she goes to principle at school
>Me and friend get called to office over intercom
>OH SHIT NIGGA
>We sit down and get yelled at for harassing Tim.
>She says DILDO.
>She says it again
>look at eachother, start laughing uncontrollably.
>She’s yelling, were laughing
>She’s mid sentence, we both get up and walk out laughing
>She did not punish us
>Strangle girl who likes me
>she left school
news article or it didnt happen
Im a christian and I find this hilarious
Tits or Gtfo
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> friend brought “fart spray”
the one that you spray and makes everything stink like fuck
> we walk over the corridors
> acting like nothing is happening
> spray fart spray all way long
> go stairs up
> do the same
> go down again and into break
> see all pupils and teachers hold noses
> see 2 girls puke
> mfw a teacher says
> there must be a broken pipe
>next day announcement saying no school tommorow
>scram yay no school!
I was that friend.
More than once.
>kicked someone in the nuts
>Be in 7th grade
>Girl has awful acne, almost like a beard
>Call her red beard, along with rest of class
>Teachers find out, threaten to expel anyone who says it again
>Start calling her rojo barba or road bard, the Spanish and Deutsche equivalents
>Next day she doesn’t show up, was apparently throwing up at home all day due to embarassment
>Continue calling her it for remainder of middle school
God I feel awful, but she had so much acne.
Also Ex’s tits.
>random kid in front of me not moving
>turned him around by shoulders violently
>knee him in the nuts twice, hard.
>kid told me he was pissing blood for the next few days
>kids parents took him out of our school district
It’s hush hush around here.
She was never formally charged because she said God told her to like Abraham as a test. Sheriff did jack shit because the entire town believed it was God’s will.
Alabamians truly are the most savage and idiotic folk on the face of this planet. They’re far, far worse than niggers.
We moved promptly.
You’d be surprised at the dark secrets small towns hold.
also, i screencapped the desktop of my teacher’s computer, set it as the background, and deleted all of the shortcuts/hid the taskbar.
raged all day, reset the computer maybe a thousand times
never called the IT guy because he thinks he can fix it
also, kids at my school used the school email to communicate (i had gmail like a boss, my sister gave me an invite the first year it came out) this fat girl was in love with me or some shit, so she’d email my school email like every day. log onto it one day to find over 9000 emails from her. i lose my shit and email her back calling her a fat piece of shit. she cries, teachers get involved, i get in trouble. gave no fucks, she never talked to me again
>be in 5th grade
>be in computer lab
>me and 3 friends install keyloggers on all PCs
>create site with hidden keylogger download
>send link to a bunch of people
>profit hundreds of games, emails and bank accounts
>first troll move: send p0rn to a teacher’s email list
>somehow she discovers
>suspended for 3 days
captcha: usedoep Russia
if that really happened thats some fucked up shit
small towns i tell ya
You best tell us some of them dark secretes anon
Do not live there anymore. Glad I don’t.
I’ll ask my parents the name of the town once they come over later tonight.
I remember it started with “Col”. We were there for like a month.
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> we had this fake websites letting you fill in some survey
> was like 2004 so.. people were noobs with the internet
> a friend does this and sends this around
> know that it is giong to send the information to him
> fill stuff in pretending to be a hated guy
> he was fat like fuck and no one liked him
> his name was miles
> “what is your biggest secret”
> i like to fart in the bathtub when my mom is bringing me food
> friend tells me about it
> mfw everyone knows about it in 1 day and calls him
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> be 10
> the girl next door has a crush on me
> she’s friends with a bitch I hate
> the girl sends me a love letter
> I can’t deal with it, don’t know what to do with myself
> I use the letter to torment the bitch by threatening to go public with the letter
> the bitch is on edge, but the girl is heartbroken
> the bitch eventually gets a hold of the letter, tears it
> show is over, now I’m almost 24yo, and I’ve been rudely rejected by every girl I’ve had feelings for ever since
That’s easily the worst thing I’ve done, and I honestly feel bad about it even now. That’s despite the fact I didn’t actually know what I was doing (so young), nor was my intention to hurt her. Feelsbadman.
>I was a horrible kid
>Just messing around being the class clown
>Teacher tells me to go to principles office
>Say no about 1000 times
>Start running around classroom screaming for no reason
>Teacher chases me
>Run out of class and close door
>Teacher tries to open door
>I ram the door straight into her face and end up breaking her nose
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97% of people fall instantly asleep after visiting this website
A weird phemomenon that even scientisst don’t have a proper explanation for. pic(635).jpg
>be in 8th grade
>playing “roostie” where you grab your friends taint in the pool
>my taint is starting to hurt
>everyone is tense
>one kid hasnt been roostied
>we all gang up
>he grabs mine and wont let go
>i break my pacifist ways and punch him in the face twice
>i dont like punching people anymore
>quiet for the next hour
the game seems gay now that i think about it
Or was it “Cal”
God dammit. This is pissing me off.
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>be in 6th grade
>new kid arrives
>fat fuck 300lb
>neckbeard already developing
>smells like shit
>took my seat next to my friends
>call him a nerd
i’m a badass
>mfw he turns out to be a nice guy after all and end up taking japanese class with him
>be in 4th grade
The one I currently live in, Cape Girardeau, probably has a few hidden somewhere.
god damn it all…
go back to school kid
>goes on internet
>I’m 12 and what is this?
>Be old enough fro “religion” classes for conformation and whatnot
>Do not want to be there
>Parents force me to go
>Try to find a way out of it
>Decide to get kicked out of it
>Start saying I worship the devil because I’m so edgy
>Start telling the nun you just don’t like hell because you’re a penguin and penguins like cold places
>Apparently calling her a penguin was enough to get kicked out.
>Still haven’t received conformation
>Can’t get married in a church
Holden Caulfield you